Mission Voyager (Part Nine)
-Part Nine-
(Jared)
He wakes up to the feeling of the sun on his face. It makes him sit up on the bed, startled, as he looks around. He shouldn’t feel any sun if he left the windows in screening mode. Did he forget? Jared looks around, only needing a couple of seconds to realize he’s not in his room. The windows are on the opposite side of where Jared is used them to be and there are shelves everywhere filled with books that his room doesn't have.
It’s Jensen’s room.
But if he slept here all night, then where-?
“Jensen?” Jared calls out a heartbeat later, remembering that he fell asleep before Jensen got home. Did something happen? What if Jensen didn’t come back? “Jensen!” Jared is screaming this time, about to jump out of the bed. What if Jensen got caught for helping a human? Jared has never asked about that before. He assumed that because shifters don't believe in any kind of violence that meant they wouldn’t do anything to Jensen. The punishment would be just for him, a human.
But Jared could be wrong.
The door opens before Jared can move out of the bed to do anything else and suddenly Jensen is there. He’s wearing the suit Jared saw on the bed the night before, but he doesn’t have his tie on and his shirt is untucked out of his pants. All accompanied with a clear case of bed-hair because of the spiky mess of Jensen's head.
“Jared, what-” Jensen blinks, yawning while he rubs his eyes, seeming both confused and worried. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”
Jensen looks around the room, trying to find something wrong with it. Jared lets out a sigh of relief, pressing a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating fast.
“No. No, I’m fine. I just-” Jared licks his lower lip, feeling his cheeks burn when he realizes why he had been screaming like that. He had just woken up and reacted before thinking rationally, before even going to check the rest of the house. Jared fell asleep in here so it makes sense for Jensen to find another room to spend the night. “I woke up in here and I didn't see you so I thought you didn’t-I’m sorry. That was stupid.”
Jared hadn’t even planned to stay there all night, he just wanted to watch some tv and felt weird on the living room all alone, house silent except for the noises from the boring shows he could find. He had been tip-toeing around the house all day, feeling strange being all by himself. Without Jensen there to keep him company, Jared felt like he was exposed, waiting for someone to break into the house and take him away. He had been somehow okay in Jensen’s room though, some of the tension leaving his body when he sat on the bed, surrounded by things that reminded him of Jensen. Jared had decided to watch a movie in there since Jensen did say Jared could do anything he wanted, so wandering around Jensen's room had to count, too. Jared's idea was to organize everything and go back to his own room once the movie was over, but apparently, he fell asleep before he could hide the evidence.
He swallows nervously, licking his lips before looking down, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take over your room.”
Jensen gives him a little smile, walking past the door and coming closer to sit on the bed. He really does look like he has just woken up, which makes Jared feel terribly guilty. He should have really considered the option of Jensen being somewhere else in the house before he started to yell like that.
“It’s fine. But maybe I should get you a tv for your room?”
“Oh! No, that’s not that why I-” Jared licks his lips again, glancing down. Sometimes it’s easy to talk to Jensen because he doesn’t think like a human would. Jared really likes the way Jensen sees the world, how he seems to have a different vision on everything because of what he is and because of what a lifetime of traveling through the universe has taught him. But at the same time, it can get really hard to speak to Jensen at certain times as well. Because a human maybe would get why Jared ran into Jensen’s room as soon as he started feeling lonely. “I didn’t come here for the TV. You were gone and I… well, I was scared.”
Jensen frowns for a moment, leaning closer to him. “Scared? Did something happen?”
“Yes.” Jared makes a pause. Again, a human would get it by this point. But Jensen is not human at all. “You left, that’s what happened.”
“But I said was coming back at night as soon as my shift was over.” Jensen replies instantly, seemingly too worried about Jared’s apparent fear to even realize how embarrassing it is that Jared’s first reaction to feeling scared is going to curl up in Jensen’s bed. This is exactly why Jared was planning to leave the room before Jensen got home.
