Toxic: Stage Six. [ChaBean] (1/2)
Fandom: VIXX (non!au)
Pairing: ChaBean
Word Count: 10,326
Rating: PG.
Summary: Finally the tension breaks and Hakyeon lets go. A depiction of the events leading up to this.
Stage One. || Stage Two. || Stage Three. || Stage Four. || Stage Five.
Stage 6: Untouched (1/2)
a/n: This is going to be posted in 2 parts because the entire thing is over 20k words long OTL And what fun would it be to let you have it all at once? ;) But we're finally getting to the good stuff heehee ~C
The airport was busy with its usual hustle and bustle of business travelers, vacationers, and of course workers. Today though there was another group mixed in with the every day crowd: a throng of fans waiting for the singers that were set to depart soon. There was the sound of rushing feet when VIXX came through the doors, fansites with their expensive DSLR cameras poised and ready to capture whatever fashion attire they were wearing. There were a few polite smiles or waves but otherwise the members just made their way to their gate; they weren’t allowed to speak with fans but they acknowledged their presence and support.
Once their baggage was checked by the managers and they were through security all that was left was to wait to board. Their tickets had been randomly distributed by the managers just to keep things interesting, they all got along with each other well enough. Much to Sanghyuk’s annoyance though, Hakyeon pulled the “leader” card and made him switch for his aisle seat so he could have the window view. He didn’t care who he ended up next to, anticipating popping his headphones in and sleeping for their almost 10 hour flight to Italy.
Fooling around with Jaehwan until it was time to board, Hongbin and Jaehwan mostly just joked with one another about being hit on by European women. Filing onto the plane, his carry-on bag hanging off his shoulder, Hongbin made his way right to his seat and lo and behold, Hakyeon was already situated at the window.
“Hey hyung,” Hongbin greeted, casual and calm, as he set his bag up onto the compartment above them, only slipping out his music player and a book that might come in handy. Sitting in the seat beside Hakyeon, he leaned forward to shrug his coat off, folding it in his lap comfortably as he tested out the comfort of the chair.
Hongbin. Of course it was Hongbin, of all the members. Granted it was only a 20% chance it would have been him, Hakyeon didn’t know if luck was on his side in the matter or not. Though the memory was still a bit hazy--after effects of the pill--he remembered everything that had happened that night one week ago. They had managed to remain civil and controlled around each other since, easier for Hakyeon without the drug coursing through his veins and directing his actions, and the other members weren’t treating them any differently so their secret was still safe. There had been no time for another escapade since they had been making preparations and packing for their music video shooting trip outside the country.
“Want one?” Hongbin then held out a cartridge of mints from his coat pocket, opening the container to shake one out into Hakyeon’s palm. He was shoved by someone walking by, his hand automatically reaching out to grab onto Hakyeon’s thigh, but his attention was snapping up to see Wonshik grinning at him.
Hakyeon took the mint, knowing better than to argue but about to make some smart-ass remark about what this pill would do to him but the sudden hand on his thigh made him choke on the words. He turned his face away as he coughed, planning to blame the color in his cheeks to the lack of air he couldn’t take in that moment. He couldn’t hide the tensing of his muscle nor the small shiver it sent down his spine.
Wonshik bounced his eyebrows and Hongbin knew that meant: ‘good luck with leader-hyung.’ Sighing, Hongbin gazed back at Hakyeon and saw where his hand was still placed, “Ah--sorry,” he retreated it and shifted back into his own seat, “Wonshik’s an ass,” he mumbled to the leader.
Simply giving a half-hearted grunt in response Hakyeon busied himself on his phone, sifting through his music and hoping the younger would leave him in peace.
Hongbin did leave Hakyeon in peace, for the first bit of the flight. He hated the adrenaline and rush of taking off, always keen to close his eyes and disappear in the sound of his music. That on top of how irrefutably exhausted he was, it was to no surprise that Hongbin had quickly drifted off into sleep; headphones hanging from his ears, obsidian black hair sweeping over his closed eyes, lashes resting on his cheeks, while he softly breathed from parted lips.
Hakyeon was enjoying the first few hours of good, restful sleep he had had in months. His arms were crossed over his chest, neck slumped at a downward angle that didn’t look at all uncomfortable but it didn’t disturb him any. One of his earbuds had fallen out, the instrumental of their pre-release softly leaking out. Hakyeon had been running his lines in his head while he was drifting off to sleep; expecting nothing less than perfection from himself meant constantly practicing.
A few hours later, Hongbin awoke with a startle. The cabin was dark, save for the lights framing the aisles to show where the emergency exits were. He rubbed at his face, realizing that there was a kink in his neck from resting his head on the Hakyeon’s shoulder. His headphones were silent, his playlist having ended a while ago. Pushing himself upward, bent fingers gently brushing away the sleep from the corner of his eyes, he yawned slowly while casting his eyes over to Hakyeon.
The weight on his shoulder had been comforting. Hakyeon would never admit it but he always got a little nervous on flights, especially long ones. Had it not been for a bit of turbulence Hakyeon wouldn’t have woken up until they landed but as the plane shook he bolted upright in his seat. Expecting to feel the smooth plastic of the armrest when he reached for something to grab onto Hakyeon startled himself when he was clutching onto Hongbin’s arm instead. Afraid of being teased for his tiny fear of flying he quickly withdrew his hand as if there had been spikes growing out of the limb that pricked him, tucking a piece of his lip in to chew nervously.
Hongbin didn’t comment though, because he was also a baby when it came to flying. He did send a smirk though, the slightest tilt of his lips that showed Hakyeon he saw enough, “Be right back, hyung.” He shook his head, and despite the seatbelt light being on, he really needed to use the restroom. Unbuckling himself, he slipped out, carefully making his way down the narrow space between the rows of seats. Hongbin was also checking to see if any of the other members or staff were awake. Although some were momentarily disturbed, eyes cracking open in confusion, most went back into a slumber.
Hakyeon took the time Hongbin was gone to extend his arms above his body and his legs into the empty space that was left, giving a satisfied sigh at the pops and cracks from his cramped limbs.
When Hongbin returned, flopping down into the seat and buckling his belt back up, he smiled at Hakyeon and quietly asked, “Sleep well?” He grabbed for a water bottle tucked into the sleeve of the seat before him, uncapping it and taking a swig before offering some over to Hakyeon, “Thanks for being my pillow by the way.
Hakyeon shrunk back into his own space when Hongbin got back, accepting the water and taking a long swig himself, “Ah. Slept well but not nearly long enough.” Realizing he could still hear the dull song coming from his headphones as he had set the song on a loop, Hakyeon unlocked his phone, his homescreen a picture of his beloved mother, and turned off the music.
He rolled his eyes before reaching over and ruffling Hongbin’s hair, which was somehow still perfect unlike the own mess on top of his head, “You get one free pass, next time I charge.”
Lifting the shade on the window, “oooh”-ing at the fluffy clouds thinly veiling the plane and the glistening ocean below, Hakyeon held up his phone and snapped a few.
Hongbin never really watched Hakyeon that much before. Most of the time he was caught up with the general teasing alongside the other members that at times, he forgot how beautiful his hyung was. From the slant of his cheeks to the straight dip of his nose, Hakyeon was a marvel to look at. It's just Hongbin rarely did unless under the influence, and when he actually could stand there and observe Hakyeon in his zone.
So now Hongbin took the time to do so, in close proximity.
“Hey, smile.” The phone screen flickered as Hakyeon hooked an arm around Hongbin’s neck and dragged him over for a selca.
When Hakyeon returned his attention to him, he grinned as he complied, leaning in and with his eyes slightly wider, staring into the lens, the photo snapped. Then a few more snaps because Hakyeon had to have several to choose from. As Hakyeon slipped his arm away, Hongbin remained physically close to review the pictures with him, eyes fleeting over to the other, faces only inches apart.
The close, very close presence of Hongbin made Hakyeon a bit nervous considering their history even though he knew both of them were too smart to even think about doing something somewhere so open and public. Still, the thoughts crossed his mind and he quickly had to dissolve them lest it lead to other parts of his body being riled up. Literally.
Hakyeon had taken four pictures, dragging his thumb across the screen to examine each one as it passed by, mouth tilted at a thoughtful slant. Of course Hongbin looked absolutely stunning in each picture; every camera loved him no matter what the angle, lighting, pose, outfit. He always came out perfect.
And it annoyed Hakyeon to no end. Well, he was torn between annoyance and pride, since Hongbin had chosen him to embark on those nightly adventures with after all and Hakyeon was the one who got to be seen with such a flawless being.
Hongbin offered him a warm smile seeing the disgruntled look on Hakyeon’s face, "Hyung," he started, not making any moves to pull away, "You've been in one long-term relationship, right?" His voice was low, hushed. "Did you ever...you know...have sex?" Hongbin never cared to know about Hakyeon's intimate history before, but now for obvious reasons, he was intrigued.
The question came out of nowhere. Hakyeon had just expected them to continue tormenting each other, clearly not expecting anything of that nature to surface. His entire body tensed for a moment, phone frozen on one of the photos where Hakyeon wasn’t quite looking at the camera, “My eye circles are awful, the light in here is terrible...” He finally muttered, avoiding the question entirely as he deleted all of pictures with a push of the trashcan icon. It wasn’t a complete lie, the dark rings beneath his eyes had started becoming more prominent over the last couple weeks.
Hakyeon dropped the topic of conversation, but it only encouraged Hongbin. Hakyeon should’ve know by now that the members lived to make his life miserable. "It's not the light," he remarked, of course quick to shoot down the Hakyeon’s fabricated explanations. In which he then reached out, taking the phone from his grasp and now easing it at Hakyeon alone, "Here, look out the window."
