fic: Drunk and Disoriented (1/1)
Title: Drunk and Disoriented
Author: stellarmeadow
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Paring: Steve/Danny
Rating: PG
Summary: Danny gets annoyed, Danny gets upset, Danny gets drunk. Like "See Spot Run" but the adult version.
Notes: Longer coda this time! This follows in the series of season 4 codas, so you should probably read The Weight of the World, Wallowing, and A Moment first. Set during/after ep 404, hence the vagueness of the summary, so as not to spoil anyone.
Spoilers inside for 404! Enjoy! :)
Steve said nothing.
No, worse than nothing, Danny thought. Because instead of "Hey, you kissed me," or "We should probably talk about what happened," Steve said, "hey, we should go on a double date."
With their girlfriends. As if they hadn't technically, kind of, somewhat cheated on them with each other. Granted, Danny had been trying to prove a point that was intended to throw Steve even more into the arms of a woman he deserved to be happy with, or so he'd told himself. But Steve had kissed him back. And Steve had been about to do it again.
Now Steve wanted to double date.
If this was some bizarre method of working out your conflicted sexuality issues, Danny wanted a few words with the shrink who'd suggested it. Preferably in the rendition room.
It was either that, or slam his own head into the wall.
Then again, maybe Steve had been saying something, and Danny just hadn't picked up on it. He supposed double dating with their girlfriends could be Steve-speak for "Maybe we should focus on the relationships we have and forget this." Maybe Danny's caveman-to-normal-human translator was offline with all the noise in his head.
So fine, he'd go on the double date. It wasn't exactly a hardship. He loved Gabby. He did. He could make things work with her and ignore everything else.
***
"So...what do you think?" Gabby said.
What did he think? He'd just made up his mind to make this work and now she was telling him she'd been offered a job on the mainland for six months. What the hell was he supposed to think? That the Universe was, by and large, a giant asshat?
"I don't know," he said, after a moment. Because he didn't. There was no winning this one. If he said 'Take the job,' then he didn't care enough about her. If he said 'don't take the job' then he didn't care enough about her and he was a controlling jerk.
He'd rehashed this argument up one side and down the other from Steve's latest Cath conundrum, and he'd already known it from personal experience. There was no winning it.
"Danny?"
He smiled at her. "Let's just go enjoy the movie, okay? We can talk about it when we get home."
And if he spent more time noticing the warm press of Steve's arm on his right than Gabby's presence on his left, there wasn't a lot he could do about it. He knew there wasn't. Because he'd tried. And yet it was Steve he was still smelling, Steve he was leaning into, Steve he was chatting about the movie with.
He just hoped Gabby didn't notice his sigh of relief when Steve's phone rang.
***
He'd known he wouldn't be able to keep Steve from poking around until Danny admitted the situation, just like he'd known what Steve's advice would be. Because Steve was the noble, self-sacrificing type, and also he'd never had anyone stolen out from under his nose by being noble and self-sacrificing.
Actually, he probably had, he just hadn't realized it.
"...you know what I told her?" Steve was saying about Catherine's job. "I told her to take the job."
Yes, because you'd give up the Holy Grail for the first schmuck who sold you a sad story. "That's because you're stupid and you don't listen to anybody."
"Because I didn't want her to pass by a great career opportunity because of me."
"You told your girlfriend that it was okay to take a job with her good-looking ex. That is not noble," Danny said, even though he knew it was. "That is stupid."
"Let me ask you a question, then. If Gabby asked you to put your career on hold and move to Denver would you do that?"
"No, I wouldn't do that, but I've got a daughter who lives here. It's not the same thing." And then there's you. But he couldn't say that. He'd showed one of his cards when he kissed Steve; he wasn't about to show any more and get hurt.
There was a long pause before Steve added, his voice softer and a little off, "Plus you'd miss me too much."
"Plus I'd miss you too much," Danny said with as much sarcasm as he could, despite the truth of the statement.
"There you go."
Whatever the odd tone had been in Steve's voice before, it was gone now, his normal obnoxious confidence back in place. Danny pushed it to the back of his mind. They had a case to solve. He could work on solving his personal life later.
***
He held onto Gabby a little longer than he probably should have as they said their goodbyes. He wasn't delusional, he got the irony of that, but he still had trouble letting go.
"Text me when you get home," Danny said, letting go of her hand. "So I know you made it okay?"
She nodded and said goodbye as she slipped out the door. He watched her drive away before closing the door and crossing the room to drop down onto the couch. Eyes closed, he rested his head on the back of the couch for a long moment.
