Well I went to the doctor today and they don't know exactly what's wrong with me.  I have to get blood work done and get an x-ray of my chest.  I hope they don't find anything when they x-ray me, I'm kind of wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.  I wonder if they're going to be able to tell I smoke a lot from the x-ray?  oh fuck probably, but ( Read more... )

I had a good day today, I didn't go out or meet up with my friends or do any of that nonsense and I enjoyed myself.  I'm starting to think I'm happier with less people in my life.  I haven't gotten attached to anyone for so long, no boys, no new friends, no one, and this is the way I prefer my life, empty but complete I guess?  I don't know.  I  ( Read more... )

So I TA for a computers class first period and don't have to do anything.  I'm probably going to post more cause the prox I use for myspace and facebook are slow as fuck.  Well I'm bored and I wish I didn't have a first period, I barely get here everyday and am about to get another saturday school because of tardies.  This school is Naziville I  ( Read more... )

I love my piano.

So I'm at school right now in my ap psych class and we're working in the computer lab, of course I go on lj instead of looking up information about the sleep process, but who wouldn't?  Kayla Gibbons is keeping me company, actually she's doing all the work.  Good ol kayla gibbons got to love her, I'll make it up to her though.  Well Halloween is ( Read more... )

I feel so odd and misplaced.  Maybe I should have grown up in a different time, different place.  I don't know what I'm looking for but it's not in RIverside and it's not with any of the people I have met here.  I'm thinking I need to pick a college far away, maybe on the east coast, and just spend the rest of my days studying U.S. history, it's ( Read more... )

stupid stupid thoughts.

I feel whole again, like I just woke up from a long and horrific dream to find that I don't need to be scared of reality anymore, I just need to live.  I sound silly, but it's true.

you all disgust me, drop dead.

I don't know what I'm waiting for.  Life never seems like it's happening, I'm always waiting for it to start.  I miss when I had a group of people I could trust and spend everyday with.  No one's interested in having simple uneventful days.  I'm wasting my youth, but I feel so trapped, I don't know what to do.