All Hakyeon had wanted to do was sleep, and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep but it was foolish of him to think doing so was at all possible given the nature of the members. Except for Taekwoon. Taekwoon would have let him rest. For now Hongbin seemed to have moved on and Hakyeon decided it best to just indulge the child, turning his face as instructed.
Using his camera taking skills, Hongbin focused and directed the device to then capture a picture of Hakyeon glancing out, his dark profile contrast perfectly to the mesmerizing blue of the sky beyond. There was just a faint cast of light on part of his features, but it was mostly accentuating the side view of the Hakyeon’s face.
And then as he leaned in to show Hakyeon, hoping his guards were down again, Hongbin tried again, "Did you at least enjoy it?" Making an inference that Hakyeon did engage in intercourse before with his girlfriend, just to see if he would deny it or accept it.
Hakyeon looked back when Hongbin held the phone out for him to see how the picture had turned out, scrunching his nose in irritation when he saw how good he looked, how damn good he looked. As if being blessed with god-like features wasn’t enough, Hongbin had been gifted with exceptional photography skills as well.
“Why does it matter? Why do you care? Since when is it any of your business?” Hakyeon snatched his phone back, shooting Hongbin a warning glare before settling back into his seat, “I’m sure you’ve done more than enough for the both of us so just use your own damn sexcapades to get off.” His thin arms crossed defiantly over his chest, shutting his eyes as if it would make Hongbin magically disappear.
Hongbin was popular enough with women, and men, that Hakyeon figured it was a safe assumption to assume he was quite “practiced”; he had had an experience of his own to prove it after all. Regardless, he didn’t need to know--nor care to know--about everything Hongbin had done, which is why he had never asked. At least that’s what he told himself.
The amusement was entering dangerous territory for Hongbin didn't read Hakyeon's clear rejection as a sign to end the conversation. Yet he was more tactile than the older male who would chatter on and literally prod the answers out. Instead he left the verbalized part at, "I don't wanna get off at my own memories. Unless they're the ones with..."
Hongbin trailed off, already aware of how Hakyeon's voice could magically carry. He wasn't going to let his own do the same.
And for a moment Hongbin made it seem like he was ready to slip back into his own private space, taking his music player out and fiddling around on the touch screen. But then he was handing it over to Hakyeon, a note bright on the screen as it read the words, "I don't care about how much or how little experience you have, hyung. Don't be so afraid with me. I'm not going to hurt you."
Hongbin kept his eyes off of Hakyeon, for once, instead studying the aisles to see if any of the other guys were awake; it didn't seem like it. The couple adjacent to them were strangers, the older woman foreign and clearly appearing like she was going home, completely asleep as she rested her head on the man's shoulder. He finally looked back at Hakyeon to see if he typed anything up or was continuing to go for the whole ignorance is bliss attitude.
It all made sense now, the motivation behind this little share circle, which felt more like an interrogation. Hongbin wanted to do more with him, to have sex with him. Hakyeon was grateful to not feel the Hongbin’s eyes on him for once as his own slid left to right, then repeated, as he read the message before shifting in his seat. The faux-leather material suddenly felt hot, suffocating.
So Hakyeon had never had sex. He still knew enough to know what it entailed between two men involved in the act. He also knew that Hongbin wasn’t going to relent, deciding it best to just bullshit some sort of answer.
“I’m not afraid.” Hakyeon typed back on the screen. A lie. Easy enough to do with words on an electronic screen when the underlying tone of his voice or facial expressions would usually give him away, “Nothing to be afraid of when nothing is going to happen.”
Blunt. Hopefully enough to derail Hongbin.
The message was void of Hakyeon’s usual overuse of emoticons that he used when texting, showing his discomfort at the discussion of this topic. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going to happen. Hakyeon repeated the words over and over in his head as if he was uncertain he would be able to restrain himself. What the pill had done to him, as enjoyable as it had been at the time, had terrified him the morning after. Waking up with hazy memories of everything that had happened, sore knuckles and soiled briefs tangible evidence of the things he had done.
Hakyeon hadn’t gone out since but little did he know there was already the beginnings of an itch that he wouldn’t be able to scratch, a hunger that couldn’t be sated with anything but the exhilarating high from that tiny pill.
The words did derail him. Hongbin couldn’t deny the burn he felt in his chest, this foreign ache. Did he actually care that much about this? It was true, that Hakyeon was the only other person he shared in this experience with and at this point. When he first crawled into that club alone, desperate to stop feeling all of the negative weight, he started off with alcohol then progressed to simple highs, and it wasn’t even the pill that continually brought him back. It was the comfort he began to take in being disassociated with his daily feelings.
So for Hakyeon to be introduced to this double life of Hongbin’s, the one where he dedicated all of his energy and pride and passion into singing, and the one where he let go of his restraints and salivated in the carefree emotions, was a risk. Both of his worlds were ones he’d invited Hakyeon very intimately into.
It was then Hongbin was realizing that maybe this was crossing boundaries that it shouldn’t be, for the inexplicable tension in his chest that could be described as hurt, was enough for him to close up.
He didn’t bother typing anything back, and it was so simple, how Hongbin erased this desire to get under Hakyeon’s skin. He’d leave the games and the desires at the hands of alcohol, or even the pills. So as Hongbin found a song to soothe him, adjusting his earbuds, he leaned towards the aisle away from Hakyeon.
To say Hongbin slept was a mystery to an observing eye, for he did close his eyes and remained mostly still, only waking to deny the offered food. For him, he spent the last remaining hours serenaded by Park Hyoshin, drowning in the voice he admired the most in the world.
~*~*~
The showcase in Italy was a rush like no other. The fans were the most active and passionate than they ever encountered, hearing their unified voices singing along to every song as if they were on the stage beside them. Not having much time to explore the cobbled streets or the historic buildings, they were quickly off to Sweden for their next showcase. The fans were more subdued, but it didn’t deter from how much love they were showing the six members.
This was the part Hakyeon loved best about being an idol: standing in front of the fans. Their supportive cheers and teary eyes radiated the love they felt for the group. Most impressive was the time he knew their international fans put into learning their songs, knowing the language was difficult yet it sounded perfect to him each and every time.
It was always during the final moments of their last song that he would stop, the other members running wild around him and interacting with whoever was within reach (yes, even Taekwoon) and just look. The warmest smile would grace his tan features as he drew his eyes from wall to wall, floor to ceiling, taking in the face of every single person in the audience. He was unable to see them all clearly due to the brightness of the stage lights but he knew they were all there. His Starlights.
Now with both showcases over, they had a few days to spare, to focus on the filming of their music video to be released before their main title. The shoot was cold and rainy, but they braved through. Wonshik had the worst end of the deal, standing around for most of the day while waiting for his portion of filming his rap. Hongbin didn’t have much resting time for even between his shots of singing, he had to do a lot of non-vocal shots.
Riding on the rush from their showcases made the dreary day of their music video filming bearable, anticipating the excitement Starlights would have once it was released, buzzing with anxiousness for their title track. Hakyeon anticipated a few heart problems too, the members dressed to kill in their casual yet elegant outfits. Hakyeon was glad they were able to film in a different country for this; the city was absolutely breath-taking with its towering regal buildings and cobblestone streets that absorbed hundreds of years of histories into its cracks.
By the time it ended, the guys were ready to eat and change into dry, warm clothes. Back at the hotel, Hongbin was--surprised. When the room assignments came, he heard his roommate was Hakyeon and that was confusing on a lot of fronts, considering their conversation on the plane. They always switched up roommates, but he was positive Hakyeon would have requested to not be with him at all costs. Then again, this could have easily been to keep a close eye on him, to ensure he didn’t do anything Hakyeon deemed stupid and risky.
While the arrangement on the airplane had been entirely coincidental, Hakyeon has assigned him and Hongbin to the same hotel room purposefully. He felt an odd, unexplainable twinge of guilt from what had happened. He knew Hongbin was only trying to be helpful, or at least his version of it, and Hakyeon didn’t want things to become awkward between them. Despite all the jeering and teasing Hongbin was still a dear friend, one whom he did trust.
In the room though, Hakyeon wasn’t there. He saw the leader’s luggage sitting in the corner unopened. Shrugging it off, Hongbin changed into jeans and a sweater, a warm coat draped about his frame down to his thighs, and with an umbrella, he slipped his camera around his neck and headed back out.
They were rewarded with some free time to explore the city that night, everyone gathered in the lobby with their translator for night tour. All except one. Hakyeon assumed Hongbin was busy messing around with his camera, knowing he wouldn’t want to waste a golden moment like this to document their travels. He volunteered to go round him up.
Standing at the elevator Hongbin was waiting for it to arrive, fingering the lens on his camera as he grew excited about what pictures he would take. When the doors finally opened with a chime, he lifted his gaze and froze. “Hyung,” he addressed, seeing Hakyeon standing there, eyebrows flitting up a bit but a smile wasn’t reaching his features.
“There you are. We’re all waiting on you.” His hands were on his hips as he looked at Hongbin with the gaze of a stern, scolding mother, “We’re going sightseeing.” Before the doors could close he reached out and grabbed the Hongbin’s arm, dragging him in and giving him no say in the matter.
