woops

[spookyrayven]

Went to Texas Roadhouse last night with Josh, Brittany, Travis, and Emily. Had a good time overall, but there was just one moment of extra-weirdness. Sitting around, playing with the giant steak knife that they give you, and Josh made a joke about stabbing me with it. I flipped it around in my hand and presented the handle to him, stood up, and

Comments

Ouch

[tuanda13]

"Do it fucker! You'll be the second person to stick a fuckin' knife in my heart in the last four days!"

If you were aiming to maim, you succeeded. If you want to lash out at me, please don't do it here. If you just are telling a story that happens to hurt me even more, then so be it I guess. Maybe I should stop reading your posts or something. I don't know.

Re: Ouch

[spookyrayven]

My aim was not to hurt, but rather to relate an embarrassing story.

I can't guarantee the absence of discussion about the end of our relationship on here. I'm trying to avoid filtering things because that's just not cordial, but if you want to remove me from your friends list I guess that's your choice.

I'm not going to censor myself, this is my journal, and I write about what's on my mind and what is happening in my life. Sorry.

Re: Ouch

[tuanda13]

I didn't say that you had to censor yourself, the problem with these journals is that unless explictly stated, intent isn't shown. I don't know if you are trying to lash out at me, hurt me intentionally in some way (both of these are justifiable but I would prefer you do it in some other medium)or if you honestly, with no ulterior motive, are telling an embarrassing story. I'm very worried about you. I want to know how you are, and for that reason I really don't want to remove you from my friends list. And I would like it if you didn't think I had turned into some cold heartless bitch in the past few days. I'm doing my best not to hurt you or make this any worse, but when I read that I felt like the worst human being on the face of the planet. I really am sorry for all of this. I have never wanted to hurt you.

Re: Ouch

[spookyrayven]

No, I don't think that you have turned heartless in the past couple of days, I still think you are still the same awesome person you always have been. I also know that you didn't mean to hurt me, but the fact still remains that you did, about as bad as anyone ever has. The fact still remains that I am emotionally unstable as fuck right now, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. All I do is fucking get depressed all the time. I have no control anymore. Josh and I drove past the "Concrete Lady" today, and I broke down. Because of a fucking store!?! I used to have more control, but I was thinking of how cool the place was, and that led to me thinking about the time we went there, and then I remembered what a good time we had, and that lead to thinking that I will never have that again, and I just spiraled. Crying in a car because of a statuary store on the side of the highway. Nothing makes sense anymore. I used to have a base, but now it's been pulled out and I feel like I'm crumbling. I was strong...

fuck