Made myself puke for the first time last night.
It wasn't so bad...
The only thing I worry about is my teeth.
I'm falling apart.
I feel as though I've been completely abandoned.
I'm really dizzy.
I don't feel well.
I havn't lost ANY weight.
I hate myself.

I must lose 50lbs by september.
I must lose 20lbs before July 11.
Help me.
Please.

When he put his mouth on mine
in the dim light of the night
the world seemed to spin
and I was flying away.
Perfect peace in that moment.
It still feels unreal.
I'm still hurting inside.
I want it all to fade.

My heart is too large for my chest.
I can't breathe anymore.
It is swollen with fear and good intentions.
You could get an easier grip now.
Go ahead and tear it out.
Faster than you already are.
It's getting too slow to bear.

Well...I havn't been updating because I feel like a complete and utter pig. I've been eating everything in sight...and it shows on the motherfucking scale...why can't I just have an ounce of control? I remember a time when I could go to the gym four hours a night and live off yogurt. But now...I can feel my belly protruding, my thighs slapping, and ( Read more... )

What I ate Today ( Read more... )

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star ( Read more... )

I went to youth group today. I was bitching about how fat I am, yet again, and my friend Nicole was like "Oh shut up...you're small." I looked at her like she was crazy. I have NEVER IN MY LIFE been called small, not even as a child. I've always been this disgusting heffer. "What?!" I said. "Well, you're small...you've gotten smaller....you've lost ( Read more... )

I havn't been trying hard enough. I admit that I eat fucking everything and I don't excersise as much as I should. So, I've decided something. Starting at this VERY INSTANT I will not put an over abundance of food in my mouth. One article of food per meal and I will excersise EVERY DAY!!!! My new goal is to lose 20lbs by February 21st and this time ( Read more... )

I gorged myself today. Ugh, what fucking else is new! Why can't I just not eat...because I have no goddamn control. Another thing, I havn't worked out since Tuesday...it's been two fucking days of me sitting on my ass stuffing myself and I am now dealing with the consequences...I've gained a fucking pound ( Read more... )