One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 7 Part 1:
I've started up a drinking game in this Chapter, because this Stuthor is nothing but repetitive, and we have another chapter which is nothing but an extended action scene. And I thought booze would help alleviate the pain. However, the counts escalated far higher than I ever expected. Thus, PLEASE DO NOT PLAY THE GAME WITH ACTUAL ALCOHOL. If you really want to, then please only play with ONE criteria. Doing all of them is just suicide. That said, please enjoy:
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X, and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and I do not claim any credit for it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made. This project is undertaken for the sole purpose of entertainment. Nanai, Caroline and James belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary of Fic: Stupid people fight each other.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Coarse language, innuendos
Sporkers: The Voice
‘Ahem.’ The sound reverberated through the small cell somewhat eerily. ‘Hey, guys. It’s just me, again. So yeah, this chapter? It’s one of those chapter-long action scenes we’ve seen countless times before. Seeing as this thing is more repetitive than the goddamned Song that Never Ends, I’m going to start a drinking game here. Hmm…’
Small, tapping sounds came over the megaphone, as though someone was drumming their fingers on a desk.
Chapter 7: The War on Warship! Part 2
The Voice: Yes. Part two. I have no idea why this part couldn’t have been included in the last chapter, since fanfiction.net doesn’t have a word limit. I can only assume he did this to up his chapter count and make himself look more amazing. But all it does is piss me off, because this could have been sporked by Nanai, Caroline, and James. But instead, I’m stuck here. *Groans*
"These are alot of Fishman." Ruri stated
The Voice: …Wait a minute…isn’t that how a section in the last chapter started? You’re plagiarising your own freaking fic? Wow, that is pathetic…
Also, ‘stated’ here sounds stilted. ‘Said’ really would have worked better. However, the usage is not blatantly wrong, so I’ll refrain from drinking for now. Especially since I can’t get drunk on water…
as she and Avery stood back to back.
The Voice: As the fishmen politely held back, waiting for her to finish speaking. Because it’s not like they’re under orders to ATTACK or anything. *Pained chuckle*
"I told you guys, the whole Island is filled with them." Avery replied as he sent another group of Fishmen flying into the air.
The Voice: …What? Okay, so apparently they were attacking. It’s just such a minor point that the Stuthor didn’t see any point in describing it. In fact, he spent more effort copy pasting his last chapter than actually describing the action.
*Groans* That description there seriously makes it sound like the fishmen were standing around, staring stupidly as the Stu flings them around. Which wouldn’t surprise me, to be honest.
Also, he has power over freaking AIR! Why is he not creating vacuums around their heads and suffocating them? Why is he not summoning tornadoes as he did two chapters ago? Drawing out a fight for no reason, take a shot, ladies and gentlemen.
Shots: 1
"I see some coming out of the ocean,
The Voice: …How? They were all stationed on the island. To get into the ocean, they would have to run past the Stus! What would be the purpose? They could surround these idiots just as well on the beach! What, they just decided to randomly go swimming?
And if they were stationed there, before the Stus came…then why did none of them attack when they were approaching the island? Three out of four of them had devil fruits! If they sunk their ship, the majority of their crew would be totalled! Oh wait, I forgot. There must never be any surprise attacks, and no one may interrupt the heroes’ ‘witty’ banter. Gah!
I'll be right back." Riru stated as she ran
The Voice: (Riru) Screw you guys, I’m outta here!
over to the water and slashed then ran back.
The Voice: …What did she do? She…ran over to the water and…slashed? What, she turned into a guy and boned Avery by the sea? What?
"Lucky me that you're fast enough to run on water.."
The Voice: When did she ran over water? The ran over TO the water! She did not actually run on water! Or is that what ‘slashed’ meant?
Actually, if your opponents are attacking from the water, then running over it isn’t going to help, you know. They can just dive down, and you wouldn’t be able to hurt them, because it’s hard to attack something directly under you. However, THEY can take their time slashing your feet to ribbons. Why not wade over like a normal person? Fancy moves to show off, take another shot!
Shots: 2
Avery commented as he punched another Fishman.
The Voice: And he’s stopped using his powers altogether. Because pushing them back at a distance so you are not endangering yourself is STUPID, how dare you suggest that. YOUR POWERS CLEARLY WORKED BEFORE! USE THEM, GODDAMIT!
Shot: 3
"Yeah, but how long do you think we can keep this up?" Riru asked.
The Voice: Oh, he’s a Stu too, so I’m sure he has excellent stamina. After all, he’s the Stuthor’s avatar.
Excuse me, I have to throw up.
"However long David needs to beat the Shark King.."
The Voice: Or, however long the Shark King needs to off David.
God, I hate these arrogant bitches.
"Is he really that strong?"
The Voice: I’ve been questioning that since two chapters ago! And the answer is, NO HE’S NOT! No matter how many fights he’s been in so far, it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s up against a FORMER SHICHIBUKAI, and he hasn’t even been to the Grand Line yet! So, you better get comfortable fighting off those fishmen, because you’re going to be here a long time.
Riru asked as she slashed two Fishmen in half.
The Voice: Casual murder, in One Piece. That’s really all I have to say.
I don’t know if this warrants a sociopathy drink, seeing as it’s actually pretty tame compared to what we’ve seen before, so I’ll settle and drink half a shot.
Shot: 3.5
"Of course he's a Shichibukai."
The Voice: No one questioned that fact. *Pauses* God, too much water really makes you feel…sick.
"What about his First Mate?"
"Well just because he doesn't have Devil Fruit powers doesn't mean he isn't tough. If you fight him at first he'll hold back, but if you get a second chance to fight him he'll surprise you.
The Voice: …Why? Seriously, why? He’s a freaking PIRATE! Why would he bother giving people second chances? What’s even the point of holding back? And, you mean his first fight with Chase was an ACT? He’s crew was just fried to a crisp! His opponent’s best friend was defiling the corpse of his CREWMATES! He was about to get killed! He had to run with his tail between his legs! And he definitely didn’t know if he would ever meet Chase again! So, if he was capable of fighting harder, why the fuck did he hold back? This makes no sense! *Sighs* I’m glad I didn’t include illogic as a part of the drinking game…Though I suppose I do have to take a shot for using non-lethal methods when he should have been going full out…
Shots: 4.5
That's how he beat me." Avery explained.
The Voice: Okay, does this Avery only fight First Mates, or what? He joined David’s crew because his first mate defeated him, and he apparently joined the Shark King’s First Mate defeated him. Why the obsession with First Mates? You’d think he’d be more concerned with the quality of the Captain!
And this whole ‘I only work for the strongest’ thing breaks down even further! Even with pirates, physical strength didn’t mean everything! A lot of thought went into strategies and tactics in sea battles! It didn’t matter if the First Mate of a crew was awesome at hand-to-hand combat or not, if the Captain was stupid as a rock or the rest of the crew was incompetent! That’s really not a great way to measure a crew’s strength!
Also, if Avery fought Tora twice, why didn’t he kill Tora the first time? I don’t know the circumstances under which they met, but during Avery and Chase’s fight, he was certainly supposed to be trying to kill Chase! So, why did he spare Tora?
