family portrait [3/?]
title: family portrait
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02
He fixes his tie in the mirror, finally getting it right after twenty minutes of struggling. His mind insn't together this morning. Today, he loses Masuda forever. There's a light knock on his door, a nervous voice on the other side. "Yuya, please hurry up. We have to be there in fifteen minutes." That voice usually made him feel warm, almost fuzzy inside, but right now, it only makes him want6 to cry. He's getting married today and there's nothing he can do to stop it. Tegoshi likes to draw attention to himself, sure, but ruining what should be that happiest day of Masuda's life just doesn't feel right. As Shige told him repeatedly in his frantic six am phone call in which he battled both sobbing tears and a devastating hangover, He's happy. If you love him, you should be happy for him. He hated that Shige was probably right.
"Oh, look at you, Yuya," his mother says excitedly when he finally steps out into the living room. She fiddles with his jacket, tries to style his bangs in a different way, out of his face. "You're going to make such a handsome groom someday, just like your brother."
In the car, Tegoshi leans his head against the window, watching city scapes and sidewalks pass him by, catching Masuda's nervous reflection in it. They hadn't talked much today. Maybe he was just stressed out about the event, but Tegoshi had a feeling it was something else, last night and every regretful thing that included.
"Yuya, will you stop being so moody," their father says from the driver's seat, looking back at him in the rear view mirror. " This is Takahisa's day, so whatever your problem is, suck it up and smile, for his sake."
"Dad, it's okay," Masuda tells him, squeezing Tegoshi's knee gently. It's the warmest thing he's done all day
++++
He tries during the ceremony, he really does, returning the smile Masuda flashes him from the altar. It's the single most painful moment of his life.
Shige is sitting behind him, taps his shoulder shortly before it starts. He waves him away, not wanting to hear any words that might his already fragile will. When Yukari walks down the isle, Tegoshi doesn't even look at her, just watches Masuda up there, stares at his sweet face hopelessly. His mother makes a comment about how lovely Yukari's dress is, but he honestly doesn't care. Masuda is the star, at least in his eyes.
It feels like the longest experience of his life, every word the priest reads about love and eternity is another pin pricking into his chest, a torture that's to go on forever. The priest gets to that part about speaking now or holding your peace, a thousand thoughts run through Tegoshi's head. All the things he wants to say, he could stand up now and shout the them all, in front of Masuda and all their family and friends. He almost does it, but by the time he's made that decision, the moment has already passed.
"Yuya, are you okay?" his mother whispers to him, a small hand on his shoulder. "You look pale, are you sick? Do you need to step out?" He shakes his head, turns his attention back to the altar, to Masuda. Tegoshi almost swears he sees Masuda look at him, expecting what he couldn't bring himself to say. But maybe that's just what heart is hoping for.
Masuda slips a ring on her finger, smiling when he says, "I do." By the end, Tegoshi knows he's crying. It takes everything he has to make them look like tears of joy.
He walks passed them on the way out of the church, hugs Masuda tightly without saying a word. "Yuya," he says with a laugh, patting his back gently. He forces a smile when he pulls away, his hug to Yukari is slightly more awkward, forced, as is the congratulations he wishes her.
She kisses his cheek lightly. "I always wanted a cute little brother," she says with a smile and a giggle. Tegoshi returns the sentiment, still not sure whether he likes her or hates her.
++++
"How are you holding up, Tegoshi?" Shige hands his a glass of champagne when he comes outside, to the patio on the water that Tegoshi had all to himself. He downs the drink quickly without a word, lets it fall to the ground, shattering into countless pieces. "That bad, huh."
"It's not fair," he mumbles as Shige bends down to pick up the large shards.
"You tried," he says, putting the glass on the table. " Drunk or not, if he felt the same way as you do, Massu would have given what you said more thought."
Tegoshi sniffles a bit, wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. That's not what he wanted to hear, but he probably needed to hear it. Shige puts a hand on his shoulder as if he doesn't know what else to say. "You can go inside, Shige. I want to be alone for a while."
"Are going to to jump in the water and swim away?" he says, more as a joke than a serious concern.
"No," there's a hint of a smile on Tegoshi's face, an honest one for the first time that day. "I just need some space." Shige nods, a bit of worry on his face as he ducks back inside. Tegoshi waits for him to disappear from view before he sits down, slamming his fist against the table. "Shit!" He looks at his hands, a gash in the side, bloody pieces of glass on the table beside him. Tegoshi just stares at the wound, a line of blood rolling down like a vein, disappearing under the cuff of his sleeve. The door opens again, he hears it, but he doesn't look up.
