I am not alone but it sure feels that way sometimes. I have shut down evrything outside of this one. My last refuge for the written therapy. I used to keep it all inside. The agony and heart wrenching darkness was overwhelming. It nearly killed me. I nearly killed me.

Thats why it has to get out even if no one is watching. Even if its in a little ( Read more... )

The fb has been deactivated. I just can't take it anymore. Using it means everyone is always aware of everything I do. That's just too much.  I'm hurt, to be honest. I don't blame her though. I'm a hard man to love. Harder still to understand. I am blessed with a wonderful wife that I take for granted. The truth is I take just about everything for ( Read more... )

I will guard my son's heart from regret with a ferocious kind of love.

My son will know what a man ought to be.

I refuse to let him follow my footsteps for decades not knowing what love is.

These scars will not be his but they will serve to remind me to be vigilent.

This isn't just a promise. This is a fact.

I thank the Lord for these aches for how they ( Read more... )

There are scarrs I wish weren't there. Scarrs that I'd like to forget. They ache on cold days in the early hours. I know they serve a purpose. These are tombstones left in the wake of burnt bridges and crushed idols. Porcelain fractured under the boot of a merciful God who has delivered me from my vain delusions for the sake of His glory and for my ( Read more... )

we do not wrestle with flesh and bone... primarily. a question has been ringing in my ears for months now.

"If I am charged with the responsibility to both provide for my family and trust the Lord to take care of me does that mean its wrong to store up and train for possibility that someone would overstep their bounds and need to be put down?"

we all ( Read more... )

Hit the rewind/<< on that VHS machine.

Ten years ago I was sitting in a black pool of hate and misery. It hurt so much it was all i could do to slash at everything, including myself. I cut deep but from that depth only more hate poured out. The pressure didn't release, it was unending.

Hopelessness.

The darkness washed over me like a black tide of ( Read more... )

Attention everyone, gather round, i've got news.

I'm gonna be a daddy :)

God is so good. the joy in our home just can't be put into words. everything is just going so stinkin well i'm just blown away.

great job, wonderful wife, baby on the way, just got a sweet house, and all thanks to Jesus.

to be given love would be more than sufficient... but would it be? what is to be given love if it is without substance. love is only as profound as the means by which it is displayed.

now this is beautiful beyond imagination so the Good Lord painted us a picture in blood on a canvas of a cursed tree.

a perfect, holy, just, and glorious God came to ( Read more... )

its a struggle. a bloody struggle. my words are clumsy and my motives are pretty hit or miss. even the good lessons i try to teach are tainted, chipped, and marred. i bumble about like a dim eyed rat in a maze. one moment you think there's cheese and then... a wall ( Read more... )

the weight of the glorious gift bestowed upon me, given to my clumsy hands, is almost enough to break my heart. my God in heaven has blessed me with a more wonderful wife than i could've dreamt up, a better job than i could've asked for, and all of this on top of His absolutely relentless, unstoppable love. its just... unbelievable. its ( Read more... )