A Freak Like Me: Chapter 1, Part 1:
Chapter 1:
SOS: Hello, Madforbeyond! Thank you for joining me today. You prepared for this monstrosity?
BB: Perfectly so. I have all one hundred X-Men comics and the three movies on standby for when we see canon errors. And chocolate for the pain.
And, dear Lord, will there be pain.
SOS: Oh yes, indeed. Oh, and this Stu? Constantly refers to mutants as “freaks”, even after joining the X-Men. So, in order to soothe your rage, because I love you guys, I’ve replaced every “freak” with “merkin”, and every “normal” with “beard”. You’re welcome.
AN: I'm in the process of uploading beta'd version.
SOS: Remember this as you read along, guys. The first few chapters of this? IS BETA'D.
BB: -Tilts head- You're telling me there was a Beta for this? ....Are you positive? Because I've seen things in this fic any beta worth their salt would've seen in just a few moments.
Thanks to Blaze Lupin for looking over it.
SOS: I checked out this Blaze Lupin, and guess what, guys?
SHE. HAS. NOT. UPLOADED. A. SINGLE. STORY. And her profile page is nothing but a sentence saying that she'll beta, and then some song lyrics without any breaks or punctuation, in a giant wall of text.
Clearly, that is the sign of a truly trustworthy beta.
BB: Oh, of course. I mean, Betas don't put down their strengths and weaknesses, nor do they ever tell anyone what they're getting into while they beta for them. I mean, it's just not done.
I may or may not be getting more help as needed and so there may be more edits.
SOS: I can tell you right now, Suethor, that YOU. NEED. HELP.
BB: More than help. You need a total overhaul on this fic.
Summery: Harry is sold to a man who experiments on Mutants when he's seven.
SOS: Okay, right off the bat, I have SO many questions.
Apparently, Harry's mutation doesn't manifest until much, MUCH later, so why was the man interested in buying him? There was no indication that he had any sort of mutation!
And second of all, Dursley's neighbours KNEW they had a nephew! How the HELL did they cover selling their nephew up? HOW? Wouldn't people get rather suspicious?
BB: Yes, they would. But, right now, I'm busy staring at the very obvious spelling error. And so soon, too.
For everyone who would like to know, it's not "Summery." That would mean it's describing the summer season. Like "summer dresses." The correct spelling is Summary. With an A.
this is a Hp/xmen crossover.
SOS: I see proper capitalisation has wisely left this story.
BB: And proper punctuation. X-Men. You can't just leave out the hyphen. It just makes the title of a very wonderful franchise into a jumble of letters.
I need a beta, hopeful one who can help me with Remy's accent and the characters not in the movies.
SOS: And isn't your current beta doing a bang-up job of that!
BB: Why? People, don't try to write accents into books. It doesn't do you any good. It was funny when J.K. Rowling did it with Fleur, but it doesn't work.
SOS: Also, I have to point out, that even WITH the people in the movies, you still utterly FAIL at writing them.
the info on the xmen will me a hodgepodge of the movies info from the internet the comics I have and other fanfics.
BB: .....Dear Castiel, save us all.
SOS: Look at her sources, people. OTHER. FANFICS. She's getting at least part of her information from OTHER. FANFICS.
BB: If you're going to write a fanfic, never use other fanfics as your own references. And this person apparently hasn't seen the movies. She's using "info from the internet" to figure out the Movieverse. Please, don't do that. Don't. Because the more you do that, the more likely the chance you'll get something incorrect. You have to watch the films!
Hogwarts will come along eventually but not soon,
SOS: Translation: this will have almost nothing to do with Harry Potter. And yet is still listed under the Harry Potter section.
BB: -Sigh- I pity this poor, poor canon. Harry Potter gets beat to death by Suethors.
Harry is already old enough to graduate.
SOS: You know, that excuse really doesn't work when he clearly has the mental capacity of a 6-year-old here. It's still RAPE.
BB: There's never an excuse for that. Never. You can try to make one up, but there is no excuse. Now one moment. -Gets a hammer and uses it to hit the damn author's note- I had to get out the minor frustrations.
i don't really like most of the characters from canon so...
BB: ....
SOS: (Suethor) I'll either bash them endlessly or just twist them beyond recognition to further my own ends!