A laugh scuttled out, turning in time to press his back to the elevator wall, that grin that had been waiting to break out finally doing so. Hongbin had a smile that could be eerily wide, but it was still full of astounding warmth. “You mean I have to stay with you guys?” he feigned dismay, his expression quickly transforming into wrought as he wrinkled the bride of his nose and closed his eyes, as if by not looking he could somehow escape. Though in fear he would receive a chop to his neck, he raised a hand up to protect the length of his neck, lids flapping open as he offered another smile for peaceful terms.
“I’ll make sure to capture a lot of good pictures of you, hyung. To really show off your beauty.” The words carried this cadence of jest, but Hongbin was serious. Hakyeon was one of his favorite subjects to photograph because the other was not only willing to be in them, but no matter what angle he snapped the shutter, he came out looking like art alongside the scenery. Everyone dubbed him the artwork of the group, but it took an artwork to recognize another artwork.
Hakyeon had been fully prepared to neck-chop the overdramatic male but it seemed he was becoming too predictable as his target had made sure to protect himself. He settled for poking Hongbin in the ribs before rolling his eyes at the comment, “I’m the one who should be photographing you, Binnie. I’d make a fortune selling pictures of you.” A wink was passed along before the ding of the elevator doors opening to the lobby.
He didn’t wait for Hongbin before skipping out to the waiting crowd, “I got the slacker! Let’s go!” Flinging his arm around Jaehwan’s surprisingly broad shoulders the pair set off ahead of the group, making up their own shouting song about the excitement of exploring.
Their hotel was located in the center of the city, near an open pavilion surrounded by castle-like museums and fairytale houses that all over-looked a stream cutting through the edge of the town. Though the night was still early it was bustling with people of all ages, locals and tourists, pausing to capture memories at the fountain in the center of the square, to dine at one of the small cafes lining the area or to begin their unpredictable evenings at one of the numerous bars.
Hakyeon bounced from member to member, making sure they each took at least one selca with him, wanting to savor each of these precious moments of freedom. Sanghyuk, Jaehwan and Wonshik were his most willing partners, more than happy to oblige their leader in his quest though not making the task easy as they bunny-earred, prodded, and twisted their faces into unflattering expressions any chance they got. Taekwoon stood by silently and watched their circus show, his hidden smile peeking through on occasion, eventually being coaxed into a few pictures himself.
When Hakyeon reached Hongbin, Hongbin was already about to lean in for he knew if he didn’t, he’d be pulled in--but all of a sudden Hakyeon was bounding past him to this store window. About to protest, he silenced his tongue the instant he realized he was about to openly complain about Hakyeon not bothering him. That would be uncharacteristic of him so he let it go, instead gazing on as the oldest male was gasping like he was twenty years younger, peering through the clear glass.
Beyond under the tender light of the storefront, was rows of tiny cakes and cookies on display, showcased to perfection as the different confectionaries told a different story. Hongbin could see from his abandoned spot, that there was a particular cake in the center Hakyeon was seemingly ogling. It was layered and painted with intricate webs of frosting, the scenic edible design showing off little houses that must’ve represented countryside Swedish houses, covered in white snow-like cream and overall looking--
“Cute,” Hongbin commented as he suddenly found himself behind Hakyeon, staring through the window as well. Though he realized as he made the observation his eyes weren’t on the cake at all.
Looking beside him as another presence came, he saw Taekwoon staring with such intensity that he must’ve been imagining the cake going into his mouth in one bite. Chuckling as he clasped the athletic man’s shoulder, he mused, “Should we buy it for you, Taekwoon-hyung?”
The quiet member didn’t shake his head, the answer more of a ‘yes’ than ‘no’, “Ask Hakyeon-hyung. I saw him with a wad of cash.” Hongbin said then slipped away to leave them be, and to let himself cleanse from the foreboding thoughts. These inclinations he’d been having outside of the influence and drawing away from the pure physicality, were ones he needed to suppress.
Taekwoon didn’t need to do any more convincing, the silence equaling a ‘yes’ more than enough to get Hakyeon to go into the bakery and come out with the pastry delicately packaged in a pale blue box, “Here you go, Taekwoonie.”
As the taller male was reaching for the box it was suddenly pulled back, “But there’s a catch.” Hakyeon taunted. Of course there was, there always was. Taekwoon’s hands fell to his side as he awaited his punishment, “Binnie!!” Hakyeon called out for him, grabbing Taekwoon’s wrist with his free hand and tugging him toward the fountain, “Take a picture of us!”
Hakyeon positioned Taekwoon in front of the water feature, taking a step back to examine how it looked under the light of the twinkling stars and fluorescent glow of the street lamps, “Ah, you look so handsome!” He beamed though he got no response from the Taekwoon. It didn’t bother him, more than used to it and worth it just to see the slight color in Taekwoon’s pale cheeks and the shy shuffle of his feet.
For his own spot, Hakyeon used Taekwoon as a balance to climb up onto the ledge of the fountain before wrapping his arms around the other’s thick neck and grinning, “Make sure you smile pretty for the camera!”
Very few could get away with what Hakyeon was doing, draped over Taekwoon’s wide frame the way he was, without being shoved off. It did cross Taekwoon’s mind to push him back into the shallow water but as his dark eyes drifted to the small box being held captive in that tan hand he figured it best to just appease the leader so he could get his sweet reward.
Hongbin took the picture, more for Taekwoon’s sake. He knew how much his hyung wanted the dessert, food always a sore spot second only to coffee. So he quickly lifted his camera, taking a few candid ones of Hakyeon getting into the pose, before finally he clicked several after that.
When Hongbin finished, he could see the relief in the subtle way Taekwoon’s shoulders slumped and his hand reached out, finally receiving the boxed cake. To his chagrin, Hakyeon didn’t even come sprinting up to see what the results were, either trusting the photographer’s skills or needing to maintain this game of avoiding him.
By the time all of the members found one of the city’s treasured bodies of water, darkness had long fallen. They were standing on an arched bridge where the stone beneath their feet still glistened with a layer of water leftover from the day’s rain. The nearby street lamps casted a very traditional glow that Hongbin always envisioned Europe to be: cozy, yet mysterious. This dichotomous atmosphere that enhanced the foreign scape, left him leaning against the brick railing, soaking it all in. The evenings in Stockholm were beautiful.
Hongbin felt someone watching him and when he looked to one side, he only saw Sangyuk standing there with his arm around Taekwoon, grinning wide with laughter filtering out when Taekwoon was obviously trying to escape. Then when he looked to the other side, Wonshik and Jaehwan were too busy caught up in conversation, so it had to be…he looked past the other two.
Hakyeon was leaning sideways against the railing, phone up as he snapped pictures of the members, his children in their candid scenes. Once he had taken enough to satisfy his need he took to just watching them, actually one in particular, silently. Admiring the warm glow of the lights on Hongbin’s pale skin, the awe in his eyes as he took in the city around them, the gentle smile on his face as Hongbin watched the other members.
It was only when Hakyeon got caught staring that he quickly looked down to his phone, hoping to erase at least some of the evidence of what he had been doing. Hakyeon couldn’t bring himself to delete any of the pictures though. They were suddenly precious to him, each one somehow revealing a rarely seen side of his friends, his family, one that was caught up in the moment free of stress and worries. A genuine calm and happiness.
Something was overcoming Hakyeon too, having to face away from the chatting kids and instead focus on the swirling dark waters below. His shoulders shook as he exhaled a heavy breath, blinking back the wetness stinging the corners of his eyes.
Hakyeon’s actions didn’t go unnoticed as Hongbin straightened up from the rail, curiosity piquing when he studied Hakyeon for that prolonged period; usually he was ripe to jump in with the rest of them.
Slipping around Wonshik and Jaehwan, he approached the oldest member. When he spotted that downcast look, the film of glimmering in his eyes, Hongbin knew immediately what that look entailed. He’d seen it many times before when Hakyeon was overwhelmed by sheer happiness. A small smile on his lips, ready to step in and comfort him, Hongbin entered right into Hakyeon’s line of sight.
“Hyung,” his hand lowered to tug at the hem of Hakyeon’s sweater, not wanting to draw attention as he kept his volume muted. “Are you thinking about how much your kids have grown up? We’re not kindergarteners anymore,” he spoke in such a gentle manner, the bass of his voice trembling a little at his attempt to remain quiet but heard.
Hakyeon had seen Hongbin coming but it still didn’t stop him from jumping slightly, not having expected the pull on his clothing. There was no sense in lying since Hongbin had clearly caught him red-handed, actually teary-eyed, instead appreciating the attempted comforting, “Kindergarteners are still better behaved than you.”
The teasing nature that Hongbin drew out of Hakyeon couldn’t be helped but Hakyeon showed his gratitude by leaning into Hongbin’s side as he continued to watch the swirling water. The movement was subtle, anyone not intensely scrutinizing them would assume they were just standing close to exchange secrets or gossip.
“Just nice to see you all so...happy. Really happy.” It wasn’t that Hakyeon believed they were all miserable all the time. They had plenty of fun on their travels and in the dorms but it came with the underlying weight of what it took to be an idol, what came with being an idol. To be able to see and feel that weight lifted from his members’ shoulders, if only for a brief time, made all the hardships as a leader worth it. Whatever he could take upon himself and save from adding to the pressure on his kids he would do it. Just for memories like this.
Memories that made it impossible for Hakyeon to fight back the moisture, a few drops slipping from his eyes that were quickly brushed away with his long sleeve before they traveled too far down his cheeks. The last thing he wanted was to be teased for being a crybaby too, though it was true he got emotional very easily; he was still suffering from when Taekwoon had showed him the video of an abused and abandoned kitten with a missing tail wobbling around its new forever home and playing with its new family. It had been after practice one day, so everyone had seen his sniveling reaction.
