........so I'm back.......again........for now..........I'm going to try to make this LJ useful........an instrument to help motivate me in my writing.......so  yes.......some things might come out maniacal and absolutely absurd.........but that's okay..........you have been forewarned..

so yeah.....I'm somewhat back.....although what parts?.....I still do not know........parts of my brain maybe.....parts of my eyes......most of my brain I think is gone.....all I can say is that I"m exhausted....yes...I almost feel like the guy in the Machinist....I might actually have surpassed him.......although I haven't started hallucinating ( Read more... )

.......nothing brings me greater joy than to see him smile and laugh......nothing can compare.......his smiles are like little sunbeams.......they exist without any pretense......they are innocence immortalized.......

....why do people think they need to "train" their baby or toddler....your child is not your pet or property....He is a small human being full of light and spirit who is new to the world...they need comforting and love....anyway, just posting this as a response to that Ezzo book that is out there, and I feel for any child whose parent (maybe with ( Read more... )

.......a little guy makes me smile.......

.....disturbing dreams last night......terrifying in their close proximity to my psyche......suggesting an unravelling of my psyche.....my psyche is being destroyed in the worst way.......sadness now.......i only hope that the little being does not experience my dreams ( Read more... )

dear_______ ( Read more... )

....... human existence.......existential woes and griefs......sometimes i am saddened even in observing the crackheads and hookers on the streets......they were once babies.......nascent newborns to this strange universe......when did it all change for them.......to where they just become servile to their habits...... and simply become these ( Read more... )

.......damn......i hate to admit such things....but i'm on a quest for revealing new vulnerabilities........shedding my slithery snake skin....translucent shards falling away to my more opaque self.......

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always ( Read more... )

.........i feel dead......nothing to be dramatic over......nothing to orchestrate melodramatic histrionics over.....dead-meaning no life, no breath, no emotions........falling into a vault of nothingness.....i can not react anymore.....poke me-i will not quiver......scream at me-i will not hear.......phantoms have a quicker pulse than this......... ( Read more... )