LJ Idol Week 1: I need the struggle to feel alive

[sonarvampress]

The pain hits me after about an hour. Not nearly as hard as the first time, but pain none the less. "I think it's starting" I tell Michelle who rushes to my side along with Sara, a relative stranger. "It's not too bad, but it hurts" I explain. An hour later I won't be saying the same. My sister reads the monitors and tells me that was 10 minutes

Comments

[lilmissmagic71]

"This was the best idea I have ever had." Ain't it though? I always tell young women who ask about it that it isn't true that you forget the pain... it's actually just that the pain is worth it. :) Great description... :)

[sonarvampress]

I feel like I forget how bad it actually was. I mean, I logically know it was awful but I just don't recall the actual feeling. I find pregnancy to be much more miserable than the actual birth though. When I was pregnant I was constantly wondering why on the world I had done this and thinking I'd have been happy with just one baby. And now I'm already wanting another pne and thinking maybe it won't be as bad if I let my body rest a bit longer between babies.

[banana_galaxy]

How long ago was this? my most recent pregnancy ended over six years ago, and I don't think I could still remember the birth in this much detail. I think I blocked most of it out. Maybe so my mind would suggest it's okay to have another baby. One thing I do remember, though, thanks to reading this, was that there was one birth (I can't remember if it was my first or second child) where I wanted pain medication, and ended up being told it was too late for that and I had to go without.

[sonarvampress]

He is 8 months old so not too long ago. I actually feel like there was so much more I could have said but I didn't want it to be too long and give too many boring details. I would like to think I still remember my 3 year old's birth well too but I don't think hers was as empowering. I gave in to the paid meds quickly and let the doctors and nurses boss me around a lot. I'm going to be honest though, I had a brain fart and didn't remember Sara's name and had to look up her facebook.  She was a doula in training and just tagging along with Michelle to help get certified but she ended up being amazing.

[ellison]

This is awesome! I love birth, I love motherhood, and moms, and babies! :) It's so true what you wrote about guilt and disappointments as well as all of it just being the best experience ever.

[anonymous]

I will never upvote anything that reduces a woman's worth to having reproduced. With global population rising more births are the worst idea you'll ever have.

[sonarvampress]

I am defined only by the fact I have children nor are the women who were present when I gave birth. This was simply a small part of my story and theirs, not all of it. I do not think less of anyone who doesn't have children. My two best friends don't have biological children. One adopted her niece, one does not want children. I constantly encourage them and there are absolutely perks to not having kids. However, my children are amazing and I will never consider them a bad idea. It is absolutely rediculous to pretend to be a feminist and then in the same post bash a woman for her choice to have children. I couldn't care less about getting a vote from someone like you.

[karmasoup]

I love this, though, I must admit, at 12 weeks pregnant with our first child, there are parts of it that are frightening to me. I guess all too soon enough I will know this struggle on a much more personal level, myself, perhaps some portions of it better than I would choose to. (Also, you've just reminded me I need to ask my 2 sisters to be my doulas.) Thank you for sharing.