A Freak Like Me: Chapter 2 Part 2
He opened the door and held it open, gesturing for me to go in ahead of him. I took quick inventory of everyone’s locations, not quite comfortable with Blue behind me.
SOS: I thought you decided to TRUST him? Seriously, what was the smile for otherwise?
BB: Random smile? Like Edward's Crooked Smile of Doom.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 11
TRAUMA LLAMA: 58
Two read heads were in the kitchen portion, the female was cooking and the male was setting the table. I assumed they were both freaks merkins like me.
SOS: Read heads? Wow, they must be VERY edumacated!
BB: ...Uh.....question. Is he talking about Cyclops? Because....Scott is a brunet. He has brown hair. JEAN has red hair.
SOS: Oh, no, he's not. Or at least, not yet.
BB: ...then.......where are TWO red heads? If he means Gambit, he's brown haired, too. Jean's the only red head I remember.
SOS: I don't quite know.
BB: I.... -Shakes head- Just keep going. I can't stand the idiocy.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 59 (What’s that saying about assuming things again?)
There were five beings my age sitting at the table laughing with a blue skinned freak merkin with ropy marks all over his visible skin. I figured they were normals beards.
SOS: Did the guards in your med lab frequently eat and laugh with the mutants there? I doubt that. So STOP ASSUMING THINGS, and STOP FISHING FOR SYMPATHY.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 61
There was a large angry man with a cigar, lounging with his feet on the table. A mocha skinned woman with white hair told him to take his feet down and I figured that they were both normals beards, but that the woman was higher in the chain of command.
SOS: It's amazing how much a fic improves with just a few tiny changes.
BB: Yes.
And, everyone, if you look at Wolverine or Storm, they are obviously NOT NORMAL.
Blue put his hand on the small of my back and pushed a little. I looked up at him. I didn’t know which one was The Professor. He gestured with his head at the old man in some kind of mobile chair.
SOS: Mobile CHAIR? What did chairs look like in the lab you came from???
BB: Everyone? Professor X's wheelchair:
It looks like a regular wheelchair. Except for the spokes on the wheel.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 62
I walked swiftly to him and knelt at his feet. Immediately silence fell in the room. An old but still strong hand grabbed my chin to raise my face.
SOS: And then he backhanded the Stu across the room. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S OOC!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 63
YOU WHORE: 6 (Because no one has anything better to do than watch your every move.)
BB: I'm sorry, but I must call you out on that, SOS. To the penalty box.
SOS: *Hangs head*
BB: -Puts you in a cardboard box with puppies-
SOS: *Holds up sign saying "Please take me home?"*
BB: -Chuckles and returns to the spork- Now, for Professor X's reaction as it would be in character!
The hand lifted my face and the Professor stared at me, his brows drawn down in concentration, a sad look on his face. He shook his head and turned to the white haired woman, his expression grave. "He's beyond saving, Storm."
The white haired woman looked at me, her expression hard. In fact, all of their expressions had become antagonistic, angry towards me. Even Blue's face, and he had promised not to hurt me. I jumped up from my position but found I couldn't move: a blue tail was wrapped around my ankle, holding me in place. I followed the tail up to its owner, screaming when I saw horrible yellow eyes and a blue face staring at me. I flailed and fell backwards onto the thick carpet, screaming in fear, and they descended upon me, bodies tackling me to the ground. I tried to fight but they were too strong, especially Blue and the one with the cigar. Then I felt something touch my stomach, something metal, and a gruff voice said "Get out of our fandom, brat."
And I knew no more....
The Professor had bright blue eyes that sparkled and shimmered like a sapphire.
SOS: ...Oh god. Please don't tell me this is going to turn into Xavier/Harry slash
BB: I hope not. Xavier's gay for Magneto ONLY!
YOU WHORE: 10
He used his other hand to pet my hair.
SOS: ...That possibility seems more and more likely by the minute...
BB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
ONLY.
FOR.
MAGNETO.
IT'S PROVEN BY THE ACTORS!
