Stomped back and forth in the apartment brushing my hair until I convinced myself that gin couldn't make the fear any worse than it already was. And true enough, half the fear is gone. Gmail chatting with brothermother and pouring another. It hit me that the first thing i'll get in new york is a big ass bathrobe cause i've never had one and it ( Read more... )

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After work I don't watch the french dvds and I dont walk to look at the ocean the way I swear I will. I breeze through the thirty eight tv channels and cry. Then I open a can of peaches for dinner and watch nature programs until I cry about that. The pile of blankets and covers begins to resemble an ill-fitted diaper at the same time as the canned ( Read more... )

Some bitch walked out into the rain where I stood smoking an incredibly valuable cigarette as part of my hard earned break at work. There was some confusion since she isn't a smoker but also because she's a controlling unlicensed midget from some part of hell that will never be romanticized and would therefor never join me in the rain. I was then ( Read more... )

"Anyway, he gave me a fine holy harangue, about how through repentance I might be saved - which I've never believed, by the way. I've repented a good deal in my time, and had good cause, but I was never ass enough to suppose it mended anything ( Read more... )

The toilet in my apartment is also the shower, it's big enough to fit one person and the shower hose is attached to the sink where i also do my dishes since the kitchen sink broke. Aside from the dishes it's the most genius contraption because you can sit on the toilet lid and pour hot water over yourself. This morning I fell asleep sitting like ( Read more... )

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Went to a birthday party and it seems by now quite a lot of us have kids, which didnt stop me from trying to empty the bar. On my way to the party i bought cigarettes and the clerk boy made flirting jokes, after all I had showered and painted my face. At 4 am i made my way back home on bike in a snowstorm, the guy in the store didnt make any jokes ( Read more... )

I'm so tired of rye bread, cheese and vodka. If only someone would make me soup, and turn off the music, and love me back in(to) shape.

Moved to a new place. With my own garden of industries laid down on all sides. I threw out most of my things and most of the rest I gave away. Morten helped me haul the stuff that remained up to the fourth floor and I bought pizza and vodka. It's totally amazing and heartbreaking all at once to have left such an important home behind and still not ( Read more... )