One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 9 Part 4:
"My name is Kit.
The Voice: A fox furry created by a person named Kitsune has the name Kit. How original. IF YOU’RE NOT ORIGINAL ENOUGH TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN CHARACTERS, CAN’T YOU AT LEAST APPLY A BIT OF STANDARD TO THE AUDIENCE-CREATED CHARACTERS?
Brian: For all we know, to this Stuthor, Stus and Sues are the epitome of characterisation. He certainly has no problem writing the worst Stus I have ever seen.
Whats...wait how'd you?"
William: Ahem. Your opponent has shown signs of being immortal, or at least is vastly more powerful than you, and is now fondling you in a highly inappropriate place that is dangerously close to your genitals. ASKING QUESTIONS IS NOT A VERY GOOD IDEA RIGHT NOW. RUN.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 5 (If she could throw him clean through a building, she can run away. For rendering a female completely helpless as soon as the male starts putting his moves on her, and making her completely forget what he did to her beforehand, and become pliant to him.)
"You're strong, you should join my crew!" David suggested
William: *Takes a deep breath, prepares to yell, but deflates* …*Weakly* Look, what on earth gave you the idea that she would be at all interested in joining you? She is a normal girl with a normal life, with her own goals and dreams that obviously have nothing to do with piracy. You met her half an hour ago in an alley way, tried to eat her, and started a fight with her which you tried to run away from, thus displaying cowardice, which is one thing you do not want in any captain. And now you’re sexually harassing her whilst suggesting that she join you on a small, cramped ship where she will be completely at your mercy? Why on earth would she want this? She has a life, she has plans, she knows what she wants to do with herself. You have not endeared yourself to her. Instead, you put on several dramatic displays revealing yourself to be a childish, immature brat who runs at the first sign of trouble. It would be presumptuous enough for you to ask her to join you, but you’re not even doing that here. Hell, you’re not even demanding that she join your crew. You’re saying that it’s something she SHOULD do. Something that is right for her to do. Just as she SHOULD beat the shit out of you for molesting her, she SHOULD join your crew. This is worse because you have shown us in the very same chapter that you have no qualms against killing your entire crew to get a thrill, and sees nothing wrong with it.
Let me rephrase this: You, who have endangered your whole crew due to your own childish immaturity, is now demanding a young girl with a bright future join your illegal crew where she will be hunted by the government and forever separated from her loved ones, because you want her to. And anything the Stu wants, the Stu gets. You have decided that she is going to join your crew, and therefore the matter is decided.
Brian: What is even more disgusting is the reason he wants her in the first place: because she’s strong. It’s not that they share dreams and ideologies, not that she is a good person and he likes her as a friend, in fact, there is no friendship between them at all. She is strong and therefore will enable him to become the Pirate King, having her on his crew is a completely pragmatic decision. Of course he doesn’t care what she wants to do with her life, she will help him achieve his goal, so he will do anything to force her to join.
The Voice: She’s not even all that strong. If strength is the requirement to joining, then he would have propositioned the Shark King. The only two times she successfully attacked him are when he was caught off guard. And he certainly didn’t offer her to join the first time he was attack. This excuse is bullshit. He only wants her because she wears stripperiffic costumes and that appeals to him.
You know, this is actually a pretty common theme in every crew member we’ve seen him pick up so far.
Luffy has a pretty identifiable formula when he goes about recruiting his crew members too.
First of all, they face a common threat together. He defeated Captain Morgan with Zoro, Captain Kuro with Usopp, Arlong with Nami, Craig with Sanji, that weird king who eats stuff with Chopper, CP9 with Franky and Robin, and the zombie dude with Brooke. And all of the villains he defeated had a very personal connection with the crew member he was trying to pick up. Basically, what he is doing is showing them that he is capable of helping them overcome threats, and that he cares enough about them to do so. He demonstrates his dependability and responsibility and strength by cooperating with his potential crew members.
David picks up his crew members by fighting WITH them. Riru and Avery he both acquired by fighting them and then defeating them. He is establishing his position as an Alpha male, proving that he is stronger than them, and therefore can kill them at any time unless they work for him and prove themselves to valuable to kill. He is intimidating his crew, sometimes not so subtly, and showing them that they had better obey or else.