BB: ...heahkeaha....hekahekayha..........HEKAYEKAHKHAKHEKAHHAAAAAAAA.
Suethor.
If you don't like the characters, WHY ARE YOU WRITING THEM? It's obviously not even a FANDOM you like. So why. Tell me. Why are you writing this? Simply because you can? Because that's not a good reason. Now, please pack up your things and leave this canon immediately.
we'll see how it goes.
SOS: Badly. It goes badly.
BB: Of course. There's no other way to put it, really.
warnings: slash, gay relationships, non-explicit rape, brainwashing.
SOS: NON-EXPLICIT? OH, FUCK YOU.
Also, I'm a little confused about the difference between 'slash' and 'gay relationships'.
BB: Oh, slash is sex. "Gay relationships" just means there are homosexual relationships. At least, I think that's what the Suethor was going for. However, with this being how it is? It feels like she's just being redundant.
"french"
'mental conversations'
SOS: Stop holding my hand, Suethor
BB: If you're just writing the French in italics, why bother deciding to use Gambit's actual accent? Why?! There is no reason for it. You could just write it all in italics and let us know in the beginning that it stands for French! This is just like Nicozilla. ....Oh, God, it's Nicozilla!!!!!!
SOS: GAH! *Pulls out the holy water*
BB: -Starts the prayers- In the name of the Holy Tax Accountant, the Wayward Son, and the Painted Whore, we banish you from this realm of the living!
Prologue
I read a story once,
SOS: (Harry) It was full of words I didn't understand. Like, 'a', or 'the'.
BB: "It made my head hurt to read it and I had to put the book down. I couldn't stand the headaches, after all."
about a girl who fell into a mirror and ended up in a world full of strange creatures and had a lovely fictional adventure.
SOS: It's bad form to remind your readers of GOOD literature they COULD be reading in the middle of a bad story, you know.
BB: ...Noooo, not another Alice in Wonderland reference. I've seen enough of these in Potterfics before! Granted, they've also been in X-Men fics, but still. Stop with that damn cliché or I'll go Achmed the Dead Terrorist on you. -Gets the bomb-
I remember that story in particular because it was the only fictional story The Doctor allowed me to read. He said it was to show me that freaks merkins like me only cause harm to normal beardy people.
SOS: Um...what?
I didn't know The Doctor failed at reading comprehension
BB: Me, either. I didn't know that "The" is considered powerful enough to capitalise. It should be the Doctor. Since "Doctor" is the most important thing there.
SOS: And that’s where I have to introduce a count: WANGSTMUFFIN. You’ve seen it before in Ignorance is Bliss-and trust me, this count is going to get VERY high VERY soon.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 1
That Alice would have been better off not meeting the freaks merkins and having that “horrible frightening experience.”
SOS: No, seriously, WHAT? I can see who this Doctor is fashioned after, because I haven't seen anyone fail reading comprehension this badly since Meyer!
BB: No. Alice was better because she went to Wonderland. It helped her grow as a character and showed her that, while daydreaming is okay every once in a while, you can't just live in a daydream.
SOS: Time to introduce another count, then, for all the times the Suethor gets canon wrong. This will mostly be used for the X-Men canon, but when someone fails reading comprehension that hard, I can’t help it.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 1
He explained to me that, that perfectly normal beardy and human girl had been captured and tortured by freaks merkins like me, and that this was why we had to be controlled and caged.
SOS: Okay, seriously, unless the Doctor completely rewrote Alice in Wonderland, THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. AT ALL. YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY GET THAT OUT OF THE BOOK.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 3
BB: ...One, why is that repeated? Two, that comma does not need to be there. Three, I'm getting tired of the repetition on "Freak". Yes, I know that in this story, that's going to basically mean "Mutant". But here's the thing, my dear readers: MUTANTS ARE NOT FREAKS! They're people with a genetic mutation. It's just like having different colored eyes or hair. Hell, all of us are made of mutations. It's not something that makes you a "freak"; it's science and biology!
SOS: Well, you're going to luuuurve this story then. Because after 16 chapters? He still calls mutants freaks.
