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just kill me. it'd be a mercy. -
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Holy fuck. How long have I had this blog? because I've been wish I was dead constantly since before its inception. I just haven't resolved that issue because I care more about what the people who care about me feel than how miserable I am remaining an accessory in their lives. -
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The ketamine treatments I've been gettin since May have been helping so uch I feel like anyone following along would be baffled by the fact that I'd consider it perfection if a handful of xanax on top of my pleasant buzz tonight caused me to never wake up.
Life is less torture than it was, but I still wish I had never been born. -
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I threw a mini-tantrum in his office at the end, after ranting for 10 minutes almost to tears. Quite literally nearing the end of my rope, and told him so. I am 5000% maxed out on FUCK THIS SHIT! DONE. -
that inevitable pdoc "I didn't do what I should..." conversation impending...
psychiatrist in 6 hours. It took 1mg alprazolam and 2 benadryl for me to pass out last night, after over 32 hours awake. I got tired around 6pm tonight, but now it's 4:21 and I'm just now contemplating going to bed. I'll put on a movie I know and hope I fall asleep during it ( Read more... ) -
fuck. my. life.
I've decided my ideal death is for someone to drown me in my own blood.
If I don't commit suicide, I don't have to feel guilty for all the idiots mourning me when I never should have existed in the first place. It's perfect.
too bad it will never happen. -
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i'm sprawled awkwardly on my bed - so I don't bleed on the sheets - drinking red wine straight from the bottle, in summary because plugging a jump drive into the xbox360 while playing Mass Effect 2 - for the second time in a week - reloaded my save by logging me out, for some reason. and I threw a fit over it ( Read more... )
