Life is full of mixed emotions, and now I know that.

How can one be so extremely joyful over something as vainly simple as being noticed by someone you care about? But there I was, in complete ecstasy over being asked out by Boy, who I have been wishing after for years. I was completely beside myself for an entire week, my emotions at their peak. ( Read more... )

Science presents us with a world that is purposeless and void of meaning, where:

“…man is the product of causes which had no prevision of the end they were achieving; … his origin, his growth, his hopes and fears, his loves and beliefs are but the outcome of accidental collocations of atoms; …no fire, no heroism, no intensity of thought and ( Read more... )

Walking through the dark, there is a chill that sets deep into the bones. Moving quietly through the dark, sleep still hanging thick over the house. Sleeping entities all around, as the quiet sets a blanket muffling all sound. Quiet. Passing the portal of each dream capsule, slow breathing and calmness spreads. Each is safe and dreaming. My family ( Read more... )

I can feel the sickness invading my body. Invading my head, my lungs, my stomach… I feel the familiar feeling of uselessness, as I lie helpless amid the many twisted layers of bedding. Time passes almost undetected, quickly now, slowly later, hours fly by without significance, each one exactly the same.

Pressure, constant pressure from the inside ( Read more... )

There are so many dreams that I dream.

Dreams of relationships I will never have with people I will never know. As the rain beat against the large panes of glass, my thoughts slowly dripped their way down my spine the way the beads of water slipped down the window, building, picking up emotion on the way down until big fat drops of loneliness ( Read more... )

I am scared. Every moment of every day approaches faster than it ever has before. I am overwhelmed. There is so much that I need to do- so much that I need to say, but I have no time. I terrified of what is happening around me, and the only capacity I have left to feel is anxiety and pain. I am so angry. I can feel the acidic anger burning in my ( Read more... )

Today I had much time for contemplation. Hours upon hours of time spent staring into the blurred world around me. Nothing came clear, nothing came into focus. I had not the will to leave the world of dreams and be jolted into reality.

Today was a difficult day. I lay on my side and touched a spot on my bed. This was a spot where the much ( Read more... )

Some days are worse than others. Today was a day of emotional trauma, bringing me to the very edge of control, to the point where I wanted only to sit and cry until I became numb.

I entered a new place today. I listened silently for an hour to Woman telling her life’s story. I felt pain in abundance, the pain of welts across a little girl’s back ( Read more... )

Soaking wet and miserable, we slog around in a muddy field; water seeping into our sweats, into our shoes and permeating our socks. Cold, damp clothing chills the skin and makes you shiver. I am among these, doing something I am terrible at, muscles and joints protesting.

Boy does his best to intimidate me. Gets in my face, kindly threatens me ( Read more... )

Some days are better than others. Today was a better day.

It scares me to think back to days like yesterday and remember things I have said, or now the things that I have written, and know that there is so much hurt inside of me. It terrifies me to think of this ugly creature that inhibits me; tearing at me, black cuts that poison me. But it is ( Read more... )