This might not ever be read ( Read more... )

7-24-06 ( Read more... )

I want to be loosed from my skin. I feel like some kind of animal, no longer able to keep control, no longer able to help. I feel lethal, vicious and terrible. I want to soak my clothes in the blood of my foes. There is a need to escape this skin and become a new person. The sooner I escape the safer I'll be. I don't want to be incarcerated ( Read more... )

When you let go, that's when things reveal themselves to you. When your absence causes pain, you know that you shouldn't be gone ( Read more... )

This is the best I have felt in a long time. Those rubbish things that I have felt in months and years past are all but gone. I feel more free now. I don't feel chained by obligation or remorse. I no longer have to put on the puppet show. I can openly express the things that cause me discomfort ( Read more... )

To tell the truth I am actually quite pleased with myself. Things are going very well in an underhanded and quiet way. I feel no real sense of need or want at this time. Very stange, since I don't quite have what I want or what I feel I need. I am closer. But the distance that exists is useful. It allows me to act as something different for a ( Read more... )

When you least expect great revelations in life they come to you. They fall on your lap like a ton of bricks. Wheather you see them as such is up to you. I have had this experience ( Read more... )

As of 8:00 am est, I have been awake for 48 hours. It kind of feels irresponsible. Without sleep life becomes simple. You lose your appetite, you lose the color of your skin, you lose the ability to care. I wish I could go on without sleeping ever again. I do plan to sleep tonight when I get home from work. I will sleep sober so that I can ( Read more... )

I've always hated the fact that I have to live 2 lives. It was frustrating and troublesome. But now after so many years, it is starting to pay off and feel good. I have had a good last 2 days, despite having to tell a lie and see my grandmother cry. I took a very relaxing walk, and it actually made me feel good, despite the knowledge that when ( Read more... )

I have come to a slight understanding of what it is to dwell in a prison. Why I hate to be free from my cage for only a moment. I know that when I step outside the bars and that rush of freedom sweeps me into joy that it will not last. I can look out into the distance and see beautiful green trees and plants and know that gazing at them will ( Read more... )