One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 11 Part 1:
I've worked out a rough schedule on which I can comfortably spork, so sporkings may not be as frequent now, but it will be somewhat consistent. I'm going to do one part of Bound For Glory roughly every two days until a chapter is finished, and then move onto the Anti-Sporking and do a chapter, and move onto Rebecca Sherwood and do a chapter. Whenever a part of Harry Potter and the Head of Black is posted on das_sporking, I'll immeidately spork another part, because I really want to finish that fic, so the next part of whatever is due will be delayed one day.
I know it doesn't make much sense...I'm just typing it down so that I can remind myself.
Anyways, onward to the FAIL!
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and claim no credit for it. Though it's not like I want to. One Piece belong to Oda Eichiro, who is a GOD. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made. This is done for the purpose of entertainment only.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary: The Stus finally move into the Grand Line! Sadly, the story does NOT get any better. If anything, it only gets worse.
Rating of Fic: T for Troll
Warning for Spork: A very long feminist rant, language, very mild subtext between two male characters, and lots and lots of ranting.
Sporkers: Brian and William
The sound of the pages of a book being flipped back and forth echoed in the void. ‘You seem to be having fun with Brian and William, there.’
‘Well, they DO play off of each other VERY nicely!’ Someone huffed. ‘You WROTE them so that they’d play off of each other nicely. Not to mention, at least THEY don’t derail my sporkings with dirty jokes.’
‘I don’t know. I like Mantra.’
‘Well, I can see why you’d like her...But she’s occupied, you know that. Brian and William are the only people I can find who has enough resilience to take on consecutive chapters of this drivel.’
‘What about...what’s that other group? Nanai, Caroline, and James?’
‘Oh, I’m thinking about bringing them back sometime, but their nerves are wearing down too. Really, Brian and William are the best choice here.’
‘You’ve put an impressive amount of thought into this.’
There was a snort. ‘Of course. I was born for this purpose, after all.’
‘How long do you intend to keep them here?’
‘Oh...I don’t know...as long as they can last, maybe.’
A shrill ring pierced the darkness and both shadowy figures winced.
‘Dammit, do you HAVE to make the alarm this loud?’ Someone grumbled under their breath, even as they turned and ran away, their feet pattering against a black expanse of nothingness.
Chapter 11: A Cold Shichibukai Encounter! Part 1
Brian: Another Shichibukai? What are they all doing in East Blue? Don’t any of them have any business in the Grand Line? Are they afraid that their rivals will take over their positions? Why do all of them have the leisure of hanging around the ‘weakest’ of the four seas?
William: Well, I imagine that the smell of a bunch of colossal Stus attracted them. They tend to do that, you know.
Brian: Well, I hope they intend to kill every single one of the bastards, then.
William: They’re Stus. Of course, mere Warlords of the Sea cannot hope to even damage them!
Brian: *Long-suffering sigh*
"Hahahahaha! This is awesome!" David laughed
William: No. I can assure you that this is not. This is the very antithesis of awesome. It takes everything that is awesome and systematically destroys it.
Brian: *Alarmed* Just what the hell is going on here? Given what he considers to be awesome, namely, murder and sexual assault...yeah, I don’t want to know.
as he stood on the front of the ship.
William: Bitch, stop copying Luffy. You are nowhere near as awesome as he is, and copying his actions will NOT make you any closer to what he is - not while you are still committing casual murder and treating your crew like tools to be used.
Brian: Really, Luffy’s particular brand of awesome is not something that can be imitated, anyways. Any attempt will just make you look stupid.
William: More stupid, we mean.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE AWESOME: 1
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 1
"Are you crazy!
William: Question marks and exclamation marks are not the same thing, idiot. That’s why they have different names. If you want to appear logical, then make sure you know how to talk first.
Brian: And really, what fic were you reading? You just figure out that this guy is nuts? What clued you in? The casual murder? The prejudice? The condoning of mass murder? The sexual harassment? The advocacy of slavery?
You stupid idiot why are we doing this?" Chase yelled
William: Well, considering the events that went on beforehand...I would say that it’s because he liked it, and therefore your opinions don’t matter. He’s the captain, after all. He has every right to make you do whatever he wants.
Brian: Oh, and because you’re all goddamned idiots. You didn’t walk away when you could have, and you are continuing to obey his order despite knowing their implications. As disgusting as he was, this situation is every bit your fault as his.
as he and Avery continued to try and get the ship to move faster.
William: ...Were we transported to two chapters ago? WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR REPTITION?
Brian: AND WHAT IS UP WITH THESE PEOPLE! They were nearly killed last time! They were so pissed that they nearly abandoned him! They KNEW that he was crazy and willing to kill every last one of them so that he could have a bit of fun! WHY ARE THEY STILL AROUND? AND WHY ARE THEY OBEYING THE EXACT SAME ORDERS THAT GOT THEM INTO THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHY CAN’T THEY TELL HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE BOAT SAIL AT A NORMAL PACE?
William: Not only is he trying to kill them, he’s trying his damned hardest to ruin the ship as well! Ships are designed to move at a certain pace! Moving above that will start causing structural damage! THIS IS A BOAT THAT SOMEONE SPENT THEIR WHOLE LIFE BUILDING! IT IS BRAND NEW GOING TO BE YOUR OWN MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION! EVEN IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LIFE OF YOUR CREW, WHY DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF? HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO BECOME THE PIRATE KING WHEN YOU ARE BUILDING UP A REPUTATION OF BEING A SUCK-TASTIC CAPTAIN AND SAILOR? And what do you plan to do when this ship is totalled? I doubt anyone would be too eager to give your their ships, knowing what you did to the last one!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 1
Brian: ...Hey, I just thought...what could CHASE possibly doing to get the boat to move faster? Rowing? Avery is the only one with a power that can affect how fast a ship is. Chase controls freaking lightning! How can he make a ship go faster?
William: *Flails* I HAVE NO IDEA, OKAY? STOP ASKING ME!
"This mountain is amazing! It goes up!"
William: ...Yes, that is what mountains are meant to do.
Brian: I’d really like to see a mountain that goes down.
William: ...Wouldn’t that just be a valley?
