My hunger for truth disallows me to find pleasure in the "relics," and "ghosts" of religion, but I could at least admire the qualities the religious imbue; the are very communal.

Current matters of questionable importance whether: social, political, economic, will become insignificant when we reach the cusp of technological singularity; life itself is only meaningful because we have will, because we as humans strive for perfection through our various interpretations, and attempt to impose our will on others, with a lack of ( Read more... )

Tired of dwelling on the past; tired of thinking about what could have been. You only live once, so why am I wasting away without accomplishing anything meaningful to me in an artistic sense? I understand I have limitations, but at the same time I shouldn't be making excuses for myself. I'm just so afraid of failure that I'm not unwilling to see ( Read more... )

Yup, I'm back in Oregon for the umpteenth time. Working under my brother was another failed experiment I dare not repeat, but at least I learned something from the experience. It feels good to be home once again, and I intend on making it work this time... maybe. Honestly though, I'm the type of person that needs to be pushed, and I'm hoping my ( Read more... )

If you have compassion for other people you're a pussy, if you have compassion for animals you're a radical, if you act in a way that is not consistent with being an asshole, or you veer from the macho stereotypes imposed onto men by society you're a faggot. So tired of the spiteful, hateful, and bigoted nature of the red-blooded and war mongering ( Read more... )

Every conversation is the same: "how are you doing? What have you been up to? Where are you working? Can you believe these people? I'm not like them, I'm better. They're lazy, they don't want to try. Did you see what I bought?" I wonder what people say behind my back, I'm sure they wonder the same. I listen to people judge each other endlessly and ( Read more... )

It's not easy for me to just blindly accept something as fact without concrete evidence. Clearly people are more concerned with their version of the truth rather than the truth itself. Granted, we're all guilty of this, and if it helps people sleep at night then I guess the ends justify the means, at least for them. As we all now succumb to ( Read more... )

Feeling contempt and resentment right now. Future still uncertain, starting to regret past decisions but at least I'm still learning. Not feeling too hopeful right now; looking for a way out of this self-inflicted jail term. Is there any reason to have hope at all?

I remember September 11th pretty vividly; I was living in my grandparent's house at the time, and I was listening to Howard Stern while simultaneously doing Independent Study work. It was really quite interesting to hear a broadcast airing in New York at that moment and to hear the fear, anger, and sadness in their voices over the atrocity that ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning feeling a little bit fatigued. I had taken a vicodin an hour before bedtime as prescribed but to no avail, I was still restless. I took one of my wife's ambien pills she had left behind and chased it with an 8 oz glass of yellow-tail cabernet shiraz and fell asleep soon thereafter, what a relief. Perhaps next time I won't mix ( Read more... )