Anyone still out there?

8:20am, woke up, ate breakfast, drove to school ( Read more... )

It always comes back to him. I've been on several dates since we broke up, four or five I believe, and they've all been disappointing. The whole time I was with them, all I could think of was him. I was in a relationship for five years, and it was easier to break it off with him than it was with Michael. Michael wasn't perfect, but he was damn near ( Read more... )

I just realized how selfish of a twat I've been lately. I've been harboring some pretty negative feelings toward my family, and toward myself these past few weeks. I need to do things for myself, not for the approval of others. Fuck 'em all.

All the optimism I had now escapes me. I wonder what people think about me, what my family thinks about me, what my acquaintances think about me. Despite all my effort, all my progress, ultimately... I am left alone. All I ever wanted was to fit in, to feel wanted/needed. Most of my life has been spent seeking a sense of belonging. I feel I don't ( Read more... )

The other night I had a strange dream I was at nationals (I haven't even competed in state) and we were held up in some hotel. Master Michael was there, Chi-Nhan was there, and of course, me. I was disappointed because I only received a silver medal in my dream. I was also being kicked out of my hotel room for some reason, my stuff strewn across ( Read more... )

My relationship with Fernando is over. It took almost 6 years to end something that really lasted only 2 years. It was a process of attempting to revive something that was already dead. I feel pretty empty right now, but then again, I've felt pretty empty for many, many years. I hope he finds somebody that truly appreciates him because I know if ( Read more... )

Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed by anger and resentment. I know I have be strong, to endure, but it's incredibly difficult to juggle a full-time job, school, and live in a noisy house, with paper thin walls, filled with junk, dog hair and carcinogens. Almost all my debt is paid off, but I still don't have enough money to fix my car, so I might ( Read more... )

I noticed one of the baristas at starbucks smile at me. I've made a few attempts at striking up conversations, but my insecurity disallows me to be direct with him. The worst part is that I don't even know if he's gay or not, but I'm about 99.9% certain that he is. It can extremely difficult being gay when men you are attracted to are straight or ( Read more... )

Feeling very pessimistic lately, drinking excessive amounts of coffee sure doesn't help either. Nothing seems worth doing, worth pursuing; fear of outcomes ensnare me in a perpetual state of anxiety, and my reasons for embarking on such "journeys" are nebulous. July 5th I register for classes, the middle of this month, or possibly sooner, I start ( Read more... )