“I know but I hadn’t been alone in here until yesterday and I kept imagining all these scenarios about shifters breaking in and taking me away. And I already told you I’m afraid of shifters.”
“But I’m a shifter too.”
Yes, indeed. Jensen is as much of a shifter as any of the ones Jared is terrified of. But at the same time, he’s somehow different from all of them. Shouldn’t Jensen have reported him by now? Jensen promised he wouldn’t call the Collectors but he didn’t have to keep that promise. Jared is just another human, and at the end of the day Jensen doesn't owe him anything. As a matter of fact, Jared is the one who owes Jensen for everything he has done to help.
As Jared fails to think of a reasonable answer, a rather cocky smile starts to appear on Jensen’s face before he begins to laugh softly.
Jared opens his mouth, both offended and amused. He takes one of the pillows behind him, throwing it at Jensen, who laughs harder when it hits him into one side of his face.
“Fine, if you really want to know, I kind of think you’re not full of shit.” Jared crosses his arms over his chest, staring at Jensen, who snorts and mumbles “Thanks a lot.” with a sarcastic tone. “Shut up, I’m not done. I think you’re… alright. But it doesn’t mean I like the rest of your kind. I don’t believe in all of them, I only trust you.”
Jensen stops laughing, but the smile is still there.
“That’s good to know.”
“Really?” Jared arches an eyebrow, expecting Jensen to come out to defend all the other shifters like he usually does. “You don’t mind I think the rest of your species is full of shit?”
To his utter surprise, all Jensen does in response is shrug.
“I think I’m never going to be able to convince you of the opposite, ” Crinkles appear around his eyes as the smile grows again. “Besides, I think that as long as you trust me, I can deal with the rest. That’s what really matters.”
Jared is not sure what to make of that answer, but he can’t help smiling back at Jensen.
-
After another two weeks have gone by and Jared starts to get used to Jensen leaving for work but coming back every night, he realizes something that leaves him thinking all day and keeps him awake at night: Jared’s feeling good as new. It shouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that being healthy again means that it’s time for him to leave.
It’s not exactly a surprise that he’s feeling better, it was bound to happen with Jensen giving him his advanced space medicine and weird injections along with healthy plates of food at least three times a day. Jared has done nothing but eat, sleep, drink all his medicine and basically relax in the house. Of course he would get better under those conditions.
Jensen always seems to be worried about Jared being bored, but at this point of his life, the last thing Jared is worried about is being entertained. He’s alive and safe. That is pretty much all that matters for any surviving human. Besides, being at Jensen’s place isn’t as bad as Jensen makes it sound. Yes, Jared is alone when Jensen has to work, but he tries to stay busy. He can search for movies and videos on Jensen’s laptop, not minding that all he’s going to find are happily boring stories. Jensen has been bringing him books from the library too, anything that doesn’t include medicine and can distract Jared somehow. He really enjoys the history books, especially the ones that are about shifter history. Jensen went to a store just to get him a recently published story about a shifter that had been living at what humans would refer to as the Pinwheel Galaxy. Shifters and all the other species out there seem to call it Synthi Prime Galaxy instead. Jensen had explained before that all the planets in this solar system have different names in his native l language too, but they use the human names while here on Earth, considering them some kind of translation.
That’s another reason why staying bored around Jensen is almost impossible. He has so much knowledge and stories about what is out there, stuff Jared will never be able to see with his own eyes. It’s clear to him by now that humans knew basically nothing about the universe. The fact that there are living things in their very same solar system and humans never saw them no matter how much research they tried to do is a big proof of that statement. Jared can sit and hear Jensen talk about galaxies and planets for hours, fascinated with the mental images it provides him with, pushing the nightmares about Collectors far away from his head and instead letting him dream about Cinnra, a planet with a purple sky and three different suns that change colors during daytime.
When Jensen is around, Jared doesn’t need books, movies or anything of the likes. He’s focused on whatever Jensen has to say or discuss at all times they are together. Jensen's basically a walking sci-fi audiobook. Not to mention telling Jensen common things about life on Earth before shifters got there seems to entertain him as much as Jared feels when Jensen explains how shifters can travel through space and cross such ridiculous distances like it’s nothing.
