life doesn't add up to anything.  it doesn't matter how much understanding you have, or smarts.  it's not about strength or beauty.  it's about courage and what you put into it.  it's about charisma and luck.  people aren't really different.  same compositions with different masks.  but most of the masks are the same too ( Read more... )

i'm empty.  my head is filled with cobwebs.  my heart is made of ice.  in between is a void of regret.  i have nothing.  i am nothing.

bad day, bad bad day ( Read more... )

"You'll be hearing that for the next 20 years".  Yeah well I heard it two more times that night.  Wonderful.  It's like my body is stuck.  No one wants that ( Read more... )

What a waste of day today was.  I want to write an email to someone and just go through my life.  I used to do that, but now I have no one to write to.  So here I am.

I remember how seeing an email used to just make my entire day.  Shawn used to write them to me and I would read them over and over.  he wrote like he talked and connected his ( Read more... )

I watched the movie Once the other day.  It's about a passionately gifted musician living in some european country.  He meets this very poor girl whose father taught her to play the violin and piano.  She loves the piano.  She asks him whose the girl all his songs are about and he eventually tells her that he had a girlfriend in London who cheated ( Read more... )

Walk solemnly ( Read more... )

I am so so sorry.  I know probably half of what you feel and that half is agony.  It's been so long for you, looking back on that day is like looking down  a whirl pool; finding the very point were it all started.  Where everything began spiraling out of control and you began to drown.  I can't save you from your heartache, but I can try to ease it ( Read more... )

I hate the winter.  I hate the cold so much.  But there is something about a winter wind that penetrates my hatred and rejuvenates me.   When the world is screaming its desolation,  I feel resolute; a grace that makes me want to take life by the reins and drive it into submission.  There is no light or dark in me anymore, only a single definition ( Read more... )

The five most significant people in my life and their wants.  Names will be changed to protect the innocent, although their names are not picked at random.

Castor and Pollux we will count as one.  You are both so different, but in my head you are always one.  I've always felt excluded from you.  Never fully understood the bond that we had.  I don't ( Read more... )