Life so rarely imitates the plot of a bargain kindle purchase. But on those rare occasions when it does, I find myself somewhat giddy at the ludicrous implausibility of it all. You see, my friends, congratulations and heartfelt felicitations are in order - for I am fake engaged. Not for one second of my adult life have I ever wanted to get married ( Read more... )

I’m just a conduit for static. I seem to accumulate it everywhere I go. And no, I’m not dragging my feet across the floor like some kind of tragic Quasimodo figure (although I am into humps and enjoy ringing bells). Almost every time I sit down at my home computer and reach out to turn it on I get a zap. Then the cursor on my computer will often go ( Read more... )

Did you know that thirty-seven years ago today a new type of maze-based video game was released in Japan? But when the manufacturers tried to sell it to an American company, there was a problem. The American company refused to release a game called “Puck Man”, knowing that kids would vandalise the letter “P”. So the name was changed to “Pac-Man” ( Read more... )

There are times when I feel I’m channelling my inner sophisticated and professional adult with laudable success. Last night’s meeting was all about data, something I loathe. But the data was looking at the school’s senior classes and their results on the all important end-of-year exam. My class’ results were SPECTACULAR. Above the state average in ( Read more... )

“It’s the good girls who keep diaries, the bag girls never have the time.”  ~ Tallulah Bankhead

I like this quote because it suggests that when I’m not updating here I’m off somewhere getting up to all sorts of mischief, breaking rules and being BAD. Sadly, the reality is somewhat less interesting - take this weekend, for instance. The baddest ( Read more... )

Eye contact is a lot like pooping. Some is good, but non-stop is not so good. I had to learn this the hard way, of course. I used to be painfully shy (whereas now I’d characterize my shyness as more of an intermittent dull ache, manageable but still sometimes unpleasant). The prospect of parties or social situations where I wouldn’t know many ( Read more... )

I firmly believe that our technology obsessed society robs children of something vitally important - boredom. I remember being excessively and repeated bored so many times during my childhood and adolescence. That boredom helped shape who I am. But these days no one is allowed to be bored (freak out alert: I just used the phrase “these days” - I am ( Read more... )

One of the great tragedies of my life is that I can’t eat cooked onions. I love the smell of them as they are frying in a pan. The way they sizzle with a sizeable dollop of butter, the whole carmelisation process that turns raw onions into something spectacular and makes them such an olfactory delight. I just can’t eat them. Well, I can… and I have ( Read more... )

According to reliable internet sources today is German Beer Day, Lost Dog Awareness Day, English Language Day, Talk Like Shakespeare Day AND World Book Day. I never knew April 23 was so exciting, moreso even than making the beast with two backs, thou rump-fed ronyon! Since I don’t have any German Beer, my dog is not currently lost (and I’m quite ( Read more... )

There’s a woman at work who uses the word ‘sorry’ a lot. And by a lot I mean A LOT. If she asks you a question, if she walks past you, essentially every interaction with her is cushioned in either a pre-emptive or reactive apology. At first I found it amusing, viewing it as a cute little linguistic tic of sorts. But the thing about becoming aware ( Read more... )