emergence

[stae]

In all my existance i have only once been overcome by a persons presence. Sitting on a bus when i was at uni i noticed a girl, nothing particularly exceptional about her but she had an element about her that i could not deny. A presence that captivated and enthralled me. Chance would have it that we established a friendship of sorts and we spent a

Comments

[unjaundiced]

well, then you will have to accept that maybe your perspectives have changed or that time has allowed you to emotionally and mentally mature to the point where you realise that, no she was not untouchable. anxiety is a part of life, without it life would be boring. just let whatever happen happen and try not to impose any sort of assumptions or presuppositions on the situation. if she doesn't remember you, that's fine. just start over with a "hello, how do you do. Do you remember me?" or something. accept the past, let it go, then all things will fall into place. blegh, waxing philosophical. sometimes the strangest things make you remember people. it must be a subconscious thing

[stae]

I am sure it will all work out to a resolution of some description. i am just looking forward to the opportunity to test myself and my past.

[unjaundiced]

well, in any case, good luck with that. it's always interesting to meet people from the past.

[ninedeadleaves]

I hope you dropped the notion of having to rebuild yourself for someone. Because that means you won't be you anymore, and where's the honesty in that - to the world, but mostly to yourself?

[stae]

Well no i still maintain the belief that deconstruction of oneself can be one of the most fundamental aspects of evolution of the spirit and the identity. One can't be content with oneself because that leads to stagnancy. Whether it be for someone or for yourself as long as the stimulus is there to inspire you to overcome and evolve beyond your short comings then growth will be maintained.

[ninedeadleaves]

But are they shortcomings, or are they just your idiosyncracies that might be shortcomings in someone else's eyes? The point of my original comment is that you said you were going to change yourself 'to something worthy of her'. Yes, change generally entails growth, but not catering solely to another's interests that they might in turn be interested in you, thus validating you on some level. That doesn't sound like evolution. That sounds like submission.

[stae]

They were and are shortcomings in my eyes, and yes in some ways it may not sound like the healthiest course of action, but when i point out my whole self hate your way to improvement most people don't agree with that either.

ok well let me pose a question then. say there was a girl/boy whatever who you really wanted to talk to but they intimidated you. would you consider it submission if you went away and worked on your confidence first, if you developed your identity and sense of self to a point where they no longer intimidated you. is that submission?

[dalendra]

so did you just see her again or have you actually spoken to her?
what was it like?????
i saw someone i went to primary school with the other day. it was bizarre. he hadnt changed at all, so i recogised him straight away. but i like to think that i've changed and people dont realise who i am. i wonder if thats really how it is?

[stae]

No haven't spoken to her or seen her yet, so will see how that goes. I do look quite a bit different now than i did in uni so i imagine she won't recognise me.

so you want to feel that you have grown muchly since primary school then?

[heidikat]

fate can be fickle. so take things slow i say. you have to see her. but pedestals are stupid things. so talk to her on the ground. :)

[stae]

pedestals are kind of stupid unless one gets to take a turn on it. besides sometimes it feels nice for someone to think so highly of you so i wouldn't want to destroy the pedestal, just keep it around for every now and then.

[aphua]

it's what vnv does. even the new stuff takes me back a few years and makes me all nostalgic and sad.

i have heaps of prodding questions for you but i'll save those for email ;)

[stae]

i hope there are other tracks that feature in the tour more prominently though as i don't think you can base a tour solely on the content of that cd.

[aphua]

haha no, they'll play a lot of old faves, otherwise they'd be lynched. i've got the live dvd at home, it's pretty good. ronan makes me giggle, he looks like the guy from the birdcage, and dances like mason :)

[stae]

He isn't the most attractive guy i have ever seen, but no doubt he gets all the groupies he wants.

so robin williams boyfriend out of the movie right?