35 - voice;

[stilldontgotit]

[Filtered from Xion/100%]

What do you think about betrayal? Is it possible to ever make up for it, and just how far do you have to go to make up, anyway?

It's something I've been thinking about lately. Any answers would help...

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Comments

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[poppetry]

[ After everything she was told by so many people, about the meaning of trust and doing what is right versus what is easy, and learning how to move forward with your life even when it hurts, Xion's been left very conflicted about what to really do with Riku. The whole thing still hurts monstrously, and to be honest, she still wants space to think.

This is not space.

Resisting the urge to tug at her hair, Xion considers this in silence for a few moments. Then she forces herself to relax and breathe before she replies. ]

What is it?

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[stilldontgotit]

[There's some hesitance before he replies, if only because he doesn't want to make things worse. Xion still needs time to think, but if he doesn't get this out sooner or later, it could just be a problem.

Sigh. Before he stays anything, Riku runs one of his hands through his hair. How to phrase this...]

I wanted to talk about what I said before, if that's okay. I understand if it's not, but the way I see it, it's the main problem here, and I never did explain everything.

[And by everything he means his side of things. He's definitely explained what's happened since he left.]

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[poppetry]

[ ...

why isn't there a way to speed up time to get past the parts where all of this is just confusing and aggravating and awful? ]

Okay.

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[stilldontgotit]

Right. Just let me know if you want me to stop.

[Anyway, here goes nothing...]

I know what I said hurt you, and I know I practically betrayed you.

Truth is, I know what it's like to feel betrayed.

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[poppetry]

... you do?

[ but she sounds more cautious than concerned. it's a mix of both. ]

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[stilldontgotit]

That's right.

It was when I worked for Maleficent. I saw Sora with his new friends, and one of them even said I couldn't tag along. After that, Maleficent made it seem like he'd replaced me and Kairi. She twisted things around, but what she said made sense at the time.

We were supposed to see the worlds together, but when I thought he'd ditched us, I felt betrayed. It was bad enough to turn me against him and part of the reason I let the darkness control me.

It wasn't real betrayal, and I know I shouldn't have trusted Maleficent, but the feelings behind it were real. It didn't just hurt me, either; both of us were affected by this.

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[poppetry]

[ it's a good thing he's not there to see her go incredibly tense.

"To make sure my best friend... sleeps in peace."

They sound so different, somehow.

she wants to be angry. her first reaction is to lash out at this, because how could he so quickly decide his own best friend was a liar? another betrayal. but Riku wasn't the one betrayed, to her mind.

god. breathe. she thinks about his words for a solid two minutes in silence. and once her anger simmers down... she knows there's a point he's trying to reach. ]

So you know ... how much it hurts. [ pause. wait. that didn't come out right. ]

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[stilldontgotit]

Yeah. And I know it doesn't just hurt one the person who's "betrayed", either.

A lot of times it happens because of a misunderstanding, and not just from one side. Could be a lapse in judgment, someone's jealousy, or even just stress.

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[poppetry]

... I know you didn't mean to say what you said. I know it was a lapse in judgment, Riku, I understand that.

But you still said it. I know it was a mistake and I know you apologized but ... it's hard to just get over it that quickly.

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[stilldontgotit]

I know. I don't expect you to just forget it either.

Like I said, I know the Keyblade's why you had to die, and I didn't even understand the responsibilities that came with it.

[Sigh. There is another point to this..]

But before I left, I didn't look at the Keyblade that way. I knew it could hurt people, and I knew all about what happened to you, but I wanted to become stronger. And, trust me, I tried training for more than a year.

I got by, but when it came to things like the Third Party attack and the earthquake, I was helpless. I'm sure using the spirits would help, but at the time I didn't think it'd be enough.

And then, when we had to fight you, all I could do was land one hit. All that added up over time, and, selfish as it was, it just made me want one even more. But it wasn't just for my sake, either.

[It's something he's wanted to do ever since he was a kid, even if it got overshadowed by selfish urges. Protecting the people important to him... He's always had good intentions, in a roundabout way.]I don't look at

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[poppetry]

[ ... ]

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[poppetry]

I just wish you could have seen there was always another way. Before I had the Keyblade, I used a sword... and now that it's gone again, I'm using a bow.

... but I understand. I know what it's like to want to be strong when you're not and everyone around you is.

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[stilldontgotit]

I knew there was another way. I just wanted more than I could ever get here.

[...Wait.]

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[stilldontgotit]

... Hold it. You do?

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[poppetry]

... at home, I lost control of the Keyblade once. I couldn't summon it anymore. And when it happened, all I could do was fight with magic. I couldn't collect any hearts. Axel and Roxas had to cover for me constantly, but especially Roxas. He worked so hard to make sure he covered both our quotas, so Saix would never find out...

Since, when Saix did find out I'd done something wrong, he'd always ... get angry. Or... well, Saix never really got mad. But he'd call me worthless...

[ stupid puppet, who'd want her. they probably all thought it. she trails off, not really wanting to think about it. ]

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[stilldontgotit]

... Funny. I almost thought the same thing. Seeing Sora, Roxas, and even you with the Keyblade while I had nothing, it drove me insane. I acted all tough, but the truth is, I knew I wasn't as strong. Even my replica had more than me.

But you're not worthless, Xion.