BB: -Sighs- I'll say it once so I don't have to keep repeating myself: In the X-Men universe, Mutants are people with a mutation. This is not a disease or a problem. It's the same thing that occurs in the human body naturally. The only thing different about it? They get powers. It's a specific type of mutation. Some of them can't even control their powers - Jean Grey, for example, originally couldn't control her abilities. The X-Men are not freaks. Mutants are not freaks. I'm setting that here now, and leaving it here for the whole story. Now, off the soapbox. We have a trainwreck to do.
Alice’s story started in her house.
SOS: Maybe my memory is playing tricks on me, but I distinctly remember it starting on a riverbank.
BB: It does. I remember because Alice was making a daisy chain, and Dinah was playing near the water. Unless this person is going by the movieverse.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 2
SOS: Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised...which means The Doctor brought a DVD AND a DVD player AND a TV so he could watch it with Harry, with or without popcorn. Oh, teh horror!
BB: Isn't it? I mean, there's no popcorn, no soda....I don't even think there was a blanket!
My story starts differently.
SOS: (Harry) My story starts with a poor written author's note and a badly spelled summary.
BB: (Harry) It started off, from what I remember, in a cupboard. After that, this strange person showed up and started spewing nonsense about me being a "mutant." I hit them over the head with one of my spellbooks and owled Hermione about it. Hopefully, she'll get back to me soon and let me know if this is something the Death Eaters are planning to use against me. For now, it's tied up in the closet. I think it's screaming.
My story starts in a cupboard. I don’t remember my parents. I have seen pictures of them, but I have no memories of them.
SOS: Really? You've seen pictures? FROM WHOM????
IT WAS A PRETTY DAMNED CANONICAL POINT THAT THE FIRST TIME HARRY EVER SAW HIS PARENTS WAS IN THE MIRROR OF ERISED, YOU IDIOT! THAT'S WHY HE'S SO DRAWN TO IT!!! BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY PLACE WHERE HE CAN SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 3
BB: The Dursleys never had them. And I'm frightened-I started my segment the same way the Suethor started this.
SOS: Oh, don't worry. Your version was so, SO much more awesome than this wangsty crap.
BB: Aaah. Good, I was scared I dipped into the Suethor's mind for a minute. -Shudders- What a nightmare that'd be. And I hate how disjointed those sentences are.
First, Harry's talking about his cupboard, then we get a mention of him not knowing his parents. It's like, "Hey. I've had a shit life. Pity me and fall to your knees!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WANGSTMUFFIN: 6
My first memories were of being taught to clean, taught to cook for my normal beardy human family. My normal beardy human Aunt and Uncle and cousin Dudley.
SOS: Um...mutants may not be "normal" in the strictest sense of the word, but they're pretty damn sure HUMAN.
BB: ....oh, dear God.
No. No way. Noooooooooooo.
Make it go awaaaaaaaaaaay.
-Covers eyes- The author is putting in mutant hate.Just so he can WANGST.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 9
I remember the hunger and pain I felt when they threw me in my cupboard for days without food or bathroom breaks.
SOS: Oh, as IF Petunia would let Harry urinate all over her house.
BB: Abusive!Dursleys. Happens all the time in these fics.
And, everyone, I'll remind you that Vernon Dursley only locked Harry in his cupboard when the letters started to arrive, to keep him from them. Or, prior to Hogwarts even becoming mentioned in the story, when he did something magical. Vernon was trying to, and I quote, "squash the magic out of [Harry]." It wasn't just to be needlessly cruel, though it seemed like it.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 14
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 5
I remember the tears that fell from my eyes when I realized that there was no one who would save a freak merkin like me.
SOS: Except maybe...Child Protective Services? Or, hell, just any random neighbour? The Dursleys lived in a pretty upper-class neighbourhood, you know.
BB: Heck, Harry here could've just walked outside and people would've taken pity on him! According to this canon, he should be starved and his clothes should be completely stained. I think ANYONE would see that as a sign of clear abuse.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 16
I never learned my name. My Aunt and Uncle only called me boy or freak merkin
SOS: And people...never noticed? You'd think that kind of thing would stand out!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 18
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 6
BB: -Frowns- This seems achingly familiar from somewhere....it's scratching at the back of my brain.
SOS: Just about any abusive!Dursley story that I've read had almost this exact same thing.
BB: That might be it.
and I don’t remember their last name to find out now.
SOS: It seems like the Suethor is doing her best to exercise all signs of canon from this fic. The canon characters don't even get names!