Hongbin had been hoping to do the opposite. He didn’t think his presence would encourage the tears, slightly panicked as his eyebrows lifting up, stilling as he carefully debated what to do. He could call out to the other members now, making it known to everyone how Hakyeon was emotional over their happiness.
But there was this selfish seed that caused him to remain silent, his fingers twitching as they itched to wipe the fallen drops. They were gone quickly though as Hakyeon did it himself and Hongbin was left with just staring--he couldn’t remove his gaze. There was this blossoming urge to draw a smile out of him, but the method that crossed his mind wasn’t appropriate for this public space.
Instead, Hongbin coolly offered his shoulder, clearing his throat as he turned his attention onto the water and leaned in just a bit, swallowing thickly. He wasn’t sure if Hakyeon would take him up on his offer, of burrowing his face against his coat, but it was there for him.
Hakyeon couldn’t help the chuckle that burst through his lips, aware of the way that Hongbin was trying to play this off so nonchalantly, ever the “cool guy”, “Thanks.” He said, and meant it, tilting his head to rest it on the shoulder given to him. They stayed like this in comfortable silence, no need to talk, until Jaehwan was yelling at the “love birds” that it was time to go head to the restaurant they had reservations at for dinner.
~*~*~
Back at the hotel, Hongbin agreed to purchase snacks and drinks for the two of them. While Hakyeon stepped into the bathroom to shower, he had made sure he had his wallet on him (though he had persuaded Hakyeon to give him cash), and left the room.
The rush of the warm water running down Hakyeon’s skin and chasing out the chill from his body drew a content sigh. Even though he had been bundled up quite well during their music video shooting and tour the crisp air still found a way to pierce through the layers of clothes. Normally he would have dried his hair like always when he finished but the shower had left him a bit drowsy, not realizing the extent of his exhaustion until the hot spray had driven all tension from his bones.
The bathrobe hanging behind the bathroom door was magical, made of cotton but the good kind, the expensive kind. It fit and warmed all the right places and Hakyeon didn’t think twice about knotting the tie around his waist with no additional clothing. After climbing into his bed, he fell back against the pillows and stretched out with a content grunt; yeah, this was the life.
The convenience store was just around the block, but Hongbin was walking right past it, a quick, anxious stride in his step. In his hand he held a measly crumpled paper with information scribbled in handwriting that wasn't his own. They included a code name and a password, as well as the name of two cross streets.
The further Hongbin walked, blocks from the hotel now, he could see how the people lingering on the street were locals, not the ever bustling and curious tourists. Feeling nervous the more his eyes kept shifting to and fro, looking for the second street he needed, the moment his eyes landed on the street sign he was swooping his gaze for any signs of a man who looked like he was a dealer. As to what that description would be in Stockholm, he simply slowed his pace while approaching the intersection.
He waited for several minutes before there were indistinct footsteps and two cloaked figures approaching him.
Hongbin opened the hotel room door with a slide of his key, a plastic bag in hand with the goods, "Sorry that took so long," he apologized, the carpeted floor soft beneath his boots. He dropped the contents on the Hakyeon’s bed, glancing over to see the Hakyeon in one of the hotel's plush, white cotton bath robes, "Living it up?" He chuckled, disposing of his jacket and tugging his boots off, needing to get comfortable as soon as possible; walking around all day dressed up wasn't the most ideal.
Hakyeon had just about drifted off when Hongbin had returned, unable to resist the cocoon of warmth from the bathrobe enveloping him, “This bathrobe is like a hug that never ends!” He passed a lazy smile onto Hongbin before sitting up and examining the spoils in the bags, “Banana milk! Aww Binnie you’re so thoughtful!”
Removing the straw and ripping the plastic wrapper off with his teeth, he stabbed it through the tinfoil before settling back into the plush pillows and sipping happily, blissfully unaware that edges of his robe had crept up to his tan, dancer muscled thighs.
A smile quirked on Hongbin’s features before he could stop it, finding it rather cute how Hakyeon described the inanimate robe, “I don’t know how theirs tastes, but I hope it’s good enough.” Hongbin had found the banana milk, using his English skills as he spotted it between the chocolate and strawberry. The hardest part was paying, since Europe used coins even for small amounts of money.
When Hongbin moved to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling off the plastic to his cold tea drink, his eyes finally roamed to the show of bronzed skin. Hongbin could have flitted his eyes away and feigned innocence, but there was an added heat pumping in his veins and he let his gaze linger.
“Hyung,” he spoke, only dragging his fixated stare away to meet the Hakyeon’s, “I have something. I want you to try it with me.”
Hongbin didn’t reach within his pocket yet, waiting as he brought his eyes back down to the line of slender legs that had defined curves of naturally built muscle. He then took a swig of his tea, letting the liquid trail down his drying throat.
“Hmm?” Banana milk was one of Hakyeon’s biggest weaknesses, no secret even to the fans of the immense love he had for the fruity yellow drink. Only when he had loudly slurped every last drop, sucking the bottle clean, did he finally look over at Hongbin, “Are you hiding something from me, Binnie? Are you hiding more banana milk?”
The empty plastic got tossed towards the garbage can, missing it completely; sports weren’t his strong suit. Hakyeon wasn’t as afraid as he probably should have been but he was curious, oh so curious about the possibility of what it could be, “Did you buy choco pies? Is that was it is? You know I’ve had those before.” He stood up on his bed, clutching the bottom of his robe to keep everything covered, keep his modesty intact, before jumping from his bed over to Hongbin’s without touching ground. He had to grab onto Hongbin to keep the momentum from carrying him off the other bed, his laugh filling the room as he ended up tugging Hongbin over almost completely onto him, “Ahh! What a rush!”
The sound eventually subdued as he just smiled up at Hongbin, taking the time to admire his flawless face up close before poking his nose, “So what is it?” He didn’t think much of their position in his banana milk blissed state; it had been an accident after all.
Hakyeon had just marched into dangerous territory and there was no going back. His current disheveled position left him grinning up at Hongbin, yes, but it also left the robe he tried to keep together to spill open at his thighs, hiking up high enough where there was barely any "dignity" left.
What Hakyeon didn't know was that Hongbin already took his portion, back outside in the alleyway where he had to perform something indescribable, something he would rather forget. Was it desperation? To try the legendary stuff apparently brought over from Amsterdam, for him to do that while sober? Let alone to procure two? Probably. But Hongbin could already feel the beginning traces of it, catalyzed further by Hakyeon so openly displayed before him.
"It's this."
Hongbin finally reached into his pocket, concealing what he took out as he then shrugged out of his coat. Tossing it to the empty bed, out of the way, he then held the tiny pill up between his thumb and index finger. It was a different color than the ones in Seoul, but still a pastel, "I already took one." Hongbin kept his voice low.
Still close to the other, he moved in one swoop so that he was fully on top of Hakyeon, knees framing the other's as his socked feet curled into the mattress. He then placed the small pill on the tip of his tongue, letting it rest there for a second, inviting Hakyeon to take it as Hongbin then closed his lips and leaned in even closer.
Sitting up onto his elbows, Hakyeon craned his long neck to try and see what this secret was, mouth slanting when it remained hidden, “What is-” He felt his head bounce lightly off the mattress as Hongbin suddenly hovered over him, widened eyes frantically darting from the Hongbin’’s face to the small object in his hand before watching it disappear into his mouth.
Hongbin’s hands didn't give Hakyeon much time to think, already sliding along the column of his neck, then back to the nape of his neck where his knuckles brushed the sheets and his fingertips kneaded gently into his scalp, "Tell me you want it and I'll kiss you," he carefully uttered, as to not swallow the bitter pill himself. Hongbin’s eyes bore into Hakyeon’s, endless dark depths that he hoped Hakyeon would cast himself into
A pill. This was becoming all too familiar, like deja vu except he wasn’t imagining any of this. Hongbin confessing he was already on the drug. Hongbin delicately placing the pill on his tongue. Hongbin’s face mere centimeters from his own. Hongbin’s hands crawling into his hair. Hakyeon’s Adam’s apple dove down to the bottom of his throat then back up again, his heart racing at an unnatural speed, his face burning scarlett.
What the hell was Hakyeon supposed to do? Last time it had been so easy, the influence of the drug and alcohol driving his actions. Actions that ended up with him pants down in the bathroom stall of the club with Hongbin on his knees in front of him. But it had felt good, he couldn’t deny that. So what reason was there to believe this time wouldn’t either?
He wasn’t drunk this time and neither was Hongbin. Hongbin knew exactly what he was doing, exactly what he wanted. Hakyeon wasn’t quite as certain, still wrestling with his poor excuses. More than the indecision though he realized it was fear. Fear of what would happen if he gave in of his own free will, what Hongbin would do, what he would let Hongbin do.
I don't care about how much or how little experience you have, hyung.
Don't be so afraid with me.
I'm not going to hurt you.
The message from the MP3 player screen from their airplane conversation flashed into Hakyeon’s mind as if his subconscious was trying to console him, tell him it was okay to want this. Hongbin wasn’t going to hurt him, he had to trust that. He did trust that.
With the little space between then Hakyeon had he propped himself up on one forearm, reaching up with his open hand and resting it on the side of Hongbin’s cheek. It was hard to keep his gaze, Hongbin’s so powerful and wanting, Hakyeon’s own still very much shy and unsure, “I…” His lower lip tucked between his teeth before he exhaled slowly, “I want it.”
Hakyeon’s voice came out more confidently than he had expected, letting his head fall back against the bed again as he placed his other hand on Hongbin’s cheek as well and pulled his face down to bring their lips together.
