One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 10 Part 2

[sos_sporkers]

"Hmmm...I have no idea where I am." David sighed as he looked around,

Brian: DID YOU PLAN ANYTHING AT ALL? If you KNEW you were unfamiliar with the terrain, then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU RUN OFF? Do you even have an idea where a ship yard is?

William: And why the fuck would you just RUN OFF to search for a ship? Wouldn’t the most efficient way be just to ASK THE VILLAGERS WHERE THEIR SHIPYARD IS? There are PEOPLE in town, you know! PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE LOCAL TERRAIN!

The Voice: And please stop cramming the traits and quirks of EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED CANON CHARACTER into ONE character. Those traits and quirks worked because the character was otherwise so logical that it was UNEXPECTED. Just stuffing them into one person and expecting us to find that person as charming as the canon characters WILL NOT WORK. The only thing that will happen is that the person will become a simple conglomerate of quirks and have not an ounce of PERSONALITY. Have you heard of the Barbie Syndrome? You’re doing it RIGHT NOW.  This is not how you characterise people! THERE NEEDS TO BE SUBSTANCE. You cannot just flash a series of little quirks at us and expect us to buy it!

Brian: And it seriously makes your character look PATHETIC. We loved that trait when it was on Zoro, because we knew he was intelligent. He probably had the sharpest and most logical mind in the Straw Hats! The juxtaposition was what made it work!

In this case, you have given us no reason at all to suspect that your character is anywhere near intelligent! So, instead of being an endearing trait, the only thing this does is confirm our beliefs that he is a UTTER MORON.

William: Not that we didn’t know that already, but you still should refrain from shoving evidence in our faces. THIS IS NOT DESIRABLE.

"The docks have to be by the ocean. So I need to get to the ocean.

Brian: …You just figured this out NOW?

William: Why were you running in any direction that wasn’t towards the sea in the first place?

The Voice: AND HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE TO RUN IN ANY DIRECTION THAT’S NOT TOWARDS THE SEA WHEN YOU’RE ON A FUCKING ISLAND?

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7

So...TO THE OCEAN!" David yelled happily

Brian: Yes, we KNOW. You JUST declared that ONE FUCKING WORD AGO.

DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 2

as he ran away looking for the ocean. Which should've been easy, they were on an island.

Brian: Get this, Stuthor, LAMPSHADING HOW STUPID YOUR CHARACTERS ARE DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY LESS STUPID! If you knew you were making him far too stupid to even remotely work, then you CHANGE THE FUCKING STORY! You don’t through a bland, dry one-liner in there and hope that will excuse the idiocy!

William: And just WHERE is he now? How long has he ran around for? How big is the freaking island? You can’t shove your readers into a new setting and proceed to tell us exactly NOTHING about it! This whole section is about your characters SEARCHING for something! The only way this is going to work is if we had a remote idea of WHERE THEY ARE RIGHT NOW! SETTINGS are fucking important! They make up the whole environment your characters exist in! If you’re willing to spend three lengthy paragraphs detailing exactly how much your characters FAIL at fashion, then why not spare three lines to tell us where the characters freaking ARE?

"OCEAN!" David yelled as he looked to his side,

Brian: You said it ‘SHOULDN’VE BEEN EASY’! That implies that it WASN’T easy! You can’t whine about how hard it freaking is to find a beach on an island, and then have your character proceed to do exactly that in the very next line!

William: And if he were so close to the ocean, so that he found it so fast that absolutely no time transition took place between when he got the idea and when he got to the destination…THEN WHY DIDN’T NOTICE THE OCEAN BEFORE? If it’s close enough for him to run to in the space between two paragraphs, it’s goddamned close enough for him to see!

The Voice: Remember? Women aren’t allowed to have powers, so everyone in this story can travel at the speed of light. In case Riru needed to be put in her place even more, I mean.

Brian: And what the FUCK is up with him talking to himself? People might do that when they need to work out a problem, but normal people don’t randomly shout things out loud! Are you so incapable of writing a story without dialogue that you would cram it into scenes where they don’t make the least amount of sense?

William: Yes. What did you think?

The Voice: And I can’t believe you just compared David to a ‘normal person’.