He’s really going to miss Jensen when he leaves, there’s no denying that by now. Jared has grown to really enjoy Jensen's company so far. It’s like nothing Jared has experienced before. He would go as far as to consider Jensen a friend.
The question is: where will Jared end once he takes off? Assuming Chad and Sandy made it back to the old factory-and Jared still doesn’t allow himself to think different-the group would have noticed Jared was missing and his friends probably had to admit they went to Dallas. Jared can imagine the rest of the story. Adrianne and Chris would give Chad and Sandy tons of shit for doing something stupid that could put them all in danger, but all that anger would come from worry and sadness after losing someone who was part of their group. Then, Jeffrey Dean would say that the important part was that at least Chad and Sandy were okay, add something sentimental about losing Jared and how much he would be missed and then make everyone start to pack so they could leave.
None of them would stay so close to Dallas after what happened.
It’s been a month, they probably have a new place to hide by now. How is Jared ever going to find them? He could perhaps go to the factory, look around trying to find any notes or indications from Chad or Sandy in case they had the hope that Jared was still alive. But at the same time, they wouldn’t leave any maps or clues behind for Jared to find their new location, it would be too risky to in case a Collector found it.
Which means Jared is going to be all alone from now on.
How is he going to make it? He’s not stupid, Jared is aware he survived so long thanks to Chad and then JDM. Jared wouldn’t last a day out there on his own, being afraid of the Collectors as much as he is of guns.
But what other options does he have besides trying to survive on his own? Stay? Jensen might have been nice enough to help him get healthy and not alert the Security Division-Jared knows that after Jensen explained how shifter jobs are divided by Divisions; Jensen himself is part of the Health Division since he's a healer-but that doesn’t mean he’s going to let Jared stay there for ever.
Jared doesn’t want Jensen to think that the more he gives him, the more Jared wants to take.
He won’t take advantage all Jensen has been doing for him. Jensen has done more than enough.
Not to mention that Jensen hiding a human could be a huge deal among shifters. Jared has been thinking that since the morning he woke up in Jensen’s bed and thought Jensen didn't come back from work. Jared doesn’t want to bring Jensen any troubles after all he has one for him.
Jensen has been amazing to him this far, but he might not want Jared to stay. It’s pretty obvious. You help the dying human but you don’t keep him in your house for ever. And Jensen himself said he thought all humans were capable of horrible things; he wouldn’t want to have a violent pariah like a human as his permanent roommate.
Jared understands he has to leave. If not for him, then to not bring Jensen any troubles.
That night Jensen gets a little earlier than usual, and to Jared’s delight, Jensen comes bearing gifts for him.
Jared is the middle of a really interesting chapter of the book Jensen got for him, the one about a female shifter living in all of the “top ten planets” of the Synthi Prime Galaxy "and why you should consider a trip there" when he hears the door open and then Jensen's voice announcing he's back. Jared puts his new bookmark of a photograph of the Aurora Borealis-a gift from Jensen-on the page he just finished reading and springs out of bed, carrying the book with him and shouting “Let’s make grilled sandwiches for dinner!” before he makes it to the living room.
“I was thinking of something a little different.” Jensen comments, taking off his jacket and leaving it on the couch. Jared raises both eyebrows, open to suggestions, and then Jensen raises a white paper bag with orange stripes as his wordless answer.
“Whataburger!” Jared cries out, giving two excited jumps before running to take the bag. Jensen laughs in return like there’s nothing more exciting than seeing a human feeling happy over junk food.
It smells exactly how Jared remembered, which makes Jared’s stomach growl embarrassingly loud-which gets him another little laugh from Jensen-before he takes the first bite and lets out a moan with his mouth full of food. Jared's so stupid happy about being able to eat something so familiar as a burger that he could cry. He had talked to Jensen about his favorite place to go eat with his best friend and how much he missed those burgers. He hadn’t mentioned the afternoons him and Chad spend day dreaming at the factory, thinking of eating Whataburger fries or choking burger after burger until they threw up. Jared skipped that part, the memories now almost painful to remember, but Jensen probably got the point of how bad Jared dreamt about eating something from his favorite restaurant once again.