Pairing: ChaBean
Word Count: 10,326
Rating: PG.
Summary: Finally the tension breaks and Hakyeon lets go. A depiction of the events leading up to this.
Stage One. || Stage Two. || Stage Three. || Stage Four. || Stage Five.
Stage 6: Untouched (1/2)
a/n: This is going to be posted in 2 parts because the entire thing is over 20k words long OTL And what fun would it be to let you have it all at once? ;) But we're finally getting to the good stuff heehee ~C
The airport was busy with its usual hustle and bustle of business travelers, vacationers, and of course workers. Today though there was another group mixed in with the every day crowd: a throng of fans waiting for the singers that were set to depart soon. There was the sound of rushing feet when VIXX came through the doors, fansites with their expensive DSLR cameras poised and ready to capture whatever fashion attire they were wearing. There were a few polite smiles or waves but otherwise the members just made their way to their gate; they weren’t allowed to speak with fans but they acknowledged their presence and support.
Once their baggage was checked by the managers and they were through security all that was left was to wait to board. Their tickets had been randomly distributed by the managers just to keep things interesting, they all got along with each other well enough. Much to Sanghyuk’s annoyance though, Hakyeon pulled the “leader” card and made him switch for his aisle seat so he could have the window view. He didn’t care who he ended up next to, anticipating popping his headphones in and sleeping for their almost 10 hour flight to Italy.
Fooling around with Jaehwan until it was time to board, Hongbin and Jaehwan mostly just joked with one another about being hit on by European women. Filing onto the plane, his carry-on bag hanging off his shoulder, Hongbin made his way right to his seat and lo and behold, Hakyeon was already situated at the window.
“Hey hyung,” Hongbin greeted, casual and calm, as he set his bag up onto the compartment above them, only slipping out his music player and a book that might come in handy. Sitting in the seat beside Hakyeon, he leaned forward to shrug his coat off, folding it in his lap comfortably as he tested out the comfort of the chair.
Hongbin. Of course it was Hongbin, of all the members. Granted it was only a 20% chance it would have been him, Hakyeon didn’t know if luck was on his side in the matter or not. Though the memory was still a bit hazy--after effects of the pill--he remembered everything that had happened that night one week ago. They had managed to remain civil and controlled around each other since, easier for Hakyeon without the drug coursing through his veins and directing his actions, and the other members weren’t treating them any differently so their secret was still safe. There had been no time for another escapade since they had been making preparations and packing for their music video shooting trip outside the country.
“Want one?” Hongbin then held out a cartridge of mints from his coat pocket, opening the container to shake one out into Hakyeon’s palm. He was shoved by someone walking by, his hand automatically reaching out to grab onto Hakyeon’s thigh, but his attention was snapping up to see Wonshik grinning at him.
Hakyeon took the mint, knowing better than to argue but about to make some smart-ass remark about what this pill would do to him but the sudden hand on his thigh made him choke on the words. He turned his face away as he coughed, planning to blame the color in his cheeks to the lack of air he couldn’t take in that moment. He couldn’t hide the tensing of his muscle nor the small shiver it sent down his spine.
Wonshik bounced his eyebrows and Hongbin knew that meant: ‘good luck with leader-hyung.’ Sighing, Hongbin gazed back at Hakyeon and saw where his hand was still placed, “Ah--sorry,” he retreated it and shifted back into his own seat, “Wonshik’s an ass,” he mumbled to the leader.
Simply giving a half-hearted grunt in response Hakyeon busied himself on his phone, sifting through his music and hoping the younger would leave him in peace.
Hongbin did leave Hakyeon in peace, for the first bit of the flight. He hated the adrenaline and rush of taking off, always keen to close his eyes and disappear in the sound of his music. That on top of how irrefutably exhausted he was, it was to no surprise that Hongbin had quickly drifted off into sleep; headphones hanging from his ears, obsidian black hair sweeping over his closed eyes, lashes resting on his cheeks, while he softly breathed from parted lips.
Hakyeon was enjoying the first few hours of good, restful sleep he had had in months. His arms were crossed over his chest, neck slumped at a downward angle that didn’t look at all uncomfortable but it didn’t disturb him any. One of his earbuds had fallen out, the instrumental of their pre-release softly leaking out. Hakyeon had been running his lines in his head while he was drifting off to sleep; expecting nothing less than perfection from himself meant constantly practicing.
A few hours later, Hongbin awoke with a startle. The cabin was dark, save for the lights framing the aisles to show where the emergency exits were. He rubbed at his face, realizing that there was a kink in his neck from resting his head on the Hakyeon’s shoulder. His headphones were silent, his playlist having ended a while ago. Pushing himself upward, bent fingers gently brushing away the sleep from the corner of his eyes, he yawned slowly while casting his eyes over to Hakyeon.
The weight on his shoulder had been comforting. Hakyeon would never admit it but he always got a little nervous on flights, especially long ones. Had it not been for a bit of turbulence Hakyeon wouldn’t have woken up until they landed but as the plane shook he bolted upright in his seat. Expecting to feel the smooth plastic of the armrest when he reached for something to grab onto Hakyeon startled himself when he was clutching onto Hongbin’s arm instead. Afraid of being teased for his tiny fear of flying he quickly withdrew his hand as if there had been spikes growing out of the limb that pricked him, tucking a piece of his lip in to chew nervously.
Hongbin didn’t comment though, because he was also a baby when it came to flying. He did send a smirk though, the slightest tilt of his lips that showed Hakyeon he saw enough, “Be right back, hyung.” He shook his head, and despite the seatbelt light being on, he really needed to use the restroom. Unbuckling himself, he slipped out, carefully making his way down the narrow space between the rows of seats. Hongbin was also checking to see if any of the other members or staff were awake. Although some were momentarily disturbed, eyes cracking open in confusion, most went back into a slumber.
Hakyeon took the time Hongbin was gone to extend his arms above his body and his legs into the empty space that was left, giving a satisfied sigh at the pops and cracks from his cramped limbs.
When Hongbin returned, flopping down into the seat and buckling his belt back up, he smiled at Hakyeon and quietly asked, “Sleep well?” He grabbed for a water bottle tucked into the sleeve of the seat before him, uncapping it and taking a swig before offering some over to Hakyeon, “Thanks for being my pillow by the way.
Hakyeon shrunk back into his own space when Hongbin got back, accepting the water and taking a long swig himself, “Ah. Slept well but not nearly long enough.” Realizing he could still hear the dull song coming from his headphones as he had set the song on a loop, Hakyeon unlocked his phone, his homescreen a picture of his beloved mother, and turned off the music.
He rolled his eyes before reaching over and ruffling Hongbin’s hair, which was somehow still perfect unlike the own mess on top of his head, “You get one free pass, next time I charge.”
Lifting the shade on the window, “oooh”-ing at the fluffy clouds thinly veiling the plane and the glistening ocean below, Hakyeon held up his phone and snapped a few.
Hongbin never really watched Hakyeon that much before. Most of the time he was caught up with the general teasing alongside the other members that at times, he forgot how beautiful his hyung was. From the slant of his cheeks to the straight dip of his nose, Hakyeon was a marvel to look at. It's just Hongbin rarely did unless under the influence, and when he actually could stand there and observe Hakyeon in his zone.
So now Hongbin took the time to do so, in close proximity.
“Hey, smile.” The phone screen flickered as Hakyeon hooked an arm around Hongbin’s neck and dragged him over for a selca.
When Hakyeon returned his attention to him, he grinned as he complied, leaning in and with his eyes slightly wider, staring into the lens, the photo snapped. Then a few more snaps because Hakyeon had to have several to choose from. As Hakyeon slipped his arm away, Hongbin remained physically close to review the pictures with him, eyes fleeting over to the other, faces only inches apart.
The close, very close presence of Hongbin made Hakyeon a bit nervous considering their history even though he knew both of them were too smart to even think about doing something somewhere so open and public. Still, the thoughts crossed his mind and he quickly had to dissolve them lest it lead to other parts of his body being riled up. Literally.
Hakyeon had taken four pictures, dragging his thumb across the screen to examine each one as it passed by, mouth tilted at a thoughtful slant. Of course Hongbin looked absolutely stunning in each picture; every camera loved him no matter what the angle, lighting, pose, outfit. He always came out perfect.
And it annoyed Hakyeon to no end. Well, he was torn between annoyance and pride, since Hongbin had chosen him to embark on those nightly adventures with after all and Hakyeon was the one who got to be seen with such a flawless being.
Hongbin offered him a warm smile seeing the disgruntled look on Hakyeon’s face, "Hyung," he started, not making any moves to pull away, "You've been in one long-term relationship, right?" His voice was low, hushed. "Did you ever...you know...have sex?" Hongbin never cared to know about Hakyeon's intimate history before, but now for obvious reasons, he was intrigued.
The question came out of nowhere. Hakyeon had just expected them to continue tormenting each other, clearly not expecting anything of that nature to surface. His entire body tensed for a moment, phone frozen on one of the photos where Hakyeon wasn’t quite looking at the camera, “My eye circles are awful, the light in here is terrible...” He finally muttered, avoiding the question entirely as he deleted all of pictures with a push of the trashcan icon. It wasn’t a complete lie, the dark rings beneath his eyes had started becoming more prominent over the last couple weeks.
Hakyeon dropped the topic of conversation, but it only encouraged Hongbin. Hakyeon should’ve know by now that the members lived to make his life miserable. "It's not the light," he remarked, of course quick to shoot down the Hakyeon’s fabricated explanations. In which he then reached out, taking the phone from his grasp and now easing it at Hakyeon alone, "Here, look out the window."