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8

which ended up in him running into someone,

Brian: …Stuthor, try something for me. Stretch your arms out in front of you and slowly open them to your side, whilst keeping your eyes on whatever is directly in front of you. Notice how human eyes have a pretty wide field of vision? Most people can see almost 180 degrees. He is entirely capable of seeing something come down the road at him out of his peripheral vision!

William: And who the hell STARES at a fucking ocean to their side when they run? It’s not like the ocean is going anywhere! Most people just glance to the side to confirm it, and then return their attention to the road, because even without traffic, there could be bumps and pebbles which they could seriously hurt themselves on!

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9

"Ow!" David held his head in pain.

Brian: What position is he running in that he hits his HEAD on the person coming for him? For that to happen, his head needs to be stretched out in front of him! Who the hell runs like that? And who the hell can run FAST like that?

William: And he is a WIMP. He’s a goddamned fucking PIRATE! Sure, Luffy was hurt by Nami punching him, but he knew it was a joke and that she was his friend! Did he show any sign of pain when it was a stranger dealing it to him? The only time we’ve seen him really scream in pain was when he was combating the poison in the Rescue Ace Arc, and that was a process that was so painful that it killed countless people! He took a lot more beatings than you, and he stayed fucking stoic! You’ve been whining and pouting about every single goddamned injury you’ve had that the Stuthor bothered to keep track of! How DARE you insinuate yourself as the protagonist of the world of One Piece?

He then looked up to see a woman around eighteen.

The Voice: EIGHTEEN YEAR OLDS ARE NOT WOMEN! JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE LEGALLY ADULT, DOESN’T MEAN THEY HAVE REACHED BIOLOGICAL MATURITY! THEY ARE STILL ‘GIRLS’! YOU CANNOT CALL NINETEEN YEAR OLD CHASE A ‘BOY’ LAST CHAPTER AND CALL THIS GIRL A ‘WOMAN’!

William: And I see that the newest addition is yet again a teenager. WHY IS EVERY GODDAMNED PERSON A TEENAGER? Did that world suffer a depopulation bomb that kill off all adults? One Piece was the rare anime that actually gave adults and old guys a chance to shine! In fact, it was filled with Badass Grandpas! People of all ages were awesome there because all that mattered was their hearts! How dare you take that and turn it into yet another average, shitty anime that only focuses of pretty boys and pretty girls? How dare you make EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED CHARACTER into an Avatar because you have never even tried to empathise with anyone in your life? How dare you write this crap and relate it to ONE FUCKING PIECE?

She had silkyish tan skin,

Brian: Silky-ish? So…her skin was silky, but it wasn’t really? HOW IS THAT A DESCRIPTION AT ALL? If you’re going to describe something, then go all the way and make sure we can VISUALISE it! What is the point of describing something only to end with your readers still having no idea what that things looks like?

William: And how would he tell whether the skin was silky or not without touching it? Sure, you can sometimes identify really smooth or rough skin by sight, but to say outright that her skin was kind of silky definitely needs touch to confirm! What aren’t you telling us here? Does he have to sexually harass EVERY woman that he comes across?

The Voice: Of course. They’re born for his pleasure, after all.

Brian: …You’re not joking, are you?

The Voice: *Bitter laugh* What do you think?

with shoulder legnth blue-black hair

Brian: WAS IT BLUE OR BLACK? Those are VERY distinct colours! You can have very dark blue, but you cannot have an object be simultaneously blue AND black, because the black will cover up the blue!

The Voice: This is referring to an Anime colouring technique where characters with black hair will be given blue highlights, because making the hair all black looks unnatural. However, it is blatant artistic license, done to avoid the Uncanny Valley. Meaning, it doesn’t NEED to be used in a purely literary media! We will imagine a black-haired character having natural hair! There will be no Uncanny Valley to avoid! And black hair in real life does not appear blue under any circumstances, unless there is abundant artificial lighting around! They actually mostly appear to have brown or even golden highlights under strong light.

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10

that hung in front of her golden eyes,

The Voice: OH MY GOD, SHE’S A CULLEN. *Stabs violently and repeatedly*

…That books has completely ruined my ability to appreciate characters with yellow eyes.

William: Her hair hung in front of her eyes? WTF? How the hell can she even see? And why would she wear her hair that way? Having hair in front of your eyes means that they will inevitably get IN your eyes, which is definitely not comfortable! This is why most people with long hair bind it! And having all that hair in her face will not help in summers, because it will be damned stifling and hot! And how the hell can she even work as a shipwright if she can’t bloody see past her hair?