"Yuya, Shige said - oh god!" Masuda sits down beside him, grabbing Tegoshi by the wrist, pressing the palm of his hand against Tegoshi's wound. "What did you do?"
"It was an accident," he almost laughs, but he's not sure why.
"Come on, inside." He pulls Tegoshi to the door, back inside the hall, keeping pressure on his hand. They pass a few people, Masuda smiling and nodding politely when they wish him congratulations. When they get to the mens room, he pulls out a few sheets of paper towels, pressing them to Tegoshi's hand. Masuda's touch is gentle, full of affection and concern. "What were you doing out there all by yourself?"
For a while, he doesn't say anything, doesn't really listen when Masuda speaks, all his attention focused on Masuda's hand against his own. "I'm sorry, Taka." Masuda looks up to meet his eyes. "For last night, I'm sorry."
Masuda smiles, shakes his head. "It's okay, Yuya. Don't worry about it." He twists the faucet, turning the water on, putting Tegoshi's hand under it, hot against the wound, a dull pink color to the water gathering in the bowl of the sink.
"Takahisa…"
"Really, Yuya. Its fine."
"I love you."
It goes silent in the room, the running water so loud in Tegoshi's ears. "I told you not to say that kind of thing to me again," Masuda's voice is almost emotionless, oddly peppered with nervousness.
"I was drunk then. But I mean it."
"Yuya…"
"I had to make sure you knew how I-"
"It's too late," Masuda snaps at him. Tegoshi stays quiet after that, letting Masuda clean his injury in peace, drying his hand gently. It's confusing when he does things like this, saying words that contradict his affectionate actions.
++++
Masuda bandages Tegoshi's hand, makes him sit down at the table with their parents. "I want to keep an eye on you," he whispers in his ear before he walks away. His mother gasps when she sees his hand, asks him what happened. He comes up with some excuse about clumsiness, forces happiness for the rest of the night so they don't get angry at his attitude.
"I'm so happy he found a nice girl," his mother says, Tegoshi watching Masuda as he dances with his new bride. He glances in Tegoshi's direction occasionally, smile usually fading when he does. Good job, Yuya, you've ruined Taka's day. Again.
He stands up, walks around the hall to cure his restlessness By the door, he sees a large board, something Yamashita and Koyama made for him. It's full of photos, Masuda's childhood and Yukari's. Tegoshi remembers helping them out with it a bit, picking out his favorite pictures of Masuda, noticing now that he's in most of them, too, clinging to Masuda like he would his favorite teddy bear. He thinks it's as much their history as the happy couple's.
Tegoshi remembers each of those moments vividly, can still feel all those emotions when he thinks of them. He's probably the only one that sees those moments the way he does. Tegoshi can't see the brotherly love in any of it anymore.
++++
It's late when he shuffles into his room at the hotel the hall is attached to, the same one Masuda is staying in before he leaves for his honeymoon. He slams the door shut as he step inside, pulling off his tie and jacket, falling face first onto the bed. Tears begin to fall from his eyes almost instantly, soaking into the blankets, everything he'd kept inside for the last few hours. For Takahisa, as always.
There's a knock at his door, a soft and familiar voice asking him to open up. Tegoshi gives a shirt answer, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he goes to open the door. He takes a couple breaths before he opens it, Masuda standing on the other side, shirt partially undone, tie loosened around the neck. It takes all Tegoshi's will not to jump him right there. "What do you want, Taka?" he asks, trying to sound tired and frustrated to cover up the truth. "Shouldn't you be down the hall, banging your wife?"
"Yuya," he sounds exasperated, like he's had enough. "I think we have to talk."
"About what?"
Masuda steps inside, pushing passed him. "Before. You being, you know."
"There's nothing more to say." Tegoshi closes the door behind him anyway.
He looks down at the ground wringing his hands together as he sits on the end of the bed. "Yuya, I…We…You should…"
"Good argument." Masuda just gives him a look.
"We're brothers. Even if it's not by blood, it's…We can't be…"
Tegoshi raises an eyebrow. "Who are you trying to convince?"
"You, obviously."
"You know better than anyone that I'm a stubborn ass." He takes a few steps forward, hips moving unintentionally. "You've always been the one that caves. So I ask you again, who are you trying-"
"Why didn't you say something?" Masuda shouts, standing suddenly, making Tegoshi stumble back slightly. "If you felt this way why didn't you tell me?"
