I'm sitting there,

Listening to these amateurs pour out their souls,

Hearing the shards of unpolished emotions falling from their mouths,

Like they sounded deep in their bedroom but less impressive here,

And all I can think of is you.

Not him.

Not the one who brought me there.

The reason for all of this.

The reason I know you.

But you.

Every word ( Read more... )

God.

You're so frustrating.

You're the flash of an ellipses in my messages,

I'm hanging on your every word.

You're dancing around all the subjects we won't touch on,

And I'm desperately waiting to watch you stumble.

You're the words you so carefully choose,

And I'm a shotgun firing them off with reckless abandon.

Grenades lobbed over the wall.   ( Read more... )

And just like that, I'm tangled.

Words were never the issue for us.

It was always more than words.

And you're a mess of apathy still.

But maybe that's our secret,

That we come together when we are miserable.

And now you aren't oceans away,

but only hours.

And the idea of laying in your dorm bed seems even better.

And I can't know what's going to ( Read more... )

All I can think about is anyone but him.

I see business trips and texts goodnight.

My best beat, my most confident.

Loud music and dark looks.

Dancing closer and closer until there isn't anywhere else to go but inside.

Bathroom stalls, scuffed knees, hungry eyes.

Not needing a thing but to make someone else scream.

Exchanging numbers but not names ( Read more... )

I'm sitting on these concrete steps.

The summer night is cool and quiet and clear,

Like my thoughts of you.

It's ridiculous how many times I've played this scene out.

Always at night.

You come to my door.  You knock and I open.

I'm half-dressed and you're a mess.

And I look at you with a mix of emotions.

An exasperated "Why are you here?"

And a ( Read more... )

It's crazy how reading your words can change everything I'm thinking.

I'm comparing your thoughts to mine.

Comparing whose wounds look more vibrant.

You talk of stars in the sky.

I talk of the sand and the sea.

Yet we both feel small in this big picture.

We both feel like there has been time lost.

Things not discussed.

And somehow what we are ( Read more... )

I think I'm better.

At least for a moment.  A respite.

Yet, I can't eat.

I can't help but smile at thoughts of you.

And I try not to search your name, but I do.

I try not to cast you in my life, but I do.

But when I say I'm better,

I don't mean that I've erased my world of you.

Perhaps that was they way I had thought about it before.

No, when I ( Read more... )

Sore. Sorry. Shameful.

If the islands taught me anything,

it's that the ocean is ruthless.

Dragged in, chewed up, spit out, lost sight of the shore, far from home.

How could I feel nostalgic for that?

I don't want to talk to you.

Not like you're here.  Not like you can hear me.

Because you can't.

I don't wanna hear your waves crash in my ear.

( Read more... )

I want this to be a summer of love.

Not the summer of like, not 2012.

But something entirely new.

Finding love.  In everything.

In the corners of my house.

Covered in dust bunnies and grains of brown rice.

In the edges of my neighborhood's map.

That are crinkled from where they meet the water.

In the eyes of my husband.

Creasing together when he ( Read more... )

It's 1:10am.

I ate too much today.

I am the lowest.

I'm watching the friend activity update on Spotify.

I'm imagining what their mornings are like.

The sound of them tapping against their steering wheels.

The sizzle of their breakfasts frying.

Meanwhile.

I'm listening to some sad 18 year olds tracks.

Though he began to call me at 14.

Blonde and ( Read more... )