YOU WHORE: 11
I simply watched, waiting for whatever he wanted to do. I was a freak merkin, I had no rights.
SOS: Oh, you thought that specifically so he'll read your mind and pity you, you WHORE!
BB: Professor X does not deserve this. CHARLES! WHEEL YOURSELF AWAY! ERIK IS WAITING!
YOU WHORE: 12
TRAUMA LLAMA: 65
WANGSTMUFFIN: 19
“You poor, poor boy,” he said. His brogue had thickened in his empathy. I tilted my head at him. What could he mean?
SOS: He means, as BB said, you're beyond saving, and he's going to have to put you out of your misery and restore this universe to balance.
BB: If only. I'd love for that to happen. -Sigh- At least he hasn't gotten to Logan yet. Logan hasn't spoken, so he's safe for now. Logan, just keep quiet! Maybe the Stu won't see you!
YOU WHORE: 14
TRAUMA LLAMA: 66
Blue picked me up and I took a look around the room. Both women had their hands over their mouths. I wondered if they were going to throw up.
SOS: Because they're weak little wimmins and thus easily upset! Notice how all the men are completely okay?
BB: ....WHY?! WHY WOULD HE EVEN THINK THAT? THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! (Okay, Jean probably does, but NOT EVERYONE IS A TELEPATH. And Xavier and Jean wouldn't just tell them all willy-nilly!)
YOU WHORE: 16
The normals beards my age were solemn and I shivered and looked at Blue and then the Professor. Was I going to be punished for interrupting their fun?
SOS: What fun were they having? They were just sitting around doing nothing until you graced the room with your presence!
BB: I'm getting very sick of the word "punished." There has been NO talk of punishing at all! LET IT GO!
SOS: Would it make you feel better if I replaced that too?
BB: Nah. We'd be here for too long if you did.
SOS: True. Just eat more candy.
BB: I have been......half my bag is gone.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 67
YOU WHORE: 17
Was that why the Professor said I was a poor boy? How bad would the punishment be that the leader was feeling sorry for a freak merkin?
SOS: The leader is the one who hands out discipline! If he didn't want you to be punished, YOU WON'T BE PUNISHED!
BB: WHY is this so hard to understand!?
TRAUMA LLAMA: 69
WANGSTMUFFIN: 20
I started hyperventilating and I focused inward to try and control my fear. Warmth settled on me and I knew at once that it wasn’t natural.
SOS: Woah! You're focusing WAY too hard there! On what, I don't want to know...
BB: Me, either. So I'll just back away.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 70
I opened my eyes to find that I’d fallen to my knees, they thrummed with pain, and the red headed male was rocking me and whispering to me in French.
SOS: Well, what'd ya know! It IS Gambit!
BB: .....GAMBIT IS NOT RED HAIRED! HE IS BRUNET! BROWN HAIRED!
He has RED EYES. NOT RED HAIR! DAMMIT!
YOU WHORE: 19
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 12
WANGSTMUFFIN: 21
“There, there angel Remy’s got you now. Remy’s got you. You’re safe.”
BB: Gambit wouldn't reveal his real name to a stranger. He is originally a thief. He would use his codename.
SOS: Is it just me or does that sound vaguely threatening? "I've got you, my pretty, and you'll never escape my clutches! Mwahahaha!"
BB: Reminds me of the Wicked Witch of the West. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"
YOU WHORE: 23
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 13
I looked up into red on black eyes, confident that I had found a freak merkin to help me at last.
SOS: Come here, Hank. I'll appreciate you like you deserve!
BB: Yeah, come join us! We have soda and candy. And bad science fiction movies!
CHARACTER BASHING: 10
“Please. What are the rules?” I whispered to him in the same language.
SOS: Show off.
BB: Ugh. Please don't tell me the Suethor's suddenly going to start writing like "zees are ze rules 'nd vous vill lizten to zem." I'll DIE.
YOU WHORE: 24
TRAUMA LLAMA: 71
He ran a hand up and down my back and tightened his hold on me. I sighed into his embrace.