Brian: …Well, technically, we don’t know she’s a shipwright yet.

William: Are you kidding me? Of course she’s a shipwright! There was never any tension! The protagonists need a boat, so of course one will automatically pop up, already equipped with everything they need, including a repairman. What were you expecting? That they expend EFFORT?

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 11

she seemd fairly muscular for a girl

Brian: Yes, FOR A GIRL. Because, after all, no girl could be OBJECTIVELY muscular! They’re female, after all! And females will never be as badass as males!

William: And she only SEEMED muscular too! She’s actually all squishy and weak, just waiting for a Big Strong Man to show up to protect her!

The Voice: And is she a girl or a woman! Those two words carry entirely different connotations! Make up your mind and stick with your word of choice! If you want to suck, at least do it CONSISTENTLY!

YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 12

but not to where she wasn't attractive,

Brian: Yes, because that’s what’s important. That should definitely be the first thing you look for when you’ve just bumped into someone at apparently the speed of sound. If she wasn’t pretty, after all, then you probably shouldn’t bother with her.

William: And of course all the main characters are attractive. Stuthor, this is ONE PIECE. I can count on one hand the number of characters who aren’t deformed in any way! There were plenty of characters who didn’t even look human! One Piece was NOTED for its willingness to use unconventional looks for its characters and the fact that it doesn’t have a cast made entirely out of Bishonen and Bishojo. IF YOU WANT TO WRITE A GARY STU HAREM FIC, WRITE A GARY STU HAREM FIC! DON’T DRAG FREAKING ONE PIECE INTO THIS!

YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 13

she was also around five six.

Brian: It’s interesting to note that all the females are significantly shorter than the main Stu, too. We can’t even suggest that they may be able to dominate the Stu, right? After all, it’s not like One Piece was noted for its awesome women and action girls. Nope, the females should always stay with their head below the male’s, to show them their place.

William: AND WE DON’T FUCKING CARE HOW TALL SHE IS! You could just say she was a bit shorter or taller than the main character and MOVE THE FUCK ON. You’re never going to bring this up again anyways, so why the fuck even include that information in there? If you just took it out, you wouldn’t have gotten a YOU SEXIST BASTARD point, would you? THROW OUT UNNECESSARY INFORMATION! A STORY IS MEANT TO BE ENTERTAINING, NOT A LIST OF RANDOM CHARACTERISTIC THAT WE DON’T CARE ABOUT AND THAT DOESN’T MATTER TO THE CHARACTERISATION OR OVER ALL PLOT AT ALL!

YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 14

She wore baggy black gypsy like pants,

Brian: *Stonily* Gypsy-like. You are going to write about a often misunderstood and historically persecuted minority, and you couldn’t even bother to research what they dressed like. Nope, you just told us it was gypsy-like, so we can do all the work for you and imagine it ourselves. IF YOU DON’T CARE ENOUGH TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT BEING A HORRIBLY RACIST BASTARD, THEN WHY INSIST ON WRITING ABOUT THAT GROUP OF PEOPLE AT ALL? This could all be avoided if you just made her ethnically ambiguous like the rest of your cast! If you’re going to write a minority, then you have to put EFFORT into it!

William: Not, of course, that you shouldn’t put effort into writing a story even if it’s not about minorities.

The Voice: Oh yeah, and the people of a particular ethic group shall always dress exactly the way stereotype has them dress! No way a gypsy will just wear normal t-shirts and jeans! Nope. All her clothing has to be ‘gypsy-like’, because she’ a gypsy, don’t you know? She has no characterisation out of that! There’s no way a person of a certain ethnicity will dress normally! They must always wear stereotypical, traditional dresses, for the entertainment of the main character!

YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 1 (For all occasions where sexism is not the main issue, but the Stus are still condescending and discriminatory.)

with a black sash across her chest,

Brian: …What? Is she wearing breast binders outside of her clothing?

William: Or is it those sashes you see important people wear to indicate their importance?

Brian: Or did she just randomly decide that that scarf looked really nice tied around her boobs?

she carried two black bracelets on each of the upper part of her arms

The Voice: Those are called armbands! Bracelets only describe what you wear on your WRISTS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Brian: On the other hand, I’m kind of impressed that he had the gypsy wear all black. You know, I thought he’s deck her out in outrageous jewellery and make her go bare feet and all…

and multiple silver and golden bracelets on her wrist, and she had no shoes.