And if Tora was capable of pwning someone with absolute command over AIR, the most common element, why did he have trouble with Chase? Why did he allow his crew to get slaughtered? Why did he allow himself to be put in mortal danger, just to keep up a stupid act?
I don’t know which category this falls under, but I’m going to take a shot anyways, just to dull the pain. It really doesn’t work that well with water…
Shots: 5.5
"He beat you?" Riru repated
The Voice: Repated? …I’ll be generous and assume that’s just a type. Mostly because I don’t think I can stomach another shot…
kind of shocked
The Voice: Lady, have you seen the moves he tried to pull during his fight with Chase? A demented guinea pig can beat this guy’s ass!
after cutting two more Fishmen.
The Voice: I don’t see any mention of the fishmen attacking them or fighting back! So, they’re just slaughtering the fishmen without any provocation? …Okay. I mean, it’s not like murder is a BAD thing? Oh no! *Sighs* *Sound of water pouring* Bottoms up, ladies and gents.
Shots: 6.5
"Yeah, so Chase better be careful."
The Voice: *Snorts* Please! As if the Stuthor will ever allow him to be defeated!
Guah!"
The Voice: *Long string of curses*
Shots: 7.5
God, I don’t think I can do this for much longer… And I see that the Stuthor has lost control over even quotation marks. Great. What’s next? He’s going to forget how periods work?
Chase cringed in pain after crashing into a tree.
The Voice: He was slammed into a tree! He was bloody slammed into a bloody tree! And his reaction is to ‘cringe’? Stuthor, you can be Made Of Iron, or you can be a Determinator who simply keeps getting back up, but THIS IS NOT OKAY! Those sort of characters work because we see how badly they are damaged, and thus can appreciate how hard they must be working to remain standing, much less fight! This gives the scene emotional impact! Here, we don’t even get mention of the Stu getting injured! They genuinely react to life-threatening injuries like paper cuts! If your characters don’t think it’s a big deal, and their injuries never impede their ability to perform amazing feats of aerobics, the audience isn’t going to CARE! In the end, this is just a cheap attempt at drama, because you love your little avatars far too much to let them be hurt! We don’t even get a single mention of the Stus BLEEDING, despite the number of fights they’ve been in! You have literally made your Stus invincible! AND THAT IS NOT OKAY!
A Stu is having the crap beat out of him, and I can’t even enjoy because of how stupid this is! God, this is infuriating…
"Haha, you done already?" Tora teased.
The Voice: And plagiarising bad porn doesn’t make it any better!
"Hmph, you thought." Chase stood back up and dusted himself off.
The Voice: *Screams* See? See? That’s exactly what I talked about! They act like it’s nothing, so why the fuck should I care?
MADE OF IRON HAS A LIMIT! DETERMINATORS HAVE A LIMIT! ONE PIECE CHARACTERS DO GET HURT, AND THEY GET HURT BADLY! LUFFY WAS COMATOSE FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS AFTER ALABASTER! THIS MAKES THEM GODDAMNED HUMAN! AND THIS UNDERLINES THE AMOUNT OF SACRIFICE THEY WENT THROUGH TO HELP THEIR FRIENDS! YOUR STUS ARE BARELY HURT AT ALL! THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING, AND THEY CERTAINLY DON’T HAVE TO INCONVENIENCE THEMSELVES AT ALL! NOT TO MENTION THE LITTLE FACT THAT THEY’RE NOT DOING THIS TO HELP ANYONE, THEY JUST LIKE BEATING PEOPLE UP!
This makes me hate your characters, Stuthor. And when people hate your main characters, it’s going to be very difficult to make them like your story.
"Then keep it going!"
The Voice: …I’m pretty sure there’s a limit to how long guys can keep going…
Tora ran at Chase then jumped and began to spin in the air,
The Voice: Oh, bloody hell…
Shots: 9.5
once he got close he landed a kick on Chase.
The Voice: You know, you would’ve wasted a lot less energy, and been a lot quicker, if you hadn’t jumped into the bloody air and started doing bloody ballet! Why the fuck can’t you run to him like a bloody normal person? *Shakes head* Gah, I wonder if it IS possible to get drunk on water…
Chase bent over
The Voice: And took it like a bitch. Because the Stuthor has to fake tension SOMEHOW.
and held his stomach in pain.
"Ha!" Tora yelled as he grabbed Chase by his throat and let go,
The Voice: …He LET GO? He’s got the Stu bent over, in pain, utterly helpless! He grabbed the damned bastard BY THE THROAT! And he just LET GO? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE SNAP THE LITTLE FUCKER’S NECK? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! YOU CAN’T FAKE TENSION IF YOUR VILLAINS NEVER MAKE ANY ATTEMPT TO ACTUALLY HURT THE MAIN CHARACTERS! YOU CAN’T HAVE THE VILLAINS WAFFLE AROUND, WAITING POLITELY FOR THE HEROES TO FINISH THEM OFF, AND STILL HAVE THE AUDIENCE CARE! GAH!
Shots:10.5
…This may not be such a good idea…
he quickly kneed Chase in the stomach. Chase fell to his knee's and was hit in the face by Tora's knee sending him rolling.
The Voice: Not only does the villain abstain from any serious attempt to hurt the hero, he’s also kicking the hero away, so that when he can gain his bearings and stand back up again. Right. And he’s supposed to be enraged and out for the hero’s blood. God…
Shots: 11.5
"Guah!"
The Voice: FUCK!
Shots: 12.5
Just look at that number there! We’re barely two pages into the fic! You know what that means? YOUR ACTIONS SCENES ARE THE MOST REPETITIVE THINGS ON EARTH! NOTHING IS NEW! THERE IS NEVER ANY VARIETY! AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE PIECE FANFIC! ACTIONS SCENES IN ONE PIECE WERE GREAT BECAUSE THE HEROES ALL HAD SEEMINGLY USELESS POWERS ON THE SURFACE, AND ALWAYS FACE OFF AGAINST PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO HAVE EVERY ADVANTAGE! AND YET THEY GET CREATIVE! THEY THINK UP WAYS TO USE THEIR ONE POWER THAT SURPRISE THE AUDIENCE, AND GIVE THEM AN ADVANTAGE OVER THE VILLAIN! YOUR STUS HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL ABILITIES SEEN IN ONE PIECE, AND ALL OF THE FIGHT SCENES FOLLOW A FORMULA THAT GOT OLD THE FIRST TIME IT WAS USED! ARGH!
…Hold a minute, potty emergency…
"I thought you'd be tougher."
"Hmph, you certainly are stronger than you led me to believe in our first fight.
"That was the plan." Tora taunted
The Voice: *Distantly* The plan that made no sense, by the way, because he was about to fucking KILL you in the first encounter! And he did kill your fucking crew! And what’s the point? You’re still not hurting him at all! God…
as he cracked his knuckles and raised Chase in the air.
The Voice: What? He just kick Chase AWAY from him! What, he has the power to levitate random stuff now? It’s not just the characters randomly jumping into the air in fight scenes, the villains are actively forcing people to go into the air now. Is this some kind of weird fetish or what?