Brian: Don’t be stupid! Valleys aren’t mountains! Valleys are valleys!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 2
William: *Head desk*
"It's called Reverse Mountain for a reason Captian!" Avery yelled
William: *Face palm* Did you read the comic at all, Stuthor? Did you even look at one image from One Piece? Because Reverse Mountain isn’t called Reverse Mountain because it goes up! That’s what all mountains do! It’s called Reverse Mountain because the RIVER on it has water that flows upwards! It’s the fucking RIVER that gave it it’s name, you fucking MORON!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 3
while using the wind to push harder and harder up Reverse Mountain.
Brian: WHAT! THE! FUCK! WHY WOULD YOU NEED ANY POWERS TO PUSH A BOAT UP REVERSE MOUNTAIN? THE RIVER ON IT HAS THE WATER OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING OCEAN TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH! THE CURRENTS ARE SO GODDAMNED FAST THAT WHEN THE GOING MERRY REACHED THE TOP, IT FUCKING FLEW OFF! IT WAS FAST ENOUGH TO MAKE A FUCKING SHIP FLY OFF OF A FUCKING MOUNTAIN! IT WAS ALREADY GOING FAR TOO FAST FOR THE SHIP TO FUCKING HANDLE! WHY WOULD YOU NEED POWERS TO PUSH THE SHIP ALONG?
William: And I notice that nothing is said about how they managed to fit the fucking Moby Dick onto the tiny river...not that I expected an explanation.
The Voice: Just so you know, this is a picture of Going Merry going up Reverse Mountain.
You’ll notice that it’s a pretty snug fit. They only have a few inches on each side, when you factor in the iron beam things.
For a comparison, here is the type of ship Moby dick is based on.
Going Merry was a very small ship, just enough for six to seven people to live on. Even with drawing like this, it’s more than obvious that the Moby Dick is far, FAR larger. This is why people usually have more or less modest ships as they enter the Grand Line! Because the passage ways leading into it are narrow as hell! They change to bigger ships when they get into the actual Grand Line!
Brian: *Boggles at picture* How the HELL are they steering that, anyways? How many sails does that thing have? I mean, they have, what...six people on their crew? Only four of which have ever sailed? How the hell did they manage to coordinate all the sails?
William: This just makes the passage even more stupid. With so many sails, just strong winds will NOT make the ship go faster. You have to have at least a few dozen men to make sure that the sails are aligned so that they can properly catch the wind. No matter how great your power, simply pushing will only capsize the boat, not make it go faster!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 4
"I could do this all day!" David laughed.
The Voice: God, just how high is this mountain? It took Luffy and company a few freaking minutes to get through it in the comic! The only reason it took any longer in the anime was because a bit of filler was included! How long have they been sailing along by now?
William: And yes, I’m quite sure that you can do this all day, NO MATTER HOW EXHAUSTED AVERY MAY BE BECOMING! You know, according to your canon, he CAN literally die from overusing his powers, right? And you don’t fucking care at all? If he keeps doing this, he is GUARANTEED to die, and you don’t fucking care?
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, you don’t care. The only person who matters in this world is you. Everyone is born to serve your needs. If you want something, and someone had to die in order for you to get it, then it’s just too fucking bad, isn’t it?
SOCIOPATHY: 1
"Well we can't!" Riru yelled as she used her super speed toquickly run up the boat,
Brian: What? Her what? Stuthor, you’ve written it so that EVERY GODDAMNED PERSON IN THIS FUCKING FIC can move faster than the eye can see. As such, the power of super speed really doesn’t impress me all that much. It’s more than clear that it’s only classified as a power because, as a mere girl, she can run as fast as all the boys! If the Stu wanted to, he can still pwn her ass. What are you even trying to do here?
William: I can’t help but think that the Stuthor inserts this moment so he can wave off any criticism towards his sexism. ‘Oh, the women are strong! I gave Riru a super power too!’ But it doesn’t fucking work, because she DOESN’T have a power. You can tell us she does, but as long as you don’t fucking SHOW it, we won’t fucking buy it.
Brian: It is rather suspicious how, of the three females, only Riru has a super power at all, but ALL of the males have powers of some kind. Even the one who’s supposed to be a normal kid, David, gets Haki and, despite not having super speed, can somehow move faster than Riru.
William: What did I say? This Stuthor is the most sexist person I’ve ever read about, next to Meyer.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 1
hit David on the head
William: I have no doubt that this is another attempt at appearing to be feminist, by having a female character frequently beat up a male one. However, this fails as miserably as the rest of the fic for very good reasons.
First of all, Riru’s attacks never actually hurt David. He can shrug them off whenever he wants to, and he usually does exactly that. He only PRETENDS to be hurt for a few moments to assuage the weak little female’s ~feeling~. She CAN’T hurt him at all, and he fucking knows it. That’s why he tolerates her smacking him around a little. After all, how can a puny little woman EVER hope to actually HURT a MAN? That’s just ridiculous! So, of course, physical assaults from women are always played for comedy, because there’s no way a GIRL can be a serious fighter.
We can see it in the recruitment processes. Despite being a bastard to all of them, it’s only the women he enslaves. Chase joined willingly, and Avery join due to a pre-existing personal philosophy. The females, however, NEVER have intentions of becoming pirates. They are dragged into this against their will, because the opinions of females don’t freaking matter. And when he fights with females, the entire situation is ALWAYS played for laughs, because it’s just PREPOSTEROUS to think that a GIRL can win against him, right? The outcome is always assumed. On the males get to beat him up severely. The Stuthor only hints that male opponents can damage him. And female recruits are described in very sexualised manners, and sexual assault almost always factor into their meeting with David somehow. Because that’s all women are good for - as an outlet for your sexual frustration. They have no purpose if they don’t have nice tits.
Second of all, Riru’s attacks on David are never portrayed as justified. The Stuthor writes about her attacks in the tone of comedy, again, because he honestly doesn’t think they are justified. He honestly thinks that she has no reason to be attacking David. He is writing about them not because he realises what a horrible person his Stu is, but because the fic needs more slapstick humour. That’s all the value he attaches to a female standing up for herself - it’s funny. He is basically portraying her as a stereotypically helpless, overly emotional, hysterical, unreasonable, shrieking female. And David, despite being the main ‘comic relief’, is always portrayed as in the right and more logical than Riru, just because he is a male. It doesn’t matter that he is obviously at fault, just because his attacker is a female, he is automatically right.
