i have morphed into an ultimatum of many different personalities all fused into one.

i dont know if i have changed for the better or for the worse. i have to LOSE WEIGHT. because once again i realise skinny pple look good in EVRYTHING

 2am @ the park -

“you’ll change even more”
“no i won’t, not that drastically i won’t”
“yes you will, you don’t have to deny it, you know you will.”
“just don’t change into someone i won’t be able to recognise. or someone who wouldn’t want to recognise me”

 if you fall asleep down by the water ( Read more... )

curious how the most non consequential conversations with unexpected people can jolt me into a whole stream of thoughts. the thoughts then manifest themselves into various forms, causing me to unknowingly convince myself to believe in certain scenarios and decide that what they say make so much sense after all. these thoughts subtly warp what i ( Read more... )

omg this was written exactly  a year ago. 
only regrets is i havent' changed much, not proud to say that the list definitely hasnt been ticked off much. 
so rambles along the story of my life (: 
read to be as bemused as i was.

stashedlover.livejournal.com/169367.html#cutid1

easing back into the world once teeming with life and familiarity proves to pour rushes of warmth around me. like how the scents of certain ones close to me wraps around like a fluffy duvet, coveting me with assurance. i like it here, where things are closer to reality and less of a dream. things revolve around a routine, the urge to bridge deeper ( Read more... )

its a feeling upon which i can't place a finger on ( Read more... )

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, ( Read more... )

i think i like it better when things happen in my head instead of real life. it makes me feel in control and safe and the outcomes of various circumstances are dependent on the extent of my imagination and not on people, so i don’t get disappointed. also, i can carefully tweak my own personality and appearance, much like the colour/contrast button ( Read more... )

i am at content with myself so much so the intensity of feeling happy and at peace is somewhat disconcerting. its as though im biting off more happiness than i deserve. such happiness cannot be to stay, its transient, and it just makes me uneasy, as though something's gonna be taken away just because i've been given this much.

i want to stick to the ( Read more... )