BB: ...Question. Who are we talking about? The Dursleys? Because I'm pretty sure anyone would remember the names of people who abused them so badly. They may not want to, but they would. Or do we mean the Potters, since he was talking about his parents earlier? Author, I'm going to say this in Rage Comic style: Write Moar Better!
I remember the neighbours, who would watch me with barely hidden disgust.
SOS: =.= Really? REALLY?
People see a small, starved child, sitting in his own bodily waste in a tiny cupboard, who doesn't even know his name...and they feel disgust TOWARDS THE CHILD???
This isn't a freaking crossover! This is an outright Alternate Reality!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 17
BB: Well, to be fair, they are common in the X-Men canon. But we haven't even GOTTEN there yet. So this is completely pointless and just another moment to have a sob story.
When I asked my Aunt why they hated me, she told me it was because I was a freak merkin, that no one could love a freak merkin.
SOS: They sensed that he was a freak with their nipples.
BB: -Laughs- That's some talent, there. But, everyone, I'd like to point out something - everyone's kind of a "freak." We're all weird in our own way. So does that mean no one can ever love anyone?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 18
She was wrong, but I didn’t learn that for close to a decade.
SOS: So why were they so disgusted with him? WHY? Is it because they sensed he was a budding Stu??
BB: If so, congratulations never-named people!!! You have shown more sense than anyone else in this fic so far! My heart swells with love. Too bad you'll never be mentioned again. And congratulations to the Dursleys, too. I know it's bad, but I'm so glad they got rid of him. They sensed the Stu and did the proper thing.
They sold me, when I was seven, to a man in a fitted pinstripe suit.
SOS: Oh, he remembers EXACTLY what everyone was wearing, but not the NAMES of his aunt and uncle?
BB: There is no logic here anymore. It went out the window. At the moment, I don't think anything else could surprise me.
He spoke with an accent I didn’t recognize, which wasn’t that surprising as I’d never been further from my Aunts house then the corner market down the lane.
SOS: So, uh...why did you feel the need to mention it? And to remember it for all these years?
BB: To point it out when he realizes Gambit has a similar accent. Or filler.
One, the other, or both!
He made me turn in circles, do jumping jacks, checked my teeth and told me to take off my shirt.
SOS: Um...what? I am SO confused.
BB: He's examining him, is my best guess. Checking out his new acquisition before he pays up.
I was too young to understand then, but he told me later; he had been putting on a show.
SOS: For WHOM? All the jumping-jack-fetishists out there?
BB: For the Dursleys, though....that doesn't make sense, either.
Trying to appear to not want me.
SOS: How is that appearing not to want you? I'd say that's pretty indicative that he's very, VERY interested in you!
BB: It's a Suefic, hon; nothing ever makes sense here.
He did…want me that is. He wanted me because I was a freak merkin. I didn’t understand why he would want a freak merkin, we were useless, and no one would want a freak merkin.
SOS: Really? Useless? BECAUSE HAVING SOMEONE WHO CAN HEAL ANYTHING ON HAND IS JUST SO USELESS, OH YES.
BB: I never thought I'd wish for a thesaurus, but today is the day. There are plenty of other words out there besides freak. I'm starting to wish this Suethor would use them.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 22
He never explained the conundrum.
SOS: Now, kindly stop raping that thesaurus.
It's not meant to be used that way.
BB: No, it is not. And that entire sentence more or less summarizes this whole fic. Nothing is ever explained.
I don’t remember the trip; he stuck me with a needle as soon as he got me in the car. He took me to his lab and told me he was The Doctor.
SOS:
The Doctor Doth Not Approveth of This Bullshit.
BB: Oh, Doctor. You have such a way with words. This Doctor, however, has no way with words. And this Suethor obviously doesn't know how to do transitions.
I hated and loved that man. He performed all sorts of tests on me. Then he told me to walk two steps behind him, as was proper behavior for a freak merkin and follow him to his office.
SOS: ...I can see why you'd love him??? Seriously, what the hell?
BB: It's all for the wangst, darling. Though this is completely stupid. And you see how we're never told what kind of "tests" were run? That's a theme. We're never really told anything here. This is just pointless.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 24
He told me that if I had been normal beardy I would have been considered a prodigy.