Brian: …*Grabs William and cries into his shoulder*

William: *Scrambles at the air* Hey! Get off me! What are you doing, you-!

Brian: *Sobs uncontrollably*

The Voice: …Would you like another dose of Bleeprin?

Brian: *Blubbering*

William: NO! Goddamn it, take your hands off me! Brian! *Turns to the megaphone* No, I just need a pencil or something to stab this bastard off of- BRIAN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TOUCHING!?

The Voice: …Here you go.

*A pencil pops into place on the table*

William: *Grabs it and stabs Brian in the arm with it*

Brian: *Jumps away, cradling his arm* Ow…*Hurt and betrayed look*

William: *Dirty glare* You deserved that, you creep.

YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 3

"Hello." David smiled.

William: Is he ever going to apologise for possibly giving that poor girl a concussion? He was running so fast that he went from ‘LOL WHERE IS THE OCEAN’ to ‘OMG OCEAN’ in literally no time at all, that has got to hurt for her.

The Voice: Uh huh, did he want to apologise for attempting to murder his crew?

Brian: Well, there’s an attractive girl there, so chatting her up is obviously a higher priority than making sure she’s not hurt.

SOCIOPATHY: 5

"Hello? You just run into someone and all you say is Hello?" The girl stated.

Brian: You know, every character is so damned SENSIBLE before they join David. They actually had logic and maybe even a hint of a BACKBONE before. Which just makes it even more heartbreaking to see them enslaved by the little bastard.

William: That’s what Stus and Sues do, though. They take everyone around them and either twist them into ridiculously over-the-top and yet inept villains or dedicated groupies who worship the ground they walk on.

The Voice: And did you think the Stuthor will allow anyone who has actually spoken with his Stu disagree with him? Strangers are allowed to question him because they don’t KNOW him! As soon as you’ve seen the magnificence of the Stu, of course you’re going to agree with everything he says and obey all his commands!

By the way, that is not a statement. A statement does not end in FREAKING QUESTION MARKS. Questions end with question marks. That’s why they’re called freaking QUESTION MARKS.

THESAURUS RAPE: 1

"Yeah, I'm David S. Payne. Who are you?"

Brian: Of course he’s not going to apologise. Even after the girl has all but outright demanded an apology, it still doesn’t even occur to him that he might have done something wrong. He thinks it’s perfectly okay to seriously injure someone by slamming into them whilst travelling at the speed of sound and then not even apologising afterwards. In fact, he thinks it’s so okay, he’s outright admitting it in front of the person he hurt.

William: Are you kidding? He doesn’t even notice that he might have hurt her! The only thing he can focus on is how delectable her ass is! He DOES FUCKING CARE.

The Voice: Oh, and NOW you have the character use his full name when introducing himself? What’s so special about this woman? Is it that she’s dressed to attract attention to her boobs? If a character has been establish as comfortable with introducing himself by first name only, then you do not suddenly have him use his full name! At least try to retain the miniscule modicum of characterisation that has sneaked into your fics!

SOCIOPATHY: 6

"My name is Karma Silvers, and aren't you going to say sorry?" Karma asked.

Brian: ARE YOU ANGRY WITH HIM OR NOT? He’s just seriously hurt you and made it very clear to you that he does not give a flying fuck! Why would you answer any of his questions, especially when he’s obviously chatting you up? At least withhold the information until he’s shown proper regret for the situation!

William: She’s a WOMAN. It doesn’t matter how much of a jerkass he is, or how much she is angry at her. If he demands something of her, than she WILL comply, because that is what women are born to do.

YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 15

"Sorry?"

Brian: What, do you not even understand the concept of apology?

William: Well, I wouldn’t be surprised.

The Voice: Or maybe he just doesn’t have the concept that hurting someone is actually something that requires an apology. After all, he’s allowed to hurt anyone he wants to! God told him that! It’s only the people who have hurt him that need to apologise and repent for it!

SOCIOPATHY: 7

"Yes sorry you imbecile!" Karma shouted.

Brian: I don’t care she’s a stereotype. I love this girl.

