(Untitled)

[sowhatimdrunk]

I wish you knew me. I mean the real me, not this "inner voice but still filtered" me. I wish you could observe me in every day situations, listen to how I interact with others, and then report back to me in secret. I wish you could tell me what I'm doing wrong. Why can't I reach anybody? Why am I different? What would it be like to know how

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[sowhatimdrunk]

Actually, I think it's because you feel sorry for yourself too much.

[zvuv]

i wish i could help... you're right, though, i don't really know you and what you're like, so it's hard to say anything

[goaticusmaximus]

Right on.

[anonymous]

Part I. I wish you knew me. I mean the real me, not this "inner voice but still filtered" me. (Yes. It is a wonderful experience to feel such closeness with another, to feel one's real self validated; your real self reflected back w/o judgment while you know the other's real self as well.) I wish you could observe me in every day situations, listen to how I interact with others, and then report back to me in secret. I wish you could tell me what I'm doing wrong. (I understand that wish for feedback. And w/o getting too philosophical about the word "wrong," I think you mean you seek constructive criticism. Only, sometimes we all don't follow constructive criticism. Are you like that more, or less?) Why can't I reach anybody? (There are reasons. And all of us have that issue more or less, but many of us are not interested in knowing the reasons. I admire this about you.) Why am I different? (Again, w/o getting too philosophical, we are all different. So that's not the question to ask. It's more like 'how am I different?' Or, 'what makes

[anonymous]

Part II. What would it be like to know how others feel? (Yes. Empathy for others is very essential for intimacy) Is it as painful for them as it is for me? (Surely) If I could see myself from the outside, would I be able to tell? (Yes, once you remove defensiveness, if it's present.) Or is it some fundamental problem with my makeup that keeps me from functioning, thinking, and acting like others? (Fundamental is too big of a perspective, unwieldy for self-examination. But there are things about all of us that interfere with our functioning and thinking. Except most of us avoid facing up to them.) I wish you could see me so you would know what it is about me that seems to run people off. (That is really the heart of the matter) Am I not thin enough? (for some yes, for others no) Pretty enough? (for some yes, for others no) Smart enough? (for some yes, for others no) Successful enough? (for some yes, for others no) Funny enough? (for some yes, for others no) Talented enough? (for some yes, for others no) Strong enough? (for some yes,

[anonymous]

Part IV. Would it be enough to know that I am lovable, or do I need to know more than that? Am I lovable? I don't know. (Now, that is the heart of the matter again. It's more than an intellectual knowing. Because sure, you are lovable. It's a question as to why you don't feel lovable. Why you knowingly and unknowingly push people away? What are you protecting? What are you so scared of when you feel vulnerable and allow someone in. Is it a deep fear of abandonment, or rejection, for example? Or, is it a fear of a wish to merge with that person. To allow self to be swallowed up or to swallow the other up?) No one will tell me. (Maybe they can't) Not with words, or with actions. (Sometimes we are blind to those that care and love) Aren't date-able and love-able the same things? (No)What am I missing here? I'm 25, and I've never had a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that lasted longer than a month, and that was 5 years ago. (How did that end?) It's because I'm needy isn't it? (for some yes, for others no) But I don't