Snippets of the wedding he'd been a witness to earlier came back to him. How happy the bride and groom were, despite the hell they'd been through the last day. Steve being...well, Steve, standing there with that dorky look on his face, like he was single handedly responsible for the wedding when he was really only second handedly responsible at best.
Steve. Annoyingly, stupidly perfect Steve, who was rarely more than an arms length away, and always maddeningly just out of reach.
Danny pushed off the couch and went to the kitchen to see how many beers he had left in the fridge.
***
It was a cliché, Danny knew it, even as he typed out the message, squinting at the small phone screen. A stupid, annoying cliché, the 21st century version of drunk dialing, and the main reason why phones should automatically come with a breathalyzer.
Gabby and I brk yup the message said. He shouldn't send it. He would see Steve in the morning, he could let him gloat then. Catherine was probably home by now anyway. She and Steve were probably...busy.
He hit send.
The response came back quickly enough that he knew they weren't busy. Where are you?
Hme
Stay there. Don't go anywhere.
Like he was going anywhere when it was obvious even to blind people and Steve just from texts that he had had too many beers to drive? Danny sat down on the couch, testing the last bottle he'd been drinking, but like the others it was empty.
Gabby had left the TV on when she'd gone, the show she'd been watching now replaced by a guy cheerily selling a blender to an audience who clearly needed to get out more. The only reason to get that excited about a blender was if it had copious amounts of alcohol in it.
He was cataloging all the ways the blender could be used in a crime scene when his door opened. He looked up to find Steve there. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you to stay here."
"Yeah, but you didn't have to come make sure I didn't drive. I'm not stupid."
Steve was hovering over him now, arms over his chest, his shoulders stupidly gorgeous in that top. That shirt should be illegal. Indecent exposure, that's what it was, showing those arms off like that. He should not be allowed to wear that in public.
"I what?"
Danny realized he'd said that last bit aloud. "You shouldn't be out in public in that shirt," he repeated, as if it was a perfectly natural thing to say. "You're a member of the governor's task force, and people might think that you can't afford sleeves."
He had the nerve to laugh. "I can't afford sleeves? Really, Danno?"
He needed to stop with the affection and the smirk and the Danno, because Danny's defenses had drunk most of the alcohol and he only had so much left before he'd do something even dumber than that kiss. "Sorry," Danny said, scrubbing his face with one hand. "I didn't mean for you to come all the way out here at midnight."
"Two."
"What?"
"It's almost two. How much did you drink?"
"Not as much as I would've if I'd run out," Danny admitted. Realizing that probably wasn't going to get Steve to leave, Danny stood up quickly, intending to lead him to the door.
It backfired, as Danny swayed and almost fell, only Steve's hands, firm and sure on Danny's waist, keeping him from toppling. This...this was too much, the whole smell and feel and closeness of Steve, heat radiating off his body, those tattoos the only thing Danny could see, since he refused to look Steve in the face and he couldn't seem to help staring at his arms.
"You should go," Danny said quietly, not sure if he imagined the hint of desperation in his voice.
Steve's hands tightened on Danny's waist for a moment, and Danny forced himself to meet Steve's eyes. His McGarrett Face translator was apparently drunk, too, because it couldn't translate that look on Steve's face. There was something familiar about it, though, something recent....
Plus you'd miss me too much.
That was it. The face matched that tone he'd had when he'd said that.
Danny frowned. He loved puzzles, but he hated the ones with three pieces left to place and none of them quite triggering in his head as to the order. It gave him a headache a lot like the one he had right now.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out, Danno," Steve said quietly.
"I'm not," Danny said, his voice pitched as low as Steve's. "Is that terrible? I mean, I loved her." Steve's hands tightened on his waist again. "I did. Just not enough. I looked at Nathan and Dahlia today, how they looked at each other, and that could've been me and Gabby. But there was just something...he was willing to forgive her for all that. And I don't know if I could've."
"You're a better person than you think."
Danny shrugged. Maybe. "You only say that because you're a better person."
"Oh, well, thank you." Steve's chuckle sounded almost dirty, and Danny felt a sudden need to move, to get away before he did something stupid. "I'm either going to get you drunk more often or bring a tape recorder next time."
"Shut up," Danny muttered, smacking Steve on the chest and letting his hand stay there. "You're fucking King Arthur and all his knights of the oval table and you know it."
"Round."
Danny cocked his head. "What?"
"Round table."
Danny rolled his eyes, the motion making him dizzy, and he stumbled a little into Steve. He focused on Steve's face, trying to regain his balance, but it was the worst idea he'd had yet.
That look Steve had on his face warmed Danny to his core. He needed to move now, before he started seeing things that weren't there.
