Why the hell did you stay with them?

[ss_interject]

I heard that question a lot tonight.  A mate has made the decision to leave Australia to start a new life on the other side of the world and at the same time, leaving his wife.  After a couple of drinks, we find out the our friend who is leaving the country in just over a week is debating even telling his wife that its over until he has well and

Comments

[toosdraadloos]

I actually think it's quite a funny story...
It may sound hard, but I cannot feel compassion for bossy bitches.

[ss_interject]

haha, Most of the guys said leaving without saying anything was deserved. The women first said telling her needs to happen because as women how it would feel if it was them. After hearing more, changed to - You need to tell her, because you are not the type of person to do something like that and if you do then you will regret it for the rest of your life. Personally if women can slap a guy for something, then who starts deciding what reaction is allowed?

...because I might want that job.

[kurikuribebi]

If it were reversed, everyone would be saying she needed to leave him and poor her and yadda yadda. I say he gets out of there then shouts double standard when anyone calls him on it.

[ss_interject]

Yeah - though the double standard isn't just this situation. I see girls going nuts and hitting and kicking the shit out of a guy, but the second trying to block it feels like a hit back they go nuts and say he hits women etc. The girl is so confident that the term "A real man never hits a woman", takes 'never' as a free pass. If you saw a woman hitting a guy, many girls would think he deserved it and many guys would find it hilarious.

[kurikuribebi]

My guy friends have never had a reason to hit me, but I've told them that if I ever for some reason get out of hand (I can never forsee that happening,) don't hesitate. If I'm physically attacking your being, I stop being a woman and become a threat. Different story, defend yourself. I love a man who respects women, but I love a man who respects himself enough to protect himself as well.

[ss_interject]

I know many who have strict old school values and I agree to a point, I don't think it is the majority view. Defence is fine, though when you learn self defence, you get the other person down as fast as possible - but i would imagine that would be seen as excessive force and not just self defence. It's one of those topics that will likely be judged after seeing the bruises than based on what might be real or not...

[newmistakes]

Anyone in an abusive relationship is better off out of it, and it sounds like breaking up with her is absolutely the right move. But not telling someone, whether an arsehole man or woman, seems incredibly cold if not cowardly, considering he doesn't seem to feel in fear of his safety in the relationship.

[ss_interject]

Yeah I actually agree with that, but the whole concept is completely foreign to me. I doubt I'd hang around after the first time it happened and I certainly wouldn't have married them, moved to another country for them and stayed with them for 11 years. So regardless of what I think is the right the thing to do in this situation I am only seeing how I would end it. What sort of self worth would someone have to stay? - someone strong enough to finally tell them they were leaving? I don't know... Does how much one thing seems entirely and completely cold irrelevant because of 3 years of worse? Maybe its like stockholm syndrome, when people mistake the absence of abuse as positive and the actual abuse deserved. Its not my place to know everything because I don't think he needs to hear my opinion on his reaction to a life I don't understand continued.

[newmistakes]

Yeah I'm sure he doesn't need to hear anyone's opinion but it would be hard not to have one. Anyway it's a pretty awful situation all round.

EDIT: And happy birthday!! I hope you're having a good one.

[ss_interject]

thanks so much! had a brilliant day! :)

[ss_interject]

yeah I hope he is ok - and even more than that, if he has built up enough self worth to leave that situation that he can find someone who he deserves.