William: You said that for Kit as well. You know as much as I that this awesomeness will never survive the chapter. No doubt David shall properly kick her ass for her insolence, show her the proper place she is supposed to be in, and then make her his personal slave. That’s what he does to every woman he meet, after all!

Brian: Well, might as well enjoy that spirit while it’s there, right?

William: What is the point when it’s only going to be taken away from you?

Brian: Isn’t having for a short time a bit better than never having at all?

The Voice: No, you didn’t word that quite correctly. Would you prefer if the fic sucked 99% of the time, or 100%?

William: I would say neither, but I have a feeling that you aren’t going to accept that answer.

"I'm sorry!" David cried as he hid behind a random bystander.

Brian: Ah. As soon as she shows the least amount of fight, you immediately cry and hide. What a great Captain you shall make. It’s like you were born to be the pirate king!

William: And I see that he has yet to make a SINCERE apology. Sure, he’ll apologise to get himself out of trouble, but actually acknowledging that he is wrong and trying to improve his behaviour? Don’t make me laugh.

The Voice: A random bystander. What a well-developed world and setting! Clearly, the Stuthor has spent many night labouring in creation of this fic! Look at the amount of detail devoted to the setting! Was anyone even AWARE that there were people around?

Brian: If there were fucking BYSTANDERS, then why was NO ONE alarmed by David and Kit’s sexual-harassment and murder galore last chapter? Why is no one offering to help Karma? Why is no one reporting to the marines that there are fucking pirates in town? It’s not like they’ve tried to hide their identity! Chase wears a fucking pirate flag on his back! You can’t just shove characters into your story! You actually need to set it up! If you’ve made it very clear that this town might as well be a ghost town, then you can’t just suddenly tell us that, ‘oh yeah, there are totally people around. They’ve just never bothered to do anything or speak a single word until now!’ IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK LIKE THAT!

SOCIOPATHY: 8 (For still being only concerned by covering his own ass, instead of apologising out of compassion or common decency.)

"Hey man get off me!" The bystander pushed David off of him.

Brian: *Applauds*

William: That poor man. He’ll never get the smell off of him.

The Voice: Stuthor, do you have ANY  idea what a bystander is? It’s people who gather around to watch when the main characters get into trouble! They’re there because they’re INTERESTED. You cannot make him a bystander and then have him react to David as if he doesn’t give a shit!

And what does he mean ‘get off him’? David was hiding behind him! He isn’t clinging to him like a Koala! He shouldn’t be touching him at all! Or are you skipping over actions again? Goddamn it, will he not even spare the males?

David backed away from Karam.

The Voice: And straight into Karma, who stabbed him in the back with a silver spork. ‘Damn, took me long enough to find you. Karam, are you finished? We have to report to the PPC Headquarters, you know!’

Karam kicked at David’s ribs even as his unmoving corpse started to dissolve into multi-coloured fluid. ‘Goddamned little shit. Tried to play himself up as the hero, didn’t he? He wet his fucking pants when he saw my spork.’

Brian: *Snorts* Yeah, he’s totally the hero. Look at the way he’s valiantly running away from all signs of danger, cowering bravely behind passers-by, crying for his mommy most heroically!

"Oh I'm so sorry for yelling!" Karam apologized as she went to hug David.

William: WHAT THE FUCK? You were ANGRY with him! YOU WERE PISSED OFF BY HIM! You were being the most sensible and badass female we’ve yet seen and yelling at him for being an utter bastard! You were being a half-way likeable character! What the fuck happened?

Brian: *Eyes slowly widen in horror* Oh no…It’s not what I think…

"No way you're mean!"

"I said sorry!" Karma chased after David.

"No!" David continued to run.

"Get back here you imbecile!" Karam screamed.

"No!" David cried.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean it! Come here! I wanna say sorry!" Karam cried.

*William and Brian sit in stunned silence*

The Voice: …I…*Shakes head* I have no idea what to say, so I’ll put this here.

’I am 13 years old and I just found out that I have bipolar disorder. When I think back it makes sense - the cutting, bulimia, horrible anger, sadness, then back to normal. I thought I had something wrong with me, I just never knew what it was.’ - A TeensHealth reader.

‘Bipolar disorder isn’t a weakness or character flaw; it is a serious medical condition that needs treatment.