SOS: YOU'D THINK HE'D BE SLIGHTLY MORE ALARMED, GIVEN WHAT HE'S GONE THROUGH.
BB: How can you sigh into an embrace? I know you can sigh and relax into an embrace....but actually sighing into an embrace?
YOU WHORE: 27
No one since Mike had held me like this. I buried my face into his neck.
SOS: So, uh, do you like Mike or not? Because I'm SO incredibly confused.
BB: I'm going with the age-old explanation of "Out of sight, out of mind." Mike is no longer alive, so the Stu stops caring.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 22
YOU WHORE: 28
Eventually, I took inventory of the normals beards to see how much trouble I was in.
SOS: If they were going to get angry at you for that, THEY WOULD HAVE ALREADY! They won't sit around and let you cling to Gambit like a sandbur for MINUTES!
BB: No, they would have detained him and had him pinned to the fucking FLOOR in thirty seconds or less.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 72
Those my age, who I assumed were guards, were eating and shooting me curious and pitying looks. It shocked me, I wasn’t used to that expression on a normal's beard’s face.
SOS: ...You're telling me, out of the possibly dozens of guards there...not a single one ever showed curiosity? Or pity? Even the new ones? EVER?
BB: Of course not. It would mean he'd have less to wangst about.
YOU WHORE: 30
TRAUMA LLAMA: 73
WANGSTMUFFIN: 23
The professor was conversing with the adults, normals beards and freaks merkins alike.
SOS: THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU MORON! EVERYONE GETS TREATED EQUALLY HERE!
BB: He's too racist to care. And yes, I said it.
I'm pretty sure the Suethor didn't take Harry from the HP series - I think she took VOLDEMORT. Albeit a wimpy, whiny version of him.
I decided that the head of the guards was either the large man with the cigar from earlier or a new man with dark burgundy glasses.
BB: Scott!!!!! Logan! Kick this Stu's ass!
SOS: He's pretty sexist too, seems to me.
He just said that Storm is higher on the chain of command than Wolverine, and yet he still thinks Wolverine would be the head, instead of Storm. No doubt because pitiful wimmins can't ever be in a position of power.
Nope, he immediately assumes it's the Big Strong Men who run everything here.
BB: Ha. In X-Men Canon, after the Professor dies, Jean Grey takes over the school. And STORM beats SCOTT to be leader of the X-Men. And this is CANON.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 74 (For someone who’s life depends on him recognising the people in authority, he sure seems to make baseless assumptions a lot.)
The freak merkin who had me, Remy, he pushed me off him gently and stood up with me. He lead me to a chair next to him. The large cigar man was on the other side and I strained away from him.
SOS: GOOD. NOW KEEP DOING THAT. FOREVER. KEEP AWAY FROM WOLVERINE.
BB: And Gambit! Stay away from them and keep your filthy hands to yourself! Gambit belongs with Rogue.
YOU WHORE: 32
TRAUMA LLAMA: 75
He huffed and his face contorted in anger. Instead of waiting for him to explode and hurt me, I went to him and knelt next to him nuzzling at his hip and reaching for his zipper
SOS: IF WOLVERINE WAS ANYWHERE NEAR IN-CHARACTER, HE WOULD HAVE PUNCHED THE STU INTO A WALL FOR THAT. YOU DO NOT SEXUALLY HARRASS WOLVERINE AND LIVE.
YOU WHORE: 35
BB: BAD STU! WOLVERINE, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU DO TO PEOPLE WHO DO THAT TO YOU WHO AREN'T JEAN:
I had learned early on that the guards hurt you less if you volunteered to be used.
SOS: Except for one thing. HE. OBVIOUSLY. DOESN'T. WANT. TO. SCREW. WITH. YOU.
BB: Wolverine is straight unless Scott is involved.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 76
Cigar man pushed me away and stood up, walking away from me. He threw the beer in his hand against the wall and it shattered.