Third of all, not only do the attacks have no lasting physical impact, they have no emotional or psychological impact either. David never realises that he is hurting Avery. He never realises he is wrong. He never fucking changes. Because that would be a sign of weakness, wouldn’t it? That would mean admitting that a mighty MAN can be wrong to a GIRL! That just won’t do at all! David can apologise if Chase beats him up, but if it’s Riru doing it, then he has to hold fast, because it’s an icky WOMAN. Anyways, their opinions don’t count. It’s not like their advice can possibly be any good! It’s not like an almighty MAN has anything to learn from puny WOMEN!
You DISGUST me, Stuthor.
Brian: You know, Stuthor, I used to be William’s enemy. I used to try to kill all of them, just because of an ambiguous order from a questionable superior I had. Well, the ONLY males in their group at the time were William and Jim. You know what they did when the fighting began? They bundled up and RAN. Oh, they weren’t cowards, but neither of them are specialised in combat, so they knew they had no business on the front lines. They grabbed Jim’s daughter and ran to keep her safe. It was a group of women that battled me. It was a thirteen-year-old little girl that ended up kicking my ass. And I’m not afraid to admit it. I KNOW that women can be damned good fighters and if I want to get any better, I need to be humble and ask them for advice.
I have enough confidence in my masculinity that I don’t need to put down women all the time to assure myself that I’m a MAN.
So, the harder you insist that you are superior to all female ever, the more I am convinced that you are an utter wimp and have probably be beaten up by a girl at some point.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 2
and ran back into the ship for cover with Karma and Kit.
William: *Sound of disgust* See? Even in a scene where she is fucking asserting herself, she’s still cowering behind her comrades, shivering in fear of the mighty MAN. Even when she has every reason to beat the stuffing out of him, she is still in fear of him and almost ashamed of her actions. In fact, we ARE supposed to think that she is supposed to be ashamed of her actions. We ARE supposed to think that she has no right to be doing this and that David is an awesome person for being so lenient on her.
Brian: What does she think he’ll do? Judging from her reaction, he must hand out...discipline for insolence frequently enough that flight is her automatic response when she realises she’s actually standing up for herself. I...really hate to think what happened.
William: God, if I wasn’t certain that he was a male, I’d almost think this person WAS Meyer, given how disturbing similar their beliefs are.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 3
"Ow!" David yelled, "Whatever this is still awesome!"
William: *Screams* See? Do you fucking see that? She can’t fucking hurt him! He just fucking shrugs it off! He never considers it anymore! It doesn’t even fucking bother him! After all, it’s just one puny little attack from a WOMAN! Why would it have any impact on him, an almighty MAN, whatsoever? Stuthor, you disgusting little BASTARD!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 4
"Do we have to keep doing this? I mean we are almost to the top?" Aveyr informed.
The Voice: If he was INFORMING David, then what is he doing asking questions? Questions are asked to request information, not give information! Inform and ask are almost completely opposite actions!
THESAURUS RAPE: 1
William: Either way, that second question mark has no business being there. Just because you missed a question mark before, doesn’t give you the right to randomly add extra ones to places that don’t need them to make up!
Brian: Why is he even asking for permission anyways? If he doesn’t stop, then EVERYONE WILL DIE HORRIBLY AND SLOWLY, INCLUDING HIMSELF! He works for the strongest side! So that means he’s an efficient and pragmatic person! THIS IS BASIC SELF-PRESERVATION WE’RE TALKIGN ABOUT HERE! WHAT IS HE FUCKING DOING? JUST STOP! Your Captain is clearly a complete asshole that will not hesitate to kill all of you for a thrill! Why are you asking for his opinion? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?
"Once we get to the top he's going to want us to go faster on the way down." Chase replied.
William: *Face palm* IT’S FUCKING REVERSE MOUNTAIN! All the water in the entire world is rushing through it! It was so fast that it made a ship fucking FLY! You don’t need fucking super powers to make ships go fast on it! You’re just putting it in here to rub in our faces how awesome your fucking Stus are! AND WE DO NOT FUCKING APPRECIATE THAT!
Brian: Not to mention, if you go any faster, you’ll all die because your ship can’t HANDLE the speed!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 5
"Good point." Avery grunted as he blasted wind down Reverse Mountain moving their ship onwards.
Brian: ...*Wails* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
William: Okay, that is IT. Every goddamned character in this fic is a fucking idiot. That is the only explanation. Dude, you are STILL sailing up the mountain! How would blasting wind DOWN it going to help you go any faster? IT’LL SLOW YOU DOWN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
Brian: Huh...maybe it’s his subtle resistance?
William: If he’s disgruntled enough to be subtly resisting, why didn't he abandon ship in the town they just left?
Brian: Uh...I got nothing.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 6
"I didn't think this would be that hard.." Chase grunted
The Voice: Trust me, I didn’t either. I started this fucking thing because I thought it’d be FUNNY! Look where I am now!
shooting blast of electricity that bursted giving them pushes up the mountain.
Brian: ...Look here, I have had a single fucking science class in my fucking life, and I know that is fucking bullshit.
William: Granted, electricity is basically energy passed from atom to atom...however, it does not fucking MOVE objects! It’s not kinetic energy! You need a converter for it to work as kinetic energy! Otherwise, all that lightning will just continue to travel through air and not push back on iota! IT’S FUCKING ELECTRICITY! YOU USE IT EVERY FUCKING DAY! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT CAN PUSH OBJECTS?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
"Well it's a risk that we need to take to get to the Grand Line." Avery reminded.
Brian: What risk? Who are you replying to? Chase is saying that it’s hard work, when did he mention any risk?
William: And if you’re talking about going fast...then NO! THAT IS NOT A NECESSARY RISK! YOU CAN STAND ASIDE AND LET THE WATER CARRY YOU! YOU DON’T NEED TO PUSH THE BOAT TO GO ANY FASTER! YOU ARE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE YOUR CAPTAIN HAS ORDERED YOU TO, AND HE’S ONLY DOING IT BECAUSE HE’S A SOCIOPATHIC ASSHOLE! THIS IS NEITHER NECESSARY NOR INTELLIGENT! YOU ARE ALL IDIOT! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU-
Brian: William! Get yourself together! *Shakes him*
William: *Panting* Hate. I hate you so much. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Brian: Come on, man! Don’t let this get to you! You’re better than that!