Luffy gave a choice to all of his crew members. Most accepted, but some turned it down, the most famous being Vivi, and when they did, he accepted it and moved on. He doesn’t hold any punches about how life as a pirate is dangerous and not for everyone, and understands why people may not be interested.
David conducts gambles with potential crew members or uses their ideology against them so that they are effectively ENSLAVED, and have no way out of the deal. He never even considers that he has effectively made them wanted criminals, made sure that they will never see their family and friends again, and destroyed whatever dreams and hopes they may have had beforehand.
And he holds his crew to none of the standards Luffy holds his crew. He doesn’t care if they have dreams or not, in fact, I’m pretty sure Riru and Avery don’t. People join Luffy’s crew because, together, they can achieve their dreams faster. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. David uses his crew. They don’t get anything from him, but they must be willing to throw their lives away for his entertainment at any moment. Luffy is deathly loyal to his crew, and will gladly throw his own life away to protect them. David lets his crew fight a gigantic army to distract it, whilst he goes for his spectacular showdown, never wondering for a moment whether they are okay or not. Luffy’s crew members don’t have many family, and all of their friends understand why they become pirates. David’s crew are severed from their family and friends suddenly. Luffy’s crew already have connections with piracy before meeting him. David’s crew is thrown into the trade, and have no interest in it before he came along, and is doing this only because, if they didn’t, he would kill them.
In fact, the villains in One Piece treat their subordinates better than David. Arlong genuinely wanted to create a place where his crew can live without discrimination, after all. Crocodile, while less forgiving of failure, at least promised something in return for his underlings’ services.
When he’s not being the most stupid character I have ever seen, David possesses an amount of cold, calculating manipulativeness that frankly disgusts me.
SOCIOPATHY: 12
as he continued to play with the tail,
Brian: SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TOUCHING HER. SHE IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT. WHAT HET FUCK ARE YOU DOING? THAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT. THAT IS NOT GOING TO CONVINCE HER TO JOIN YOU AND LAY HER LIFE IN YOUR HANDS!
William: They start off with murder, escalate to mass-murder, and now he’s trying his hands at rape? Does this Stuthor live in some sort of weird alternate reality where moral bankruptcy is synonymous with character growth?
SOCIOPATHY: 13
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 6
"You have a cool tail. What animal are you? Are you a monkey?"
William: How the FUCK can you confuse a fox tail with a MONEKY tail? They look completely fucking different! A blind man can tell the difference! And if you really think her tail is cool, then you stand aside and just LOOK at it! What the fuck gives you the right to invade her personal space and start GROPING her? She doesn’t want that, so you have to fucking stop! It’s her fucking body! Just because you want to do something, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to do it! You know what this sounds like? The ‘her skirt was too short’ excuse. If she didn’t want people to touch her tail, then she shouldn’t make it look so cool. WELL, FUCK YOU. SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TOUCHING HER, SO YOU FUCKING STOP RIGHT NOW!
Brian: *Very calmly* You know, I used to go around murdering people, too, for no reason other than it would give me what I wanted. But after my current friends beat me up for being a complete asshole, I sat down and thought about my life, and decided that no one has the right to decide who should live or die. That the people I killed were almost guaranteed to be better people than me. So I swore off killing in any circumstance. I swore that these hands of mine will not take another life, even if someone was holding a gun to my head. Since then, I’ve seen plenty of shit, people so twisted that I shudder to think of them, and not once has my resolve buckled. *Pauses* It did now.
Look at that line: ‘What animal are you?’
He thinks of her as an animal. It’s completely natural to him to think of her as an animal, as a monkey, despite her displaying very clearly that she’s just as intelligent, perhaps even more so, as him. But she’s an animal. Because she accidentally swallowed a devil fruit, or because she came from a different species, she’s an ANIMAL.
He never thought of her as a human being, and if he’s not going to extend that courtesy to his fellow people, then why should I treat him as a person?
SOCIOPATHY: 14 (I’m not giving this a sexist point, because he would think this way regardless of whether the victim was female or not.)
