LJ idol week 3: Brushback Pitch

[sonarvampress]

I saw his picture the other day, and it hurt. It's so strange to me that someone can still have that kind of power over me. The kind of power that made me hide in a back room when I knew he was at our house even as a grown woman. I tell myself he can't hurt me now. Logically, I know that, but something strange happens when he is around. I flash

Comments

[lostin_thestars]

I identify with this so much. Hugs to you

[rswndrlst]

Same^

So many hugs to that scared little girl too!

It was very brave to write this.

[murielle]

Hugs

I want to protect that little child. She did not deserve any of this.

You're not a coward for keeping your distance from him. That is called a smart proactive response to an abuser. I hope the day comes for you when you don't even register that he is in the house because you are busy living your life and celebrating your strength and he isn't even a blip on your radar screen.

[sonarvampress]

He only comes to the door just to pick her up maybe two or three times a year. I don't even live there but I am at my mom and sisters house often so there are times when I have been there when he showed up. I literally hide on my moms room like a child.

[sonarvampress]

Unfortunately I think he will always have this effect on me. I am 30 years old and have not actually look him in the face since I was 12. I always think one day I will get over it but I just always think that when it comes to him I will always be a little afraid.

[magazhchi]

*hugs* *hugs* and more *hugs* It's a huge step that you are acknowledging your fears and hope you overcome them soon.

[dmousey]

I know this fear. I have lived this fear.

You are a survivor. YOU control your life now. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You are Ok, what traumatized you was not. The memories are that- memories, lessons we've learned. Draw strength from knowing you lived- and live for THIS day- the moment. It's hard (an understatement) but the past will only hold you back from becoming- whatever the potential you is.
Hugs and peace~~~D

[sinnamongirl]

*hugs*

I have similar issues because of my bio dad. Avoiding conflict is the worst thing, because it means I don't stand up for myself. I'm afraid to have opinions, afraid to say something isn't okay. It's a struggle every day to remind myself it's healthy to say no. Even just to a cup of coffee, another slice of cake after dinner. I also feel ashamed of it. I wish I had some wise words to help ameliorate that shame for you, but I don't.