Symptoms of mania include:

• racing speech and thoughts
• increased energy
• decreased need for sleep
• elevated mood and exaggerated optimism
• increased physical and mental activity
• excessive irritability, aggressive behavior, and impatience
• poor judgment
• reckless behavior, like excessive spending, making rash decisions, and erratic driving
• difficulty concentrating
• inflated sense of self-importance
• irritability
• hypersexuality
• delusions
• hallucinations

Symptoms of depression include:

• loss of interest in usual activities
• prolonged sad or irritable mood
• loss of energy or fatigue
• feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• sleeping too much or inability to sleep
• drop in grades and inability to concentrate
• inability to experience pleasure
• appetite loss or overeating
• anger, worry, and anxiety
• thoughts of death or suicide
• crying
• social withdrawal
• ” - TeensHealth.com

‘A teenager with bipolar disorder will appear unusually moody, agitated, distracted, and irritable. Between episodes of mania and depression the teenager will have periods of normalcy. Misdiagnosed or untreated bipolar disorder can cause serious health problems for teenagers. Teenagers with untreated bipolar disorder have a high risk of alcohol and substance abuse. Some teenagers may abuse these substances to "self-medicate," attempting to controlsleep disturbances and mood swings. The danger of suicide in untreated bipolar disorder is high: Untreated adults have an 18 percent suicide rate, and there is no reason to assume rates aren't equally high among teenagers.’ - Psychiatric_Disorders.com

Look at these descriptions, and then look at what Inhuman X has written. Ladies and Gentlemen, bipolar disorder sufferers have the HIGHEST rate of suicide amongst mental illness victims. This is a very SERIOUS illness that many people are suffering from and thousands have died from. It is tragic and horrible and we still don’t have cures for it.

Now look at how the Stuthor depicted it.

Do I really need to point out how insulting this is?

YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 5

FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1 (For being perfectly fine after having David slam into her at the speed of sound.)

"Help!" David yelled as he saw Chase and the crew.

The Voice: Ignoring how cowardly David is and how positively EXEMPLARY he is as a protagonist…look at how he is treating someone with a bipolar disorder? He is running from her, showing her clearly that, despite his initial interest in her, he is repulsed and scared by her mood swings (which are the most unrealistically portrayed thing I have ever seen). He finds her unpleasant and horrifying…he’s telling her very clearly that he wants nothing to do with her due to the symptoms of a mental illness that she can’t help.

He is treating her like a MONSTER. He is reacting as though he fully expects her to crack and start chasing him with a knife, because that’s what CRAZY people do, right? This is just DISGUSTING.

And this fic is written in a universe where therapists don’t exist. So, Karma here has been suffering from one of the most horrible mental illnesses ever, without any help whatsoever. She’s had to deal with most of the horrible symptoms I’ve listed above, and she had no one there for her at all. And this man drops out of the sky and proceeds to be an asshole to her. And as soon as he figures out that she’s not acting NORMALLY, he starts treating her like a mental asylum escapee, crying and running, making it clear that he considers her to be unnatural and scary and a freaking MONSTER. And all the while, she can’t help but be subject to the whims of her brain.

YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 10

William: This is a very minor pick compared to the main issue here, but how did Chase and the crew find him? He ran off and disappeared from sight, and we know from the last section that they did not set off to find him immediately. How the hell did they manage to locate him down to one beach within what sounds like 10 to 20 minutes? The island is surrounded by the sea, he could be anywhere on the coast. How did it take them so little time to find him?

Brian: And look at what he calls them! ‘Chase and the crew’. The only one with any significance to him is Chase. The others are an unidentified mass whose sole purpose is making his journey to his dream smoother. He doesn’t even acknowledge them by name! They’re just his ‘crew’ to him. This problem could be easily avoided it he dropped the ‘Chase and’ part, but no.

You could argue that he’s been with Chase the longest, and probably is the most attached to him…except when have we seen Luffy display blatant favouritism towards Zoro? If you have accepted someone into your crew, then you treat them like a friend! By accepting them, you are telling them that you will be willing to aid them and lay down your life for them! All of your crew should be equally precious to you, not because of what they can do for you, but because they are decent people!

Do you fulfil even ONE of those requirements?

TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10

SOCIOPATHY: 9

Go Forward to: Chapter 10, Part 3

Go Back to: Chapter 10, Part 1