"I, I did."
"The night before my wedding, great fucking timing."
Tegoshi bites his lip, his back making contact with the wall of his hotel room. "I'm sorry."
Masuda sighs heavily, calms himself. He steps forward, putting his hands on Tegoshi's shoulders. "You were with me when I bought the ring, Yuya. You could have said something."
"Would it have made a difference if I had?" Mauda opens his mouth as if he's going to speak, but it closes quickly. An unintended tear fall from Tegoshi's eye, Masuda wipes it away with a finger, touches his cheek gently. Tegoshi lets his eyes fall closed as Masuda's face inches closer, his heart beating a quick rhythm in his chest. He feels Masuda's lips against his own, soft and light. Tegoshi tries to think of something to say, staring into Masuda's kind eyes while fingers brush across his forehead, pushing soft brown bangs out of his own.
"Yuya…" Tegoshi at him a few times before their lips meet again, Masuda's body pressing him against the wall. It's deeper this time, suffocating, and everything Tegoshi always imagined it would be. It feels like an eternity, but when Masuda pulls away, it seems too soon. "I should get back to my…"
"Yeah," Tegoshi nods, breathing heavily. "You should."
Masuda takes a step toward the door, shuffles his feet a bit. "Yuya, I…" he lets his voice trail off, puts his arms behind Tegoshi's back, kisses him one last time. "Goodnight," he says quietly, showing himself out of the room.
Tegoshi stands in the middle of the room for a moment, unsure whether to be happy or confused. No, he does know. Masuda is married. There's nothing happy about what just happened. Was it a kiss out of sympathy? It seemed like a very Takahisa thing to do. But it didn't feel like sympathy, it felt like affection. Pure and simple love. There's no way to be sure, no matter how badly he wants to believe one way or the other.
When he finally moves, he falls backwards onto his bed, fingers lightly touching his lips.
-----------------------
my computer is still hovering somewhere in the land of the dead, but since I've almost finished writing chapter 5 at this point and had time today to type this up, I figured, why not XD it may take me longer to reply to comments than usual, sorry in advance <3
(I'm having Tegoshi/Tegomass withdrawls...)
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02
He fixes his tie in the mirror, finally getting it right after twenty minutes of struggling. His mind insn't together this morning. Today, he loses Masuda forever. There's a light knock on his door, a nervous voice on the other side. "Yuya, please hurry up. We have to be there in fifteen minutes." That voice usually made him feel warm, almost fuzzy inside, but right now, it only makes him want6 to cry. He's getting married today and there's nothing he can do to stop it. Tegoshi likes to draw attention to himself, sure, but ruining what should be that happiest day of Masuda's life just doesn't feel right. As Shige told him repeatedly in his frantic six am phone call in which he battled both sobbing tears and a devastating hangover, He's happy. If you love him, you should be happy for him. He hated that Shige was probably right.
"Oh, look at you, Yuya," his mother says excitedly when he finally steps out into the living room. She fiddles with his jacket, tries to style his bangs in a different way, out of his face. "You're going to make such a handsome groom someday, just like your brother."
In the car, Tegoshi leans his head against the window, watching city scapes and sidewalks pass him by, catching Masuda's nervous reflection in it. They hadn't talked much today. Maybe he was just stressed out about the event, but Tegoshi had a feeling it was something else, last night and every regretful thing that included.
"Yuya, will you stop being so moody," their father says from the driver's seat, looking back at him in the rear view mirror. " This is Takahisa's day, so whatever your problem is, suck it up and smile, for his sake."
"Dad, it's okay," Masuda tells him, squeezing Tegoshi's knee gently. It's the warmest thing he's done all day
++++
He tries during the ceremony, he really does, returning the smile Masuda flashes him from the altar. It's the single most painful moment of his life.
Shige is sitting behind him, taps his shoulder shortly before it starts. He waves him away, not wanting to hear any words that might his already fragile will. When Yukari walks down the isle, Tegoshi doesn't even look at her, just watches Masuda up there, stares at his sweet face hopelessly. His mother makes a comment about how lovely Yukari's dress is, but he honestly doesn't care. Masuda is the star, at least in his eyes.