SOS: =.= Of course. Of fucking COURSE. Mind you, not that we see the Stu do a single intelligent thing in this fic, but hey, telling is the same as showing, right?
BB: You know, mutant children can still be considered prodigies. They can also have very nice careers when they grow up. Take Dazzler - she had the ability to use sonic waves to her own devices. She was also a pop star. A rather famous one, too.
Instead, because I was only a freak merkin, I was simply considered more useful then others.
SOS: And, of course, he never does a single useful thing in this fic either. Joy.
BB: Oh, he does things. Like mind-raping, fucking Wolverine and Gambit, and generally making everyone love him.
SOS: But is that USEFUL at all?
BB: It's useful to us. Gives us things to spork.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 25
I learned fast that being useful was important. He told me that in order to keep my usefulness I would need to learn, so he taught me.
I learned biology, genetics, zoology, physiology, math, calculus, physics, English, French, German, Japanese, chemistry, and any other advanced subject he thought I should know.
SOS: HIS. ABILITY. IS. TO. HEAL. Why the FUCK is the Doctor bothering to teach him CALCULUS?? Or fucking Japanese? HE'S STUCK INSIDE THE LAB. WHAT WOULD HE NEED JAPANESE FOR????
BB: To show how smart he is.
SOS: *Sneers* Because rote learning is exactly the same as being intelligent.
BB: According to Twilight, yeah, it is.
SOS: *Outrage* He doesn’t even know calculus is just another area of maths!
I read sections of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, and the Webster dictionary in its entirety.
SOS: And by sections, he meant one sentence.
BB: Someone get the fail whale.
Unfortunately, I’d never heard most of those words used in a sentence and so although I knew the meaning of most words, my vocabulary was only as large as the Doctors.
SOS: And the apostrophes have fled this story too. Lucky bastards.
BB: Yep. I wish we could join them. They went on vacation to the Bahamas.
I absorbed the knowledge like a sponge and at 10 I began helping him with his experiments.
SOS: And also like a sponge, you leak all the knowledge out at the slightest pressure.
BB: Not much to say here besides the fact that "ten" should be written out. It looks neater that way.
During all this time I had only ever seen The Doctor and the one guard who escorted me. So you can understand that I was surprised to see another being on the table when I got to The Doctor’s lab.
SOS: No, I can't. You know he was going around buying mutants. Just what makes you think you were the only one ~*~special~*~ enough to be brought?
BB: I doubt he's really even special enough for that. Mutations happen. Sure, mutants make up a minority in the world in the X-Menverse, but they're there!
It wasn’t for another few months that I learned the being was a freak merkin, a useless freak merkin, and became aware of how my knowledge was being used.
SOS: .....It took you SEVERAL. MONTHS. to realise that the person a Doctor who experiments on mutants is experimenting upon is a MUTANT? And you claim to be SMART?
BB: And, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Harry here say that HE was experimented upon, too? Does that mean HE is ALSO useless?
Now I knew I was smart for a freak merkin,
SOS: FUCK YOU.
BB: Y'know, Charles Xavier was also smart for a mutant. That's because he was smart by EVERYONE’s standards.
but it wasn’t until that day I realized I was smart enough to fool The Doctor.
SOS: Keep this line in mind, readers.
BB: -Puts it in his brain-
I realized that The Doctor was using my ideas and my breakthroughs to hurt this freak merkin; so,I stopped having breakthroughs. I knew it was dangerous, but I also knew that my ideas would one day be used on me.
SOS: And this, a few paragraphs after he was waxing poetics about how important it was to be useful. Consistency, what's that? And we’re about to introduce a count just for that. Be afraid people. Be very, very afraid.
BB: It's the thing that never exists in fanons. Except for those rare, beautiful fics.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 1
When I was 12; I called The Doctor father.
SOS: Because you always develops a father-son bond with the person who experiments to you and makes you help them experiment on others.
BB: I'm sorry. Every time I see "The Doctor," with the article capitalized, I always think of Doctor Who.
SOS: Well, I can't blame you. That thought is rather soothing...the Doctor coming into the story and delivering a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to everyone before handing a Fate Worse Than Death to the Stu...
BB: This must happen. I'm so sad I don't write Doctor Who fanfiction now.
It was the first time he sent me to the guards to use, and the last time I saw him.