Chase kneed Tor in the chin
The Voice: …I thought he was fighting Tora.
And just how tall is Tora? And long is his freaking arm? He’s apparently raising Chase so high that he’s knee is level with the guy’s chin! How the fuck does that work? Wouldn’t your arm have to be as long as you? I…I give up. That makes no sense. None. Zero.
forcing him to let go.
The Voice: Well, maybe if Tora just FUCKING KILL HIM, this wouldn’t have happened. Think, little Stu, THINK!
Chase then sweep kicked him
The Voice: …What? He was being held up in the air high enough to knee someone in the chin! If that person let go, I don’t care what happens, the Stu is ending up on his arse! Gravity does not work like that!
And what is a ‘sweep kick’ anyway? Is it the same as an ‘axe kick’?
causing Tora to fall on his back. Chase leaped into the air
The Voice: Oh, for the love of…
Shots: 13.5
I sincerely apologise to any of you using actual alcohol. I had no idea the count would escalate like this at the start.
and cocked his fist back as he was about to smash Tora's face in.
The Voice: This Stuthor has no idea how tension works. Full stop. He pretty just came out and said that an attack would miss before the opponent even made an attempt to dodge it. And if he just wanted to smash Tora’s face in, why would he need to jump into the air at all? The guy’s lying on the ground! Go up to him and stomp on his face! Why the fuck do you need to leap around like a grasshopper and try to PUNCH someone who’s lying at your feet?
Oh, right. Because the Stuthor thinks it looks cool.
God, this is stupid…
"Nope!"
The Voice: Yes, we are actually meant to see this villain as threatening. Ignore the fact that he talks like a kindergartner, please.
Tora rolled out the way
The Voice: The same way he rolls out a map.
then kicked Chase in his ribs.
The Voice: What? How? Chase was coming from above, fist first, Tora was lying on the ground, rolling around…and he somehow kicked Chase in the ribs? The fuck?
"Gah!"
The Voice: *Stunned silence* Wow. He actually DID use another onomatopoeia for cries of pain. Wow.
Shots: 15.5
Chase hit another tree
The Voice: Aw, come on! What did the tree ever do to you?
nad sturggled to stand.
The Voice: The further we get in this Chapter, the worse the spelling gets. I hate to think that the Stuthor was so excited by his own ‘awesome action scenes’ that he couldn’t control his own fingers…
"Here I come!" Tora yelled
The Voice: Warning the Stu to his attack, according to authorial mandate.
as he cocked his fist back making Chase think he was going to get punched,
The Voice: OH, FOR GOD’S SAKE, CAN YOU FAKE ANY TENSION AT ALL? YOU DON’T JUST TELL THE AUDIENCE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! YOU DON’T TELL US THE VILLAIN ISN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO PUNCH THE VIEW-POINT CHARACTER, IF THE VIEW-POINT CHARACTER DOESN’T KNOW THAT YET! THIS IS AN ACTION SCENE! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORRIED THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER MIGHT ACTUALLY GET HURT! THE ONLY BOOK THAT GETS AWAY WITH REASSURING THE READERS THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO GET HURT IS THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY! AND THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE IT LAMPSHADES IT! YOU SUCK! GAH!
…Great, now you made me rip my own hair out…
but got kicked in the stomach sending him through some trees.
The Voice: The villain, A FISHMAN, established as having more strength than humans, can only punch the main character into a tree. The main character, a completely normal human being, can punch the villain THROUGH a tree.
Really, that’s all I have to say.
…Or is he kicking the main character into a tree? I honestly don’t know, given the standard of grammar in this fic.
"Guah..."
The Voice: Why did I ever come up with this FANTASTIC idea…
Shots: 16.5
"Get up...the fun is just getting started."
The Voice: …That…sounded far more ominous than you intended. I have no idea who’s talking, given none of these characters have individual voices, but I sincerely pity their victim.
"Ha!" Tiburon charged at David
The Voice: *Giggles* Tiburon? Seriously? For some reason, I just cannot take that name seriously. It sounds like it belongs in the Teletubbies…
who jumped back dodging the large sword.
The Voice: Uh…another goddamned ‘action scene’…
"Here I come!" David yelled
The Voice: Huh. Now the main characters are obligated to warn their opponents.
Actually, I just think the Stuthor can’t write a scene without dialogue, so he has to shoehorn SOMETHING in, no matter how illogical. Seriously, you can count on one hand the paragraphs that doesn’t have direct dialogue in this fic.
as he jumped ovre Tiburon
The Voice: And…he jumps right over a grown man from a standing start. A grown man who is taller than him. For no reason, at all. Why am I not surprised?
Shots: 18.5
and shoved both his swords in Tiburon's back.
The Voice: Huh. Well, that was quick.
"Ha!" Tiburon kicked David
The Voice: Wait, what? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?
He…he’s still fucking alive? After being stabbed by two swords? I mean, I know torso wounds take a lot of time to be lethal…but I don’t think he’s in any condition to be jumping around and kicking people! Not to mention, David JUMPED OVER HIM! He’s standing with his BACK to him! How the fuck did he manage to kick him with any force? What the hell is going on?
I’m so glad I didn’t include faux Made of Iron in the drinking game…
sending him flying back and through his throne,
The Voice: He just flew across a room and THROUGH a marble throne. He hit the throne hard enough to shatter marble. Just…keep this in mind as you watch this scene. When the Stu prances around and pulls fancy move after fancy move, I want you to remember that his spine should be BROKEN. Because I’m not about to suffer alone.
"That all you got kid? You're supposed to be stopping me?"
The Voice: …YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! HE STABBED YOU IN THE FUCKING BACK! IN ANY SANE UNIVERSE, YOU WOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! ISN’T ENOUGH THAT THE ‘HEROES’ GO AROUND AND CONDESCEND TO PEOPLE? DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO JOIN IN AS WELL?
"Yeah..." David stood and rushed at Tiburon.
The Voice: …He just admitted that was all he got. Well…that’s lame.
Also? BROKEN SPINE, GODDAMIT!
"Bring it! Hammer Blade!" Tiburon yelled as he used both of his hands to swing down at David.
The Voice: Swing what down? Swing down from what? What the hell is he doing? I seriously have no idea…Also, notice how the name of the move is almost exactly the same as David’s move two chapters ago? And the move itself is exactly identical? Because plagiarism is cool.
"Shotgun Palm!" David yelled as he curled his fingers and cocked his hand back, at the last second he opened his fingers causing Tiburon to slid back a few inches.
The Voice: I…have no freaking clue what happened her. David flexed his fingers…and the Shark King slid back a few inches? What? Look, I honestly have no idea. Come up with something yourself.
David still got cut.
The Voice: …The Shark King was using his huge freaking sword? The one he stole from Kisame in Naruto? Then that cut would be lethal, full stop. THE SWORD WAS DESCRBIED AS ALMOST AS BIG AS THE SHARK KING HIMSELF! YOU DON’T SURVIVE BEING GRAZED BY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! IF YOU’RE NOT SPLIT IN HALF, YOUR HEAD WOULD HAVE BEEN CRUSHED BY THE SHEER WEIGHT OF THE BLADE! GAH!