Steve's tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Danny took a step back, or tried to. The couch stopped him, though, and he fell back, landing in a sitting position almost as if he'd planned it. "I think I'll sit down," he said after the fact.
"I think you need to go to bed."
No, no, bed and Steve were things he could not think in the same sentence. Or the same anything. "Yeah, I'll do that in a minute. You should go see if Catherine's home."
"She'd just gotten home when you texted. She's asleep by now. She doesn't need me." Steve reached down, hauling Danny to his feet. "You, on the other hand, need me."
And that was the problem, right there, Danny realized. That was what he'd been avoiding. He loved Gabby. But he didn't need her. If it hadn't been for Grace, he'd have been content to let her come in and out of his life, more an ideal than a real relationship most of the time. Safe and comfortable, but nothing that was going to break his heart in the end.
Steve might as well be wearing a heartbreak tattoo.
"I need sleep," Danny said, trying to move away, but Steve wouldn't let him.
"Yeah, you do."
He kept hold of Danny's arm as he led Danny down the hall to his room. And oh, hey, look, the one thing he needed less than Steve and bed in the same sentence was Steve and bed in the same room. "I think I can take it from here," Danny said, managing to get out of Steve's grip at last.
"You sure?"
"What, you wanna undress me?"
It was absolutely the wrong thing to say, given how much Danny wanted it. Steve's face was unreadable for a long minute. "Get in bed," he said. "I'll get you some water and aspirin before I go."
He walked out, leaving Danny to fumble with the buttons on his shirt in a hurry, lest Steve return and decide to undo them. He made it, though, and was just crawling under the blanket when Steve returned, a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin in hand that he set on the nightstand.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine now."
"Sure you are." Steve nodded at the nightstand. "Take that before you sleep."
"I will if you go home."
Steve shook his head. "Fine. I'll pick you up in the morning, hangover or no hangover."
"Aye aye, captain."
Rolling his eyes, Steve tapped Danny on the arm. "Goodnight, Danny."
"Goodnight. And thanks."
"Anytime, partner."
He walked out, and Danny waited until he heard the door close, then lock, before taking the aspirin and turning off the light.
He'd told Gabby she'd shown him what he was missing on this island. He wondered if he'd even realized at the time that what he'd really been missing had only just walked out the door.
_____
END
405 coda - Cognitive Dissonance
Author: stellarmeadow
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Paring: Steve/Danny
Rating: PG
Summary: Danny gets annoyed, Danny gets upset, Danny gets drunk. Like "See Spot Run" but the adult version.
Notes: Longer coda this time! This follows in the series of season 4 codas, so you should probably read The Weight of the World, Wallowing, and A Moment first. Set during/after ep 404, hence the vagueness of the summary, so as not to spoil anyone.
Spoilers inside for 404! Enjoy! :)
Steve said nothing.
No, worse than nothing, Danny thought. Because instead of "Hey, you kissed me," or "We should probably talk about what happened," Steve said, "hey, we should go on a double date."
With their girlfriends. As if they hadn't technically, kind of, somewhat cheated on them with each other. Granted, Danny had been trying to prove a point that was intended to throw Steve even more into the arms of a woman he deserved to be happy with, or so he'd told himself. But Steve had kissed him back. And Steve had been about to do it again.
Now Steve wanted to double date.
If this was some bizarre method of working out your conflicted sexuality issues, Danny wanted a few words with the shrink who'd suggested it. Preferably in the rendition room.
It was either that, or slam his own head into the wall.
Then again, maybe Steve had been saying something, and Danny just hadn't picked up on it. He supposed double dating with their girlfriends could be Steve-speak for "Maybe we should focus on the relationships we have and forget this." Maybe Danny's caveman-to-normal-human translator was offline with all the noise in his head.
So fine, he'd go on the double date. It wasn't exactly a hardship. He loved Gabby. He did. He could make things work with her and ignore everything else.
***
"So...what do you think?" Gabby said.
What did he think? He'd just made up his mind to make this work and now she was telling him she'd been offered a job on the mainland for six months. What the hell was he supposed to think? That the Universe was, by and large, a giant asshat?
"I don't know," he said, after a moment. Because he didn't. There was no winning this one. If he said 'Take the job,' then he didn't care enough about her. If he said 'don't take the job' then he didn't care enough about her and he was a controlling jerk.
He'd rehashed this argument up one side and down the other from Steve's latest Cath conundrum, and he'd already known it from personal experience. There was no winning it.
"Danny?"
He smiled at her. "Let's just go enjoy the movie, okay? We can talk about it when we get home."