"Do I look like a monkey? You're the monkey looking one monkey boy!"
William: Please. You are nineteen years old. Teenagers have a much larger vocabulary to swear words than this. Sure, you can do better.
Brian: Well, the Stuthor clearly has the intelligence of a…I’m sorry, I was just about to insult every single three-year-old on the planet. The point is, swearing is a very elusive skill not attainable by those who have intelligences lower than maggots.
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 10 (For using the same work three times in two sentences.)
"Monkey boy? You're not the only person to call me that."
William: I think I finally put my finger on what bothered me so much about this passage that no amount of shouting will ever express. David here is acting exactly like Edward Cullen. Kit is clearly very upset right now, likely because she has just been told to her face that she isn’t a human being just because she looked different. And she’s clearly distressed because this stranger, who magically survives all her attacks unscathed, is fingering her in a very private place. She feels frustrated, angry, but also very powerless. All of which, of course, was put on her almost deliberately by David, who uses his superior strength to dominate her and coerce her into throwing away her life for him.
He initially acts stupid to get her to put her guard down, and then uses his divine gift of Plot Armour to shrug off all of her attacks, showing her that she cannot fight against him. And now he’s pressing up on her, constantly touching her, to remind her of his presence and make sure that she’s too terrified to think.
And when she shows anger, he dismisses it lightly, exactly like how Edward does with Bella. He thinks of her as harmless, a kitten thinking that it’s a tiger. That’s exactly what David is doing here. He’s not at all concerned that she is very angry and agitated. He is not at all worried that he’s making her uncomfortable. In fact, he finds this all very amusing and is deliberately pushing her buttons just to see her getting flustered.
Because there’s no way she can hurt him. After all, she’s just a puny little WOMAN.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 7
"Monkey Boy, Monkey Boy, Monkey Boy!"
Brian: HAVEN’T YOU HEARD HIS REACTION TO THAT PARTICULAR INSULT? He’s displayed more than clearly that he doesn’t MIND being called that! In fact, he reacted with calm nostalgia! Why would you continue using an insult that already proved to be ineffectual? YOU ARE A GODDAMNED TEENAGER! You can think up better things to call him!
William: You see, the Stuthor is trying to make us feel exactly what David feels for her: contempt. Though the circumstances say that she should be a much more effective individual, the Stuthor has to purposely downgrade her intelligence and effectiveness, no matter how little sense it makes, to make it more than clear to us that she can’t hurt the main character even emotionally. This is a display by David. He doesn’t just want to dominate her, he intends for the audience to see it as well, to thoroughly establish himself as the alpha. Kit here can’t think up a valid insult for the same reason Bella leaves her window open for Edward after he removed her car engine.
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 13
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 8
Brian: You know the psychology of sociopaths a bit too well…
William: The best way to fight against something is to understand it.
"Hmm...yeah! I'm a monkey!" David smiled.
William: See what I mean? This entire section is just David beating on his chest and roaring, and proving that he is the BIG STRONG MAN, and no puny woman can ever hurt him, and what he wants, he always gets. And all of these events are completely condoned by the deity of their world.
Brian: It’s quite scary. Even though the story is ostensibly written from his perspective, I relate to Kit’s feelings of helplessness and powerlessness a lot more. The idea of an entity harassing you, threatening to enslave you, and easily shrugging off everything you throw at him because GOD gave him that power, and GOD gave him permission to do everything he is doing, because GOD honestly thinks that what he is doing is LOVELY AND FINE is…deeply disturbing. It calls to a very instinctive part of me and makes me want to rip his face off.
William: To be fair, that’s the exactly what you should do in this situation. He’s clearly underestimating you, after all, and I doubt many creatures can survive without their heads.
"What...I'm just going to kill you." Kit grinded her teeth in anger.
William: Ah, NOW her desire for murder makes perfect sense. I think, so far, Kit is the character that makes the most amount of sense, and she wears shorts with stockings.
Brian: And now you’re the one hung up about her fashion sense.
William: Are you saying that what she’s wearing is perfectly sensible?