William: *Slumps against Brian, breathing heavily* I...don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone this much...and I include Jim and my Keeper in that statement.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8
"Whatever." Chase replied
William: *Swells up in rage*
Brian: *Quickly interrupts* Maybe I should do this? You...you don’t look well.
William: *Deflates and sinks against the couch* Whatever. I...really don’t care anymore.
Brian: I...uh...I have no idea what he is replying to here. Disregarding that what Avery said was patently untrue, the fact still remains that he is discussing about entering into Grand Line. Having Chase dismiss something like this seems very ridiculous, because he’s always professed a desire to get into Grand Line before. It would be like someone telling Luffy vital information about Gold D Roger, and then Luffy just dismisses them with a ‘whatever’ and promptly forgets it. It makes no freaking sense.
Even if he doesn’t actually have an ambition to get into Grand Line, the fact remains that this is exactly that they are doing. So, just to keep himself informed, he should be listening and paying attention, because this could be vital information that will save his life.
If he is dismissing the fact that they have to push the boat up the mountain...well, that makes no sense either. He’s clearly very angry about the arrangement and has been very vocally complaining about it. You can’t have him swing around GRAH CHASE SMASH and WHATEVER, I TOTALLY DON’T CARE within two lines of dialogue! People don’t work like that! If they don’t care about something, then they won’t be angry over it! If they are angry over something, an unconnected statement will not appease them! CHOOSE A CHARACTERISATION AND STICK WITH IT!
William: I am convinced that the Stuthor only made Chase wave the whole thing off because writing any further will require conflict. Chase is angry at David, and this means David might have to acknowledge that he’s wrong and change. And we can’t have that, can we? So, Chase just randomly drops the issue with no warning at all, because the Stuthor literally can’t write any further. In conclusion, this clusterfuck is just another result of the Stuthor being a WIMP.
not liking the answer,
Brian: What answer? He never asked a question!
espically having to shoot lightning non-stop while his arms tired.
William: What, only his arms tired? YOU CAN’T DO THIS, STUTHOR! You can’t write about people fucking PASSING OUT because of exhaustion from overuse of their powers, and then write a character using their powers literally non-stop and have mild muscle aches be the only symptom! CONTINUITY, DAMMIT! If you have to rape canon, then at least keep the rape CONSISTENT!
Brian: And why would his arm be tired? He only has to aim them in the rough direction of the rear of the boat! He could just rest them on the railings! Or, hey, here’s a thought, DON’T USE HIS ARMS! Gestures, while pretty, are NOT required to activate powers! The powers are activated with the mind! He can just rest his arms and use his fucking BRAIN to control lightning like everyone in the universe! STOP FUCKING WHINING ABOUT PROBLEMS THAT CAN BE SOLVED IN NANOSECONDS!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9
Same with Avery,
William: Two of his crew members are in considerably amounts of pain, because of his utterly unnecessary orders. Does David care? What do you fucking think?
The Voice: It’s almost sad. The Creator wanted to name her little brother David too...bad fics ruin so many names...
Brian: ...wait a minute. Who is narrating here? How does Chase know if Avery was tired or not? How can he tell that Avery’s arm would be hurting? In fact, given that they are trained to fight, why would their arms hurt from being up for a few minutes? Because a few minutes is all you need to get over the mountain, you know! If they were that unfit that they can’t even swing their arms around for a few minutes, how do they ever manage to fight?
The Voice: So...The Stus just randomly gave up their chiselled muscles in exchange for telepathy? I’m...really not sure this is a positive change.
if he wasn't completley blasting the wind,
William: He wasn’t WHAT? How the hell do you partially blast the wind? And that ‘the’ there changes the meaning of the whole sentence! Now, instead of blasting out wind with his powers, he’s literally blasting THE wind with explosives! THINK, Stuthor! You are a human being, right? You do have a brain, I presume? PUT IT TO SOME GODDAMNED USE! IT’S THERE FOR A REASON!
THESAURUS RAPE: 3
or blowing the wind,
William: I am not going to talk about how the meaning of this phrase changed.
Brian: Uh...how is blasting and blowing even different in this case? He’s expelling wind in both cases, so why differentiate between them?
THESAURUS RAPE: 4
then he was throwing balls of wind that would burst and push the boat upwards.
William: WHY wouldn’t he just sustain a constant draft of wind and be done with it? That’s the kind of wind that ships need! They don’t need short bursts! They need SUSTAINED wind! Even if it’s just a breeze, it has to be sustained to power a ship! Bursts just mean that the ship will be LURCHING in the water! So, not only is everyone going to be horribly sick, but you are doing terrible damage to the hull by having it speeding along and stopping suddenly all the time! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?
Brian: And how do you make balls of wind? How could anyone confirm that the wind is, in fact, in balls, if they are transparent? How do you seal AIR MOVEMENT inside a ball to be released? You can expel small bursts of wind, but how do you keep them in a ball? WIND IS A GAS! JUST LIKE WATER IS A LIQUID! THEY DO NOT STAY IN SPHERICAL FORM! WHAT PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON THAT YOU THINK AIR CAN BE MOLDED INTO BALLS?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10
"We are almost to the top!" David celebrated.
The Voice: The verb ‘to celebrate’ is defined as ‘to observe or commemorate an event’. Although you can have impromptu celebrations, they are often long and, if not elaborate, then at least special in some way. David can CHEER in this case, but unless the boat is suspended at the top of the mountain for the duration of a party, I’m afraid he can’t CELEBRATE. Just because the words start with the same letter, doesn’t mean they mean the same.
THESAURUS RAPE: 5
Brian: And how high is that mountain, anyways? It sounds like they’ve been stuck here for half an hour at least! If this is the rate things are going at, then it’s going to take a whole chapter just for them leave Reverse Mountain! WHAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS INTERESTING? BECAUSE IT’S NOT!
William: Why are you even raping canon in this case? It doesn’t make the story more cool or your Stus more awesome! Why not just cut the sequence?
