ever since i heard the news i've been compiling answers to why it could have happened. who removed that last piece of the tower to make it crumble? once the tremors in my world subsided, i started imagining that one day down the road... where these past few years could be shaken off with a simple "you did your best." but then i catch myself ( Read more... )

Dear Dad ( Read more... )

sitting here with my knee pulled up to my chest in between my arms. my hands, they rest on the keyboard. i pause and for a second i touch my face and grace over my own lips. is this what you long for? how do you envision that first encounter, there sitting alone while the sun quietly sets among the trees on your balcony? could we venture into the ( Read more... )

this kind of thing doesn't wash just away ( Read more... )

so things couldn't get much better with dan and i. sure i find things to complain about, but i see myself waking up next to him for... well don't let me jinx it. i always jinx it. i don't want to get ahead of myself this time. it's just... by now i should have figured out what's wrong and i haven't. i'm scared to death. i've never felt this secure ( Read more... )

so i'm pretty sure it's pouring outside and it's making freaky noises. i've been unusually jumpy and easily shaken lately. i wish dan didn't have to work early tomorrow so he could console me. i wish i wasn't so damned dependent. i'm becoming overly paranoid. i'm procrastinating to the point where i'm stressing myself out. i was supposed to do so ( Read more... )

so i've reached that point. one night we weren't even fighting that bad and i went into the bathroom... looked myself in the mirror and thought of ways to ask him to leave and never come back. i know it's horrible. but i thought maybe it was what he wanted. maybe i should do it before i really start to fall head over heels for this boy ( Read more... )

i don't think i've ever felt this secure in a relationship. they'll be times when i have my relapses and test my boundries, but he'll always find the right words to say to let me know that we'll be okay. and i hate him for that because i'm so scared of getting my heart broken. i've just been so stressed out lately that i feel like i'm letting him ( Read more... )

so i set him up to be this perfect guy, i expect him to drop everything when i don't feel good; he should know to chase after me. but he isn't, he doesn't, and he never has. i'm blaming myself for setting my standards for him too high, and we're starting to fight every night. he left this morning and he wasn't even going to say bye because he ( Read more... )

i don't know why i allow myself to get hurt by it. i can't do this anymore. it's like a constant reminder of my downfalls. and i have two supportive people in my life who couldn't be replaced and they both tell me that it's not worth stressing myself out. i feel guilty for letting my past cause me to be so moody. and yet this morning i woke up from ( Read more... )