A queer Dissapointment. Beyond Denial.

[starshaper18]

This morning, my world had so much possibility. I made a decision. I felt empowered, i felt healthy, i felt free. I knew i could do it.
Then, at 5pm, the old me took over, and i ruined everything. I hate myself for it, beyond anyones understanding. I feel disgusting, i feel awful. I hate this feeling, and the worst thing is, its me who done it!!

I

Comments

[wateringrocks]

it takes time to make a lifestyle!! don't give up yet! take it one day at a time. it took me 2 weeks to have a 'perfect' day. making it to 5 is a great step! think about how much less you put into your body today! that in itself is a good step. one good half day is better than nothing. last night i was doing so well all day and then at 10pm i went out after a show and had a huge beer (not light), half of a baguette smothered in cheese and garlic butter, and then a monster slice of carrot cake.
forgive yourself and try again. magic can't happen over night.

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[starshaper18]

Thank you. I appreciate that. And i know your right, i just feel so vulnerable today, and i feel i've really let myself down.

Re: ..

[wateringrocks]

it's ok. it's in the past now. you can't un eat it, but you can think about what got you eating. try to brainstorm things you can do that aren't snack related when the stress hits. paint your toenails and watch SATC! have a bath with tons of bubbles! shave your legs! do anything that makes you feel good. i know how hard it is especially living at home, it can make you feel stuck sometimes.
try some soul searching on this one though, what emotions are connected to the food? does it actually make you feel better or do you just think it makes you feel better? i had to work that one out with myself. when i'm miserable, i don't actually want ice cream because i want/need it, but i had developed the idea that sad= i deserve ice cream. eventually i've figured out that sad= i deserve to make myself feel better. ice cream does not= feeling better. thinking/talking about things and figuring out whats bothering me and what to do about it= feeling better.