“I asked Alona to find one for me and she passed me a route from the Hospital to the nearest restaurant.” Jensen explains, eating his burger much more calmly than Jared. It doesn’t matter to Jared now, Jensen saw him eat like a pig after starving for weeks. Nothing can be worse than that.
“I can’t believe you remembered!” Jared mumbles with his mouth full as he licks his lips and takes another bite. He groans happily one more time and Jensen grins, dipping his fries in ketchup. “Jensen, you’re the best.”
“Let it be noted that a human thinks a shifter is the best.”
“Only you man, only you.” Jared nods, too delighted to even try to outsmart Jensen with a cocky reply. “This is so fucking good. Isn’t it the best burger in the entire Universe?”
“I suppose, considering it’s the only one I ever had.” Jensen takes another bite, nodding along while he shrugs.
Jared rolls his eyes and gives him the finger, which makes Jensen snort and then he starts to cough after almost choking on his fries. Jared mumbles a “serves you right for not respecting this food” while he keeps on eating happily.
“It’s pretty tasty.” Jensen admits after he can breathe properly again and Jared lifts his chin proudly like it’s a compliment directed at him.
“Right? It tastes almost the same as before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, this is not real meat.” Jared points at the burger in his hand, shrugging. “But I gotta say you shifters did a really good job imitating the taste. What is it?”
Jensen gives him a rather proud smile, nodding as he keeps on eating his fries.
“I’m surprised you noticed.”
“Dude, I’m from Texas.” Jared points out with an obvious tone, to which Jensen makes his usual “I don’t know what that means” face, but Jared is too curious about the fake-meat discussion to jump into an explanation. “I know my meat, okay? Let’s leave it there. I assumed since all the chats we have about shifters caring for all living creatures that you guys wouldn’t actually kill animals for consuming.”
“Well, seems like you’re catching up on how we work pretty fast.” Jensen gives the fried onions a weird look before picking one and taking a small bite. He makes a displeased face and leaves it back on the plate. Jared laughs. More for him then. “It’s a mixture of different things. Proteins and vitamins along with different flavors to make it taste just like human meat did.”
“And let me guess, all the chemical substances to make the flavor are also good for your body too.” Jared adds, trying to imitate Jensen's matter-of-fact voice.
“Exactly. All the chicken, meat and so on that you had so far when I cook is an imitation of what you humans had before.”
“I figured.” Jared takes the onion ring Jensen just rejected and gives it a bite. Just as delicious as he remembered. “Hey, I’m not complaining. That's pretty cool that you can have meat without killing animals. I wasn’t a vegetarian back in the day because, fuck, meat is so good. But this is nice.”
Is good to know that even if shifters are dicks to humans, they are pretty good at taking care of animals on Earth. They ruined sports, movies and made so many things incredibly dull, but at least this is good. They actually improved something without taking out the good parts. Jared’s impressed.
“I’m glad you approve. I was hoping you could still enjoy your favorite food.”
Jared nods before filling his mouth with another bite a little too big. He’s eating like an animal and he knows it but, who cares? Jensen doesn’t seem to mind. Actually, he keeps on watching Jared eat like is the best thing ever, smiling fondly when Jared looks up at him and their eyes meet.
That has happened plenty of times since they met, Jensen looking at Jared like he’s the most interesting thing he has ever seen and so far. But tonight, for the first time, Jensen’s glance makes Jared blush.
Is not out of embarrassment or frustration like the time Jared couldn’t explain why he went to sleep on Jensen’s bed. This is different and Jared knows it. Because this is that kind of blush.
All this time Jared has been all over the place, first thinking Jensen had him hostage and then living in constant fear of being taken away by the Collectors. Just now he’s starting to get used to Jensen being around without any of those worries making his head constantly remind him to not trust him.