The Voice: Oh, but if he drags it out, he doesn’t have to write as much material! That’s why he repeats himself, you know! So that his fic can be nice and long and he doesn’t have to put any effort into it whatsoever!
Go Forward to: Chapter 11, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 10, Part 5
I know it doesn't make much sense...I'm just typing it down so that I can remind myself.
Anyways, onward to the FAIL!
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and claim no credit for it. Though it's not like I want to. One Piece belong to Oda Eichiro, who is a GOD. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made. This is done for the purpose of entertainment only.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary: The Stus finally move into the Grand Line! Sadly, the story does NOT get any better. If anything, it only gets worse.
Rating of Fic: T for Troll
Warning for Spork: A very long feminist rant, language, very mild subtext between two male characters, and lots and lots of ranting.
Sporkers: Brian and William
The sound of the pages of a book being flipped back and forth echoed in the void. ‘You seem to be having fun with Brian and William, there.’
‘Well, they DO play off of each other VERY nicely!’ Someone huffed. ‘You WROTE them so that they’d play off of each other nicely. Not to mention, at least THEY don’t derail my sporkings with dirty jokes.’
‘I don’t know. I like Mantra.’
‘Well, I can see why you’d like her...But she’s occupied, you know that. Brian and William are the only people I can find who has enough resilience to take on consecutive chapters of this drivel.’
‘What about...what’s that other group? Nanai, Caroline, and James?’
‘Oh, I’m thinking about bringing them back sometime, but their nerves are wearing down too. Really, Brian and William are the best choice here.’
‘You’ve put an impressive amount of thought into this.’
There was a snort. ‘Of course. I was born for this purpose, after all.’
‘How long do you intend to keep them here?’
‘Oh...I don’t know...as long as they can last, maybe.’
A shrill ring pierced the darkness and both shadowy figures winced.
‘Dammit, do you HAVE to make the alarm this loud?’ Someone grumbled under their breath, even as they turned and ran away, their feet pattering against a black expanse of nothingness.
Chapter 11: A Cold Shichibukai Encounter! Part 1
Brian: Another Shichibukai? What are they all doing in East Blue? Don’t any of them have any business in the Grand Line? Are they afraid that their rivals will take over their positions? Why do all of them have the leisure of hanging around the ‘weakest’ of the four seas?
William: Well, I imagine that the smell of a bunch of colossal Stus attracted them. They tend to do that, you know.
Brian: Well, I hope they intend to kill every single one of the bastards, then.
William: They’re Stus. Of course, mere Warlords of the Sea cannot hope to even damage them!
Brian: *Long-suffering sigh*
"Hahahahaha! This is awesome!" David laughed
William: No. I can assure you that this is not. This is the very antithesis of awesome. It takes everything that is awesome and systematically destroys it.
Brian: *Alarmed* Just what the hell is going on here? Given what he considers to be awesome, namely, murder and sexual assault...yeah, I don’t want to know.
as he stood on the front of the ship.
William: Bitch, stop copying Luffy. You are nowhere near as awesome as he is, and copying his actions will NOT make you any closer to what he is - not while you are still committing casual murder and treating your crew like tools to be used.
Brian: Really, Luffy’s particular brand of awesome is not something that can be imitated, anyways. Any attempt will just make you look stupid.
William: More stupid, we mean.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE AWESOME: 1
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 1
"Are you crazy!
William: Question marks and exclamation marks are not the same thing, idiot. That’s why they have different names. If you want to appear logical, then make sure you know how to talk first.
Brian: And really, what fic were you reading? You just figure out that this guy is nuts? What clued you in? The casual murder? The prejudice? The condoning of mass murder? The sexual harassment? The advocacy of slavery?
You stupid idiot why are we doing this?" Chase yelled
William: Well, considering the events that went on beforehand...I would say that it’s because he liked it, and therefore your opinions don’t matter. He’s the captain, after all. He has every right to make you do whatever he wants.
Brian: Oh, and because you’re all goddamned idiots. You didn’t walk away when you could have, and you are continuing to obey his order despite knowing their implications. As disgusting as he was, this situation is every bit your fault as his.
as he and Avery continued to try and get the ship to move faster.
William: ...Were we transported to two chapters ago? WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR REPTITION?
Brian: AND WHAT IS UP WITH THESE PEOPLE! They were nearly killed last time! They were so pissed that they nearly abandoned him! They KNEW that he was crazy and willing to kill every last one of them so that he could have a bit of fun! WHY ARE THEY STILL AROUND? AND WHY ARE THEY OBEYING THE EXACT SAME ORDERS THAT GOT THEM INTO THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHY CAN’T THEY TELL HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE BOAT SAIL AT A NORMAL PACE?
William: Not only is he trying to kill them, he’s trying his damned hardest to ruin the ship as well! Ships are designed to move at a certain pace! Moving above that will start causing structural damage! THIS IS A BOAT THAT SOMEONE SPENT THEIR WHOLE LIFE BUILDING! IT IS BRAND NEW GOING TO BE YOUR OWN MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION! EVEN IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LIFE OF YOUR CREW, WHY DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF? HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO BECOME THE PIRATE KING WHEN YOU ARE BUILDING UP A REPUTATION OF BEING A SUCK-TASTIC CAPTAIN AND SAILOR? And what do you plan to do when this ship is totalled? I doubt anyone would be too eager to give your their ships, knowing what you did to the last one!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 1
Brian: ...Hey, I just thought...what could CHASE possibly doing to get the boat to move faster? Rowing? Avery is the only one with a power that can affect how fast a ship is. Chase controls freaking lightning! How can he make a ship go faster?
William: *Flails* I HAVE NO IDEA, OKAY? STOP ASKING ME!
"This mountain is amazing! It goes up!"
William: ...Yes, that is what mountains are meant to do.
Brian: I’d really like to see a mountain that goes down.
William: ...Wouldn’t that just be a valley?
Brian: Don’t be stupid! Valleys aren’t mountains! Valleys are valleys!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 2
William: *Head desk*
"It's called Reverse Mountain for a reason Captian!" Avery yelled
William: *Face palm* Did you read the comic at all, Stuthor? Did you even look at one image from One Piece? Because Reverse Mountain isn’t called Reverse Mountain because it goes up! That’s what all mountains do! It’s called Reverse Mountain because the RIVER on it has water that flows upwards! It’s the fucking RIVER that gave it it’s name, you fucking MORON!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 3
while using the wind to push harder and harder up Reverse Mountain.