SOS: Awwww, what did the beer do to you? Throw the Stu! He's the one at fault here!
BB: What a waste of beer. Logan would never!
I whimpered but tried to hold it in. It was never a good idea to bring attention to yourself.
SOS: ...That is why you have been doing everything you can to draw attention to yourself, I see.
BB: Yup. Sin thine ass off, Stu. Sin it right the fuck off.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 12
WANGSTMUFFIN: 24
TRAUMA LLAMA: 77
Remy pulled me up and sat me in the chair. I looked at him curiously while he sat next to me. “No need f’r that ange” he said, and I tilted my head at him.
“They don’ ask f’r that ‘ere.”
SOS: Oh, AND you have no idea how paragraphs work, Suethor?
BB: ....the Suethor also has no idea how a New Orleans accent sounds. It's NOT like that. New Orleans has a very soft accent, usually only noticeable through a sharpness on certain sounds.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 78
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 14
His accent was unusual and my innate curiosity replaced my fear.
SOS: I think you just mindlinked with the story! The Suethor's admitting her accent is screwed up as all hell. She just can't be bothered!
BB: ...This does not bring me joy.
I was used to being afraid after all.
SOS: THAT'S WHY YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT HOW SCARED YOU ARE, I SEE.
BB: Or done things you say will get you punished. Is this guy a masochist or something?
TRAUMA LLAMA: 79
CONSISTEWHAT?: 13
“Where are you from?” He smirked at me. “Nawlins” I shifted through the information the first Doctor had given me, but Geography hadn’t been something he thought was important for me to know.
SOS: BUT JAPANESE IS???
BB: ....NO. It is not pronounced "Nawlins." It's pronounced "Narlins." "Nar. Lins." New Orleans. YOU FUCKING BITCH, I KNOW THAT. I STALKED ANNE RICE TO HER HOME IN NEW ORLEANS.
SOS: O.O ...Let's just move on.
BB: ....I'll have you know it was for a good reason. I wanted an autograph.
SOS: ...Yeah...
I smiled at Remy and shook my head.
SOS: (Harry) Oh, you silly little thing. You think I CARE.
BB: (Harry) Why can't you even pronounce that correctly? I'm afraid you have to be punished now. *Gets the flogger* Twenty lashes.
Cigar man came back to sit and I turned my head towards him. I knew better then to meet his eyes so I focused on his chest.
SOS: And ogled Wolverine's boobies.
BB: Oi. I love my Wolverine. This is not Wolverine. This is Wooberine. The Woobiefied version.
SOS: Can you imagine if he did that with the female characters? They'd just love it when he did nothing but ogle their chests.
BB: If they didn't kill him first, he'd find himself locked in the Danger Room for hours.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 80
“I’m sorry if I offended you sir.” I told him and he grunted.
SOS: (Wolverine) I'll think about forgiving you when you get the fuck out of my fandom.
BB: -Sighs happily- Canon Logan, you shine through. Marry me, ya sonofabitch. Scott can join us.
“No’ need ta call me sir, ‘ts just Logan” I nodded and apologized again, “Sorry Logan.” I had to bite my lip not to tack 'sir' on to the end.
BB: ......Fail. Logan has no accent.
SOS: I was just about to ask that!
BB: Logan NEEDS no accent. His actor is Hugh Jackman. There is only so much Awesome the world can take.
But, no. Wolverine would say, "Yeah, whatever. And it's Logan."
TRAUMA LLAMA: 81
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 14
Logan pushed a porcelain disk towards me and said “load up.” I looked at Remy hoping for an explanation.
SOS: If I did a Too Dumb To Live counter, it would explode right about here.
BB: This is on par with Bella.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 82
Those around the table were speaking softly to each other but I could tell that they were paying attention to everything that happened around me, waiting for me to mess up.
SOS: Why would they need to? You said the guards hurt you for no reason!
BB: They're waiting to see if you UNDERSTAND. And to observe you. After all, you're new. That's what people DO to new kids.
