Do we block our own sexual fulfilment?

[soulsex]

We all know that intimacy and a loving, emotional connection with our partner is the most important thing. We know there is no greater turn on than how we are treated, especially if we're treated with love and respect. But if we do not love ourselves first, just as we are, with our perceived faults and shortcomings, can we love another? I have

Comments

[dbalbert]

Soulsex I think you are right in that before you can fully enjoy your sexuality you have to be completely open and honest with yourself. You need to like yourself and accept your most inter feelings without self judgment.

Saying that...my motto is Whatever Trips Your Trigger is ok with me. I find I am turned on by a wide range of sexuality. I like porn, sexuality explicit art, and a lot more. When it comes to sex, I can't really think of anything I don't like or would be afraid to try. I do have a few things that are off limits to me personally. Insest and Child porn do absolutely nothing for me.

I consider myself a rather kinky person. I keep this part off my life private. I am fortunate to have been able to experience a lot of kinky activities.

It sounds like based upon your upbringing that is has taken some time for you to accept your open sexuality. This forum (LJ) is proof that a lot of people are comfortable with many aspects of sexuality. I find reading the wide range of journals to be a turn on.

[soulsex]

Thanks, dbalbert.

Did your wife ever have trouble orgasming? That is such a common problem among women today and most don't know where to turn for help. They assume it is just the way it is supposed to be.

That's why I am asking here, "how do you block yourself"? Was there a time when you didn't ask for what you want in the bedroom? Was there a time when you were too inhibited in regards to sex? How did you stop yourself from following the flow of your sexuality? Do you love your body and your partner's body just as you and they are? Or are there these nagging little flaws a visit to the gym or the plastic surgeon would correct?

Noooooo way am i suggesting we explore anything hurtful in any way toward others, such as incest or child porn. I am simply asking if we block our orgasmic potential and if so, how?

[dbalbert]

Hey there,
First I did not mean to suggest you were wanting to explore anything harmful, I was just giving you a little more insight into me.

No my wife has not had trouble orgasming. However, after 20 years of marriage, she orgasms much easier and more often now. It was never really a problem. Sex just gets better with time. I have never been inhibited regarding sex. I am not sure what you mean about stopping myself from following the flow of my sexuality. I think I did follow the flow. Yes I love my body and my wife's body just they way they are. Are they perfect, hell no. Lots of flaws. I am not into the physical body as much as the mind and total letting go of the mind when having sex.

[soulsex]

Hiya, dbalbert. You're insight is very much appreciated.

I'm glad your wife has not had trouble orgasming. Many women do. You might be surprised. And I know I have stopped myself many time and in many ways from enjoying sex...in fact, for most of my life. How did I do it? By my inner dialogue usually. By telling myself "I shouldn't do that" or "I shouldn't think that" or "I shouldn't want that or feel that, "etc. You'd be surprised how that stops the joy.

I think journaling is opening up something deeper in you. I get that feeling, at least. Is that true? It seems to allow you to go in a new direction and explore things you can't (for some reason)
explore as easily in life. That is what I mean by "block," What it is it in your life that disallows you from expressing your needs and who you are fully? Would your wife spank you if she knew you wwere being naughty online?

[soulsex]

Ok, dbalbert. Will do. Hey, privacy issues? that's interesting. Especially in the context of this post.

[mudflapgirl72]

I've never had a problem orgasming. Well, ok perhaps with some men, but I basically wasn't sharing with them what got me off or whatever. I HAVE had a problem with certain acts due to the abuse I experienced as a child. Like, I didn't like it when my ex went down on me because my abuser did that. It's taken many years to get over that.

Typically, women who masturbate and explore their own bodies orgasm more easily, not to mention those that are comfortable talking about it. Also I think it's interesting that studies show the more educated one is the more likely they are going to be more sexually experimental.

[soulsex]

Thank you for the feedback, mudflapgirl72

[mudflapgirl72]

I probably didn't share because I didn't like the guy or something, didn't want to put forth the effort. Hit and quit it. lol. Perhaps in some cases I was shy, didn't know the guy very well, one-night stand sort of thing

[soulsex]

Thanks, mudflapgirl72

[soulsex]

Thanks, gladiatorxxxx. i joined all those alternative communities, so to speak, in case I wanted to post on them. But the more I look at them, the less I am interested in posting there. Many of them are populated by gay men. Nothing against gay men mind you...but I prefer a more balanced community. Funny thing is when you are presenting male nudes, guys come out of the woodworks and the ladies disappear. Odd, isn't it

[soulsex]

you know what i love, gladiatorxxxx, is the way you want to keep your wife happy, in and out of the bedroom. now tell me that is not erotic? That is a huge turn on. To have someone who feels your feelings and who cares about your needs, totally is where I want to be. and i'm fortunate to say i have that kind of a partner, too.

and certainly that expereince is a much greater turn on than the shape or look of anyone's body parts. but hey, this journal is just taking images as a fun place to start, a way to open the discussion into all these other areas.

I am usually up kind of late. it's a bad habit. i do work at night...it is nice and quiet and that makes it easier to concentrate.

Nope, i didn't masturbate last night. And no hanky panky, either. But for some reason I woke up very horny today. Hmmm, not sure why. I'm going to have to track the boy down and jump his bones soon....LOL

[mais_biensur]

I was wondering whether there was some intense religion in your background. Do you still practice? Which religion?

[soulsex]

Thanks, mais_biensur. No, I don't practice anymore. I left the church when I was twenty. Not that i don't bleieve in God. I do. I just don't believe in all the rules and regulations and restrictions. I'm not religious. But I do consider myself spiritual.

Mais_biensur...this is the post that sextips rejected. Can you write to them and tell them that you suggested I post on their site and see why they wouldn't allow this question? I didn't add any pictures to this post. And they said it was "off topic." Huh? How can a question about why women don't orgasm as often as they could and should be off topic?

[mais_biensur]

You can write to them. Or go on st_discussion.

[soulsex]

Thanks, mais_biensur. just thought you knew someone over there, that is why I suggested you write to her. But no problem. It's not a big deal. I don't have their email address or I would write and ask for clarification. What is st_discussion?