Originally uploaded by nicci.goudelockHe loved this song. He always danced when I played it.

The worst part of being infertile is that most people do not comprehend the idea of dogs as children. Even if they know I can't have human kids, they don't seem to get it.

The other worst part is that I will always outlive my children.

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SLAUGHTER: Well, there's a scam for ya.

ME: What's that?

SLAUGHTER: Religion.

PATIENT: Someone needs to write an English to Crackhead dictionary.

WHIT: Squirrels are not marsupials. Opposum are marsupials.

ME: Marsupial means they have a pocket, right?

WHIT: Yeah. Like a kangaroo.

ME: Are koala bears marsupials?

WHIT: No. They're bears.

ME: They have armpits.

WHIT: *baffled silence*

ME: For some reason just then, having an armpit seemed to be a qualifier for being a marsupial.

WHIT: Robert was saying that he saw the wedding pictures you posted today. He said I look just like his Great Aunt's son.

ME: And his great grandfather.

WHIT: I've decided I'm the King of the Goudelocks... the King of the Clan.

ME: That would make me the queen!

WHIT: You're the Clan Hoe.

My neighbors got to hear this one:

IF YOU STICK YOUR FACE IN MY MOUTH ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO BITE YOUR EYEBALL!