YOU WHORE: 36
WANGSTMUFFIN: 25
Remy gestured to the food on the table and I nodded. I placed a large potion of the meat on the disk and then some lumps of food I saw on the other disks. I pushed the disk back to Logan. I assumed he wanted me to serve him.
SOS: Oh, and in case you couldn't tell here? We find out later that he picked the food up with his BARE HANDS. HIS BARE UNWASHED HANDS. Ick.
BB: I'm a guy and I still find that disgusting. At least use tongs, or a napkin.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 83
One of the guards my age chucked
SOS: I don't blame him.
BB: (Mutant) God, this one's dumber than a sack of squirrels.
and said, “its for you, what’s wrong with you?”
SOS: Do you want a list?
BB: We'd be here all week.
Another female guard, one with gloves on and brown hair with one white streak, elbowed him and hissed “Pyro”
SOS: Yes, Pyro. He's going to be the Chewtoy of this story. Be afraid, guys. Be very, very afraid.
BB: Pyro!!! And Rogue!
Roooooogue. Run while you can! The Stu's trying to take over your life!
CHARACTER BASHING: 12
she smiled at me and I tilted my head, unsure how to respond to the expression.
SOS: You clearly knew exactly how to respond to Hank's smile! What's different here?
BB: She's a Woman.
SOS: =_= Of course.
CHARACTER BASHING: 13
CONSISTEWHAT?: 14
TRAUMA LLAMA: 84
My attention was recaptured by Logan when he pushed
SOS: (Harry) --me out of the window.
BB: --the Stu into the path of an incoming Sabertooth.
the dish back in front of me and said “Eat.”
I glanced around the table to see how the other freaks merkins were eating.
SOS: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO EAT? WHAT THE HELL!
BB: Maybe he thinks there's some mystical, magical way they eat.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 85
CONSISTEWHAT?: 15 (And suddenly, you know what a dish is, when you were calling it a “porcelain disk” before?)
They were still seated at the table so I assumed I didn’t need to get on the floor to eat it.
SOS: Unless you wanted to be bitchslapped for a complete lack of table manners.
BB: Or unless you WANT to be looked down upon.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 26
They were holding small silver shovels and using those to put the food in their mouths.
SOS: So, the Stu has never seen a FORK before. Despite having read through encyclopaedias and dictionaries and LIVED with the first Doctor.
BB: .....HOW?
SOS: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
BB: This has gone beyond all rational reality. Suspension of disbelief is broken HEAVILY. Dammit.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 86
CONSISTEWHAT?: 16
I looked to Remy and tried to hold my shovel like he was. It was rough and I ended up spilling most of it.
SOS: You know, I come from China. I grew up using chopsticks. I haven't ever used a fork to eat until I came to Australia when I was about 9 to 10 years old. And I got the hang of it almost immediately! It's not that hard! You just stab and eat!
BB: I've been using forks and spoons since I could hold them. It isn't that difficult.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 28
The red headed female used her freakishness merkinishness to float a larger wooden shovel to me
SOS: (Harry) --and hit me on the head with it.
BB: --and it suddenly slapped the Stu across the face while Jean glared. "You all just get worse and worse!"
SOS: Also, NOTICE HOW JEAN IS DOING HER BEST TO HELP THE STU TOO? Because he almost immediately goes about trying to turn her into a Scary Sue.
Remy waited until I was done with everything but the meat to show me how to use a knife to cut it up. Using a shovel and a knife at the same time needed dexterity that I just didn’t have.
SOS: Because you SUCK. Seriously, how hard is it?
Also, are you saying that he ate everything he served for Wolverine, Suethor? Because people who have been starved for that long? Can't suddenly start eating that much food all at once, and such oily food, no less. They have to start with small portions of BLAND food until their stomachs get used to it. Harry should be throwing up everywhere if he was really starved for as long as he claimed.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 87
“Just tear into it like Wolverine does.” The Pyro said and I gasped. “Wolverine?” I whispered to Remy.
