My birth mother nearly killed me. As a child I had no choice but to give her my trust, so when I was starving to death it seemed okay to me because I loved my mommmy and trusted that she loved me back. Noelle nearly killed me. As an adult I made the choice to give my heart away, and upon doing so I ran the risk of my trust being taken advantage of ( Read more... )

My older sister Nicole has been married for four years. She has three children and a degree from beauty school. My birth mother suffers from degenerative disk disease, and says that it's genetic and hasn't skipped a generation yet, so there's a chance that I might have it as well. I asked her if there were any test to see if I had it, and she was ( Read more... )

Well, tomorrow's the 12th. And the day after that is the 13th. Which will make it one year since Noelle broke up with me. And I have to say, looking back at this year, I am not pleased with how it's gone. I'm still fighting for happiness, and dammit I deserve it, I still feel lost without her, I still feel like I wanna drink until my liver dies, I ( Read more... )

So I love how I haven't written a fucking thing here in almost two weeks and no one seems to give a shit. What if I were dead? Then you'd feel terrible, wouldn't you ( Read more... )

So I haven't been this severely pissed off since, well, a long time ago. My heart won't stop going a hundred miles an hour, and I can't even really feel the pain in my knuckles. But I will tomorrow. Fuck it. I dont' even feel like typing this.

My face is numb, my brain is dumb, I shoulda quick drinking like three shots ago, but I got waaaaay too much alcohol, and I swear to Christ that I'ma drink it all, HA HA! I got monday off, so sunday is a drunk day, and monday is recovery. Word to your momma. And, I'm drunk, so of course I'm thinking about Noelle. Babe, if you're still reading this ( Read more... )

I just want to say for the record that I love alcohol. And I have a big heart. And I'm trying to replace my love for Noelle with love for alcohol. So tonight, I am getting very drunk. Very, very, very drunk. And it will be fun.

So my friend was on the phone with his girlfriend, and I guess he had asked if I could go with the two of them for lunch. Any way, I could hear their conversation on the phone, amd she said that she wasn't interested in hanging out with his "retarded friends from work." I mean, honestly, who calls ME retarded ( Read more... )

So lately I've been noticing that my good mood has started to slip ever slightly. And it's good that I've recognized that, but knowledge is useless unless one knows how it may be applied. So I'm headed for another bout of depression. It's quite likely that the ever-constant readers of this journal will not hear from me for quite some time once it ( Read more... )

You Are 92% Evil
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