All Hakyeon had wanted to do was sleep, and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep but it was foolish of him to think doing so was at all possible given the nature of the members. Except for Taekwoon. Taekwoon would have let him rest. For now Hongbin seemed to have moved on and Hakyeon decided it best to just indulge the child, turning his face as instructed.
Using his camera taking skills, Hongbin focused and directed the device to then capture a picture of Hakyeon glancing out, his dark profile contrast perfectly to the mesmerizing blue of the sky beyond. There was just a faint cast of light on part of his features, but it was mostly accentuating the side view of the Hakyeon’s face.
And then as he leaned in to show Hakyeon, hoping his guards were down again, Hongbin tried again, "Did you at least enjoy it?" Making an inference that Hakyeon did engage in intercourse before with his girlfriend, just to see if he would deny it or accept it.
Hakyeon looked back when Hongbin held the phone out for him to see how the picture had turned out, scrunching his nose in irritation when he saw how good he looked, how damn good he looked. As if being blessed with god-like features wasn’t enough, Hongbin had been gifted with exceptional photography skills as well.
“Why does it matter? Why do you care? Since when is it any of your business?” Hakyeon snatched his phone back, shooting Hongbin a warning glare before settling back into his seat, “I’m sure you’ve done more than enough for the both of us so just use your own damn sexcapades to get off.” His thin arms crossed defiantly over his chest, shutting his eyes as if it would make Hongbin magically disappear.
Hongbin was popular enough with women, and men, that Hakyeon figured it was a safe assumption to assume he was quite “practiced”; he had had an experience of his own to prove it after all. Regardless, he didn’t need to know--nor care to know--about everything Hongbin had done, which is why he had never asked. At least that’s what he told himself.
The amusement was entering dangerous territory for Hongbin didn't read Hakyeon's clear rejection as a sign to end the conversation. Yet he was more tactile than the older male who would chatter on and literally prod the answers out. Instead he left the verbalized part at, "I don't wanna get off at my own memories. Unless they're the ones with..."
Hongbin trailed off, already aware of how Hakyeon's voice could magically carry. He wasn't going to let his own do the same.
And for a moment Hongbin made it seem like he was ready to slip back into his own private space, taking his music player out and fiddling around on the touch screen. But then he was handing it over to Hakyeon, a note bright on the screen as it read the words, "I don't care about how much or how little experience you have, hyung. Don't be so afraid with me. I'm not going to hurt you."
Hongbin kept his eyes off of Hakyeon, for once, instead studying the aisles to see if any of the other guys were awake; it didn't seem like it. The couple adjacent to them were strangers, the older woman foreign and clearly appearing like she was going home, completely asleep as she rested her head on the man's shoulder. He finally looked back at Hakyeon to see if he typed anything up or was continuing to go for the whole ignorance is bliss attitude.
It all made sense now, the motivation behind this little share circle, which felt more like an interrogation. Hongbin wanted to do more with him, to have sex with him. Hakyeon was grateful to not feel the Hongbin’s eyes on him for once as his own slid left to right, then repeated, as he read the message before shifting in his seat. The faux-leather material suddenly felt hot, suffocating.
So Hakyeon had never had sex. He still knew enough to know what it entailed between two men involved in the act. He also knew that Hongbin wasn’t going to relent, deciding it best to just bullshit some sort of answer.
“I’m not afraid.” Hakyeon typed back on the screen. A lie. Easy enough to do with words on an electronic screen when the underlying tone of his voice or facial expressions would usually give him away, “Nothing to be afraid of when nothing is going to happen.”
Blunt. Hopefully enough to derail Hongbin.
The message was void of Hakyeon’s usual overuse of emoticons that he used when texting, showing his discomfort at the discussion of this topic. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going to happen. Hakyeon repeated the words over and over in his head as if he was uncertain he would be able to restrain himself. What the pill had done to him, as enjoyable as it had been at the time, had terrified him the morning after. Waking up with hazy memories of everything that had happened, sore knuckles and soiled briefs tangible evidence of the things he had done.
Hakyeon hadn’t gone out since but little did he know there was already the beginnings of an itch that he wouldn’t be able to scratch, a hunger that couldn’t be sated with anything but the exhilarating high from that tiny pill.
The words did derail him. Hongbin couldn’t deny the burn he felt in his chest, this foreign ache. Did he actually care that much about this? It was true, that Hakyeon was the only other person he shared in this experience with and at this point. When he first crawled into that club alone, desperate to stop feeling all of the negative weight, he started off with alcohol then progressed to simple highs, and it wasn’t even the pill that continually brought him back. It was the comfort he began to take in being disassociated with his daily feelings.
So for Hakyeon to be introduced to this double life of Hongbin’s, the one where he dedicated all of his energy and pride and passion into singing, and the one where he let go of his restraints and salivated in the carefree emotions, was a risk. Both of his worlds were ones he’d invited Hakyeon very intimately into.
It was then Hongbin was realizing that maybe this was crossing boundaries that it shouldn’t be, for the inexplicable tension in his chest that could be described as hurt, was enough for him to close up.
He didn’t bother typing anything back, and it was so simple, how Hongbin erased this desire to get under Hakyeon’s skin. He’d leave the games and the desires at the hands of alcohol, or even the pills. So as Hongbin found a song to soothe him, adjusting his earbuds, he leaned towards the aisle away from Hakyeon.
To say Hongbin slept was a mystery to an observing eye, for he did close his eyes and remained mostly still, only waking to deny the offered food. For him, he spent the last remaining hours serenaded by Park Hyoshin, drowning in the voice he admired the most in the world.
~*~*~
The showcase in Italy was a rush like no other. The fans were the most active and passionate than they ever encountered, hearing their unified voices singing along to every song as if they were on the stage beside them. Not having much time to explore the cobbled streets or the historic buildings, they were quickly off to Sweden for their next showcase. The fans were more subdued, but it didn’t deter from how much love they were showing the six members.
This was the part Hakyeon loved best about being an idol: standing in front of the fans. Their supportive cheers and teary eyes radiated the love they felt for the group. Most impressive was the time he knew their international fans put into learning their songs, knowing the language was difficult yet it sounded perfect to him each and every time.
It was always during the final moments of their last song that he would stop, the other members running wild around him and interacting with whoever was within reach (yes, even Taekwoon) and just look. The warmest smile would grace his tan features as he drew his eyes from wall to wall, floor to ceiling, taking in the face of every single person in the audience. He was unable to see them all clearly due to the brightness of the stage lights but he knew they were all there. His Starlights.
Now with both showcases over, they had a few days to spare, to focus on the filming of their music video to be released before their main title. The shoot was cold and rainy, but they braved through. Wonshik had the worst end of the deal, standing around for most of the day while waiting for his portion of filming his rap. Hongbin didn’t have much resting time for even between his shots of singing, he had to do a lot of non-vocal shots.
Riding on the rush from their showcases made the dreary day of their music video filming bearable, anticipating the excitement Starlights would have once it was released, buzzing with anxiousness for their title track. Hakyeon anticipated a few heart problems too, the members dressed to kill in their casual yet elegant outfits. Hakyeon was glad they were able to film in a different country for this; the city was absolutely breath-taking with its towering regal buildings and cobblestone streets that absorbed hundreds of years of histories into its cracks.
By the time it ended, the guys were ready to eat and change into dry, warm clothes. Back at the hotel, Hongbin was--surprised. When the room assignments came, he heard his roommate was Hakyeon and that was confusing on a lot of fronts, considering their conversation on the plane. They always switched up roommates, but he was positive Hakyeon would have requested to not be with him at all costs. Then again, this could have easily been to keep a close eye on him, to ensure he didn’t do anything Hakyeon deemed stupid and risky.
While the arrangement on the airplane had been entirely coincidental, Hakyeon has assigned him and Hongbin to the same hotel room purposefully. He felt an odd, unexplainable twinge of guilt from what had happened. He knew Hongbin was only trying to be helpful, or at least his version of it, and Hakyeon didn’t want things to become awkward between them. Despite all the jeering and teasing Hongbin was still a dear friend, one whom he did trust.
In the room though, Hakyeon wasn’t there. He saw the leader’s luggage sitting in the corner unopened. Shrugging it off, Hongbin changed into jeans and a sweater, a warm coat draped about his frame down to his thighs, and with an umbrella, he slipped his camera around his neck and headed back out.
They were rewarded with some free time to explore the city that night, everyone gathered in the lobby with their translator for night tour. All except one. Hakyeon assumed Hongbin was busy messing around with his camera, knowing he wouldn’t want to waste a golden moment like this to document their travels. He volunteered to go round him up.
Standing at the elevator Hongbin was waiting for it to arrive, fingering the lens on his camera as he grew excited about what pictures he would take. When the doors finally opened with a chime, he lifted his gaze and froze. “Hyung,” he addressed, seeing Hakyeon standing there, eyebrows flitting up a bit but a smile wasn’t reaching his features.
“There you are. We’re all waiting on you.” His hands were on his hips as he looked at Hongbin with the gaze of a stern, scolding mother, “We’re going sightseeing.” Before the doors could close he reached out and grabbed the Hongbin’s arm, dragging him in and giving him no say in the matter.
A laugh scuttled out, turning in time to press his back to the elevator wall, that grin that had been waiting to break out finally doing so. Hongbin had a smile that could be eerily wide, but it was still full of astounding warmth. “You mean I have to stay with you guys?” he feigned dismay, his expression quickly transforming into wrought as he wrinkled the bride of his nose and closed his eyes, as if by not looking he could somehow escape. Though in fear he would receive a chop to his neck, he raised a hand up to protect the length of his neck, lids flapping open as he offered another smile for peaceful terms.