"Ha!" Tiburon lunged his blade forward,
The Voice: Former Shichibukai, ruler of a quarter of the world, experienced pirate with a huge crew…doesn’t know how to use a sword except thrusting it forwards awkwardly. Yeah, that speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
and David jumped ontop of the sword.
The Voice: …DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! NOT IN ONE PIECE, GODDAMN IT! ESPECIALLY NOT IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING POWERS! GAH!
Shots: 19.5
David kicked Tiburon across the face
The Voice: YOU ARE A GROWN MAN! YOU WEIGHT THE SAME AS A GROWN MAN! YOU’RE STANDING AT THE TIP OF HIS SWORD! YOU WOULD HAVE DRIVEN THE SWORD INTO THE GROUND! YOU’RE NOT SOME WAIF! THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU CAN KICK HIM ACROSS THE FUCKING FACE! YOU WOULD HAVE FALLEN AND LANDED ON YOUR BIG FAT ARSE THE MINUTE YOU TRIED TO STAND ON THE TIP OF HIS FUCKING SWORD, FUCKWIT! GAH!
then cocked his fist back.
The Voice: *Groans* Okay, let’s pretend that you are so waifish that you can stand at the TIP of someone’s sword, and they can still hold the damn thing up. And let’s pretend that they actually did hold the thing up, instead of jerking it upwards and flinging you across the room, because the Stuthor said so. YOU JUST PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE! There is no way he can continue to hold the sword up! The minute he swung to the direction of your punch, you would’ve been tipped off of his sword, and you would have landed on your arse! GRAVITY, BITCH! IT FUCKING EXISTS!
"Pistol Punch!" David yelled as he punched Tiburon right in the nose.
The Voice: And tell me this…His face is at the right level for you to kick across…but also at the right level for you to punch? The height people kick at and the height people punch at normally is VERY different! Just where the hell is he fucking holding his sword? What, is he adjusting the altitude so you have better access? Authorial intervention can only go so far, you bitch!
"Ow!" Tiburon yelled
The Voice: Yeah, that’s how most people react to broken noses. Also, how many times have people ‘yelled’ in this freaking scene?
as he covered up his nose,
The Voice: Isn’t it a bit too late to be doing that? He’s already punched you, shielding it now wouldn’t do anything. Idiot!
"You stupid rookie!" Tiburon yelled
The Voice: Yes, a fearsome pirate calling someone stupid when he wants to insult them. How realistic. I guess it’s better than spamming dirty words, but…
as he went to punch David.
The Voice: How far away is David that he has to GO to punch him? Or is that more tension sucking? *Shakes head* Not even half way into the Chapter, and I’m so tired, it’s not even funny…
And, didn’t he have a freaking sword? Why the fuck is he PUNCHING the main character, then?
Shots: 20.5
David jumped on Tiburon's shouldes
The Voice: I swear this Stuthor has a grasshopper fetish.
Shots: 22.5
and pulled his swords out.
The Voice: …David’s swords were still stuck there? Throughout this whole scene, the Shark King had two freaking swords stuck in his back? What, he didn’t even bother to pull them out? How the fuck is he still alive and moving anyways?
Also, David is perched on the Shark King’s shoulder. The Shark King somehow manages to stand upright and completely straight whilst balancing a full grown man on his shoulder. And David is somehow in the right position to pull out two swords stuck in the Shark King’s back, somehow still avoiding to upset his balance. Even though the swords are below his feet. WHAT?
Just…WHAT?
"Shark Slice!" Tiburon yelled as he went to slash David.
The Voice: Let me just remind you that DAVID IS FREAKING STANDING ON HIS SHOULDER! HE JUST ATTEMPT TO CUT SOMEONE STANDING ON HIS OWN SHOULDER! WITH A FUCKING SWORD! AND IT NEVER OCCURS TO HIM TO LEAN A BIT AND TIP THE FUCKER ON HIS ARSE, AND THEN SLASH HIM! BECAUSE ACCIDENTALLY CUTTING YOU OWN ARM OFF IS FUN!
Shots: 23.5
"Cross Defense!" David yeleld
The Voice: And he was spelling it perfectly the first million times he used it too…*Sighs*
putting his swords up in the form of an X and intercepted Tiburon's blade.
The Voice: Remember, he is still on the Shark King’s shoulder. Because we never hear anything about him getting off (No, I don’t mean it like that). So he’s perched on the Shark King’s shoulder, facing behind him, so he can pull swords out of his back, the Shark King try to attack him with a sword somehow, and he blocks it by putting his sword in an X. Are you confused yet? Good.
"Hahaha!" Tiburon laughed
The Voice: *Drily* Thank you, I would never have guessed.
as he saw David struggle to hold him off, "Great White Fist!" Tiburon used his free hand to punch David in the gut
The Voice: *Snickers* Okay, forget Tiburon. THAT is the stupidest name I have ever heard.
That said, he’s sword is as long as him! We heard about that last chapter! They’re clashing swords, and yet David is still in close enough range for him to punch him? What?
Gah…Bad fics, they warp space and time as much as characterisation…
causing him to slid back and and the verge of the stairs.
The Voice: …The verge of the stairs what? What about them? Did the Department of Redundancy Department come in and disintegrate the second half of this sentence?
"Great..." David sighed as he looked around for Tiburon.
The Voice: What the freaking hell? What the fuck is happening? What? Just…what?
He was just fighting with the guy a minute ago! They were standing in a pretty empty room! He got flung across the room, and now he has to SEARCH for the Shark King? Is he pathetically short-sighted, or just ADD? Or is time skipping around again because you suck as an author? Or are you giving the Shark King the ability to move faster than the eye can see as well, because you’re not done shitting on Riru’s power?
WHAT! IS! HAPPENING!?
"Shark Driver!" Tiburon called
The Voice: Alerting the Stu so he has time to prepare for the attack.
Also, ‘called’? I don’t think that’s the word you’re looking for. ‘Called’…is not very threatening. At all.
as he began to spin in the air
The Voice: Oh, fuck this…
Shots: 25.5
with his sword pointed downwards at David's head.
The Voice: Look. I have no freaking clue what’s happening. Visualise that yourself. I’m going to go empty my bowels again…
"Cross Defense!" David called
The Voice: IT’S CALLED A FUCKING THESAURUS! USE IT!
Gah, I never thought I’d tell a bad fic author that…
making an X
The Voice: With his underwear…
and holding it up against Tiburon's attack. It wasn't enough,
The Voice: Because, contrary to popular belief, cotton does not make fantastic shields.
David lunged forward doding the damage
The Voice: But not dodging the actual attack itself. Oh, wait, DODING the actual attack.
that he would've taken. Tiburon stood in the small crater where David should've been and looked at him with his yellow eyes.
The Voice: Instead of with his tongue.