It feels like the longest experience of his life, every word the priest reads about love and eternity is another pin pricking into his chest, a torture that's to go on forever. The priest gets to that part about speaking now or holding your peace, a thousand thoughts run through Tegoshi's head. All the things he wants to say, he could stand up now and shout the them all, in front of Masuda and all their family and friends. He almost does it, but by the time he's made that decision, the moment has already passed.
"Yuya, are you okay?" his mother whispers to him, a small hand on his shoulder. "You look pale, are you sick? Do you need to step out?" He shakes his head, turns his attention back to the altar, to Masuda. Tegoshi almost swears he sees Masuda look at him, expecting what he couldn't bring himself to say. But maybe that's just what heart is hoping for.
Masuda slips a ring on her finger, smiling when he says, "I do." By the end, Tegoshi knows he's crying. It takes everything he has to make them look like tears of joy.
He walks passed them on the way out of the church, hugs Masuda tightly without saying a word. "Yuya," he says with a laugh, patting his back gently. He forces a smile when he pulls away, his hug to Yukari is slightly more awkward, forced, as is the congratulations he wishes her.
She kisses his cheek lightly. "I always wanted a cute little brother," she says with a smile and a giggle. Tegoshi returns the sentiment, still not sure whether he likes her or hates her.
++++
"How are you holding up, Tegoshi?" Shige hands his a glass of champagne when he comes outside, to the patio on the water that Tegoshi had all to himself. He downs the drink quickly without a word, lets it fall to the ground, shattering into countless pieces. "That bad, huh."
"It's not fair," he mumbles as Shige bends down to pick up the large shards.
"You tried," he says, putting the glass on the table. " Drunk or not, if he felt the same way as you do, Massu would have given what you said more thought."
Tegoshi sniffles a bit, wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. That's not what he wanted to hear, but he probably needed to hear it. Shige puts a hand on his shoulder as if he doesn't know what else to say. "You can go inside, Shige. I want to be alone for a while."
"Are going to to jump in the water and swim away?" he says, more as a joke than a serious concern.
"No," there's a hint of a smile on Tegoshi's face, an honest one for the first time that day. "I just need some space." Shige nods, a bit of worry on his face as he ducks back inside. Tegoshi waits for him to disappear from view before he sits down, slamming his fist against the table. "Shit!" He looks at his hands, a gash in the side, bloody pieces of glass on the table beside him. Tegoshi just stares at the wound, a line of blood rolling down like a vein, disappearing under the cuff of his sleeve. The door opens again, he hears it, but he doesn't look up.
"Yuya, Shige said - oh god!" Masuda sits down beside him, grabbing Tegoshi by the wrist, pressing the palm of his hand against Tegoshi's wound. "What did you do?"
"It was an accident," he almost laughs, but he's not sure why.
"Come on, inside." He pulls Tegoshi to the door, back inside the hall, keeping pressure on his hand. They pass a few people, Masuda smiling and nodding politely when they wish him congratulations. When they get to the mens room, he pulls out a few sheets of paper towels, pressing them to Tegoshi's hand. Masuda's touch is gentle, full of affection and concern. "What were you doing out there all by yourself?"
For a while, he doesn't say anything, doesn't really listen when Masuda speaks, all his attention focused on Masuda's hand against his own. "I'm sorry, Taka." Masuda looks up to meet his eyes. "For last night, I'm sorry."
Masuda smiles, shakes his head. "It's okay, Yuya. Don't worry about it." He twists the faucet, turning the water on, putting Tegoshi's hand under it, hot against the wound, a dull pink color to the water gathering in the bowl of the sink.
"Takahisa…"
"Really, Yuya. Its fine."
"I love you."
It goes silent in the room, the running water so loud in Tegoshi's ears. "I told you not to say that kind of thing to me again," Masuda's voice is almost emotionless, oddly peppered with nervousness.
"I was drunk then. But I mean it."
"Yuya…"
"I had to make sure you knew how I-"
"It's too late," Masuda snaps at him. Tegoshi stays quiet after that, letting Masuda clean his injury in peace, drying his hand gently. It's confusing when he does things like this, saying words that contradict his affectionate actions.
++++
Masuda bandages Tegoshi's hand, makes him sit down at the table with their parents. "I want to keep an eye on you," he whispers in his ear before he walks away. His mother gasps when she sees his hand, asks him what happened. He comes up with some excuse about clumsiness, forces happiness for the rest of the night so they don't get angry at his attitude.
"I'm so happy he found a nice girl," his mother says, Tegoshi watching Masuda as he dances with his new bride. He glances in Tegoshi's direction occasionally, smile usually fading when he does. Good job, Yuya, you've ruined Taka's day. Again.
