"You look like a Dots kind of guy."

- Me, handing out candy to a young Indian boy dressed up as Darth Vader

"Don't be mad at me. I didn't buy this candy."

- Me, apologizing for all of the Snickers and Reese's being gone and sticking kids with the likes of vanilla Tootsie rolls and Dots.

Dialogue:

Young Indian Darth Vader: (referring to his ( Read more... )

I like it when the W in the Walgreens sign is out, because then it's algreen's.

Opening night for some monster of a play. I'm out of my mind. When my headache goes away and I get some good sleep that isn't constantly interrupted by my thick feeling of dread and worry that this play will be the one that forces me to leave this business, I'm going to get back to reading my book ( Read more... )

What am I giving you? I am giving you nothing. I am giving you things that God knows, everyone knows. They are famous in their deaths. This will be my memorial to them. I give you all these things, I tell you about his legs and her wigs--I do so later in this section--and relate my wondering if I should be having sex with my girlfriend in front of ( Read more... )

I wish I could adopt a greyhound. You can't find many more lovable sincere looking dogs. I'd adopt two, empty my pool, and have them race in circles. You're invited ( Read more... )

Whatever you do, with your career, with your love, with your hobbies or family, whatever you do, never get comfortable. And never get complacent. Bites you in the ass.

When I was 15 or 16, right before I stopped talking to my dad for years, I was cast in my first school play. I instantly new that I wanted to be an actor. I loved the process, I loved the feeling of playing someone else. It was the thing that really saved me and brought me out of my shell. If not for theatre and drama class, I don't know what I ( Read more... )

A month ago, upon hearing that the Virgin Megastore would be shutting it's doors for good, upon hearing that everything in the store was 50% off, upon hearing my inner voice remind me that I needed to buy the new Grandaddy, Louix XIV, Wolfmother, some David Bowie and whatever else I wanted to Americanly consume, I took a trip to Virgin between Miss ( Read more... )

I. When I watch a movie, there are two small things I always notice: the way a horse's ears are pointing, which tells you about how happy/sad/calm/aggravated the animal is, and the price of gas on the sign in front of whatever random gas station(s) may be seen in the film ( Read more... )

The more I have memories of my youth come back to me, the more I feel as though large portions of my upraising were complete frauds ( Read more... )