SOS: (Harry) My lovey, dovey, snuggly, wuggly Wolvy-poo?
BB: Past my disgust at that....does everyone REALLY think Wolverine is an animal? He was in the military, y'know - they're kind of taught how to eat correctly. Yes, he might "tear into" his food, but from what we know in canon, he does eat rather neatly in front of the students of the Xavier school.
This was just used to mention Wolverine's name and have the Stu go "I WORSHIP YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" over him. Bad.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 15
YOU WHORE: 37
He pointed his shovel at Logan.
“Wolverine?” I whispered to him and Logan nodded. I could feel the tears streaming down my face but I couldn’t be bothered to stop them.
SOS: (Harry) After all, it'd make me look that much more pitiful!
BB: This disgusts me already. Bitch, you are not WORTHY of Logan. You will never BE worthy of Logan. Deal with it.
YOU WHORE: 38
I lifted a hand to gently touch Wolverine on the shoulder,
SOS: DO NOT MOLEST WOLVERINE.
BB: (Wolverine) *Raises a hand and extends his claws* I wouldn't do that if I were you, bitch.
YOU WHORE: 39
just to make sure he was really real.
SOS: Do you often hang around with holograms?
BB: Of course he's real -- now the Stu can just have that much more fun trying to get Logan to fuck him instead of thinking about it in his head.
-Thinks about what he just said....stare- ...I am so sorry.
SOS: No need. It was the truth, after all.
“Really?” I whispered again. Logan nodded and I couldn’t help it, I launched myself at him.
SOS: Whyyyyy is he not bitchslapping this whore into a wall?
BB: Because he is, unfortunately, under the Suethor's control. If he weren't, this is what would be happening:
Click to viewYOU WHORE: 40
He caught me with a grunt and I sobbed into his neck. He awkwardly patted my head
SOS: Poor Wolverine. Sues and Stus throw themselves at him all the time.
BB: They do. It's so horrible. He's the main guy.
YOU WHORE: 43
“I knew you were real. I knew it.”
SOS: And this is surprising...how?
BB: ......Yeah. They TOLD you he escaped. OF COURSE HE'S FUCKING REAL!
SOS: Exactly! Why would the doctors fabricate a story of a mutant ESCAPING from them?
BB: Hell, I have the PICTURES to PROVE it. Like this one:
I could hear the guards laughing, but that wasn’t a new development so I ignored them.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 89
SOS: Well, so much for being terrified and traumatised. You hardly seem to care at all!
BB: He should be. Hell, look at this:
That's Logan after having adamantium grafted onto his skeleton. He sure as fuck doesn't look calm, cool, and collected, does he?
So why should the STU be like that? THEY TECHNICALLY ESCAPED FROM THE SAME FUCKING PLACE! THE STU SHOULD BE FUCKING TRAUMATISED! He should at least be afraid of EVERYONE, even his precious Idol!
I hoped that I wouldn’t get my hero in trouble but I just couldn’t control myself.
SOS: Okay, let's analyse the situation here.
The Stu came from a very horrific facility where everyone was beaten and experimented upon and repeatedly raped. It can happen for no reason, but is usually punishment for breaking the rules. That's why he's terrified of breaking them and cowering from everyone in the X-Men
And here, he just said that he is breaking a rule now, and could get much get Wolverine in trouble. Meaning, he thinks Wolverine might get beaten up and violently raped for this.
And he. Does. Not. Care.
He still clings to Wolverine and possibly gets him into further trouble, just to satisfy himself. And he claims to LOVE Wolverine.
BB: Just like he claimed to love Mike.
SOCIOPATHY: 5
YOU WHORE: 45
Wolverine pulled me into his lap and let me cry on him.
SOS: Because he's just such a tender, loving, sensitive person!
BB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Logan wouldn't EVER do that. He didn't even let ROGUE do that. Even when they had their Emotional Moment in X-Men the Movie! Like so:
YOU WHORE: 47
Eventually my sobs lessened and the Professor asked me how I knew Wolverine.