Go Forward to: Chapter 7, Part 2
Go back to: Chapter 6, Part 2
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X, and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and I do not claim any credit for it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made. This project is undertaken for the sole purpose of entertainment. Nanai, Caroline and James belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary of Fic: Stupid people fight each other.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Coarse language, innuendos
Sporkers: The Voice
‘Ahem.’ The sound reverberated through the small cell somewhat eerily. ‘Hey, guys. It’s just me, again. So yeah, this chapter? It’s one of those chapter-long action scenes we’ve seen countless times before. Seeing as this thing is more repetitive than the goddamned Song that Never Ends, I’m going to start a drinking game here. Hmm…’
Small, tapping sounds came over the megaphone, as though someone was drumming their fingers on a desk.
- Take a shot whenever someone opts for non lethal attacks like punching and kicking, when they have every opportunity to end the fight there and then.
- Take a shot whenever someone does a fancy move for no reason. Take two if the fancy move requires the person to jump into the air.
- Take a shot whenever someone could have SAID something, but instead, the Stuthor rapes the thesaurus and uses a verb that does not fit the situation.
- Take a shot whenever the word ‘Guah’ is used. The two shots if any other onomatopoeia is to convey shouts of pain.
- Take a shot whenever the Stus display sociopathic behaviour.
- Take a shot whenever the Stus shit on the power of friendship.
Chapter 7: The War on Warship! Part 2
The Voice: Yes. Part two. I have no idea why this part couldn’t have been included in the last chapter, since fanfiction.net doesn’t have a word limit. I can only assume he did this to up his chapter count and make himself look more amazing. But all it does is piss me off, because this could have been sporked by Nanai, Caroline, and James. But instead, I’m stuck here. *Groans*
"These are alot of Fishman." Ruri stated
The Voice: …Wait a minute…isn’t that how a section in the last chapter started? You’re plagiarising your own freaking fic? Wow, that is pathetic…
Also, ‘stated’ here sounds stilted. ‘Said’ really would have worked better. However, the usage is not blatantly wrong, so I’ll refrain from drinking for now. Especially since I can’t get drunk on water…
as she and Avery stood back to back.
The Voice: As the fishmen politely held back, waiting for her to finish speaking. Because it’s not like they’re under orders to ATTACK or anything. *Pained chuckle*
"I told you guys, the whole Island is filled with them." Avery replied as he sent another group of Fishmen flying into the air.
The Voice: …What? Okay, so apparently they were attacking. It’s just such a minor point that the Stuthor didn’t see any point in describing it. In fact, he spent more effort copy pasting his last chapter than actually describing the action.
*Groans* That description there seriously makes it sound like the fishmen were standing around, staring stupidly as the Stu flings them around. Which wouldn’t surprise me, to be honest.
Also, he has power over freaking AIR! Why is he not creating vacuums around their heads and suffocating them? Why is he not summoning tornadoes as he did two chapters ago? Drawing out a fight for no reason, take a shot, ladies and gentlemen.
Shots: 1
"I see some coming out of the ocean,
The Voice: …How? They were all stationed on the island. To get into the ocean, they would have to run past the Stus! What would be the purpose? They could surround these idiots just as well on the beach! What, they just decided to randomly go swimming?
And if they were stationed there, before the Stus came…then why did none of them attack when they were approaching the island? Three out of four of them had devil fruits! If they sunk their ship, the majority of their crew would be totalled! Oh wait, I forgot. There must never be any surprise attacks, and no one may interrupt the heroes’ ‘witty’ banter. Gah!
I'll be right back." Riru stated as she ran
The Voice: (Riru) Screw you guys, I’m outta here!
over to the water and slashed then ran back.
The Voice: …What did she do? She…ran over to the water and…slashed? What, she turned into a guy and boned Avery by the sea? What?
"Lucky me that you're fast enough to run on water.."
The Voice: When did she ran over water? The ran over TO the water! She did not actually run on water! Or is that what ‘slashed’ meant?
Actually, if your opponents are attacking from the water, then running over it isn’t going to help, you know. They can just dive down, and you wouldn’t be able to hurt them, because it’s hard to attack something directly under you. However, THEY can take their time slashing your feet to ribbons. Why not wade over like a normal person? Fancy moves to show off, take another shot!
Shots: 2
Avery commented as he punched another Fishman.
The Voice: And he’s stopped using his powers altogether. Because pushing them back at a distance so you are not endangering yourself is STUPID, how dare you suggest that. YOUR POWERS CLEARLY WORKED BEFORE! USE THEM, GODDAMIT!
Shot: 3
"Yeah, but how long do you think we can keep this up?" Riru asked.
The Voice: Oh, he’s a Stu too, so I’m sure he has excellent stamina. After all, he’s the Stuthor’s avatar.
Excuse me, I have to throw up.
"However long David needs to beat the Shark King.."
The Voice: Or, however long the Shark King needs to off David.
God, I hate these arrogant bitches.
"Is he really that strong?"
The Voice: I’ve been questioning that since two chapters ago! And the answer is, NO HE’S NOT! No matter how many fights he’s been in so far, it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s up against a FORMER SHICHIBUKAI, and he hasn’t even been to the Grand Line yet! So, you better get comfortable fighting off those fishmen, because you’re going to be here a long time.
Riru asked as she slashed two Fishmen in half.
The Voice: Casual murder, in One Piece. That’s really all I have to say.
I don’t know if this warrants a sociopathy drink, seeing as it’s actually pretty tame compared to what we’ve seen before, so I’ll settle and drink half a shot.
Shot: 3.5
"Of course he's a Shichibukai."
The Voice: No one questioned that fact. *Pauses* God, too much water really makes you feel…sick.
"What about his First Mate?"
"Well just because he doesn't have Devil Fruit powers doesn't mean he isn't tough. If you fight him at first he'll hold back, but if you get a second chance to fight him he'll surprise you.
The Voice: …Why? Seriously, why? He’s a freaking PIRATE! Why would he bother giving people second chances? What’s even the point of holding back? And, you mean his first fight with Chase was an ACT? He’s crew was just fried to a crisp! His opponent’s best friend was defiling the corpse of his CREWMATES! He was about to get killed! He had to run with his tail between his legs! And he definitely didn’t know if he would ever meet Chase again! So, if he was capable of fighting harder, why the fuck did he hold back? This makes no sense! *Sighs* I’m glad I didn’t include illogic as a part of the drinking game…Though I suppose I do have to take a shot for using non-lethal methods when he should have been going full out…
Shots: 4.5
That's how he beat me." Avery explained.
The Voice: Okay, does this Avery only fight First Mates, or what? He joined David’s crew because his first mate defeated him, and he apparently joined the Shark King’s First Mate defeated him. Why the obsession with First Mates? You’d think he’d be more concerned with the quality of the Captain!
And this whole ‘I only work for the strongest’ thing breaks down even further! Even with pirates, physical strength didn’t mean everything! A lot of thought went into strategies and tactics in sea battles! It didn’t matter if the First Mate of a crew was awesome at hand-to-hand combat or not, if the Captain was stupid as a rock or the rest of the crew was incompetent! That’s really not a great way to measure a crew’s strength!