Brian: WHAT! THE! FUCK! WHY WOULD YOU NEED ANY POWERS TO PUSH A BOAT UP REVERSE MOUNTAIN? THE RIVER ON IT HAS THE WATER OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING OCEAN TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH! THE CURRENTS ARE SO GODDAMNED FAST THAT WHEN THE GOING MERRY REACHED THE TOP, IT FUCKING FLEW OFF! IT WAS FAST ENOUGH TO MAKE A FUCKING SHIP FLY OFF OF A FUCKING MOUNTAIN! IT WAS ALREADY GOING FAR TOO FAST FOR THE SHIP TO FUCKING HANDLE! WHY WOULD YOU NEED POWERS TO PUSH THE SHIP ALONG?
William: And I notice that nothing is said about how they managed to fit the fucking Moby Dick onto the tiny river...not that I expected an explanation.
The Voice: Just so you know, this is a picture of Going Merry going up Reverse Mountain.
You’ll notice that it’s a pretty snug fit. They only have a few inches on each side, when you factor in the iron beam things.
For a comparison, here is the type of ship Moby dick is based on.
Going Merry was a very small ship, just enough for six to seven people to live on. Even with drawing like this, it’s more than obvious that the Moby Dick is far, FAR larger. This is why people usually have more or less modest ships as they enter the Grand Line! Because the passage ways leading into it are narrow as hell! They change to bigger ships when they get into the actual Grand Line!
Brian: *Boggles at picture* How the HELL are they steering that, anyways? How many sails does that thing have? I mean, they have, what...six people on their crew? Only four of which have ever sailed? How the hell did they manage to coordinate all the sails?
William: This just makes the passage even more stupid. With so many sails, just strong winds will NOT make the ship go faster. You have to have at least a few dozen men to make sure that the sails are aligned so that they can properly catch the wind. No matter how great your power, simply pushing will only capsize the boat, not make it go faster!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 4
"I could do this all day!" David laughed.
The Voice: God, just how high is this mountain? It took Luffy and company a few freaking minutes to get through it in the comic! The only reason it took any longer in the anime was because a bit of filler was included! How long have they been sailing along by now?
William: And yes, I’m quite sure that you can do this all day, NO MATTER HOW EXHAUSTED AVERY MAY BE BECOMING! You know, according to your canon, he CAN literally die from overusing his powers, right? And you don’t fucking care at all? If he keeps doing this, he is GUARANTEED to die, and you don’t fucking care?
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, you don’t care. The only person who matters in this world is you. Everyone is born to serve your needs. If you want something, and someone had to die in order for you to get it, then it’s just too fucking bad, isn’t it?
SOCIOPATHY: 1
"Well we can't!" Riru yelled as she used her super speed toquickly run up the boat,
Brian: What? Her what? Stuthor, you’ve written it so that EVERY GODDAMNED PERSON IN THIS FUCKING FIC can move faster than the eye can see. As such, the power of super speed really doesn’t impress me all that much. It’s more than clear that it’s only classified as a power because, as a mere girl, she can run as fast as all the boys! If the Stu wanted to, he can still pwn her ass. What are you even trying to do here?
William: I can’t help but think that the Stuthor inserts this moment so he can wave off any criticism towards his sexism. ‘Oh, the women are strong! I gave Riru a super power too!’ But it doesn’t fucking work, because she DOESN’T have a power. You can tell us she does, but as long as you don’t fucking SHOW it, we won’t fucking buy it.
Brian: It is rather suspicious how, of the three females, only Riru has a super power at all, but ALL of the males have powers of some kind. Even the one who’s supposed to be a normal kid, David, gets Haki and, despite not having super speed, can somehow move faster than Riru.
William: What did I say? This Stuthor is the most sexist person I’ve ever read about, next to Meyer.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 1
hit David on the head
William: I have no doubt that this is another attempt at appearing to be feminist, by having a female character frequently beat up a male one. However, this fails as miserably as the rest of the fic for very good reasons.
First of all, Riru’s attacks never actually hurt David. He can shrug them off whenever he wants to, and he usually does exactly that. He only PRETENDS to be hurt for a few moments to assuage the weak little female’s ~feeling~. She CAN’T hurt him at all, and he fucking knows it. That’s why he tolerates her smacking him around a little. After all, how can a puny little woman EVER hope to actually HURT a MAN? That’s just ridiculous! So, of course, physical assaults from women are always played for comedy, because there’s no way a GIRL can be a serious fighter.
We can see it in the recruitment processes. Despite being a bastard to all of them, it’s only the women he enslaves. Chase joined willingly, and Avery join due to a pre-existing personal philosophy. The females, however, NEVER have intentions of becoming pirates. They are dragged into this against their will, because the opinions of females don’t freaking matter. And when he fights with females, the entire situation is ALWAYS played for laughs, because it’s just PREPOSTEROUS to think that a GIRL can win against him, right? The outcome is always assumed. On the males get to beat him up severely. The Stuthor only hints that male opponents can damage him. And female recruits are described in very sexualised manners, and sexual assault almost always factor into their meeting with David somehow. Because that’s all women are good for - as an outlet for your sexual frustration. They have no purpose if they don’t have nice tits.
Second of all, Riru’s attacks on David are never portrayed as justified. The Stuthor writes about her attacks in the tone of comedy, again, because he honestly doesn’t think they are justified. He honestly thinks that she has no reason to be attacking David. He is writing about them not because he realises what a horrible person his Stu is, but because the fic needs more slapstick humour. That’s all the value he attaches to a female standing up for herself - it’s funny. He is basically portraying her as a stereotypically helpless, overly emotional, hysterical, unreasonable, shrieking female. And David, despite being the main ‘comic relief’, is always portrayed as in the right and more logical than Riru, just because he is a male. It doesn’t matter that he is obviously at fault, just because his attacker is a female, he is automatically right.
