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Yikes!
So much to do and so much to think about. Matt and I are at a weird place right now, but I am trying not to dwell on that because I have a lot that I need to be doing. People have been bailing a lot on the two camps coming up. I am feeling the pressure to step it up... -
I keep thinking that one day I will be strong enough to not care...
Or maybe not caring is weaker? Maybe I just need to care less? I don't know, so I guess I'll stick with my relationship roller coaster. My dad always said that I was glutton for punishment, but this is rediculous. Why do I let one person get to me? I'm so tired of crying and rejection. I don't even want to be with him, I just want to be his ( Read more... ) -
Not sure how I feel...
Matt and I had an interesting conversation yesterday and when I woke up at 3 am, it was all I could think about. I'm still trying to process it, but he said the relationship didn't feel right and that we had wanted different things. When I asked him what he meant, he said that he want to get out and do things and that I didn't.... That he was ( Read more... ) -
Who knows... It is late!
I stress myself out so much when I really just need to stop and pray. School is overwhelming and life is hard sometimes and I lose track of all of the amazing things I have in my life. I have the most amazing friends anyone could hope for. They are not perfect, but they are perfect for me and I love them with all of my heart. I have never felt ( Read more... ) -
I should be sleeping...
...but instead I post! My roommate's bday was today and it seemed to go well. We went for dinner and bowling. I made cake and got her gifts. She really is an amazing roomie!
I am not sure why things get so stuck in brain. Sometimes, I just want to strangle my brain. I mean, why do I replay the most painful moments in my life over and over. I ( Read more... ) -
communication
I am amazed sometimes at how challenging it is to communicate. I know I have communication problems: I think about what I want to say while the other person is still talking, I rush through speaking, and try to avoid the awkward. I want to look good in other people's eyes and it hurts to know that I don't live up to my expectations for myself. ( Read more... ) -
And life gets more complicated...
I haven't had a real conversation with Tim in years...YEARS... Then a few days ago he messages me on facebook (where we are not even friends) and wants to see if I want to talk. He gives me his number and email (funny since I never deleted his number and we were still friends on my messenger...) He says he is different and changed and wants to ( Read more... ) -
Updating my life list
My Life List:- Fall in love.
- Convince someone that I am from another country.
- Go without speaking for a week.
- Adopt a child.
- Leave somewhere impulsively.
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Faith...and a lot of rambling...
As a brief update (not that anyone follows it, but it feels weird not to address the three year lack of posts), Tim and I broke up a few weeks after I moved to Corvallis for school. I am in year three in college working on an Equine Science degree. I have dated a couple of guys since Tim. The most recent relationship, Matt, ended after five and ( Read more... ) -
Have things changed in 5 years?
I did this survey in 2005. The bolded were my answers then (2005), the bolded and underlined are updated (current)...
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink.
02. Swam with wild dolphins.
03. Climbed a mountain.
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid.
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone.
08 ( Read more... )