“They told me you were dead.” I told my hero.
SOS: Because that answers the question!
BB: No, they didn't. They said he ESCAPED. There was no mention of him being dead. In fact, Stryker knew Wolverine WASN'T dead.
SOS: It's amazing not only the canon rape in this story, but also the internal-canon rape, huh?
BB: -Shakes head- To quote Logan, I need a beer. Or, at the very least, more soda. Or a good Logan vid.
SOS: I can see the end in sight...the end of this chapter, anyway
BB: Phew. Let's get to it, then.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 17
I turned in his arms, which had finally circled me,
SOS: WOLVERING IS NOT A TOUCHY-FEELY PERSON. EVEN I KNOW THAT.
BB: I can count the number of people he gets "touchy-feely" with on one hand.
One, his girlfriend (from his Origins film). Two, Rogue. Three, Jean.
SOS: Two of those get completely ignored, and the third is mercilessly bashed. Hmm, I wonder why!
BB: Because Jean is the most powerful woman in the X-Men. She's an Omega mutant. High power. It drives her INSANE during the third movie and she becomes more or less unstoppable!
Plus, she is AWESOME. And a good match up with Logan, some days.
SOS: I have a feeling it's for the last reason.
YOU WHORE: 48
to address the Professor’s question. “They talked about him at the Labs sir.”
“The labs?” the mocha colored woman asked. I nodded at her, “yes ma’am”
“Perhaps while the children clean the table you will tell us your story?”
SOS: Noooooooo, that is a bad, bad, BAD idea! He'll wangst on and on for DAYS!
BB: Professor X, I love you and all, but I want you to shut up now.
And stop describing Storm as "mocha."
SOS: Also, just what story is there to tell? All of this can be gotten through in a few sentences! "I came from the same lab as Wolverine did, and the Doctors there mentioned him a lot"
BB: Or, even, "I was experimented on by the same people as Wolverine." That would be sufficient. And it would actually give Logan a REASON to want to talk to him - Logan has amnesia about his past. He can't remember a thing about it. This kid could tell him things, but Logan would just USE him for that.
Afterwards, he's nothing.
The guards grumbled and I was surprised to see the five of them and the blue skinned freak merkin stand up and do freak merkin work.
SOS: Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, at the labs, the mutants handled the food that the guards ate? Seriously? They trusted the victims of their experimentation to HANDLE THEIR FOOD?
BB: ............Oh, fuck. He's talking about Kurt, isn't he. He's talking about NIGHTCRAWLER.
SOS: Yes, he is.
BB: ...
...
...
-Calmly- Kurt is not a freak.
You see that person? THAT IS KURT. HE IS NOT A FREAK.
SOS: No one here is a freak except for the Stu.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 90
I wasn’t opposed to them doing work but I wanted my hero to see that I was useful
SOS: SO. MUCH. FOR. BEING. TRAUMATISED. AND. HONESTLY. BELIEVING. YOU'RE. A. SLAVE. TO. THE. NORMALS. That right there is PROOF that everything he's done so far? WAS AN ACT FOR WOLVERINE'S BENEFIT.
BB: And a very BAD one, too. This bitch needs to learn the rules. So let's bring in a hot, sexy blue girl to do this one last time:
Thank you, Raven.
YOU WHORE: 50
SOCIOPATHY: 6
“I can do it sir!” I tried to get off Wolverine
SOS: Wolverine doesn't need you to get off. Back off.
BB: Back. Away. From. The. Sexy. Man. BACK FAR AWAY. BACK AWAY.
YOU WHORE: 51
but he held me fast. I looked at him curiously.
“Naw kid, let them do it ‘ts their turn.” He told me. I couldn’t help but immediately accept his orders.
SOS: Because you're a lazy bitch? Because you offered to do it in the first place to look selfless?
BB: Wolverine has no accent. This needs to be repeated. Stop writing him with an accent he does not have.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 16
YOU WHORE: 52
I turned back to the Professor and tilted my head at him before remembering what he’d said. “My story sir? Like Alice in Wonderland?”
