Fuck this shit.

I wonder so many things. I wonder about the past, the future of the world, my future. I wonder about my biggest fears and hope they never come true. What if I can't have kids? What if I'm left alone way earlier than I want to be? What if I can't get my anxiety and stress down? What if, what if, what if?

What if I fail?

I would rather just not have a vagina right now. I never thought I'd have so many fucking problems with mine ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think of all the things I've ever promised. I think of all the love that has filled my heart and then slowly deflated from it. I think about how much I believed in those promises as I was making them, and then how sometimes those clouds of hope turned out to be shards of glass that just shattered at my feet when I poked them ( Read more... )

I'm at a point right now where my relationship is a little strained. Through my own fault (my first instinct is to say "As usual" but I know that's not true).

He came home early for me. Unfortunately he came home when all of my student teaching and classes started, so I've been beyond busy. I think it'll be easier when he has his own place and we'll ( Read more... )

I'm not a naturally hateful person. It's not an emotion I enjoy or relish. I wish I could let go all of the disappointment, frustrations, and yearnings I've had in the last year. Unfortunately letting go is easiest for me when I talk about things. More specifically talking to whomever the subject involves, but I don't think that's going to happen ( Read more... )

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I was going through such a roller coaster in my life 10 months ago. A lot of it is too personally to really feel okay with sharing. A lot of thoughts and reflecting. It hit me to remember some of the emotions that I went through then. I wrote on one page "Oct 18, 2011. No more talking. Nothing. I miss him ( Read more... )

I went and got the mail at 8 o'clock tonight. The sun was setting but it was still fairly bright out. I really don't like wearing shoes, but I also don't like getting stuff stuck on my feet, so I tiptoed my way across the parking lot holding my hands out to give me better posture, my dress caressing my thighs as the wind softly blew. I started to ( Read more... )

This pretty much blew my mind. The way they're all sharing the same guitar. The guy who does the yelling verse. The girl singing Kimbra's part.  I remember when my friend Aileen introduced me to this video, and I loved it because it was so beautiful sounding. the music video was original and interesting. Then, at one point in my life, it was the ( Read more... )