But now Jared does. He thinks Jensen is different, he believes in him.
Which is making Jared finally start to really see him. Jensen looks like a human. Sure, they all do, but for what Jensen explained, this is what he would look like if he was born a human instead of a shifter. This is Jensen’s human body, his human face. Now Jared gets it.
And now Jared can stop and pay attention whenever Jensen looks intently at him.
The shifter might not be aware of it, but he has one of the most attractive faces Jared has seen. Counting pre and post-alien conquering. And that´s saying a lot, because JDM was pretty good looking himself. Jensen, on the other hand, is incredibly good looking.
God, who is he kidding? If Jared had met him as a normal human when Earth was still theirs, the first thing Jared would have done after meeting him would have been calling Chad to tell him all about the “really hot doctor” he saw on the bus or met at the Hospital after getting pneumonia.
Jared has been feeling pretty weird about it the past days, considering an alien “hot”. That only happens in certain erotic Japanese comic-books or weird porn. And there are usually tentacles involved and it can get really weird really fast. But, at the same time, this is different. Jensen doesn’t have a weird body or green sticky skin. He looks like a human. He is a human. Physically, at least.
And, here’s the other thing: Jensen is a guy. He’s a male shifter with a male human body and Jared-well, Jared is gay.
That doesn’t change, not even after the human race is erased from the Earth. He was gay before-and really deep in the closet except for Chad (and eventually Sandy), along with a couple people who knew back in High School-and he’s gay now. One hundred percent playing for dicks team, as Chad liked to say.
And here’s Jensen. One hundred percent good looking shifter with a human body.
Confusing as hell, sure, but still making that something inside Jared flush when Jensen smiles that way at him. He’s the kind of guy Jared would have been into back in the day. The kind of guy Jared is into.
Like he said. Weird. Jared’s still trying to come to terms with how he feels about the whole thing.
Furthermore, Jared has absolutely no clue how sexuality works with shifters. Jensen has never mentioned it and Jared never had the courage to ask so far. Besides, it doesn’t even matter. Jensen might be nice enough to help him and become his friend, but Jared is still a human.
Jensen would never...not with him. Jesus, is stupid just to think about it.
For Jared, Jensen might look the same as he is. But for Jensen, Jared is completely different.
“Thank you for this, Jensen.”
He didn’t have to bring him Whataburger. Jared had no idea the restaurants were still open and functioning when he told Jensen about it was just to make conversation. Jared didn’t expect him to go and actually try to get him his favorite food. Jensen being so nice really doesn’t help with his confusion at all.
“My pleasure.” Jensen smiles, crinkles appearing around his eyes again. “You keep on getting healthy, which is so great, Jared. I thought you could use your favorite food to celebrate.”
Healthy. Celebrate.
Jared swallows and tries to smile back as he takes another onion ring. Maybe Jensen considered this to be a “goodbye” dinner? Jared is good as new so a nice way to end their improbable friendship is to offer him his favorite food as a farewell gift.
Which, once again, shows how nice Jensen is. God, Jared is really going to miss Jensen. A lot.
But now it’s getting clearer that Jensen probably wants Jared to go. There’s no way Jared can take advantage of Jensen’s niceness and ask him if he can stay. Jared will have to figure it out, try to find Chad and the group again or get caught trying. The odds are not in his favor and it seems like the last option will be the one going down, he’ll probably never find them, and it’s impossible to guess where they went. Jared is going to be hunted down. There’s nowhere for him to go.
But Jared can’t bring Jensen down with him. Jared can’t get him in trouble.
They finish their dinner with more small talk and Jared devours everything Jensen says he’s too full to eat, yet he suspects Jensen is just doing it so Jared can keep on eating and enjoying his favorite food. Jared helps pick up the dishes, wash them and then organize the kitchen. He has been insisting that he’s feeling better and can help around the house, yet Jensen tried to argue against it. Jared doesn't mind, it keeps him busy when Jensen is working.