And if he spent more time noticing the warm press of Steve's arm on his right than Gabby's presence on his left, there wasn't a lot he could do about it. He knew there wasn't. Because he'd tried. And yet it was Steve he was still smelling, Steve he was leaning into, Steve he was chatting about the movie with.
He just hoped Gabby didn't notice his sigh of relief when Steve's phone rang.
***
He'd known he wouldn't be able to keep Steve from poking around until Danny admitted the situation, just like he'd known what Steve's advice would be. Because Steve was the noble, self-sacrificing type, and also he'd never had anyone stolen out from under his nose by being noble and self-sacrificing.
Actually, he probably had, he just hadn't realized it.
"...you know what I told her?" Steve was saying about Catherine's job. "I told her to take the job."
Yes, because you'd give up the Holy Grail for the first schmuck who sold you a sad story. "That's because you're stupid and you don't listen to anybody."
"Because I didn't want her to pass by a great career opportunity because of me."
"You told your girlfriend that it was okay to take a job with her good-looking ex. That is not noble," Danny said, even though he knew it was. "That is stupid."
"Let me ask you a question, then. If Gabby asked you to put your career on hold and move to Denver would you do that?"
"No, I wouldn't do that, but I've got a daughter who lives here. It's not the same thing." And then there's you. But he couldn't say that. He'd showed one of his cards when he kissed Steve; he wasn't about to show any more and get hurt.
There was a long pause before Steve added, his voice softer and a little off, "Plus you'd miss me too much."
"Plus I'd miss you too much," Danny said with as much sarcasm as he could, despite the truth of the statement.
"There you go."
Whatever the odd tone had been in Steve's voice before, it was gone now, his normal obnoxious confidence back in place. Danny pushed it to the back of his mind. They had a case to solve. He could work on solving his personal life later.
***
He held onto Gabby a little longer than he probably should have as they said their goodbyes. He wasn't delusional, he got the irony of that, but he still had trouble letting go.
"Text me when you get home," Danny said, letting go of her hand. "So I know you made it okay?"
She nodded and said goodbye as she slipped out the door. He watched her drive away before closing the door and crossing the room to drop down onto the couch. Eyes closed, he rested his head on the back of the couch for a long moment.
Snippets of the wedding he'd been a witness to earlier came back to him. How happy the bride and groom were, despite the hell they'd been through the last day. Steve being...well, Steve, standing there with that dorky look on his face, like he was single handedly responsible for the wedding when he was really only second handedly responsible at best.
Steve. Annoyingly, stupidly perfect Steve, who was rarely more than an arms length away, and always maddeningly just out of reach.
Danny pushed off the couch and went to the kitchen to see how many beers he had left in the fridge.
***
It was a cliché, Danny knew it, even as he typed out the message, squinting at the small phone screen. A stupid, annoying cliché, the 21st century version of drunk dialing, and the main reason why phones should automatically come with a breathalyzer.
Gabby and I brk yup the message said. He shouldn't send it. He would see Steve in the morning, he could let him gloat then. Catherine was probably home by now anyway. She and Steve were probably...busy.
He hit send.
The response came back quickly enough that he knew they weren't busy. Where are you?
Hme
Stay there. Don't go anywhere.
Like he was going anywhere when it was obvious even to blind people and Steve just from texts that he had had too many beers to drive? Danny sat down on the couch, testing the last bottle he'd been drinking, but like the others it was empty.
Gabby had left the TV on when she'd gone, the show she'd been watching now replaced by a guy cheerily selling a blender to an audience who clearly needed to get out more. The only reason to get that excited about a blender was if it had copious amounts of alcohol in it.
He was cataloging all the ways the blender could be used in a crime scene when his door opened. He looked up to find Steve there. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you to stay here."
"Yeah, but you didn't have to come make sure I didn't drive. I'm not stupid."
Steve was hovering over him now, arms over his chest, his shoulders stupidly gorgeous in that top. That shirt should be illegal. Indecent exposure, that's what it was, showing those arms off like that. He should not be allowed to wear that in public.
"I what?"
Danny realized he'd said that last bit aloud. "You shouldn't be out in public in that shirt," he repeated, as if it was a perfectly natural thing to say. "You're a member of the governor's task force, and people might think that you can't afford sleeves."
He had the nerve to laugh. "I can't afford sleeves? Really, Danno?"
He needed to stop with the affection and the smirk and the Danno, because Danny's defenses had drunk most of the alcohol and he only had so much left before he'd do something even dumber than that kiss. "Sorry," Danny said, scrubbing his face with one hand. "I didn't mean for you to come all the way out here at midnight."
