Sometimes I wish I wanted the whole white picket fence dream, it'd be so much easier and I think I'd feel more connected to the world. Saw a commercial bout a baby being born and everyone was rushing to the hospital, just kinda hit me that I wont have a moment like that, dont want one. So many commercials arent at all directed at me, makes me ( Read more... )

I wish I could go back to the days when I only smoked when I drank. I enjoy smoking but I hate the lung pain. Walked up a hill last week and thought I was gonna die. I'm fine on level ground but I think a steep enough hill just might kill me ( Read more... )

I feel so fucking useless. I thought I hurt a friend, he acted like I didnt. I cant decide if he was lying or if I'm worthless. I've been discarded as meaningless. Nothing I said seemed to penetrate and now I cant stop crying. We were having a normal conversation and suddenly it just went to hell because I dont think before I speak. I never ( Read more... )

Ugh, I am sicky. So annoying, I finally got my car back and now I feel so gross that I dont wanna do anything. I had so many almost plans this weekend too, wanted to celebrate being able to go freely again. Woke up about an hour ago and now I wanna nap, heh. Oh well, at least I have time to get better, I suppose.

I hate playing the waiting game. I've gotten better, but I'm still dreadfully impatient. Actually excited about getting a job just so I have something to do with my time. I'm just sitting around letting my fears and paranoia get the best of me. Tho at least I'm having bout of rational thought, wouldnt have been the case a couple years ago. Oh ( Read more... )

I'm feeling so much better today that there's no comparison. Turns out, I just need to get out more. Staying with my friend didnt hurt either. I need to remember this lesson. I keep learning it and forgetting it when I need it. The more I need people the less I tend to want to be around them, at least until I'm actually out and having fun. I' ( Read more... )

Just realized that it was the 9 year anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard earlier this week. It still makes me cry and want to never leave my house again. People can be so horrible, I'll never understand it.

Forgive me for not putting this behind a link, I've forgotten how and it seems like too much effort right now to look it up ( Read more... )

I hate making screennames! Oh well, I finally found one I can live with that's not already taken so if anyone reads this and cares I'm now NightKitty82 on aim. If we used to talk on there I'd be thrilled to hear from ya. Especially if you can help point me towards anyone who wont read this. Oh, and I start college soon, yay.

Oh, how I hate getting online after a long time away. I've forgotten every password except my email and this. Even my aim and that's just sad. I had that name since... I dont even know how long.. eighth grade maybe. Wont be able to find a lot of people I was hoping to catch up with. Oh well. I can get online whenever now thought I dunno if I ( Read more... )