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Fuck.
Originally posted by sotyroxmysox at Fuck.
I don't even know myself. Whatsoever. I put on this fake personae to fool everyone, I hate the personae because it's so...average. I feel so average. But I know I'm not. I have this dark turmoil broiling under my skin. I would like to bring it forth for all to see again but I've become trapped by my mediocrity. I'm a ( Read more... ) -
Lost a few.
Cut intake drastically, haven't really purged. Well I did the other night but not much. I'm not proud of cutting my intake so much but it's not even really something I intended to do. I just slowly started to to eat less and less. And the less I eat the less desire I have to eat at all. I go through such weird phases. I'll want to restrict but end ( Read more... ) -
Relief.
I slept pretty late today seeing as I got off work in the morning. I ate some tortilla chips with guacamole and made like an internal plan to not eat anything else. But I was strong today. I ate dinner. I made the choice that I won't purge. It's not going to help after all. I know tomorrow is another day and another battle but today was ok. Not ( Read more... ) -
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Ate two pieces of toast(140)... And a couple wheat thin cracker chips. Now I'm sitting here contemplating eating half a packet of instant oatmeal. Of course I plan to purge because I have the privacy to do so rather than at home. But I just don't want to. Yet, u know I probably will. This is crazy. It's just toast and a latte. Naybe some oatmeal, ( Read more... ) -
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considering I ate my boiled egg and its ten to five I am having a chai latte to fill my stomach and hopefully stave off any urge to crumble and gorge on yogurt, oatmeal, cereal, toast, english muffins, or god forbid a cinnamon roll. No, I'm just going drink this latte full of fat and let the guilt from that keep me from breaking. Also, I would just ( Read more... ) -
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Feeling significantly low today. It took all of me to even crawl out of bed. I ingested more than was wanted yesterday... resulting in purging. Today I woke and had 1/2 a cup of kashi(100) with 1/8 cup of almond milk(15?), I also had one small plain pancake(75). No syrup or anything yet I still feel disgustingly ashamed but I know I shouldn't I ( Read more... ) -
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About to purge again. I plan to fast for an x amount of days tomorrow. And it always goes that when I plan a fast I end up bingeing and purging throughout the day and/or night beforehand. Like a last homage to food or something. Jesus F. Christ. I have so much disdain and utter disgust for myself when I get like this. But the heady buzz I get and ( Read more... ) -
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I tried, I really did. Hard and steadfast at the whole "healthy eating and mindset" thing. Really I did but I lost momentum. Came to a screeching halt actually. Sometimes it feels like just suffering with my distorted eating and thinking habits is easier than actually getting better. Of course it's a battle I fight alone and none of my family or ( Read more... ) -
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I stil haven't ate and this is my 3rd day! wooo yea I have to leave in 7 mins so I will post real quick later after school... ahh which is like 7 hours away! or eight actually... something like that! but yea gotta go guys!
Think Thin And Stay Strong