“I’ll make sure to capture a lot of good pictures of you, hyung. To really show off your beauty.” The words carried this cadence of jest, but Hongbin was serious. Hakyeon was one of his favorite subjects to photograph because the other was not only willing to be in them, but no matter what angle he snapped the shutter, he came out looking like art alongside the scenery. Everyone dubbed him the artwork of the group, but it took an artwork to recognize another artwork.
Hakyeon had been fully prepared to neck-chop the overdramatic male but it seemed he was becoming too predictable as his target had made sure to protect himself. He settled for poking Hongbin in the ribs before rolling his eyes at the comment, “I’m the one who should be photographing you, Binnie. I’d make a fortune selling pictures of you.” A wink was passed along before the ding of the elevator doors opening to the lobby.
He didn’t wait for Hongbin before skipping out to the waiting crowd, “I got the slacker! Let’s go!” Flinging his arm around Jaehwan’s surprisingly broad shoulders the pair set off ahead of the group, making up their own shouting song about the excitement of exploring.
Their hotel was located in the center of the city, near an open pavilion surrounded by castle-like museums and fairytale houses that all over-looked a stream cutting through the edge of the town. Though the night was still early it was bustling with people of all ages, locals and tourists, pausing to capture memories at the fountain in the center of the square, to dine at one of the small cafes lining the area or to begin their unpredictable evenings at one of the numerous bars.
Hakyeon bounced from member to member, making sure they each took at least one selca with him, wanting to savor each of these precious moments of freedom. Sanghyuk, Jaehwan and Wonshik were his most willing partners, more than happy to oblige their leader in his quest though not making the task easy as they bunny-earred, prodded, and twisted their faces into unflattering expressions any chance they got. Taekwoon stood by silently and watched their circus show, his hidden smile peeking through on occasion, eventually being coaxed into a few pictures himself.
When Hakyeon reached Hongbin, Hongbin was already about to lean in for he knew if he didn’t, he’d be pulled in--but all of a sudden Hakyeon was bounding past him to this store window. About to protest, he silenced his tongue the instant he realized he was about to openly complain about Hakyeon not bothering him. That would be uncharacteristic of him so he let it go, instead gazing on as the oldest male was gasping like he was twenty years younger, peering through the clear glass.
Beyond under the tender light of the storefront, was rows of tiny cakes and cookies on display, showcased to perfection as the different confectionaries told a different story. Hongbin could see from his abandoned spot, that there was a particular cake in the center Hakyeon was seemingly ogling. It was layered and painted with intricate webs of frosting, the scenic edible design showing off little houses that must’ve represented countryside Swedish houses, covered in white snow-like cream and overall looking--
“Cute,” Hongbin commented as he suddenly found himself behind Hakyeon, staring through the window as well. Though he realized as he made the observation his eyes weren’t on the cake at all.
Looking beside him as another presence came, he saw Taekwoon staring with such intensity that he must’ve been imagining the cake going into his mouth in one bite. Chuckling as he clasped the athletic man’s shoulder, he mused, “Should we buy it for you, Taekwoon-hyung?”
The quiet member didn’t shake his head, the answer more of a ‘yes’ than ‘no’, “Ask Hakyeon-hyung. I saw him with a wad of cash.” Hongbin said then slipped away to leave them be, and to let himself cleanse from the foreboding thoughts. These inclinations he’d been having outside of the influence and drawing away from the pure physicality, were ones he needed to suppress.
Taekwoon didn’t need to do any more convincing, the silence equaling a ‘yes’ more than enough to get Hakyeon to go into the bakery and come out with the pastry delicately packaged in a pale blue box, “Here you go, Taekwoonie.”
As the taller male was reaching for the box it was suddenly pulled back, “But there’s a catch.” Hakyeon taunted. Of course there was, there always was. Taekwoon’s hands fell to his side as he awaited his punishment, “Binnie!!” Hakyeon called out for him, grabbing Taekwoon’s wrist with his free hand and tugging him toward the fountain, “Take a picture of us!”
Hakyeon positioned Taekwoon in front of the water feature, taking a step back to examine how it looked under the light of the twinkling stars and fluorescent glow of the street lamps, “Ah, you look so handsome!” He beamed though he got no response from the Taekwoon. It didn’t bother him, more than used to it and worth it just to see the slight color in Taekwoon’s pale cheeks and the shy shuffle of his feet.
For his own spot, Hakyeon used Taekwoon as a balance to climb up onto the ledge of the fountain before wrapping his arms around the other’s thick neck and grinning, “Make sure you smile pretty for the camera!”
Very few could get away with what Hakyeon was doing, draped over Taekwoon’s wide frame the way he was, without being shoved off. It did cross Taekwoon’s mind to push him back into the shallow water but as his dark eyes drifted to the small box being held captive in that tan hand he figured it best to just appease the leader so he could get his sweet reward.
Hongbin took the picture, more for Taekwoon’s sake. He knew how much his hyung wanted the dessert, food always a sore spot second only to coffee. So he quickly lifted his camera, taking a few candid ones of Hakyeon getting into the pose, before finally he clicked several after that.
When Hongbin finished, he could see the relief in the subtle way Taekwoon’s shoulders slumped and his hand reached out, finally receiving the boxed cake. To his chagrin, Hakyeon didn’t even come sprinting up to see what the results were, either trusting the photographer’s skills or needing to maintain this game of avoiding him.
By the time all of the members found one of the city’s treasured bodies of water, darkness had long fallen. They were standing on an arched bridge where the stone beneath their feet still glistened with a layer of water leftover from the day’s rain. The nearby street lamps casted a very traditional glow that Hongbin always envisioned Europe to be: cozy, yet mysterious. This dichotomous atmosphere that enhanced the foreign scape, left him leaning against the brick railing, soaking it all in. The evenings in Stockholm were beautiful.
Hongbin felt someone watching him and when he looked to one side, he only saw Sangyuk standing there with his arm around Taekwoon, grinning wide with laughter filtering out when Taekwoon was obviously trying to escape. Then when he looked to the other side, Wonshik and Jaehwan were too busy caught up in conversation, so it had to be…he looked past the other two.
Hakyeon was leaning sideways against the railing, phone up as he snapped pictures of the members, his children in their candid scenes. Once he had taken enough to satisfy his need he took to just watching them, actually one in particular, silently. Admiring the warm glow of the lights on Hongbin’s pale skin, the awe in his eyes as he took in the city around them, the gentle smile on his face as Hongbin watched the other members.
It was only when Hakyeon got caught staring that he quickly looked down to his phone, hoping to erase at least some of the evidence of what he had been doing. Hakyeon couldn’t bring himself to delete any of the pictures though. They were suddenly precious to him, each one somehow revealing a rarely seen side of his friends, his family, one that was caught up in the moment free of stress and worries. A genuine calm and happiness.
Something was overcoming Hakyeon too, having to face away from the chatting kids and instead focus on the swirling dark waters below. His shoulders shook as he exhaled a heavy breath, blinking back the wetness stinging the corners of his eyes.
Hakyeon’s actions didn’t go unnoticed as Hongbin straightened up from the rail, curiosity piquing when he studied Hakyeon for that prolonged period; usually he was ripe to jump in with the rest of them.
Slipping around Wonshik and Jaehwan, he approached the oldest member. When he spotted that downcast look, the film of glimmering in his eyes, Hongbin knew immediately what that look entailed. He’d seen it many times before when Hakyeon was overwhelmed by sheer happiness. A small smile on his lips, ready to step in and comfort him, Hongbin entered right into Hakyeon’s line of sight.
“Hyung,” his hand lowered to tug at the hem of Hakyeon’s sweater, not wanting to draw attention as he kept his volume muted. “Are you thinking about how much your kids have grown up? We’re not kindergarteners anymore,” he spoke in such a gentle manner, the bass of his voice trembling a little at his attempt to remain quiet but heard.
Hakyeon had seen Hongbin coming but it still didn’t stop him from jumping slightly, not having expected the pull on his clothing. There was no sense in lying since Hongbin had clearly caught him red-handed, actually teary-eyed, instead appreciating the attempted comforting, “Kindergarteners are still better behaved than you.”
The teasing nature that Hongbin drew out of Hakyeon couldn’t be helped but Hakyeon showed his gratitude by leaning into Hongbin’s side as he continued to watch the swirling water. The movement was subtle, anyone not intensely scrutinizing them would assume they were just standing close to exchange secrets or gossip.
“Just nice to see you all so...happy. Really happy.” It wasn’t that Hakyeon believed they were all miserable all the time. They had plenty of fun on their travels and in the dorms but it came with the underlying weight of what it took to be an idol, what came with being an idol. To be able to see and feel that weight lifted from his members’ shoulders, if only for a brief time, made all the hardships as a leader worth it. Whatever he could take upon himself and save from adding to the pressure on his kids he would do it. Just for memories like this.
Memories that made it impossible for Hakyeon to fight back the moisture, a few drops slipping from his eyes that were quickly brushed away with his long sleeve before they traveled too far down his cheeks. The last thing he wanted was to be teased for being a crybaby too, though it was true he got emotional very easily; he was still suffering from when Taekwoon had showed him the video of an abused and abandoned kitten with a missing tail wobbling around its new forever home and playing with its new family. It had been after practice one day, so everyone had seen his sniveling reaction.