SOS: Uh-oh. *Grabs helmets and passes it around* Get ready for the incoming Wangst!
BB: -Puts the helmet on and gets the riot baton- Bring it.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 28
They hurt me in ways I had never known possible. They raped me and laughed at my pain, laughed as they broke my bones and tore off my flesh. They told me that they had been waiting for me. They had been waiting for me to mess up so The Doctor would let them play.
SOS: *Dizzy* Owwww...that hurt even through the helmet.
BB: All I feel is disgust at how the Suethor decided to show this. "Oh, he called him Father - INSTANT RAPE TIME FROM RANDOM GUARDS!"
SOS: You can tell she's going to treat the topic with the sensitivity that it deserves.
BB: Oh, yes, you can just feel it oozing off of those sentences.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 33
That night in my cage, something changed. My body was broken, I could not breath through the broken ribs.
SOS: Anyone want to tell me what those two sentences have to do with each other?
BB: Oh, oh, me. They're here to make us feel sympathetic toward the Stu, who does not deserve it at all. Ever.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 35
Something inside me awoke.
BB: Whoa! I didn't need to know that.
SOS: The Hulk?
BB: (Harry) HARRY SMASH! GRRR.
I could suddenly feel those around me. Feel how they moved, how their muscles shifted, how their blood flowed, how their nerves worked, but most importantly I could feel it in me;
SOS: Dude, TMI.
BB: ...Um....not to knock other mutations, but....that isn't how it works.
In X-Men First Class, we see Erik Lensherr - Magneto - as a child, learning to control his ability to manipulate metal. It's painful and doesn't all happen at once. In fact, it usually happens in large bursts of power.
There are exceptions to this, however - Raven Darkholme, also known as Mystique, is a shapeshifter who has a blue, scaled form normally. She can appear as any human. This manifested in her childhood, and she gained some control over it at an early age so she could live normally until she found Magneto, who showed her that it was okay to be her "Blue Self".
Mutations don't happen like this - sudden and complete understanding. It takes time.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 8
and I could change it.
That night it was pure instinct. I wanted my ribs fixed and suddenly I knew exactly how they were broken. I had four broken ribs and two cracked ones. I wanted them to mend, and my body reacted. The marrow flowed together and rebuilt. The ribs snapped in place and sealed as if they were never broken. I knew every exact detailed motion that the cells took and my ribs were healed.
SOS: What were you saying again, Madforbeyond?
BB: IT TAKES TIME TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT! Hell, the only time regenerative abilities like that happen is with WOLVERINE.
And you know why?
Because his healing factor starts instantly.
It doesn't NEED him to think on it. It knows he is hurt and immediately heals him, mostly before he even knows it, himself. This is not how healing WORKS, dammit!
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 13
Elated, I focused on my other injuries; the broken arm, the shattered leg, the internal bleeding in my stomach and spleen, the blood in my kidneys from where they had been torn, the sprained and torn musculature, the broken bones and torn flesh on my face and body.
SOS: You were saying?
BB: ....No. No.
Everyone, I want to make a point by using Wolverine again.
Even WITH his healing factor - which is AMAZING, as I've already pointed out - HE HAS NEEDED TO GO TO THE X-MEN'S MEDICAL ROOM MANY TIMES BEFORE!
Healing does NOT work that way.
While Wolverine can heal instantly, it takes TIME if the injuries are horrible like that. He can heal from wounds that are easy to heal really fast. Life threatening wounds? Yeah, those are more or less instant, too. But he has had HELP before. Gods, this fic makes me want to tear my hair out.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 21
The last thing I fixed was my torn and destroyed sphincter, and the bloody tears on my penis. I was completely healed.
SOS: You know, you'd think a rape victim would try to heal that first.
BB: You'd think a rape victim would be fucking shocked they were HEALING. And what about mental wounds, huh? Those don't heal along with the physical It takes time.
SOS: You'd still think that'd be the first injury they'd take care of, instead of healing all the tiny little cuts first.
BB: Point taken.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 24
WANGSTMUFFIN: 37 (The feeling I got was that he waited just so he could wangst about it for longer.)
BB: I wonder....
Where's the shock in all of this? Most mutants are usually surprised when their power manifests.
SOS: I'm sorry, it just feels weird to me that he'd wait that long to heal the most humiliating and traumatic injury.