Third of all, not only do the attacks have no lasting physical impact, they have no emotional or psychological impact either. David never realises that he is hurting Avery. He never realises he is wrong. He never fucking changes. Because that would be a sign of weakness, wouldn’t it? That would mean admitting that a mighty MAN can be wrong to a GIRL! That just won’t do at all! David can apologise if Chase beats him up, but if it’s Riru doing it, then he has to hold fast, because it’s an icky WOMAN. Anyways, their opinions don’t count. It’s not like their advice can possibly be any good! It’s not like an almighty MAN has anything to learn from puny WOMEN!
You DISGUST me, Stuthor.
Brian: You know, Stuthor, I used to be William’s enemy. I used to try to kill all of them, just because of an ambiguous order from a questionable superior I had. Well, the ONLY males in their group at the time were William and Jim. You know what they did when the fighting began? They bundled up and RAN. Oh, they weren’t cowards, but neither of them are specialised in combat, so they knew they had no business on the front lines. They grabbed Jim’s daughter and ran to keep her safe. It was a group of women that battled me. It was a thirteen-year-old little girl that ended up kicking my ass. And I’m not afraid to admit it. I KNOW that women can be damned good fighters and if I want to get any better, I need to be humble and ask them for advice.
I have enough confidence in my masculinity that I don’t need to put down women all the time to assure myself that I’m a MAN.
So, the harder you insist that you are superior to all female ever, the more I am convinced that you are an utter wimp and have probably be beaten up by a girl at some point.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 2
and ran back into the ship for cover with Karma and Kit.
William: *Sound of disgust* See? Even in a scene where she is fucking asserting herself, she’s still cowering behind her comrades, shivering in fear of the mighty MAN. Even when she has every reason to beat the stuffing out of him, she is still in fear of him and almost ashamed of her actions. In fact, we ARE supposed to think that she is supposed to be ashamed of her actions. We ARE supposed to think that she has no right to be doing this and that David is an awesome person for being so lenient on her.
Brian: What does she think he’ll do? Judging from her reaction, he must hand out...discipline for insolence frequently enough that flight is her automatic response when she realises she’s actually standing up for herself. I...really hate to think what happened.
William: God, if I wasn’t certain that he was a male, I’d almost think this person WAS Meyer, given how disturbing similar their beliefs are.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 3
"Ow!" David yelled, "Whatever this is still awesome!"
William: *Screams* See? Do you fucking see that? She can’t fucking hurt him! He just fucking shrugs it off! He never considers it anymore! It doesn’t even fucking bother him! After all, it’s just one puny little attack from a WOMAN! Why would it have any impact on him, an almighty MAN, whatsoever? Stuthor, you disgusting little BASTARD!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 4
"Do we have to keep doing this? I mean we are almost to the top?" Aveyr informed.
The Voice: If he was INFORMING David, then what is he doing asking questions? Questions are asked to request information, not give information! Inform and ask are almost completely opposite actions!
THESAURUS RAPE: 1
William: Either way, that second question mark has no business being there. Just because you missed a question mark before, doesn’t give you the right to randomly add extra ones to places that don’t need them to make up!
Brian: Why is he even asking for permission anyways? If he doesn’t stop, then EVERYONE WILL DIE HORRIBLY AND SLOWLY, INCLUDING HIMSELF! He works for the strongest side! So that means he’s an efficient and pragmatic person! THIS IS BASIC SELF-PRESERVATION WE’RE TALKIGN ABOUT HERE! WHAT IS HE FUCKING DOING? JUST STOP! Your Captain is clearly a complete asshole that will not hesitate to kill all of you for a thrill! Why are you asking for his opinion? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?
"Once we get to the top he's going to want us to go faster on the way down." Chase replied.
William: *Face palm* IT’S FUCKING REVERSE MOUNTAIN! All the water in the entire world is rushing through it! It was so fast that it made a ship fucking FLY! You don’t need fucking super powers to make ships go fast on it! You’re just putting it in here to rub in our faces how awesome your fucking Stus are! AND WE DO NOT FUCKING APPRECIATE THAT!
Brian: Not to mention, if you go any faster, you’ll all die because your ship can’t HANDLE the speed!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 5
"Good point." Avery grunted as he blasted wind down Reverse Mountain moving their ship onwards.
Brian: ...*Wails* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
William: Okay, that is IT. Every goddamned character in this fic is a fucking idiot. That is the only explanation. Dude, you are STILL sailing up the mountain! How would blasting wind DOWN it going to help you go any faster? IT’LL SLOW YOU DOWN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
Brian: Huh...maybe it’s his subtle resistance?
William: If he’s disgruntled enough to be subtly resisting, why didn't he abandon ship in the town they just left?
Brian: Uh...I got nothing.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 6
"I didn't think this would be that hard.." Chase grunted
The Voice: Trust me, I didn’t either. I started this fucking thing because I thought it’d be FUNNY! Look where I am now!
shooting blast of electricity that bursted giving them pushes up the mountain.
Brian: ...Look here, I have had a single fucking science class in my fucking life, and I know that is fucking bullshit.
William: Granted, electricity is basically energy passed from atom to atom...however, it does not fucking MOVE objects! It’s not kinetic energy! You need a converter for it to work as kinetic energy! Otherwise, all that lightning will just continue to travel through air and not push back on iota! IT’S FUCKING ELECTRICITY! YOU USE IT EVERY FUCKING DAY! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT CAN PUSH OBJECTS?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
"Well it's a risk that we need to take to get to the Grand Line." Avery reminded.
Brian: What risk? Who are you replying to? Chase is saying that it’s hard work, when did he mention any risk?
William: And if you’re talking about going fast...then NO! THAT IS NOT A NECESSARY RISK! YOU CAN STAND ASIDE AND LET THE WATER CARRY YOU! YOU DON’T NEED TO PUSH THE BOAT TO GO ANY FASTER! YOU ARE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE YOUR CAPTAIN HAS ORDERED YOU TO, AND HE’S ONLY DOING IT BECAUSE HE’S A SOCIOPATHIC ASSHOLE! THIS IS NEITHER NECESSARY NOR INTELLIGENT! YOU ARE ALL IDIOT! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU-
Brian: William! Get yourself together! *Shakes him*
William: *Panting* Hate. I hate you so much. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Brian: Come on, man! Don’t let this get to you! You’re better than that!