Hongbin had been hoping to do the opposite. He didn’t think his presence would encourage the tears, slightly panicked as his eyebrows lifting up, stilling as he carefully debated what to do. He could call out to the other members now, making it known to everyone how Hakyeon was emotional over their happiness.
But there was this selfish seed that caused him to remain silent, his fingers twitching as they itched to wipe the fallen drops. They were gone quickly though as Hakyeon did it himself and Hongbin was left with just staring--he couldn’t remove his gaze. There was this blossoming urge to draw a smile out of him, but the method that crossed his mind wasn’t appropriate for this public space.
Instead, Hongbin coolly offered his shoulder, clearing his throat as he turned his attention onto the water and leaned in just a bit, swallowing thickly. He wasn’t sure if Hakyeon would take him up on his offer, of burrowing his face against his coat, but it was there for him.
Hakyeon couldn’t help the chuckle that burst through his lips, aware of the way that Hongbin was trying to play this off so nonchalantly, ever the “cool guy”, “Thanks.” He said, and meant it, tilting his head to rest it on the shoulder given to him. They stayed like this in comfortable silence, no need to talk, until Jaehwan was yelling at the “love birds” that it was time to go head to the restaurant they had reservations at for dinner.
~*~*~
Back at the hotel, Hongbin agreed to purchase snacks and drinks for the two of them. While Hakyeon stepped into the bathroom to shower, he had made sure he had his wallet on him (though he had persuaded Hakyeon to give him cash), and left the room.
The rush of the warm water running down Hakyeon’s skin and chasing out the chill from his body drew a content sigh. Even though he had been bundled up quite well during their music video shooting and tour the crisp air still found a way to pierce through the layers of clothes. Normally he would have dried his hair like always when he finished but the shower had left him a bit drowsy, not realizing the extent of his exhaustion until the hot spray had driven all tension from his bones.
The bathrobe hanging behind the bathroom door was magical, made of cotton but the good kind, the expensive kind. It fit and warmed all the right places and Hakyeon didn’t think twice about knotting the tie around his waist with no additional clothing. After climbing into his bed, he fell back against the pillows and stretched out with a content grunt; yeah, this was the life.
The convenience store was just around the block, but Hongbin was walking right past it, a quick, anxious stride in his step. In his hand he held a measly crumpled paper with information scribbled in handwriting that wasn't his own. They included a code name and a password, as well as the name of two cross streets.
The further Hongbin walked, blocks from the hotel now, he could see how the people lingering on the street were locals, not the ever bustling and curious tourists. Feeling nervous the more his eyes kept shifting to and fro, looking for the second street he needed, the moment his eyes landed on the street sign he was swooping his gaze for any signs of a man who looked like he was a dealer. As to what that description would be in Stockholm, he simply slowed his pace while approaching the intersection.
He waited for several minutes before there were indistinct footsteps and two cloaked figures approaching him.
Hongbin opened the hotel room door with a slide of his key, a plastic bag in hand with the goods, "Sorry that took so long," he apologized, the carpeted floor soft beneath his boots. He dropped the contents on the Hakyeon’s bed, glancing over to see the Hakyeon in one of the hotel's plush, white cotton bath robes, "Living it up?" He chuckled, disposing of his jacket and tugging his boots off, needing to get comfortable as soon as possible; walking around all day dressed up wasn't the most ideal.
Hakyeon had just about drifted off when Hongbin had returned, unable to resist the cocoon of warmth from the bathrobe enveloping him, “This bathrobe is like a hug that never ends!” He passed a lazy smile onto Hongbin before sitting up and examining the spoils in the bags, “Banana milk! Aww Binnie you’re so thoughtful!”
Removing the straw and ripping the plastic wrapper off with his teeth, he stabbed it through the tinfoil before settling back into the plush pillows and sipping happily, blissfully unaware that edges of his robe had crept up to his tan, dancer muscled thighs.
A smile quirked on Hongbin’s features before he could stop it, finding it rather cute how Hakyeon described the inanimate robe, “I don’t know how theirs tastes, but I hope it’s good enough.” Hongbin had found the banana milk, using his English skills as he spotted it between the chocolate and strawberry. The hardest part was paying, since Europe used coins even for small amounts of money.
When Hongbin moved to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling off the plastic to his cold tea drink, his eyes finally roamed to the show of bronzed skin. Hongbin could have flitted his eyes away and feigned innocence, but there was an added heat pumping in his veins and he let his gaze linger.
“Hyung,” he spoke, only dragging his fixated stare away to meet the Hakyeon’s, “I have something. I want you to try it with me.”
Hongbin didn’t reach within his pocket yet, waiting as he brought his eyes back down to the line of slender legs that had defined curves of naturally built muscle. He then took a swig of his tea, letting the liquid trail down his drying throat.
“Hmm?” Banana milk was one of Hakyeon’s biggest weaknesses, no secret even to the fans of the immense love he had for the fruity yellow drink. Only when he had loudly slurped every last drop, sucking the bottle clean, did he finally look over at Hongbin, “Are you hiding something from me, Binnie? Are you hiding more banana milk?”
The empty plastic got tossed towards the garbage can, missing it completely; sports weren’t his strong suit. Hakyeon wasn’t as afraid as he probably should have been but he was curious, oh so curious about the possibility of what it could be, “Did you buy choco pies? Is that was it is? You know I’ve had those before.” He stood up on his bed, clutching the bottom of his robe to keep everything covered, keep his modesty intact, before jumping from his bed over to Hongbin’s without touching ground. He had to grab onto Hongbin to keep the momentum from carrying him off the other bed, his laugh filling the room as he ended up tugging Hongbin over almost completely onto him, “Ahh! What a rush!”
The sound eventually subdued as he just smiled up at Hongbin, taking the time to admire his flawless face up close before poking his nose, “So what is it?” He didn’t think much of their position in his banana milk blissed state; it had been an accident after all.
Hakyeon had just marched into dangerous territory and there was no going back. His current disheveled position left him grinning up at Hongbin, yes, but it also left the robe he tried to keep together to spill open at his thighs, hiking up high enough where there was barely any "dignity" left.
What Hakyeon didn't know was that Hongbin already took his portion, back outside in the alleyway where he had to perform something indescribable, something he would rather forget. Was it desperation? To try the legendary stuff apparently brought over from Amsterdam, for him to do that while sober? Let alone to procure two? Probably. But Hongbin could already feel the beginning traces of it, catalyzed further by Hakyeon so openly displayed before him.
"It's this."
Hongbin finally reached into his pocket, concealing what he took out as he then shrugged out of his coat. Tossing it to the empty bed, out of the way, he then held the tiny pill up between his thumb and index finger. It was a different color than the ones in Seoul, but still a pastel, "I already took one." Hongbin kept his voice low.
Still close to the other, he moved in one swoop so that he was fully on top of Hakyeon, knees framing the other's as his socked feet curled into the mattress. He then placed the small pill on the tip of his tongue, letting it rest there for a second, inviting Hakyeon to take it as Hongbin then closed his lips and leaned in even closer.
Sitting up onto his elbows, Hakyeon craned his long neck to try and see what this secret was, mouth slanting when it remained hidden, “What is-” He felt his head bounce lightly off the mattress as Hongbin suddenly hovered over him, widened eyes frantically darting from the Hongbin’’s face to the small object in his hand before watching it disappear into his mouth.
Hongbin’s hands didn't give Hakyeon much time to think, already sliding along the column of his neck, then back to the nape of his neck where his knuckles brushed the sheets and his fingertips kneaded gently into his scalp, "Tell me you want it and I'll kiss you," he carefully uttered, as to not swallow the bitter pill himself. Hongbin’s eyes bore into Hakyeon’s, endless dark depths that he hoped Hakyeon would cast himself into
A pill. This was becoming all too familiar, like deja vu except he wasn’t imagining any of this. Hongbin confessing he was already on the drug. Hongbin delicately placing the pill on his tongue. Hongbin’s face mere centimeters from his own. Hongbin’s hands crawling into his hair. Hakyeon’s Adam’s apple dove down to the bottom of his throat then back up again, his heart racing at an unnatural speed, his face burning scarlett.
What the hell was Hakyeon supposed to do? Last time it had been so easy, the influence of the drug and alcohol driving his actions. Actions that ended up with him pants down in the bathroom stall of the club with Hongbin on his knees in front of him. But it had felt good, he couldn’t deny that. So what reason was there to believe this time wouldn’t either?
He wasn’t drunk this time and neither was Hongbin. Hongbin knew exactly what he was doing, exactly what he wanted. Hakyeon wasn’t quite as certain, still wrestling with his poor excuses. More than the indecision though he realized it was fear. Fear of what would happen if he gave in of his own free will, what Hongbin would do, what he would let Hongbin do.
I don't care about how much or how little experience you have, hyung.
Don't be so afraid with me.
I'm not going to hurt you.
The message from the MP3 player screen from their airplane conversation flashed into Hakyeon’s mind as if his subconscious was trying to console him, tell him it was okay to want this. Hongbin wasn’t going to hurt him, he had to trust that. He did trust that.
With the little space between then Hakyeon had he propped himself up on one forearm, reaching up with his open hand and resting it on the side of Hongbin’s cheek. It was hard to keep his gaze, Hongbin’s so powerful and wanting, Hakyeon’s own still very much shy and unsure, “I…” His lower lip tucked between his teeth before he exhaled slowly, “I want it.”
Hakyeon’s voice came out more confidently than he had expected, letting his head fall back against the bed again as he placed his other hand on Hongbin’s cheek as well and pulled his face down to bring their lips together.