Also, if Avery fought Tora twice, why didn’t he kill Tora the first time? I don’t know the circumstances under which they met, but during Avery and Chase’s fight, he was certainly supposed to be trying to kill Chase! So, why did he spare Tora?
And if Tora was capable of pwning someone with absolute command over AIR, the most common element, why did he have trouble with Chase? Why did he allow his crew to get slaughtered? Why did he allow himself to be put in mortal danger, just to keep up a stupid act?
I don’t know which category this falls under, but I’m going to take a shot anyways, just to dull the pain. It really doesn’t work that well with water…
Shots: 5.5
"He beat you?" Riru repated
The Voice: Repated? …I’ll be generous and assume that’s just a type. Mostly because I don’t think I can stomach another shot…
kind of shocked
The Voice: Lady, have you seen the moves he tried to pull during his fight with Chase? A demented guinea pig can beat this guy’s ass!
after cutting two more Fishmen.
The Voice: I don’t see any mention of the fishmen attacking them or fighting back! So, they’re just slaughtering the fishmen without any provocation? …Okay. I mean, it’s not like murder is a BAD thing? Oh no! *Sighs* *Sound of water pouring* Bottoms up, ladies and gents.
Shots: 6.5
"Yeah, so Chase better be careful."
The Voice: *Snorts* Please! As if the Stuthor will ever allow him to be defeated!
Guah!"
The Voice: *Long string of curses*
Shots: 7.5
God, I don’t think I can do this for much longer… And I see that the Stuthor has lost control over even quotation marks. Great. What’s next? He’s going to forget how periods work?
Chase cringed in pain after crashing into a tree.
The Voice: He was slammed into a tree! He was bloody slammed into a bloody tree! And his reaction is to ‘cringe’? Stuthor, you can be Made Of Iron, or you can be a Determinator who simply keeps getting back up, but THIS IS NOT OKAY! Those sort of characters work because we see how badly they are damaged, and thus can appreciate how hard they must be working to remain standing, much less fight! This gives the scene emotional impact! Here, we don’t even get mention of the Stu getting injured! They genuinely react to life-threatening injuries like paper cuts! If your characters don’t think it’s a big deal, and their injuries never impede their ability to perform amazing feats of aerobics, the audience isn’t going to CARE! In the end, this is just a cheap attempt at drama, because you love your little avatars far too much to let them be hurt! We don’t even get a single mention of the Stus BLEEDING, despite the number of fights they’ve been in! You have literally made your Stus invincible! AND THAT IS NOT OKAY!
A Stu is having the crap beat out of him, and I can’t even enjoy because of how stupid this is! God, this is infuriating…
"Haha, you done already?" Tora teased.
The Voice: And plagiarising bad porn doesn’t make it any better!
"Hmph, you thought." Chase stood back up and dusted himself off.
The Voice: *Screams* See? See? That’s exactly what I talked about! They act like it’s nothing, so why the fuck should I care?
MADE OF IRON HAS A LIMIT! DETERMINATORS HAVE A LIMIT! ONE PIECE CHARACTERS DO GET HURT, AND THEY GET HURT BADLY! LUFFY WAS COMATOSE FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS AFTER ALABASTER! THIS MAKES THEM GODDAMNED HUMAN! AND THIS UNDERLINES THE AMOUNT OF SACRIFICE THEY WENT THROUGH TO HELP THEIR FRIENDS! YOUR STUS ARE BARELY HURT AT ALL! THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING, AND THEY CERTAINLY DON’T HAVE TO INCONVENIENCE THEMSELVES AT ALL! NOT TO MENTION THE LITTLE FACT THAT THEY’RE NOT DOING THIS TO HELP ANYONE, THEY JUST LIKE BEATING PEOPLE UP!
This makes me hate your characters, Stuthor. And when people hate your main characters, it’s going to be very difficult to make them like your story.
"Then keep it going!"
The Voice: …I’m pretty sure there’s a limit to how long guys can keep going…
Tora ran at Chase then jumped and began to spin in the air,
The Voice: Oh, bloody hell…
Shots: 9.5
once he got close he landed a kick on Chase.
The Voice: You know, you would’ve wasted a lot less energy, and been a lot quicker, if you hadn’t jumped into the bloody air and started doing bloody ballet! Why the fuck can’t you run to him like a bloody normal person? *Shakes head* Gah, I wonder if it IS possible to get drunk on water…
Chase bent over
The Voice: And took it like a bitch. Because the Stuthor has to fake tension SOMEHOW.
and held his stomach in pain.
"Ha!" Tora yelled as he grabbed Chase by his throat and let go,
The Voice: …He LET GO? He’s got the Stu bent over, in pain, utterly helpless! He grabbed the damned bastard BY THE THROAT! And he just LET GO? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE SNAP THE LITTLE FUCKER’S NECK? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! YOU CAN’T FAKE TENSION IF YOUR VILLAINS NEVER MAKE ANY ATTEMPT TO ACTUALLY HURT THE MAIN CHARACTERS! YOU CAN’T HAVE THE VILLAINS WAFFLE AROUND, WAITING POLITELY FOR THE HEROES TO FINISH THEM OFF, AND STILL HAVE THE AUDIENCE CARE! GAH!
Shots:10.5
…This may not be such a good idea…
he quickly kneed Chase in the stomach. Chase fell to his knee's and was hit in the face by Tora's knee sending him rolling.
The Voice: Not only does the villain abstain from any serious attempt to hurt the hero, he’s also kicking the hero away, so that when he can gain his bearings and stand back up again. Right. And he’s supposed to be enraged and out for the hero’s blood. God…
Shots: 11.5
"Guah!"
The Voice: FUCK!
Shots: 12.5
Just look at that number there! We’re barely two pages into the fic! You know what that means? YOUR ACTIONS SCENES ARE THE MOST REPETITIVE THINGS ON EARTH! NOTHING IS NEW! THERE IS NEVER ANY VARIETY! AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE PIECE FANFIC! ACTIONS SCENES IN ONE PIECE WERE GREAT BECAUSE THE HEROES ALL HAD SEEMINGLY USELESS POWERS ON THE SURFACE, AND ALWAYS FACE OFF AGAINST PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO HAVE EVERY ADVANTAGE! AND YET THEY GET CREATIVE! THEY THINK UP WAYS TO USE THEIR ONE POWER THAT SURPRISE THE AUDIENCE, AND GIVE THEM AN ADVANTAGE OVER THE VILLAIN! YOUR STUS HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL ABILITIES SEEN IN ONE PIECE, AND ALL OF THE FIGHT SCENES FOLLOW A FORMULA THAT GOT OLD THE FIRST TIME IT WAS USED! ARGH!
…Hold a minute, potty emergency…
"I thought you'd be tougher."
"Hmph, you certainly are stronger than you led me to believe in our first fight.
"That was the plan." Tora taunted
The Voice: *Distantly* The plan that made no sense, by the way, because he was about to fucking KILL you in the first encounter! And he did kill your fucking crew! And what’s the point? You’re still not hurting him at all! God…
as he cracked his knuckles and raised Chase in the air.
