The Patriarch of our family is dying. My aunt with my mother's support has decided not to give him surgery that will prolong his life since he is ready to go be with my Nanny. It has been over 5 years since they have been together and he has been waiting ever since. It's time. But that means he will starve. He can't take morphine so they have him ( Read more... )

So the day has come. There is nothing more that the doctors can do for Jeff. He is now in ICU and the cancer has spread throughout his body. I don't know how long it will be yet but I am imagine not long. I have grown up hating this man more than anything in this world. For what he did to my mother. For the physical and emotional abuse he inflicted ( Read more... )

So in a few days, on march 1st, I will be 5 months pregnant. How did this happen?

RA is always at the back of my mind. When I look down at my hands I look for knots. I am hyper aware of extra pain I may be having as well as swelling (even though I am preggers and I swell a bit anyway). The doctors have basically told me that I will get RA. I know its not 100% certain but the thought is there. My sisters and mom think so too. Now ( Read more... )

I am done with this chest problem. The pills aren't helping. I ran out of the vicodin that wasn't really helping but taking the edge off a little bit. I tried to call in another prescription but they denied it. They only have me 15 pills so that is enough for like a day and a half of being very stringent with them. Laurie came over and dropped off ( Read more... )

I am crying. Watching Sex and the City. Confined to bed rest because I have an inflamed lungs again. No more smoking for me. I think it's a warning of my life to come if I don't stop. Obviously we have lung problems in my family. EVERYONE has them except me. I am bummed out that I am bed ridden for a few days. But I have opiates even though they ( Read more... )

We made a friend with this homeless man named Scotty. He usually hangs out at Blockbuster off of Cameron. One time I had thrown some trash away and you could see a food carton Scotty asked if there was any leftovers, there weren't any but from that moment I had decided that I would try to bring him food every few days. I kept crackers in my car and ( Read more... )

Sometimes I miss being in the hospital. The hospital/rehab. I always felt like I would go back. I can't now. I have a future husband to worry about. I have a family with their fragile healths. I have graduation. I can't go off to a mental hospital. I feel like I am on the edge of....just being off. No other word for it. Off ( Read more... )

i am lonely
                    very lonely

I am stranded at the apartment. Bummer for realz. I need food.
ramen not  gonna cut it