Brian: Well, no, but I agree. Kit is definitely the character I relate to the most. Even though going for murder seems a bit extreme, but given what he’s threatening here, I really can’t blame her. I mean, can you imagine your whole life, living under his command, forced to cater to his every whim?
William: *Drily* I think I would prefer summoning my Keeper to that.
"Kill me?" David looked at the sky,
Brian: Looked at the SKY? Oh my god, he knows. He totally knows that he has divine protection. He totally knows he’s a creator’s pet, and he’s using that against her! What is this shit? How can anyone be this asshole-ish? He knows that this universe is created for the sole purpose of worshipping him, and he’s not at all bothered by it!
The Voice: Please, let’s move away from this topic. I really don’t want Mantra to come charging in again.
"No not today."
William: I was about to rant at him for presuming that he gets to decide when he dies…but then I realised that it’s actually true in his universe. Absolutely nothing will happen to him that he doesn’t want to. He can actually legitimately say that he doesn’t want to die on a certain day, and therefore won’t. That is…horrible.
Brian: And that doesn’t even make sense. What is particular about this day that he doesn’t want to die on it? How is it special at all? It sounds like he wouldn’t want to die on any day, to me, so the line makes absolutely no sense! Unless you have a good idea of what day you want to die on, you can’t say something like this!
The Voice: And this is made only worse by the fact that he has already said this line THREE FUCKING TIMES in the last chapter, two of them in one single scene. So I’m very much not feeling forgiving right now. THE LINE DOES NOT WORK. IT DOES NOT. IT MAKES YOUR CHARACTER LOOK LIKE THE STUPID ASSHOLE HE IS. IT’S NOT COOL OR AWESOME IN ANY FUCKING WAY. FULL STOP. STOP USING IT! THESE THINGS DON’T GET BETTER WITH AGE! IF IT DIDN’T WORK THE FIRST TIME, IT WON’T WORK THE FOURTH, FIFTH, OR THOUSANDTH TIME YOU USE IT! IT’LL JUST IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYONE. UNDERSTOOD?
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 14
"Huh...looks like Tiburon is already dead." John sighed as he looked around at the destroyed mosolieum,
Brian: Wait, what? What’s happening?
William: We’re awkwardly switching over to another scene because the Stuthor has no idea how to end the last one. Didn’t you notice the page breaker?
The Voice: …Wait a minute. How does he know that the Shark King is dead? All he sees is that his stronghold is trashed and his crew killed, but that doesn’t mean the Shark King is dead! His body is at the bottom of his pool, which was deep enough to hold a gigantic kraken, so it’s probably not visible! The Shark King should be declared missing, presumed dead! They have no evidence he is dead, and considering that he was a former Shichibukai, it seems to me that it’s better to err on the side of caution in this case. It’s his orders to kill the Shark King, so isn’t his duty bound to investigate?
"Well we're done here everyone!" John turned around and waved his hand.
The Voice: WHAT. Just because the Shark King is dead, doesn’t mean your job is finished now! You’ve arrived on a MURDER SCENE. There is someone out there who is strong enough to completely kill the entirely crew of the Shark King, and presumably kill him as well! He is showing power several magnitudes higher than a former SHICHIBUKAI, one of the strongest allies of the Marines! You know nothing about this perpetrator, and you have no idea what he is after! This seems like a very serious problem to me! Did you see the amount of shit the World Government threw when Luffy defeated Crocodile? In that case, he didn’t even wipe out Crocodile’s group! They were so freaked out that they summoned all the Shichibukai for a meeting and tried their best to cover the whole thing up! Killing Shichibukai is SERIOUS BUSINESS! In this case, it is your goddamned DUTY to investigate! Why did you even join the Marines? To protect people from pirates, right? I mean, that is why the Marines exist! So now you have a very dangerous person who is unaffiliated with you! And that person could wreck serious havoc on civilians if he wanted to! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST LEAVING? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN BECOME A FLEET ADMIRAL IF YOU CARED THIS LITTLE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING JOB?
