Found out my great aunt just died yesterday from septic shock-which is where a microrganism gets into your blood and gives you an infection. totally bummed out about that, that's the second one in a week. idk how the funeral is going to go, thankfully gill is going with me. i don't know what i'll do... i don't want to cry. i hate to cry... sat. ( Read more... )

My parents are driving me crazy!!! and yes i know every kid says that but i don't have coping skills...my only coping skill is cutting and i can't do that.... (rach- i need to right now!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to and i know your not gonna understand why but i do i need to. it's controlling me and i can't fight the urge to anymore..) i need help

Went and saw War of the Worlds with jill on fri. OMGosh! We were going to see Wedding Crashers but i could tell jill really wanted to see War of the Worlds so i told her we could and it didn't matter to me... We get into the movie right and i thought the beginning looked pretty good and i looked over at jill and i could tell she was getting alittle ( Read more... )

Ok so idk guess i'm back to planet normal or whatever normal is for me. point being i'm ok now cause i had a talk with rach and she's right i should not cut for her, i should be doing it for me (even though she thought it was nice that i was doing it for her and the fact that i have gone 1 week w/out cutting) i get what your saying and i guess i ( Read more... )

so mom gets home today and she's trashed cause she's acting all goofy and shit.. i'm wrapped in a towel getting ready to get in the shower and she comes in and is like give me a kiss and i'm like wtf? i go i'm getting in the shower and she's like come on come on give your mom a kiss and i'm like get out mom. and she wouldn't then when i wouldn't ( Read more... )

 not suppose to be like this. it is driving me crazy not to cut, i dont know why, but i told rach i wouldn't and i'm trying so hard to be good and i can't stop thinking about it. it's right there and i could if i had enough guts too. but rach means more to me than that. I can't lie to her so she'd find out if i did and then she would look at me in ( Read more... )

It's been a week since i promised racheal i wouldn't cut anymore and i dont think i can do it. i need to, i want to. it's been so long since i saw blood running down my arm.....so long since i've punished myself............

I've spent many hours of everyday this summer wondering why i can't be normal (my conclusion to that? there is absolutely no ( Read more... )

So... florida was ok i mean personally i didn't think it was anything special. all the people being around and the really hot weather just isn't me. and not mention being there with my family. it just wasn't the vaca i needed to boost my spirits. all it did was bring me down and show me what a big fat loser i am. all they did was pick on me (mind ( Read more... )

I'm leaving to go to florida in a couple of hours. it really sucks that we have to be up so early but whatever small price to pay i guess. at first i wasn't to excited about going but i guess i am alittle bit. i want to get a good tan and do some shopping! when we get back i get to buy an ipod and my dad is going to get my car on the road so i can  ( Read more... )

you know i knew what alyssa told me about the first time would probably hurt and the second and maybe even the third.. and i'm trying so hard not to let it get to me but damn it! she has been on my case all weekend and now my dad has to do it too. like i don't have enough to deal with when she yells at me. oh and for the record my parents are ( Read more... )