i'm only allowed to eat fruit. it's messing with my balance. but i'm so sick otherwise. i thought i'd have adjusted to things by now. it's weird. i know i'd be fine with my mom's vegetables. her funny vegetables and our chicken eggs ( Read more... )

i'm burning some of diegos cds so i can have some spanish to listen to ( Read more... )

out of the 80 exchange students, only 15 made it to the top of the mountain. i was the first girl to make it..only 4 girls did. i have rocks from the top. i screamed up there..it was incredibly hard on my lungs.

i kissed the australian boy on the top of the moutain.

i'm so sun burnt, my lips are swollen. it was all very worth it.

javier calls me liza jane. at night, before he goes to sleep..he says "hasta mañana liza jane" i like his thick spanish accent..it's ok.

i ran today. it was the first day in while that i've felt well enough..which is strange because i almost fainted again. i have really low blood sugar with these medications i'm on right now. tomorrow i have to eat ( Read more... )

so they gave me tea and bread and apple juice. my lips lost all color. i don't know. i wish i had seen myself.

i still want a poppy seed muffin. i need baby pictures of myself for phsychology, impossible. i was never a baby, silly mexicans..expect way too much.

i'm very sick. and very tired. and very alone.

i pretty much just wait for e mails from my mom, reply, and wait some more. i sat on a bench during break today and cried. osi gave me a lollipop. i wish i had a poppy seed muffin. or sleeping pills. i need to send my mail. what don't these people get about that?

i'm being careful here. i was this way as a little child. only, it came naturally. i didn't have to force myself to want to live..and i don't mean to be dramatic..it's not like i'm forcing myself NOT to die. i mean, live, like..the small things, that give life quality. taking care of myself, smiling, keeping my mouth shut sometimes, watching and ( Read more... )

i miss things that i didn't even enjoy. like playing duets with mom and giving my dogs baths and weeding.  i wish i could be in guatemala with my parents saving sea turtles and walking the beaches, climbing pyramids..mom says "be where you are." i've read four books, started 3 or 4 journals. i bought nail polish and bracelets and a candle. i bought ( Read more... )

Javier Bautista ( Read more... )

in chinese caligrophy Liza has two symbols. they mean beautiful and sad.

beautiful sand.

i'm worried. i'm upset. i'm apprehensive. i'm crying. i'm almost gone. i'll be gone so far away, so soon, where no one can catch me if i start to slip. laurel won't be there to make my photo albums, or my lists, tidy up my room, advise me in any way. i'll miss ( Read more... )