"Two."
"What?"
"It's almost two. How much did you drink?"
"Not as much as I would've if I'd run out," Danny admitted. Realizing that probably wasn't going to get Steve to leave, Danny stood up quickly, intending to lead him to the door.
It backfired, as Danny swayed and almost fell, only Steve's hands, firm and sure on Danny's waist, keeping him from toppling. This...this was too much, the whole smell and feel and closeness of Steve, heat radiating off his body, those tattoos the only thing Danny could see, since he refused to look Steve in the face and he couldn't seem to help staring at his arms.
"You should go," Danny said quietly, not sure if he imagined the hint of desperation in his voice.
Steve's hands tightened on Danny's waist for a moment, and Danny forced himself to meet Steve's eyes. His McGarrett Face translator was apparently drunk, too, because it couldn't translate that look on Steve's face. There was something familiar about it, though, something recent....
Plus you'd miss me too much.
That was it. The face matched that tone he'd had when he'd said that.
Danny frowned. He loved puzzles, but he hated the ones with three pieces left to place and none of them quite triggering in his head as to the order. It gave him a headache a lot like the one he had right now.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out, Danno," Steve said quietly.
"I'm not," Danny said, his voice pitched as low as Steve's. "Is that terrible? I mean, I loved her." Steve's hands tightened on his waist again. "I did. Just not enough. I looked at Nathan and Dahlia today, how they looked at each other, and that could've been me and Gabby. But there was just something...he was willing to forgive her for all that. And I don't know if I could've."
"You're a better person than you think."
Danny shrugged. Maybe. "You only say that because you're a better person."
"Oh, well, thank you." Steve's chuckle sounded almost dirty, and Danny felt a sudden need to move, to get away before he did something stupid. "I'm either going to get you drunk more often or bring a tape recorder next time."
"Shut up," Danny muttered, smacking Steve on the chest and letting his hand stay there. "You're fucking King Arthur and all his knights of the oval table and you know it."
"Round."
Danny cocked his head. "What?"
"Round table."
Danny rolled his eyes, the motion making him dizzy, and he stumbled a little into Steve. He focused on Steve's face, trying to regain his balance, but it was the worst idea he'd had yet.
That look Steve had on his face warmed Danny to his core. He needed to move now, before he started seeing things that weren't there.
Steve's tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Danny took a step back, or tried to. The couch stopped him, though, and he fell back, landing in a sitting position almost as if he'd planned it. "I think I'll sit down," he said after the fact.
"I think you need to go to bed."
No, no, bed and Steve were things he could not think in the same sentence. Or the same anything. "Yeah, I'll do that in a minute. You should go see if Catherine's home."
"She'd just gotten home when you texted. She's asleep by now. She doesn't need me." Steve reached down, hauling Danny to his feet. "You, on the other hand, need me."
And that was the problem, right there, Danny realized. That was what he'd been avoiding. He loved Gabby. But he didn't need her. If it hadn't been for Grace, he'd have been content to let her come in and out of his life, more an ideal than a real relationship most of the time. Safe and comfortable, but nothing that was going to break his heart in the end.
Steve might as well be wearing a heartbreak tattoo.
"I need sleep," Danny said, trying to move away, but Steve wouldn't let him.
"Yeah, you do."
He kept hold of Danny's arm as he led Danny down the hall to his room. And oh, hey, look, the one thing he needed less than Steve and bed in the same sentence was Steve and bed in the same room. "I think I can take it from here," Danny said, managing to get out of Steve's grip at last.
"You sure?"
"What, you wanna undress me?"
It was absolutely the wrong thing to say, given how much Danny wanted it. Steve's face was unreadable for a long minute. "Get in bed," he said. "I'll get you some water and aspirin before I go."
He walked out, leaving Danny to fumble with the buttons on his shirt in a hurry, lest Steve return and decide to undo them. He made it, though, and was just crawling under the blanket when Steve returned, a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin in hand that he set on the nightstand.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine now."
"Sure you are." Steve nodded at the nightstand. "Take that before you sleep."
"I will if you go home."
Steve shook his head. "Fine. I'll pick you up in the morning, hangover or no hangover."
"Aye aye, captain."
Rolling his eyes, Steve tapped Danny on the arm. "Goodnight, Danny."
"Goodnight. And thanks."
"Anytime, partner."
He walked out, and Danny waited until he heard the door close, then lock, before taking the aspirin and turning off the light.
He'd told Gabby she'd shown him what he was missing on this island. He wondered if he'd even realized at the time that what he'd really been missing had only just walked out the door.
_____
END
405 coda - Cognitive Dissonance