He stands up, walks around the hall to cure his restlessness By the door, he sees a large board, something Yamashita and Koyama made for him. It's full of photos, Masuda's childhood and Yukari's. Tegoshi remembers helping them out with it a bit, picking out his favorite pictures of Masuda, noticing now that he's in most of them, too, clinging to Masuda like he would his favorite teddy bear. He thinks it's as much their history as the happy couple's.
Tegoshi remembers each of those moments vividly, can still feel all those emotions when he thinks of them. He's probably the only one that sees those moments the way he does. Tegoshi can't see the brotherly love in any of it anymore.
++++
It's late when he shuffles into his room at the hotel the hall is attached to, the same one Masuda is staying in before he leaves for his honeymoon. He slams the door shut as he step inside, pulling off his tie and jacket, falling face first onto the bed. Tears begin to fall from his eyes almost instantly, soaking into the blankets, everything he'd kept inside for the last few hours. For Takahisa, as always.
There's a knock at his door, a soft and familiar voice asking him to open up. Tegoshi gives a shirt answer, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he goes to open the door. He takes a couple breaths before he opens it, Masuda standing on the other side, shirt partially undone, tie loosened around the neck. It takes all Tegoshi's will not to jump him right there. "What do you want, Taka?" he asks, trying to sound tired and frustrated to cover up the truth. "Shouldn't you be down the hall, banging your wife?"
"Yuya," he sounds exasperated, like he's had enough. "I think we have to talk."
"About what?"
Masuda steps inside, pushing passed him. "Before. You being, you know."
"There's nothing more to say." Tegoshi closes the door behind him anyway.
He looks down at the ground wringing his hands together as he sits on the end of the bed. "Yuya, I…We…You should…"
"Good argument." Masuda just gives him a look.
"We're brothers. Even if it's not by blood, it's…We can't be…"
Tegoshi raises an eyebrow. "Who are you trying to convince?"
"You, obviously."
"You know better than anyone that I'm a stubborn ass." He takes a few steps forward, hips moving unintentionally. "You've always been the one that caves. So I ask you again, who are you trying-"
"Why didn't you say something?" Masuda shouts, standing suddenly, making Tegoshi stumble back slightly. "If you felt this way why didn't you tell me?"
"I, I did."
"The night before my wedding, great fucking timing."
Tegoshi bites his lip, his back making contact with the wall of his hotel room. "I'm sorry."
Masuda sighs heavily, calms himself. He steps forward, putting his hands on Tegoshi's shoulders. "You were with me when I bought the ring, Yuya. You could have said something."
"Would it have made a difference if I had?" Mauda opens his mouth as if he's going to speak, but it closes quickly. An unintended tear fall from Tegoshi's eye, Masuda wipes it away with a finger, touches his cheek gently. Tegoshi lets his eyes fall closed as Masuda's face inches closer, his heart beating a quick rhythm in his chest. He feels Masuda's lips against his own, soft and light. Tegoshi tries to think of something to say, staring into Masuda's kind eyes while fingers brush across his forehead, pushing soft brown bangs out of his own.
"Yuya…" Tegoshi at him a few times before their lips meet again, Masuda's body pressing him against the wall. It's deeper this time, suffocating, and everything Tegoshi always imagined it would be. It feels like an eternity, but when Masuda pulls away, it seems too soon. "I should get back to my…"
"Yeah," Tegoshi nods, breathing heavily. "You should."
Masuda takes a step toward the door, shuffles his feet a bit. "Yuya, I…" he lets his voice trail off, puts his arms behind Tegoshi's back, kisses him one last time. "Goodnight," he says quietly, showing himself out of the room.
Tegoshi stands in the middle of the room for a moment, unsure whether to be happy or confused. No, he does know. Masuda is married. There's nothing happy about what just happened. Was it a kiss out of sympathy? It seemed like a very Takahisa thing to do. But it didn't feel like sympathy, it felt like affection. Pure and simple love. There's no way to be sure, no matter how badly he wants to believe one way or the other.
When he finally moves, he falls backwards onto his bed, fingers lightly touching his lips.
-----------------------
my computer is still hovering somewhere in the land of the dead, but since I've almost finished writing chapter 5 at this point and had time today to type this up, I figured, why not XD it may take me longer to reply to comments than usual, sorry in advance <3
(I'm having Tegoshi/Tegomass withdrawls...)