ahhh..

[spechtator]

So this week has been a living hell...I studied the entire weekend... I'm such a nerd. Then I was up till midnight on mon. and tues., but it all paid off in the end. I have nothing to do tonight, so I watched the last Everwood and OC episoids that I had taped... great shows. I feel like I have so many problems but no one to turn to, I feel like my

Comments

i'm sorry

[betzk]

i'm sorry you feel like you have no one to turn to jess. sometimes i feel like that too. maybe i feel like you don't want to talk to me or i can't relate b/c i'm not as determined as you are, ya know? but i love you.. just know that.

Re: i'm sorry

[spechtator]

Talking or relating to me has nothing to do with my determination, how I feel has nothing to do with school or any of that. Its just that lately you've made me feel like I'm invisible whenever someone "better" is around.

Re: i'm sorry

[sweetnio]

no offense betz, and this is what we talked about the other night....but thats EXACTLY what i was trying to say but i didnt know how to put it. but yeah.

[anonymous]

maybe if you stopped worrying about facts and worried more about just letting your life flow and spending time doing something other than school, then maybe your friends wouldn't make you feel like that.

i'm not saying this to be mean. i'm telling you because im a friend of a friend of a friend and you're starting to worry people with your obsessiveness about college/school. for your own benefit, lighten up a little bit and take it easy.

[spechtator]

I know that I worry about school, but you have to understand thats the type of person that I am, who can't ask me to change who I am. And my entire life doesn't revolve around school... I do so much more, you shouldn't make judgements about me if you don't really know who I am

[sweetnio]

you know im here for you. everytime ive seen you lately you've seemed upset, and i ask you if you're okay and you say yeah. if you try to hide your problems we can't be there for you. everyone is going through their own stuff right now and no one has time to pull you out and say "jessie tell me whats wrong." and even if we did i feel like you would say it was no big deal and keep it bottled up inside of you. either way, you know we're here for ya girl.

<333lovelovelove

I know

[spechtator]

I totally understand what you mean... and I'll try to be more consciencious about that. Just know that when I'm ready or want to talk I'll come to you, I know that you're there for me.

Re: I know

[sweetnio]

<3

[anonymous]

Look, I know you. I know what you're like, if you have problems you dont let any one in. People find it hard to relate to you because you dont let anyone in. If you have a problem instead of coming out and saying something you sit there and make things awkward so that people have to say "whats wrong? are you ok?" and you're like "im fine" when you're obviously not. Maybe its not us closing you out, maybe youre closing out the people around you. Put alittle faith in other people and you'll have a lot more luck with real friendships and you wont feel left out all the time.

you're right

[spechtator]

Just like I told Lauren, you're right (who ever you are), i do need to work on expressing my feelings, it's just hard for me b/c I hate confronting others and making them feel bad... but I am working on it