The Voice: What? He just kick Chase AWAY from him! What, he has the power to levitate random stuff now? It’s not just the characters randomly jumping into the air in fight scenes, the villains are actively forcing people to go into the air now. Is this some kind of weird fetish or what?
Chase kneed Tor in the chin
The Voice: …I thought he was fighting Tora.
And just how tall is Tora? And long is his freaking arm? He’s apparently raising Chase so high that he’s knee is level with the guy’s chin! How the fuck does that work? Wouldn’t your arm have to be as long as you? I…I give up. That makes no sense. None. Zero.
forcing him to let go.
The Voice: Well, maybe if Tora just FUCKING KILL HIM, this wouldn’t have happened. Think, little Stu, THINK!
Chase then sweep kicked him
The Voice: …What? He was being held up in the air high enough to knee someone in the chin! If that person let go, I don’t care what happens, the Stu is ending up on his arse! Gravity does not work like that!
And what is a ‘sweep kick’ anyway? Is it the same as an ‘axe kick’?
causing Tora to fall on his back. Chase leaped into the air
The Voice: Oh, for the love of…
Shots: 13.5
I sincerely apologise to any of you using actual alcohol. I had no idea the count would escalate like this at the start.
and cocked his fist back as he was about to smash Tora's face in.
The Voice: This Stuthor has no idea how tension works. Full stop. He pretty just came out and said that an attack would miss before the opponent even made an attempt to dodge it. And if he just wanted to smash Tora’s face in, why would he need to jump into the air at all? The guy’s lying on the ground! Go up to him and stomp on his face! Why the fuck do you need to leap around like a grasshopper and try to PUNCH someone who’s lying at your feet?
Oh, right. Because the Stuthor thinks it looks cool.
God, this is stupid…
"Nope!"
The Voice: Yes, we are actually meant to see this villain as threatening. Ignore the fact that he talks like a kindergartner, please.
Tora rolled out the way
The Voice: The same way he rolls out a map.
then kicked Chase in his ribs.
The Voice: What? How? Chase was coming from above, fist first, Tora was lying on the ground, rolling around…and he somehow kicked Chase in the ribs? The fuck?
"Gah!"
The Voice: *Stunned silence* Wow. He actually DID use another onomatopoeia for cries of pain. Wow.
Shots: 15.5
Chase hit another tree
The Voice: Aw, come on! What did the tree ever do to you?
nad sturggled to stand.
The Voice: The further we get in this Chapter, the worse the spelling gets. I hate to think that the Stuthor was so excited by his own ‘awesome action scenes’ that he couldn’t control his own fingers…
"Here I come!" Tora yelled
The Voice: Warning the Stu to his attack, according to authorial mandate.
as he cocked his fist back making Chase think he was going to get punched,
The Voice: OH, FOR GOD’S SAKE, CAN YOU FAKE ANY TENSION AT ALL? YOU DON’T JUST TELL THE AUDIENCE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! YOU DON’T TELL US THE VILLAIN ISN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO PUNCH THE VIEW-POINT CHARACTER, IF THE VIEW-POINT CHARACTER DOESN’T KNOW THAT YET! THIS IS AN ACTION SCENE! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORRIED THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER MIGHT ACTUALLY GET HURT! THE ONLY BOOK THAT GETS AWAY WITH REASSURING THE READERS THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO GET HURT IS THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY! AND THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE IT LAMPSHADES IT! YOU SUCK! GAH!
…Great, now you made me rip my own hair out…
but got kicked in the stomach sending him through some trees.
The Voice: The villain, A FISHMAN, established as having more strength than humans, can only punch the main character into a tree. The main character, a completely normal human being, can punch the villain THROUGH a tree.
Really, that’s all I have to say.
…Or is he kicking the main character into a tree? I honestly don’t know, given the standard of grammar in this fic.
"Guah..."
The Voice: Why did I ever come up with this FANTASTIC idea…
Shots: 16.5
"Get up...the fun is just getting started."
The Voice: …That…sounded far more ominous than you intended. I have no idea who’s talking, given none of these characters have individual voices, but I sincerely pity their victim.
"Ha!" Tiburon charged at David
The Voice: *Giggles* Tiburon? Seriously? For some reason, I just cannot take that name seriously. It sounds like it belongs in the Teletubbies…
who jumped back dodging the large sword.
The Voice: Uh…another goddamned ‘action scene’…
"Here I come!" David yelled
The Voice: Huh. Now the main characters are obligated to warn their opponents.
Actually, I just think the Stuthor can’t write a scene without dialogue, so he has to shoehorn SOMETHING in, no matter how illogical. Seriously, you can count on one hand the paragraphs that doesn’t have direct dialogue in this fic.
as he jumped ovre Tiburon
The Voice: And…he jumps right over a grown man from a standing start. A grown man who is taller than him. For no reason, at all. Why am I not surprised?
Shots: 18.5
and shoved both his swords in Tiburon's back.
The Voice: Huh. Well, that was quick.
"Ha!" Tiburon kicked David
The Voice: Wait, what? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?
He…he’s still fucking alive? After being stabbed by two swords? I mean, I know torso wounds take a lot of time to be lethal…but I don’t think he’s in any condition to be jumping around and kicking people! Not to mention, David JUMPED OVER HIM! He’s standing with his BACK to him! How the fuck did he manage to kick him with any force? What the hell is going on?
I’m so glad I didn’t include faux Made of Iron in the drinking game…
sending him flying back and through his throne,
The Voice: He just flew across a room and THROUGH a marble throne. He hit the throne hard enough to shatter marble. Just…keep this in mind as you watch this scene. When the Stu prances around and pulls fancy move after fancy move, I want you to remember that his spine should be BROKEN. Because I’m not about to suffer alone.
"That all you got kid? You're supposed to be stopping me?"
The Voice: …YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! HE STABBED YOU IN THE FUCKING BACK! IN ANY SANE UNIVERSE, YOU WOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! ISN’T ENOUGH THAT THE ‘HEROES’ GO AROUND AND CONDESCEND TO PEOPLE? DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO JOIN IN AS WELL?
"Yeah..." David stood and rushed at Tiburon.
The Voice: …He just admitted that was all he got. Well…that’s lame.
Also? BROKEN SPINE, GODDAMIT!
"Bring it! Hammer Blade!" Tiburon yelled as he used both of his hands to swing down at David.
The Voice: Swing what down? Swing down from what? What the hell is he doing? I seriously have no idea…Also, notice how the name of the move is almost exactly the same as David’s move two chapters ago? And the move itself is exactly identical? Because plagiarism is cool.
"Shotgun Palm!" David yelled as he curled his fingers and cocked his hand back, at the last second he opened his fingers causing Tiburon to slid back a few inches.
The Voice: I…have no freaking clue what happened her. David flexed his fingers…and the Shark King slid back a few inches? What? Look, I honestly have no idea. Come up with something yourself.
David still got cut.
The Voice: …The Shark King was using his huge freaking sword? The one he stole from Kisame in Naruto? Then that cut would be lethal, full stop. THE SWORD WAS DESCRBIED AS ALMOST AS BIG AS THE SHARK KING HIMSELF! YOU DON’T SURVIVE BEING GRAZED BY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! IF YOU’RE NOT SPLIT IN HALF, YOUR HEAD WOULD HAVE BEEN CRUSHED BY THE SHEER WEIGHT OF THE BLADE! GAH!
