in my dreams you're still here ( Read more... )

all aboard the pointless chuck away everything worthwhile train.  I met marisa when we were both working at the movie theater.  she came on in the springtime.  she was tall, thin, lithe, beautiful.  pale skin, long, dark hair, deep, rich eyes prone to widening maniacally.  laughter like song.  graceful, everything done with some sense of purpose, ( Read more... )

turn back the clock ( Read more... )

I dreamed about you last night.  that's the source of the problem.  those moments at first waking where you're still halfway in fantasy, scents and sights soft, pleasant inner vibrations like warm milk.  heart projecting on the ceiling, and you remember it's all in ruin.  all the low ends and lost causes.  reliving the pain in earnest.  no ( Read more... )

we've been lying to ourselves.  royal we?  nah you too.  brother sister dynamic, friends for life truth til death.  oh sure.  sweep it all under the rug and let its malignance fester.  we are children, and we need well defined boundaries, lest we flop on one another, fumble with buttons, flop sweat.  I saw you naked when you were a teenager and ( Read more... )

the problem it turns out with alcohol, is it tastes great and it frees you internally, levitates teh weight on your brainstem, cracks up the code between your hemispheres so to speak ( Read more... )

she forgave me for the night the very next day.  she yelled and cursed at me via text, but a gentle, subtle apology, blames shifted to alcohol and "hey you were both sort of coming onto me anyway" bullshit excuses assuaged her over the course of my shift at the bookstore while I texted her.  she was always very forgiving of atrocious behaviour, ( Read more... )

I'm unsure if it's best to proceed with carousel unbroken, or just keep to the narrative of each girl as they come.  subject to change without notice ( Read more... )

I was wrong, maybe.  I thought that was all from hilary until a girlfriend or two later, but on reconsideration there is at least one more time shortly after the first.  it was spring, or early summer.  I can't remember specifics, if we had dated some, or if it was strictly a hook up.  we were in my bed, and she was going down on me.  she had told ( Read more... )

this one deviates a bit, and it's the first of several on again/off again relationships, so from here on out the timeline of principals is a mess.  I've known hilary longer, in a relatively unbroken flow of communication, more than nearly anyone in my life.  we met when she was 16, a younger friend of jess, mentioned previously.  I had minimal real ( Read more... )