So three guys are sitting in a bar. One is from Texas, the next from New York and the last from Boston. The guy from Texas is drinking tequila and gets about halfway through his bottle before tossing the bottle in the air, drawing his pistol and shooting the bottle. Glass shatters and goes everywhere. The other two look @ him like he's crazy, "What did you wast half a bottle of tequila for?" But the Texan just smiles and says, "Where I come from we have all the finest tequilas available to us morning, noon and night. It flows like water. So no worry
( ... )
How do elephants go out incognito? They wear sunglasses.
Have you ever seen an elephant wearing sunglasses? Obviously that works too.
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? So they can hide upside-down in custard.
How can you tell if an elephant's hiding in your fridge? Footprints in the butter.
How many elephants can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle? Two in the front and two in the back.
How do you tell if there's an elephant in bed with you? There is an E embroidered on his pyjamas.
British English only What do you do if you are walking along in the jungle and an enraged bull elephant starts running towards you? Find a telephone, make a trunk call and reverse the charges.
So there's this couple in this Motel 6. Right in the middle of fucking each other's brains out, the woman says to the man "Sweetie, culd you go down to the vending-machines in the lobby, I want a candy bar." So she gives him money for a candy bar for herself and then some extra so he can get one of his own, he loosely ties the sash to his robe and makes his way down to the lobby. On his way back, a gust of wind opens up his robe just as he encounters three nuns. The first nun says to the other two "Wow, sisters, what an odd-looking candy-machine. I'm sure that the good Lord will forgive us if we indulged this once." So the first nun puts a quarter in his mouth, tugs on his penis and takes a candy bar. The second nun does the same and gets the same. The third nun, though, does the same and gets nothing. When the third nun catches up with the other two, the second nun says to her "Wow, Sister Cecilia, mine has almonds, what about yours?" The third nun replies "Oh... I didn't get a candy bar, but I did get this funny-smelling hand
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A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?
A: See, it works.
Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.
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They wear sunglasses.
Have you ever seen an elephant wearing sunglasses?
Obviously that works too.
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside-down in custard.
How can you tell if an elephant's hiding in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How many elephants can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle?
Two in the front and two in the back.
How do you tell if there's an elephant in bed with you?
There is an E embroidered on his pyjamas.
British English only
What do you do if you are walking along in the jungle and an enraged bull elephant starts running towards you?
Find a telephone, make a trunk call and reverse the charges.
Reply
The first nun says to the other two "Wow, sisters, what an odd-looking candy-machine. I'm sure that the good Lord will forgive us if we indulged this once."
So the first nun puts a quarter in his mouth, tugs on his penis and takes a candy bar. The second nun does the same and gets the same. The third nun, though, does the same and gets nothing.
When the third nun catches up with the other two, the second nun says to her "Wow, Sister Cecilia, mine has almonds, what about yours?"
The third nun replies "Oh... I didn't get a candy bar, but I did get this funny-smelling hand
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Have you heard about the new pirate movie that was just released? It's rated "arrr!"
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