"Ha!" Tiburon lunged his blade forward,
The Voice: Former Shichibukai, ruler of a quarter of the world, experienced pirate with a huge crew…doesn’t know how to use a sword except thrusting it forwards awkwardly. Yeah, that speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
and David jumped ontop of the sword.
The Voice: …DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! NOT IN ONE PIECE, GODDAMN IT! ESPECIALLY NOT IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING POWERS! GAH!
Shots: 19.5
David kicked Tiburon across the face
The Voice: YOU ARE A GROWN MAN! YOU WEIGHT THE SAME AS A GROWN MAN! YOU’RE STANDING AT THE TIP OF HIS SWORD! YOU WOULD HAVE DRIVEN THE SWORD INTO THE GROUND! YOU’RE NOT SOME WAIF! THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU CAN KICK HIM ACROSS THE FUCKING FACE! YOU WOULD HAVE FALLEN AND LANDED ON YOUR BIG FAT ARSE THE MINUTE YOU TRIED TO STAND ON THE TIP OF HIS FUCKING SWORD, FUCKWIT! GAH!
then cocked his fist back.
The Voice: *Groans* Okay, let’s pretend that you are so waifish that you can stand at the TIP of someone’s sword, and they can still hold the damn thing up. And let’s pretend that they actually did hold the thing up, instead of jerking it upwards and flinging you across the room, because the Stuthor said so. YOU JUST PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE! There is no way he can continue to hold the sword up! The minute he swung to the direction of your punch, you would’ve been tipped off of his sword, and you would have landed on your arse! GRAVITY, BITCH! IT FUCKING EXISTS!
"Pistol Punch!" David yelled as he punched Tiburon right in the nose.
The Voice: And tell me this…His face is at the right level for you to kick across…but also at the right level for you to punch? The height people kick at and the height people punch at normally is VERY different! Just where the hell is he fucking holding his sword? What, is he adjusting the altitude so you have better access? Authorial intervention can only go so far, you bitch!
"Ow!" Tiburon yelled
The Voice: Yeah, that’s how most people react to broken noses. Also, how many times have people ‘yelled’ in this freaking scene?
as he covered up his nose,
The Voice: Isn’t it a bit too late to be doing that? He’s already punched you, shielding it now wouldn’t do anything. Idiot!
"You stupid rookie!" Tiburon yelled
The Voice: Yes, a fearsome pirate calling someone stupid when he wants to insult them. How realistic. I guess it’s better than spamming dirty words, but…
as he went to punch David.
The Voice: How far away is David that he has to GO to punch him? Or is that more tension sucking? *Shakes head* Not even half way into the Chapter, and I’m so tired, it’s not even funny…
And, didn’t he have a freaking sword? Why the fuck is he PUNCHING the main character, then?
Shots: 20.5
David jumped on Tiburon's shouldes
The Voice: I swear this Stuthor has a grasshopper fetish.
Shots: 22.5
and pulled his swords out.
The Voice: …David’s swords were still stuck there? Throughout this whole scene, the Shark King had two freaking swords stuck in his back? What, he didn’t even bother to pull them out? How the fuck is he still alive and moving anyways?
Also, David is perched on the Shark King’s shoulder. The Shark King somehow manages to stand upright and completely straight whilst balancing a full grown man on his shoulder. And David is somehow in the right position to pull out two swords stuck in the Shark King’s back, somehow still avoiding to upset his balance. Even though the swords are below his feet. WHAT?
Just…WHAT?
"Shark Slice!" Tiburon yelled as he went to slash David.
The Voice: Let me just remind you that DAVID IS FREAKING STANDING ON HIS SHOULDER! HE JUST ATTEMPT TO CUT SOMEONE STANDING ON HIS OWN SHOULDER! WITH A FUCKING SWORD! AND IT NEVER OCCURS TO HIM TO LEAN A BIT AND TIP THE FUCKER ON HIS ARSE, AND THEN SLASH HIM! BECAUSE ACCIDENTALLY CUTTING YOU OWN ARM OFF IS FUN!
Shots: 23.5
"Cross Defense!" David yeleld
The Voice: And he was spelling it perfectly the first million times he used it too…*Sighs*
putting his swords up in the form of an X and intercepted Tiburon's blade.
The Voice: Remember, he is still on the Shark King’s shoulder. Because we never hear anything about him getting off (No, I don’t mean it like that). So he’s perched on the Shark King’s shoulder, facing behind him, so he can pull swords out of his back, the Shark King try to attack him with a sword somehow, and he blocks it by putting his sword in an X. Are you confused yet? Good.
"Hahaha!" Tiburon laughed
The Voice: *Drily* Thank you, I would never have guessed.
as he saw David struggle to hold him off, "Great White Fist!" Tiburon used his free hand to punch David in the gut
The Voice: *Snickers* Okay, forget Tiburon. THAT is the stupidest name I have ever heard.
That said, he’s sword is as long as him! We heard about that last chapter! They’re clashing swords, and yet David is still in close enough range for him to punch him? What?
Gah…Bad fics, they warp space and time as much as characterisation…
causing him to slid back and and the verge of the stairs.
The Voice: …The verge of the stairs what? What about them? Did the Department of Redundancy Department come in and disintegrate the second half of this sentence?
"Great..." David sighed as he looked around for Tiburon.
The Voice: What the freaking hell? What the fuck is happening? What? Just…what?
He was just fighting with the guy a minute ago! They were standing in a pretty empty room! He got flung across the room, and now he has to SEARCH for the Shark King? Is he pathetically short-sighted, or just ADD? Or is time skipping around again because you suck as an author? Or are you giving the Shark King the ability to move faster than the eye can see as well, because you’re not done shitting on Riru’s power?
WHAT! IS! HAPPENING!?
"Shark Driver!" Tiburon called
The Voice: Alerting the Stu so he has time to prepare for the attack.
Also, ‘called’? I don’t think that’s the word you’re looking for. ‘Called’…is not very threatening. At all.
as he began to spin in the air
The Voice: Oh, fuck this…
Shots: 25.5
with his sword pointed downwards at David's head.
The Voice: Look. I have no freaking clue what’s happening. Visualise that yourself. I’m going to go empty my bowels again…
"Cross Defense!" David called
The Voice: IT’S CALLED A FUCKING THESAURUS! USE IT!
Gah, I never thought I’d tell a bad fic author that…
making an X
The Voice: With his underwear…
and holding it up against Tiburon's attack. It wasn't enough,
The Voice: Because, contrary to popular belief, cotton does not make fantastic shields.
David lunged forward doding the damage
The Voice: But not dodging the actual attack itself. Oh, wait, DODING the actual attack.
that he would've taken. Tiburon stood in the small crater where David should've been and looked at him with his yellow eyes.
The Voice: Instead of with his tongue.
Go Forward to: Chapter 7, Part 2
Go back to: Chapter 6, Part 2