Usually it keeps me somewhere short of completely insane to focus on, "well, I have to stay alive, and that's it ( Read more... )

Ah, reality ( Read more... )

hahaha ( Read more... )

When I TRY I'm not good enough.

When I'm not trying... trying to try...not even working so hard to be Good, I'm sure I'm awful.

When I try I'm annoying to shrinks, an d I work to be the moedle.

A me not bringing myself to try is scary... must be the worst patient ever.

It doesn't matter who reads this or doesn't. I know I'm just not so fascinating that much of anyone will... been cut off from people lately, not reading other people's entries or updating or anything. But, um, I don't want comments. I just want to put things into sentences. Works better on the computer than paper. also, this catalogs by date ( Read more... )

And that is pretty much it ( Read more... )

I hate it when I can't sshop shaking just because I'm being a big emotional dork! I've been trying to get written stuff done but it turns out too tremorry ( Read more... )

Why have I not gotten the balance between being silent and spewing whiny diarrhea of the mind? I've totally dumped, personally, embarassingly, and unfairly to a bunch of people who I really like. And... if I can't take refuge in gymnastics chat... and get AWAY from my annoying self, well, that would be a real shame. It would be really stupid to ( Read more... )

People have done worse things than I have and screwed up worse than I have and made something good out of it and out of themselves. Both in the society's definition of success kind of way, and in the actually being a contributor kind of way. I'M GOING TO DO THAT ( Read more... )

I know that my life is not age-appropriate. I wonder if I'm just ... indulging myself? Or seriously crazy? As opposed to my preferred explanation that I'm doing this to get my life back on track, and then I can be normal-ish again. But maybe not. Maybe I'm just defective in emotional makeup, or in character ( Read more... )