BB: -Nods-
One of the guards had come to see what the glowing light had been and reported it to their superior.
SOS: Wait, he GLOWS while he heals? Why???
BB: To be Speshul.
I suspect that somehow news of it got thought the chain of command and I was assigned another Doctor.
SOS: Uh, darling? I think it's PRETTY DAMNED OBVIOUS THAT IT DID GET THROUGH THE CHAIN OF COMMAND. YOU DON'T NEED TO SUSPECT ANYTHING!
And again, I have to ask, if his mutation only manifested now, then WHY DID THE DOCTOR BUY HIM? WHYYYYYY? HOW DID HE KNOW HARRY WAS A MUTANT?????
BB: -Pat pat- Calm down. First chapter and all. It gets worse from here.
And....not really sure, actually. Mutants don't really differ from non-Mutants. At least, not before their powers manifest. They're all pretty much the exact same.
This Doctor didn’t want me to learn.
SOS: Mostly because you stopped being useful. LIKE YOU SAID YOURSELF.
I still don't freaking get why the first Doctor wanted to teach him JAPANESE.
BB: Nah. He's just useful in another way now, what with his ~*~Power~*~ and all.
He wanted to test on me. He said there had been another freak merkin that could do what I do, and He had gotten away. The New Doctor called that freak merkin the Wolverine and said he was a masterpiece.
SOS: Yes, readers. Your eyes are not tricking you.
The Doctor just compared the Stu to Wolverine and said they were on the same level.
BB: HAHAHAA......No. Because Wolverine?
Really is a masterpiece. He's PERFECT. And I'm not just talking Hugh Jackman, ladies - I mean Wolverine. The character. He's wild, he's crazy, things are fucking nuts around him, and he has that sarcastic, snarky edge we all love.
And in this fic.....it's a Lomance. .....I hate Lomances.
Anyway, back on topic: Wolverine IS a Masterpiece. Stryker even mentioned he was "one of the best" in the X-Men movies. But Stryker ALSO made another "Wolverine," so the first became obsolete by default.
SOS: Well, he has a third Wolverine with him now-the Stu. Who will become his new obsession, because he's Just That Awesome.
BB: Uuuuuuugggggghhhhhh.....leave Stryker alone. Besides, Magneto killed the fucker. How is he even HERE?
SOS: Magic.
BB: Don't mention that. We're still in the HP Universe by default.
SOS: Well, that and the Stu was just fishing for a way to ~*~connect~*~ with Wolverine.
BB: The only way to connect with Wolverine would be this: his claws through the Stu's stomach.
He compared every other freak merkin and project to the Wolverine and I began to idolize this freak merkin who escaped.
SOS: Not enough to call him by a less derogatory name, I see.
SOCIOPATHY: 1 (This counter should be self-explanatory.)
BB: Of course not. After all, all mutants are freaks in Harry's eyes because he's just so much more speshlur.
He said I was too weak and to stupid to fight my way out. I was.
SOS: DAMN RIGHT, YOU ARE. Now, stop fishing for sympathy and GROW A PAIR.
BB: If that happened, I'd be shocked.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 2 (Didn’t you just say you were a “prodigy”?)
The Wolverine became my God, I prayed to him, begging that he come back and save me. That freak merkin was my only hope, and sometimes my only hold on sanity. He became who I called out to when the guards hurt me past my endurance.
SOS: Because proactiveness? Independence? Pfffft, who needs THAT?
No, we should all just sit around with our thumbs up our asses, waiting for our crushes to sweep in and make everything all right!
BB: ...Dude. Wolverine is not God. That's Castiel. Stop getting your fandoms confused, okay?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 38
SOS: And another counter, for when the Stu shamelessly throws himself at canon characters regardless of logic:
YOU WHORE: 6
The guards and the Doctor all enjoyed ridiculing me.
SOS: And so do we.
BB: So very, very much. Especially when you try to move in on one of my fandom loves.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 39
But everyone has to have an idol.
SOS: Some of us just believe in ourselves and actually get off our asses to DO something about our situation.
BB: Yes, an idol is fine to have. Not someone you worship and hope will come to bring you out of the supposed hell you're living in.
....Dear Castiel, it's TWILIGHT.
Go Forward to: Chapter 1, Part 2