i hate purging more and more every time i do it, and you know why? because it becomes easier, and scarier,like my body knows what its supposed to do and doesnt fight it, and i always argue with myself about when to stop, how much is enough, rationalizing my sins...

day 3 of fast was hard, i had a rockstar and some lozenges...i also went to dinner w/my mom though, i ordered 1 shot espresso, 1 sugar free italian soda, and 1 water w/lemon, and we were at my fav restaurant california pizza kitchen...my mom ordered the grilled veg salad(what i get usu, cause im a veg),split pea soup, and banana foster cake with ( Read more... )

i really hate my mom sometimes and the way she makes me binge, taking me to sonic and grimacing when i dont want anything at 11 friggin oclock! then ordering me something aand watching me eat it, but you know what made me feel sooo good, i look up the nutritional info, and what she ate was rediculous, milkshake, fries, popcorn chicken, corndog, all ( Read more... )

ok so i am 3lbs away from my first goal weight...and when i get there, i get to try this new delicious flavor latte at this cafe...its a cinnamon roll latte...i know, ive wanted it for weeks, but not till i am at a solid 115...today i burned 1000 at the gym with no intake...and despite yesterdays binge...i feel ok......tomorrow  i have reh all day ( Read more... )

3/15/07 10 pm             3/22/07 12 am               in 6 days i…

33-bust                                    32 ¾                lost ¼ inch

27-waist                                   26                    lost 1 inch

30-pouch                                 29                    lost 1 inch

32-hips                                    31               ( Read more... )

well after st pattys fiasco....i need to make sure my goals are in sight

5'5"
cw 120(ughh how do i even get up in the mornings)
gw#1) 115(by next week)
gw #2) 108(by april 15th)
gw #3) 100(by may 3rd)
plenty o time

all this must be done by may 5...a wedding, i have to be the thinnest one there

well aside from the celery stalk dusted with lemon pepper i just had.(not highly caloric)..the day went well, burned 700 at gym , ate (trail mix, rice pilaf/veggie burger/fiber cereal and eggplant cube) 600 calories(overcounted really about 550) then went dancing, who knos what i burned there, then my mom showed up at 1 and wanted to get an ( Read more... )

ok....im pretty proud today...370 cal,burned 300 at gym and biked 10 miles...i love that my mom isnt suspicious of me and i wanna keep it that way, imean i talk about calories, working out, dieting big time, an d my friends eating disorder all the time,and she doesnt say a thing, doesnt skip a beat in conversation.... and as i left her tonite she ( Read more... )

i hate that im happy about not eating...but i love it??? i dunno, iguess i just need to prove i can do this, no one ever takes me seriously...ive cut and cut till ive bled and bled..nothing...so maybe if i can...i hate that i am unclear about my motives, i am drinking apple flavored water and its making me pee...i want to go get pills for dieting, ( Read more... )

ok so this is my first victory post! yay! i had 200 calories today 2 little cookies (70 cal) and a vanilla non fat tall sugar free latte(120 cals), and burned 400 at the gym...and i have had some diet soda and flavored water(sugar free of course) for the rest, and now...im really not hungry!i have to go over to my moms tonite, do some laundrey and ( Read more... )