THE MARINES SENT YOU TO KILL SOMEONE, AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN CONFIRM HIS DEATH BEFORE RETURNING? AND YOU’RE LETTING DANGEROUS CRIMINALS RUN FREE? Because, you know, just because he killed a bad person doesn’t mean he isn’t a murderer. SERIOUSLY, HOW DID YOU BECOME THE FLEET ADMIRAL BY NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT MASS-MURDERERS RUNNING AROUND?
Brian: Wait, wait, wait, that guy’s the FLEET ADMIRAL? What the hell is he doing in the field? Surely, they have someone a lot more expendable than him? A normal admiral could take care of Shichibukai! Why is he being sent? I mean, if something happened to him in the course of the mission, they’re going to have a hard time replacing him! What? The Fleet Admiral’s job isn’t to run around in the field anyways! It’s to coordinate movements and make sure the Marines are up to stand, disciplined, and situated where they need to be! Surely, he has much more important jobs than assassinating someone threatening merely a quarter of the world? If he’s not in his office, reading up on reports of happenings in the Grand Line, the entire World Government could be compromised! His job is far too important for him to take months-long vacations, leaving the Grand Line, just to kill one man who didn’t seem to be doing all that much anyways. I mean, did the marines even care about Arlong? No. So why is the freaking FLEET ADMIRAL being sent to deal with someone as wimpy as the Shark King?
William: I thought it was obvious. He’s there so that he can be suitably impressed by the main characters. Getting recognition from a mere Captain simply isn’t enough. They have to have the big guys singing praises to the main characters to drive home how much we’re supposed to love them. The Fleet Admiral is dragged here by God himself to gaze upon the work of the Stu in wonder and awe. Also, it provides a nice stepping stone for the Stu to acquire more power as well. He’s establishing his presence in the pirate world, using his defeat of the Shark King to acquire more importance, so that he can one day rule over all pirates. To do that, he needs to attract the attention of the Marines, to guarantee himself an impressive bounty.
Brian: Damn. I don’t know if this character is the dumbest person I’ve ever seen, or the most coldly-calculating one.
William: Basically, the only thing he’s good at is being a bastard. He FAILS at everything else.
Brian: That's...kind of sad.
SOCIOPATHY: 15
"But sir, we didn't even investigate his death." A marine informed.
Brian: *Jaw drops* Wait…did we just see an INTELLIGENT character in this fic?
William: The poor guy. I fear what will happen to him for this outburst of logic and reason. The last two marines to try to do their job got fried to crisps.
Brian: No, seriously. How is this guy not the Fleet Admiral? He has about a million times the sense of all the characters put together.
William: This Stuthor is clearly blatantly biased against sensible people. I suspect that the only reason this current Fleet Admiral got into power was because he was willing to kiss the Stu’s ass and look away when they were doing unsavoury things…which is all the time.
"So? His body is at the bottom of the ocean, what's the point?" John replied,
Brian: SEND DIVERS DOWN. How do you even know that his body is at the ocean? Do you have the superpower to see the floor of the ocean? You have absolutely no evidence that he’s actually fucking dead, so I DON’T CARE IF HIS BODY IS I NHTE CENTRE OF A VOLCANO, YOU STILL HAVE TO FUCKING INVESTIGATE!
William: The point is, not only do you have no idea if he is actually dead or not…you also have no idea how he died. Whether the man is a sentenced criminal or not, the fact stands that YOU ARE AT A MURDER SCENE. As someone whose DUTY is to uphold the law and protect the citizens of this world, you duty right now is to investigate this murder and find out what fucking happened.
"I really don't find the need to go search for his body."
William: …There is a mass-fucking-murderer on the loose right now, and you have no idea who he is allied with. He very deliberately killed someone formerly affiliated with the government, likely as a challenge to you. Either way, seeing as he did not come to claim a reward, it is unlikely that he is your ally. He murdered every last one of the Shark King’s crew, down to the cooks, indicating a lack of regard for life, meaning that he will kill anyone and everyone he wants to if he wants to. He is also powerful enough to wipe out the crew of someone strong enough to be a Shichibukai once. This person is the very definition of Dangerous, and you, someone who has sworn to protect the people and uphold the law, cannot see the need to investigate every clue in hopes of catching him? The bodies of his victim will contain some of the biggest clues regarding his fighting style and any abilities. Seeing as the bodies of the crew have been lost, your only hope is fishing the Shark King out of the ocean. AND YOU SEE NO FUCKING NEED TO DO IT?