SOS: Suethor. Did you just compare this tripe to Alice in Wonderland?
BB: STOP THAT.
SOS: I honestly don't get which version of Alice in Wonderland this Suethor read, because it sure wasn't the same one that I read
BB: Nor the ones I've read. And I've read and seen a LOT of them.
I was glad Wolverine couldn’t see my face because I was sure it was embarrassing.
SOS: Keep this in mind, readers. It'll become VERY facepalm-worthy in the next chapter.
BB: I don't want to keep anything of this fic in mind, honestly.
The Professor and the others chuckled, but it was Remy that answered me. “Ya have story like Alice for Remy?”
SOS: No, he doesn't. He doesn't have anything CLOSE to the caliber of Alice in Wonderland.
BB: Nooooo. That is NOT how Gambit talks. NO! He doesn't DO that.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 17
I considered before answering, was my story like Alice’s?
SOS: NO.
BB: Not in the least.
YOU WHORE: 54 (I admit, this point is for the Suethor.)
I looked around at the beings at the table and those cleaning the table, all were watching me with curiosity and some with sorrow.
SOS: They were going to have to put him down soon. It was the most merciful thing they could do.
BB: Wolverine was slated to do it because he knew the Stu had been after him. Gambit was very disappointed.
YOU WHORE: 55
WANGSTMUFFIN: 29
“No, not like Alice.” I whispered to Remy.
Remy leaned to me and put a hand on my arm,
SOS: Is Gambit this touchy feely in canon?
BB: With Rogue. When he can be. Meaning over her clothes. Other than that, rarely.
YOU WHORE: 56
WANGSTMUFFIN: 30
the warmth that calmed me down returned to me and I assumed this was Remy’s freak merkin ability.
SOS: Say...wasn't his ability explosions?
BB: Sort of. He can control potential and kinetic energy, has enhanced physical abilities, and a very hypnotic charm. And, for a while, he could turn things into acid or poison. But that's gone now.
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 18
I smiled at him.
I looked at the Professor and started my story.
SOS: And that's the end of the chapter. And no doubt, the Suethor also intended this to be a cliffhanger...except it also FAILS. Because we KNOW his story already! The whole audience does! He was sold at a young age and then experimented on! There's nothing more to be said!
BB: ....Is it me, or are the actions in this story laundry-list? "I smiled. I looked. I told."
SOS: It's not just you. Definitely not.
BB: Thank goodness.
Now, since SOS covered how this failed as a chapter, I'll tell you all how it failed in characterization:
Wolverine - Too touchy-feely. And not awkward enough at the sudden attack upon his person. He didn't even tolerate Jean doing that at first, and she was trying to heal him. Also, accent he doesn't have. Get rid of it.
Gambit - Not calling himself by his codename, which is OOC right off the bat. The horrible New Orleans/French accent. And his touchy-feely-ness, which only happened with Rogue in-canon. Or with whatever woman he was with.
Harry - ....I don't think much needs to be said for this one. Any Potterfan knows this is obviously not even HARRY. This is the Suethor.
Everyone else - Almost nonexistent so far. Barely any characterization presented, a horrible thing for any story, especially if you're adding in side-characters that will be important later on.
To sum it up? This thing sucks in characterization. And we're only a couple of chapters in.
It only gets worse.
SOS: Indeed. See you next time, gentle viewers, when Harry tells his "story" and also learns more about the X-Men.
BB: There will be pain. PAIN.
FINAL COUNTS:
CANON: UR DOIN’ IT RONG: 41+18 = 59
TRAUMA LLAMA: 4+90 = 94
CONSISTEWHAT?: 10+17 = 27
WANGSTMUFFIN: 71+30 = 101
SOCIOPATHY: 50+6 = 56
CHARACTER BASHING: 18
YOU WHORE: 6+56 = 62
Go Forward to: Chapter 3 Part 1
Go Back to: Chapter 2 Part 1