I decided to see a psychologist again. For the unitiated I saw one the first time in 1993. At that time I was diagnosed with depression and put on Prozac. The Prozac helped a little but I also got a little obsessive to the point that one time I beat the shit out of my step-brother because I thought he had stolen my Prozac. Needless to say that was ( Read more... )

It's been a bad week for my family. My father's in the hospital and my grandfather was too. My grandfather has kidney problems. My father just underwent a double bypass. I have been talking on and off with my stepmother and my father appears to be doing okay. He is likely to be released from the hospital tomorrow which is ahead of schedule. It ( Read more... )

I've made a few changes in my life. First off I'm dieting and it's actually working. 15 lbs gone so far so hurray for me. That of course has necessitated exercising more, watching what I eat and all of that. I no longer drink sodas or eat potato chips. The closest I've come to snacking is some sorbet I had a few days ago. It also had me getting up ( Read more... )

You know all I ever do is complain but truthfully life's going pretty good right now. I just got another raise at work putting me over the $40,000 a year mark. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to most people but considering how and where I grew up(I was the oldest of three kids in asingle parent home--nmy mother only made about $15,000 a year) ( Read more... )

Does anybody know the secrets to happiness? I'm so miserable all the time and I'm so tired of it. I swear if money wasn't an issue I'd quit my job, pick up stakes and either move back east to new York or back west to the Pacific Northwest. Living in St Louis just does not suit a person like me. Work's really getting me down. I never make any ( Read more... )

Summer is always the busy season for my job and July is the worst month. I ended up getting more claims this week than I did for all of April. I'm trying to handle everything but between a supervisor who doesn't listen to me and clients who don't seem to understand what I'm trying to say and claimants trying to take advantage of my kindness I'm ( Read more... )

It's been a big lazy weekend so far. I've been watching a lot of movies and reading some books but mainly what I've been doing is sleeping. My sleep patterns are so irregular lately it's ridiculous. Strangely enough too I've started having dreams again that I can remember which I don't understand. The one I remember most from yesterday was that I ( Read more... )

I'm trying my hardest not to get depressed but it's so damn hard. I feel down right now. I feel sad. I'm trying to tell myself though that there's nothing to feel sad about. I'm thinking too much about past events that I can't change. It's like this old Eddie Money song---"I wanna go back and do it all over but I can't go back I know." So many ( Read more... )

It took bout two days for me to relax and put the whole Mali thing behind me. Yes she was a good friend and yes I felt a little sad and betrayed and unwanted but That's life. Things don't always go the way younplanned and in the end you've just got to pick yourself up and keep on going . So that's what I did. After the tears had gone, the heartache ( Read more... )

For only the fourth time in my life I fell apart today. The first time it happened was after I found out my friend Drew died. I went in my room and cried and cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. The second time was when I was 19 and was leaving NY. I wanted to stay with my father and the world they had up there and I cried for half the day ( Read more... )