They walk down the hall and Jared goes to his room first, waving at Jensen goodnight and thanking him for the meal one last time. But before the door can completely close behind him, Jensen stops it and pushes it open again, leaning against the frame.
“I was thinking all night and I-I wasn’t going to say anything, but I have to.” Jensen says with a serious voice, setting his jaw. “I get that you want to leave, I get it, Jared. I understand wanting to be with humans and go back now that you’re okay but…” He trails off, looking down and making Jared stop breathing until he speaks again. “I’m worried about you. I’m worried about you being taken to the Facilities, worried about you getting sick again.”
It’s strange. The feeling that tingles all the way from Jared’s chest, down his arms and then reaching every part of his body. Nobody can’t deny it feels nice when someone cares about you. But somehow, Jensen caring for him is different. It’s nicer.
He doesn’t have to care for a human; he doesn’t have to care for Jared.
“I know is not the best option.” Jensen laughs nervously, shaking his head. “I know is not the best or the most convenient, but it’s safe. You can be safe here, I can keep you safe. You have a house, and a bed and all the food you want. I’ll bring you books and try to find you movies or games and-we’ll figure something out.” He seems a bit desperate, which is not that usual. Jensen is always calm and put together, however, it’s obvious to Jared how hard he’s trying to convince him to stay. “I know being locked in a house is not the ideal life but we can think of something so you won’t feel trapped in here. We can make it work, I can-” Jensen sighs, biting his lower lip and shutting up once he realizes he has spoken nonstop for a whole minute. “You can stay, if you want, Jared.”
And then, there’s silence. It’s usual for them now, after so much talking there are always moments when they both need to shut up and think of what they are learning from the other. Yet this is a difference kind of silence because there’s so much being said simply by the way they stare at each other.
Jared almost wants to ask if Jensen wants him to stay. It’s pretty obvious after all Jensen said, but Jared wants to hear it from Jensen’s mouth. He wants the “I want you to stay”, which is ridiculous. Why is Jared being so weird about Jensen lately?
“I’m going to miss you, Jared.”
It's the last thing Jensen says before turning around to leave the room, finally letting the door close once he’s gone. Jared opens his mouth for a second, thinking about saying something, but nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say.
Jared could leave right now. Tonight could easily be considered the goodbye dinner Jared thought it was and this their very last conversation. It’s nighttime, the best moment of the day to sneak around. He could take provisions with him, Jensen wouldn’t mind considering he can get food for free and he knows Jared had malnutrition before so he would understand Jared needs it out there. If Jared takes off now, he could make it to the factory by the early morning of the next day and figure things out from there.
Everyone could be gone, sure, even Chad and Sandy. But maybe Jared could use the factory for himself, live there for as long as possible. All alone, hiding from what scares Jared the most for the rest of his life.
Or he could stay here. With Jensen.
It means giving up on ever finding Chad and Sandy or living with a human ever again, that’s true, and the thought alone makes Jared’s eyes fill with years instantly. He’s never going to see his best friend again.
But Chad would want him to stay safe, and so would Sandy.
And so would Jared’s mom.
Going out there is risky, even more when Jared has no idea how to survive or defend himself on his own.
Here, he has a chance to survive. And of course, he can stay with Jensen. He won’t be alone, he won’t be scared.
All this time he worried about bringing problems to Jensen, but if he’s offering-well, maybe it’s not a terrible idea. Jensen said they could figure it out. Together.
Jared misses Chad and Sandy terribly, he thinks about them every day and also misses the new family he found at the old factory, he really does. And he probably always will, but this sounds like a good option. Jensen was wrong, it is the best option. He has no idea how much Jared has come to like being in the house around him, feeling protected just by hiding in there with Jensen keeping him company.
If Jared is honest with himself, Jensen has done more than grown on him. Jared likes Jensen, on which degree and what it means is a little too confusing to consider, but he knows that much. Jared likes him.
So staying can’t be that bad.
Yeah. Jensen is not that bad.
| Part Ten |