Brian: That line actually confirms that he DOESN’T know where the Shark King’s body is. He’s never seen it. Which also means that he has no conclusive evidence that the Shark King is dead at all. All he knows is that he doesn’t appear to be present. He’s assuming a dangerous criminal to be dead due to purely circumstantial evidence, and doesn’t care enough to do a very simple thing that will tell him for sure if the Shark King is dead or not: SEND FUCKING DIVERS DOWN.
William: …I just noticed…but don’t bodies tend to float? Why would they magically sit at the very bottom of the ocean? How much does the Shark King goddamned weigh?
Brian: Well, I was about to comment on that…but the Shark King does technically belong to a fictional species, so…
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 21
SOCIOPATHY: 16
"So what do we do now?" Another marine asked.
William and Brian: INVESTIGATE!
Brian: That’s what we’ve been saying since the start of this fucking SECTION!
"I'm going for a drink."
William: …
Brian: Yes, because nothing is better than letting your men get drunk on duty.
William: Particularly when there is a mass-murderer on the loose.
Brian: And especially when you are the highest authority in the only military organization capable of protecting the citizens of the world from pillaging pirates.
The Voice: Especially when your organization is being taken over by a man with dubious intentions.
William: Particularly when the Shichibukai, a band of dangerous criminals only marginally affiliated with you, are clearly planning something.
Brian: Yes, that is the perfect time to get stupidly drunk in an out-of-the-way place with all your men, so that no one can contact you when something goes wrong, and you will not be able to respond to emergency situations.
William: No wonder this guy became a Fleet Admiral, he just has such a great idea of appropriateness and responsibility…OH WAIT.
Brian: Like you said, it’s pretty clear that he only got the position because…well, he’s the only one who’s going to ignore the protagonists’ crimes and kiss up to them.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 22
"But Fleet Admiral..."
Brian: You know, I don’t even know his name, but I’ve definitely found my favourite character in this fic. He’s the only person with a goddamned sense of DECENCY and DUTY.
William: Which makes me wonder why the other marines are protesting. Sure, being allowed to have alcohol is great and all, but I sincerely doubt that only one person in an entire crew could see how this is the most stupid decision since the beginning of time. Joining the marines seems to be entirely voluntary in this world, so how does a few hundred people with a passion for protecting others neglect the fact that they should be dealing with a mass-murderer now escapes me.
Brian: Think about who’s writing this fic. I’m happy that there’s a single person who makes SENSE here. I’m not going to push my luck.
The Voice: I agree. This anonymous marine officer clearly has a strong enough sense of justice to not only speak out against his superior, but question the Fleet Admiral himself, something no one does in One Piece canon (mostly because Sengoku is actually intelligent). In a world ruled by sociopaths, this action is so courageous and downright heroic that I almost want to make up a counter called ‘Made Of Win’ just to be able to properly pay tribute to him. But really, if I do, it will be the most neglected counter in the history of counters.
"I'm going for a drink." John said once more with an intense stare, "Now who wants to join me?"
Brian: Did he…Did he just…
William: Yes.
Brian: He just outright threatened his crew. He just threatened the only member of his crew with a brain.
William: Yes, and made it very clear that he will not hesitate to set the rest of his crew on that one man if he did not comply with a illogical and harmful order. He’s displayed that he has a black-and-white morality where you are either with him or against him, and the only criteria by which you will be sorted is if you will obey his every command, no matter how stupid.
Brian: Yes, the military places an emphasis on obedience, but I’m sure it also places an emphasis on goddamned SENSE too. Throughout this whole scene, we’ve been given nothing but mountains of evidence why this is the last man you would want to lead an army, so I hardly think he has the right to demand anyone to follow his questionable decisions.
William: Then again, I never thought that a character with a brain would be allowed to live by this Stuthor. He seems to be on a crusade against all reason and logic.
SOCIOPATHY: 17
Go forward to: Chapter 9, Part 5
Go back to: Chapter 9, Part 3