William: *Slumps against Brian, breathing heavily* I...don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone this much...and I include Jim and my Keeper in that statement.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8
"Whatever." Chase replied
William: *Swells up in rage*
Brian: *Quickly interrupts* Maybe I should do this? You...you don’t look well.
William: *Deflates and sinks against the couch* Whatever. I...really don’t care anymore.
Brian: I...uh...I have no idea what he is replying to here. Disregarding that what Avery said was patently untrue, the fact still remains that he is discussing about entering into Grand Line. Having Chase dismiss something like this seems very ridiculous, because he’s always professed a desire to get into Grand Line before. It would be like someone telling Luffy vital information about Gold D Roger, and then Luffy just dismisses them with a ‘whatever’ and promptly forgets it. It makes no freaking sense.
Even if he doesn’t actually have an ambition to get into Grand Line, the fact remains that this is exactly that they are doing. So, just to keep himself informed, he should be listening and paying attention, because this could be vital information that will save his life.
If he is dismissing the fact that they have to push the boat up the mountain...well, that makes no sense either. He’s clearly very angry about the arrangement and has been very vocally complaining about it. You can’t have him swing around GRAH CHASE SMASH and WHATEVER, I TOTALLY DON’T CARE within two lines of dialogue! People don’t work like that! If they don’t care about something, then they won’t be angry over it! If they are angry over something, an unconnected statement will not appease them! CHOOSE A CHARACTERISATION AND STICK WITH IT!
William: I am convinced that the Stuthor only made Chase wave the whole thing off because writing any further will require conflict. Chase is angry at David, and this means David might have to acknowledge that he’s wrong and change. And we can’t have that, can we? So, Chase just randomly drops the issue with no warning at all, because the Stuthor literally can’t write any further. In conclusion, this clusterfuck is just another result of the Stuthor being a WIMP.
not liking the answer,
Brian: What answer? He never asked a question!
espically having to shoot lightning non-stop while his arms tired.
William: What, only his arms tired? YOU CAN’T DO THIS, STUTHOR! You can’t write about people fucking PASSING OUT because of exhaustion from overuse of their powers, and then write a character using their powers literally non-stop and have mild muscle aches be the only symptom! CONTINUITY, DAMMIT! If you have to rape canon, then at least keep the rape CONSISTENT!
Brian: And why would his arm be tired? He only has to aim them in the rough direction of the rear of the boat! He could just rest them on the railings! Or, hey, here’s a thought, DON’T USE HIS ARMS! Gestures, while pretty, are NOT required to activate powers! The powers are activated with the mind! He can just rest his arms and use his fucking BRAIN to control lightning like everyone in the universe! STOP FUCKING WHINING ABOUT PROBLEMS THAT CAN BE SOLVED IN NANOSECONDS!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9
Same with Avery,
William: Two of his crew members are in considerably amounts of pain, because of his utterly unnecessary orders. Does David care? What do you fucking think?
The Voice: It’s almost sad. The Creator wanted to name her little brother David too...bad fics ruin so many names...
Brian: ...wait a minute. Who is narrating here? How does Chase know if Avery was tired or not? How can he tell that Avery’s arm would be hurting? In fact, given that they are trained to fight, why would their arms hurt from being up for a few minutes? Because a few minutes is all you need to get over the mountain, you know! If they were that unfit that they can’t even swing their arms around for a few minutes, how do they ever manage to fight?
The Voice: So...The Stus just randomly gave up their chiselled muscles in exchange for telepathy? I’m...really not sure this is a positive change.
if he wasn't completley blasting the wind,
William: He wasn’t WHAT? How the hell do you partially blast the wind? And that ‘the’ there changes the meaning of the whole sentence! Now, instead of blasting out wind with his powers, he’s literally blasting THE wind with explosives! THINK, Stuthor! You are a human being, right? You do have a brain, I presume? PUT IT TO SOME GODDAMNED USE! IT’S THERE FOR A REASON!
THESAURUS RAPE: 3
or blowing the wind,
William: I am not going to talk about how the meaning of this phrase changed.
Brian: Uh...how is blasting and blowing even different in this case? He’s expelling wind in both cases, so why differentiate between them?
THESAURUS RAPE: 4
then he was throwing balls of wind that would burst and push the boat upwards.
William: WHY wouldn’t he just sustain a constant draft of wind and be done with it? That’s the kind of wind that ships need! They don’t need short bursts! They need SUSTAINED wind! Even if it’s just a breeze, it has to be sustained to power a ship! Bursts just mean that the ship will be LURCHING in the water! So, not only is everyone going to be horribly sick, but you are doing terrible damage to the hull by having it speeding along and stopping suddenly all the time! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?
Brian: And how do you make balls of wind? How could anyone confirm that the wind is, in fact, in balls, if they are transparent? How do you seal AIR MOVEMENT inside a ball to be released? You can expel small bursts of wind, but how do you keep them in a ball? WIND IS A GAS! JUST LIKE WATER IS A LIQUID! THEY DO NOT STAY IN SPHERICAL FORM! WHAT PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON THAT YOU THINK AIR CAN BE MOLDED INTO BALLS?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10
"We are almost to the top!" David celebrated.
The Voice: The verb ‘to celebrate’ is defined as ‘to observe or commemorate an event’. Although you can have impromptu celebrations, they are often long and, if not elaborate, then at least special in some way. David can CHEER in this case, but unless the boat is suspended at the top of the mountain for the duration of a party, I’m afraid he can’t CELEBRATE. Just because the words start with the same letter, doesn’t mean they mean the same.
THESAURUS RAPE: 5
Brian: And how high is that mountain, anyways? It sounds like they’ve been stuck here for half an hour at least! If this is the rate things are going at, then it’s going to take a whole chapter just for them leave Reverse Mountain! WHAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS INTERESTING? BECAUSE IT’S NOT!
William: Why are you even raping canon in this case? It doesn’t make the story more cool or your Stus more awesome! Why not just cut the sequence?
The Voice: Oh, but if he drags it out, he doesn’t have to write as much material! That’s why he repeats himself, you know! So that his fic can be nice and long and he doesn’t have to put any effort into it whatsoever!
Go Forward to: Chapter 11, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 10, Part 5